Have You Been Faithful To Your Thai Wife

[ilyushin]

Again, it is all about environment.

I also love my wife like many other nice folks on TV Forum.

"There are times when I must face the fact of "how much I want to have sex? " and/ or how much time I have to love?"

Edited June 28, 2008 by ilyushin

[jetjock]

To each his own but just like the geyser in Yellowstone National Park, I am happy that I can honestly call myself "Old Faithful".

[teacup]

If you & your partner are in a serious relationship, I don’t see why it is so difficult to be faithful to each other, whether in Thailand or elsewhere, despise how tempting the situation/environment is for others

[skipvice]

Whats the point in getting married if your not going to be faithful to each other.

Married 36 years and never strayed.

[Juzrelax]

Have you been faithful to your Thai wife? If so, for how long?

I, like most of my farang friends have, whilst other members say their friends haven't.

8 years for me, I've been tempted but never succumbed.

Which one?

[sweetchariot]

Funnily enough I have, although she doesn't believe me recently (g/f of 2 years not wife). She doesn't understand that the more grief she gives me, the more inclined I am to stray to justify the crap I am having to put up with over the last few weeks.

[imaneggspurt]

I remember a while back how a guy who lived in Thailand, but was married to a western girl, posted about how he employed many Thai women in his company but found none of them attractive. He claimed that Thai women did nothing for him. He failed to mention that his wife also liked to read the forum and that he was posting under duress - probably reading what he was writing over his shoulder.

Anyone making those comments is either blind,gay or under the thumb/terrified of their probably overweight wife !,.

[imaneggspurt]

Let the braggarts and those of high moral purity take two steps forward. What possible usefull purpose does this poll serve??

Braggarts ?,. high morals ? id say answering yes is normal, for the normal !,.a man that is unfaithful to his wife is not a man to be trusted, and not just by his wife, i feel most that are like that marry out of insecurity,.and the biggest lies are told to themself,.

[geriatrickid]

Whats the point in getting married if your not going to be faithful to each other.

Married 36 years and never strayed.

And if you have kids, I bet they respect you. Maybe disagree with you, on some things, but still respect you.

Edited June 29, 2008 by geriatrickid

[disgruntled]

I just have to speak as one of those who has had some sexual action on the side. I don't do it often, probably once every two years in terms of actual sex. If I go to massage, I might get aroused - does the church which establish marriage consider that sex?

I love my wife but I never went into my marriage for contractual reasons. I did it for my daughter so that she will be treated equally in this cruel world where so many of 'God's chosen' use their standards to hurt those who do not follow thier beliefs. Yes, that's what this poll is all about. It's about religion and please do not deny it.

Since we are talking about religion I must say that anyone who has divorced has been unfaithful to God and their wife. I wish those posters who need to could change their votes now but the computer program won't let you. Divorcees are unfaithful people.

There are a lot more ways in which the 'faithful' have sinned. You should try to look at yourselves and find your sins.

As for me, I don't follow your beliefs about marriage and sex. Marriage is a creation of oppressive closed-minded people. I don't think I have done wrong to my daughter or family. I would love my wife as I do now were I married or not. My wife knows what I have done and knows who I am in terms of trust. I have never lied to her. Since the world is run by oppressors, we have to do what we have to do to live 'normally'.

Marriage was created. It came from teh idea of one person and then it was developed further and exploited. It's not bigger than man.

The creators of marriage also thought...

Marrying someone outside your race was a sin

Marrying someone from another religion was a sin

Having sex the 'wrong way' was a sin

A woman enjoying sex was a sin

Looking at other women with any sexual attraction was a sin

Men should not wear condoms

controlling pregnancies or births is a sin

being gay is a sin

etc

I hope those who are heading to heaven follow these too.

Someone asked what the next topic on this subject will be. I will start a poll asking members if they are sinners and exactly what their sin is next. Please don't use the easy way out and say everyone one is a sinner so I must be too. I expect all the holier than thou here to post with the vivid details of their sins since you know you have them.

[Beavis and Butthead]

I dont believe in marriage anymore, dont see the point. I do believe in the long term live in gf

[Valjean]

I was reluctant to answer the question because if I answer honestly it's not at the intent of the OP. The way the question is asked has an implicit moral judgment if not intended by the OP then just embedded within our language; sex outside of marriage = unfaithful. Here’s a quick definition;

Unfaithful

not having religious faith

not keeping good faith;

disloyal; not faithful

not honest or upright

Have I had sex with someone other than my wife? Yes.

Have I been faithful to her? Yes, totally. I've kept every promise I've made, I've been 100% honest about everything, I get up every day and work hard to take care of our family and our future, I've taken her son as my own, I treat her with respect and kindness, I respect her as an individual and give her the freedom she wants to be that person, I treat her family with respect and accept with a smile the obligations that entails. We have the most wonderful relationship between two very independent and self-confident people. It’s a fun, loving, sexually fulfilling, intellectually interesting and trusting relationship between two people who are completely dedicated and faithful to each other.

She just happens to have a relaxed natural view of sex and a man’s desire for something new from time to time. She’s not into some sort of open relationships or threesomes (nothing wrong with that if it rings your bell) – she just told me upfront that she wasn’t interested in putting me in a cage and just wanted honesty in return.

Somewhere up this thread there were some good comments about Asia overall – where I do think there is a less judgmental view of sex not framed by the concept of sin that’s more of a western concept. A Singaporean co-worker told me once about her husband “If I don’t know, it didn’t happen”. I suspect that’s a more common view here in Thailand and across Asia than you’d find in the west. Do they rather nothing happened? Yeah I’m sure in most cases but I do think it’s more accepted and less judged. In my experience I think the issues with extramarital sex here have more to do with face than with sexual morality.

[garro]

Sin? God? Sorry I'm not a Christian.

I refrain from having sex with other women because I have no wish to hurt my wife or son.

Of course, I might not get caught, but the fact that I need to sneak around tells me it is wrong for me.

Some women couldn't care less what their husbands/boyfriends do so long as the money keeps rolling in, but this is not my situation.

Of course this is just my way of dealing with the world.

It is none of my business if others choose to shag everything around them while the wife cheers them on.

[meom]

She just happens to have a relaxed natural view of sex and a man’s desire for something new from time to time.

And you believe that ofcourse

Seems to me she has her priorities sorted out and puts more value to economic stability than fidelity, allowing her to condone your escapades.

[Valjean]

Your two posts above do a rather good job of making my point succinctly… as you state the issue we’re led to believe that anyone who does have sex outside of their marriage is married to some harlot out only for their money as their depraved husband carouses the streets with reckless abandon. You may not be a Christian (in the case of garo) but your sense of moral judgment is palatable.

Let me be clear: this is a very personal thing and I have all the respect in the world for people who live a life where their behaviors are consistent with their values.

[garro]

Steady on there mate, I don't know you, and I wasn't referring to anyone's relationship in particular.

As I said it is not my business what you do.

Edited June 29, 2008 by garro

[meom]

You can talk what you want Valjean and the only issue in your post is that you claim your wife “ happens to have a relaxed natural view of sex and a man’s desire for something new from time to time”

I doubt that because it’s a bit one sided. What about her desire for something new from time to time for example?

Anyway it don’t matter. In the end she’s your wife and if you two are happy then that's all that matters.

[Valjean]

While it’s tempting to answer your question explicitly I fear doing so just undermines my point. Once again you can’t make the point that it’s our decision without a value judgment thrown in on the relative equities of the relationship. As if all monogamous relationship by that one element alone must inherently have a more balanced contract between the partners. I think the nature of relationships is perhaps a lot more complex than that and the perceived inequities and balance of power between two people extends well beyond sex. Every one of us just makes a decision about that basket of gives and gets that comes with a relationships and from there gets on with life. Some end up happy with the deal and some don’t.

[meom]

Agree with your last post Valjean.

Anyway to answer the OP: yes I've been faithful to my wife and no I haven't been faithful to the Mia.

[Valjean]

And for sure I agree with the ending of your post - so good to shake hands on that

[Nignoy]

I have been faithful to my 3 wives but did a lot of testing between weddings Nignoy

[disgruntled]

If you watch a movie with sex in it you are most likely watching unfaithful people go at it. Why would someone who is faithful even take a look at other women. Sexual attraction must only be towards your wife or else you really aren't faithful to her. Looking at any adult material or looking at other women even out of curiousity represents lusting for another. We all should live up to our own beliefs. If you claim to be faithful then make sure you are. It might not be a simple as you think. It might be easier to be faithful when all the women around you are covered in Burkhas. Faithfulness really isn't just about intercourse now is it? What do the faithful think makes someone 'faithful?'

[eek]

ow, ill bite on that one (even though im not male and the questionnaire doesnt apply to me. Hope you dont mind, but im in a chatty mood ).

I disagree very much on the idea that one cannot look and/or that looking somehow equates to being unfaithful. I think its completely natural to admire the opposite sex, even the same sex. If someone is sexy or attractive we should be allowed to admire and appreciate that physical beauty. I was a life drawing teacher for many years and saw a great deal of naked flesh, some in fitter physical condition than others, but regardless of age and body condition I found all their forms fascinating to look at (however, not in a sexual way, as my focus was on form not function. 555!). In movies ive coveted a ton of male flesh, (especially Johnny Depps body *drool* ), but i dont see how admiring someones physical beauty from afar can be seen as being unfaithful. I dont even think low level flirting is unfaithful (by that i mean teasing someone you are friends with, or complimenting someone, not being overly suggestive. My older cousin used to tease my ex about being sexy and he would blush like crazy. I found the whole thing funny, but i knew she was teasing in a silly and good natured way, not trying to 'take' my partner.)

I would never expect a man in my life to not look, although at times i may feel twinges of jealousy. But i do expect him not to touch.

[Neeranam]

I was reluctant to answer the question because if I answer honestly it's not at the intent of the OP. The way the question is asked has an implicit moral judgment if not intended by the OP then just embedded within our language; sex outside of marriage = unfaithful. Here’s a quick definition;

It was quite a simple question, I thought. Have you screwed other women - unfaithful

Unfaithful

not having religious faith

not keeping good faith;

disloyal; not faithful

not honest or upright

Have I had sex with someone other than my wife? Yes.

Have I been faithful to her? Yes, totally. That's not the definition I'd use, I've kept every promise I've made, I've been 100% honest about everything, I get up every day and work hard to take care of our family and our future, I've taken her son as my own, I treat her with respect and kindness are you serious? I must be naive, but I've never known of a woman that felt respected and unhurt by their husband having sex with others I respect her as an individual and give her the freedom she wants to be that person, I treat her family with respect and accept with a smile the obligations that entails. We have the most wonderful relationship between two very independent and self-confident people. It’s a fun, loving, sexually fulfilling, intellectually interesting and trusting relationship between two people who are completely dedicated and faithful to each other.

She just happens to have a relaxed natural view of sex and a man’s desire for something new from time to time. She’s not into some sort of open relationships or threesomes (nothing wrong with that if it rings your bell) – she just told me upfront that she wasn’t interested in putting me in a cage and just wanted honesty in return.

Somewhere up this thread there were some good comments about Asia overall – where I do think there is a less judgmental view of sex not framed by the concept of sin that’s more of a western concept. A Singaporean co-worker told me once about her husband “If I don’t know, it didn’t happen”. I suspect that’s a more common view here in Thailand and across Asia than you’d find in the west. Do they rather nothing happened? Yeah I’m sure in most cases but I do think it’s more accepted and less judged. In my experience I think the issues with extramarital sex here have more to do with face than with sexual morality.

[disgruntled]

Eek,I agree with most of what you say. Of course, the preacher and the 'faithful' of today are much different than those of years past. Being faithful has nothing to do with sex alone. A man who tells one lie to his wife has been unfaithful. A man who says he loves his wife but really doesn't is unfaithful. Wouldn't you agree? Or is having sex the only way to voilate a person's faith?

I'm not a liar. I don't lie to me wife. My wife knows what I have done. I guess under the beliefs of certain religions you could call me unfaithful but then you could also say that all gays and women who don't submit to men are damned to hel_l too. Pick the things you like about your religion and hold them high above yourself for the world to see that you really are a believer.

Edited July 1, 2008 by disgruntled

[wolfmanjack]

Eek,I agree with most of what you say. Of course, the preacher and the 'faithful' of today are much different than those of years past. Being faithful has nothing to do with sex alone. A man who tells one lie to his wife has been unfaithful. A man who says he loves his wife but really doesn't is unfaithful. Wouldn't you agree? Or is having sex the only way to voilate a person's faith?

I'm not a liar. I don't lie to me wife. My wife knows what I have done. I guess under the beliefs of certain religions you could call me unfaithful but then you could also say that all gays and women who don't submit to men are damned to hel_l too. Pick the things you like about your religion and hold them high above yourself for the world to see that you really are a believer.

Whatever you have to tell yourself.

If you had sex with someone other than the person you are married to vote no. If not then vote yes. Simple as that.

[siamamerican]

I've been faihful for 1 year, 11 months, 22 days, and 18 hours; but who is counting. I have to come clean though - I was last in thailand about 1 yr, 11 mnths, and 23 days ago. It seems like I've been faithful for eternity.

[eek]

Eek,I agree with most of what you say. Of course, the preacher and the 'faithful' of today are much different than those of years past. Being faithful has nothing to do with sex alone. A man who tells one lie to his wife has been unfaithful. A man who says he loves his wife but really doesn't is unfaithful. Wouldn't you agree? Or is having sex the only way to voilate a person's faith?

I'm not a liar. I don't lie to me wife. My wife knows what I have done. I guess under the beliefs of certain religions you could call me unfaithful but then you could also say that all gays and women who don't submit to men are damned to hel_l too. Pick the things you like about your religion and hold them high above yourself for the world to see that you really are a believer.

Hmm..well first I would have to say, i dont view it from a religious stand point, as I am not religious. My personal thought processes in choosing whether i do something or not comes down to my analysing how my actions would affect the people i love around me.

I dont consider a person who has an open relationship to be unfaithful, as one definition of unfaithful is: not true to duty or obligation or promises. If it is a true agreement between two people, then it is not breaking that agreement.

"A man who says he loves his wife but really doesn't is unfaithful. Wouldn't you agree?" Not really..I think we have times in our lives where we dont feel strong love for the person we are with, or may feel we dont love them, but often turns around after a bit time. I think feeling love for the same person is not always constant, sometimes it needs work. Maybe some would consider me wrong for thinking white lies (small untruths, considered unharmful, to protect the ones we love, get out of an obligation, or smooth over a situation, etc) are ok. If a man (or woman) has doubts, but doesnt want to hurt their partner, then saying "I love you" when they dont feel it at the time (or for some time), is protecting the person whilst (i imagine) they consider the consequences of telling them they dont love them anymore. It also depends on your definition of love. Love can change in a relationship depending on various factors. Ie: may no longer include lustfulness. But for some people that may not be an issue, as friendship, solidarity, and companionship are their main focus. It all depends on what you are looking for in a companion.

But anyway, after that waffle (meaning, for those who dont know the expression, that ive talked/typed a lot of blah blah blah ), I suppose the word "unfaithful" has a lot of variations depending on our personal interpretation. But for me, being unfaithful, means acting out something physically which you know will have detrimental effects on another person you have obligations to.

[YangYaiEric]

Why oh why do some people ask such personal questions on a public forum? What a man does or does not is a highly personal matter and should not be divulged and disected on a public forum.

Who gives a toss whether a bloke is faithful or unfaithful to his Thai wife? What's the significance of such a discussion? Will it make the world a better place to live? Doe it give the OP a sense of moral righteousness in the fact that he has never had a bit of 'slap-and-tickle' with another woman during the course of his 8 year marriage?

I say, lets tackle more pressing issuse, like the economy, the price of basic foodstuff, the increasing price of oil, the environment, etc, etc.

[Payboy]