Criime Against Falangs, Is It Common?

[Sabum]

Voices? Do most people marry because they feel sorry for them? Ah well, never mind that. Guaranteed things will be worse between you when you move here.... this I can promise like a psychic. You seem to think that if things go bad you can just divorce... what Im trying to warn you about is there is often ALOT more at stake.

[poshthai]

My experience of Pattaya is a tourist resort which can be rowdy,just like vegas,blackpool etc.In my many years of living in this resort i have never had one single problem from thais other than their terrible driving,so a few close calls only.

Most of the thai and farang population in Pattaya are so warm and friendly.

[mikethevigoman]

Hmm...

Why would she want to isolate you from your family?

Maybe she is afraid he or others will try to talk 'some sense into you' with regard to her? (no disrespect, I am just trying to imagine what fears she could have if you talked more to them).

She perhaps feels that she 'can handle the situation' as long as it is you alone - and would not like the situation complicated by having others around whose oppinions you value.

What happens IF at some point in time 'you' decide to 'jump' from some building?

Well, in Canada the police will post too many questions and all in all she is too unfamiliar with the whole system to be able to 'play her cards well' in that system. Allthough, the remedy for the worst case scenario has been implemented, it is still far more safe to make the 'jump' in Thailand. What is the worst case scenario? It is that someone finds out she or someone related to her made you jump. What is the "implemented worst-case scenario remedy"? An temporarily insanity plea! "you honour, my client has been hearing voices in her head for years. This is NOT something she fabricated for this occasion - even the victims family knows this!! Please, your honour!".

I can tell that Sabum is seriously concerned for you - as am I. I have read many stories about marriges and relationships, but I cannot remember a story that made my spine chill as much as yours. It isn't because it is very obvious or in any way proven that she has any bad intentions. It just still sends shivers through my spine - and I usually have a very good sense of these things. I have lived in many continents for many years and have never even once been robbed, mugged or had anything stolen from me. Several times, I have had a bad feeling (in reality it is more reasoning than feeling, but that is a technicality) and have smoothly changed my course, not called back or what it may have been. If I was in your shoes, I would take an extremely hard look at your situation and I would be reluctant to move to Thailand with this woman. Perhaps move to Thailand to enjoy life, but I would be .... scared .. (yes, really..) to move there with her. Remember, none of us on the site has enough information to conclude anything conclusively. However, please be careful.

PS. Finally, let me tell you what I would do IF I decided to stay with her despite the surreal behaviour. I would make sure that she and her family would not benefit AT ALL if something happened to me. And I would make very sure that her and her family knew this. I would testament everything I own to my brother or whomever (I would then most probably make a deal with him (unbeknownst to her) to take care of her financially in case something happened). I would at any time make sure that her calculation of her lifestyle would result in her having a better lifestyle as long as I am alive than if I was not. That way she has a motivation to keep me here. However, if I really felt the need to think so pragmatically about a relationship, I certainly hope I would rather break it off.

i am ONLY talking about bg types and im not saying he has one,but jealousy is rife, they trust no one whatever they tell you, anyone is a threat, you are her breadwinner and in her eyes 2 men together may go and get 2 women together, dont forget she has seen and heard it all,.this is why they dont like you going out, you have no will power and are spending HER inheritance !

[Sabum]

My experience of Pattaya is a tourist resort which can be rowdy,just like vegas,blackpool etc.In my many years of living in this resort i have never had one single problem from thais other than their terrible driving,so a few close calls only.

Most of the thai and farang population in Pattaya are so warm and friendly.

I don't know if this makes me want to laugh... or cry.

[chiangmaibruce]

At the start of this post I was thinking "this guy needs to read more stickmanbangkok, TV and maybe (the book) "Thailand Fever"" as you sounded rather green about things Thai. After reading more I'm now thinking you should go and borrow a DVD of the film "Betty Blue".

Unless you are leaving out some critical info, your situation appears to be potentially more about encroaching mental illness that farang-thai cultural misunderstanding.

You seem resigned to her behaviour, but as others have suggested the eventual outcome of letting things slide (where-ever you live) could see her harming herself or yourself. At the very least this could end up with her really screwing with your mind. I don't want to sound callous, but have you considered getting her assessed or counselled with a view to subsequent treatment?

[poshthai]

dont cry,life is too short,much better to laugh away the blues and enjoy yourself my friend.

[qwertz]

I would think the most common crimes against farangs there are fraud and deception.

[poshthai]

Pattaya is not a dangerous place to live,albeit you have to be careful of walking down dark streets,just like any place.

[geriatrickid]

Geriatrickid, I dont see things like you at all. Isaan more dangerous than Pattaya? Why would that be the case? Ok, Isaan hookers living with their husbands in Isaan.... or Isaan hookers living with their husbands in the pit of hel_l... hmmm which is worse. Pattaya by far in my opinion. Just being Isaan or a hooker doesnt make them bad, but Pattaya.... sorry to Pattaya people but it DOES attract the scum of the country.

I said the same thing as you except without the scum part.

I obviously did a bad job of making my point if you misinterpreted my comment.

My apologies to any Isaan males that may also have misunderstood.

I was trying to show that despite our stereotypes about Isaan farangs and their relationship partners, Isaan shows a lower (reported) incidence of suicide amongst the foreign population. The (reported) incidence of violent crime is also lower in Isaan as it is in Chiang Mai.

Muggings, armed robberies and suicides still happen, but the numbers parallel what one would see in similar populations. My hunch is that the Isaan numbers reflect that Isaan male farangs tend to have families, live there permanently, and have local occupations. Whereas, Pattaya has large numbers of males that are single, and are not employed locally. When one has a purpose in life, one is more likely to take steps to preserve one's life.

[poshthai]

Pattaya has a huge population of farangs in relationships with a purpose in life so where do you get your facts from my friend.Never mind it isnt even that important what we all think,its up to the individual to make their lives good and decent.

[Acomes2Siam]

Let us know what you decide to do, dude123.

[dude123]

Hmm...

Why would she want to isolate you from your family?

Maybe she is afraid he or others will try to talk 'some sense into you' with regard to her? (no disrespect, I am just trying to imagine what fears she could have if you talked more to them).

She perhaps feels that she 'can handle the situation' as long as it is you alone - and would not like the situation complicated by having others around whose oppinions you value.

What happens IF at some point in time 'you' decide to 'jump' from some building?

Well, in Canada the police will post too many questions and all in all she is too unfamiliar with the whole system to be able to 'play her cards well' in that system. Allthough, the remedy for the worst case scenario has been implemented, it is still far more safe to make the 'jump' in Thailand. What is the worst case scenario? It is that someone finds out she or someone related to her made you jump. What is the "implemented worst-case scenario remedy"? An temporarily insanity plea! "you honour, my client has been hearing voices in her head for years. This is NOT something she fabricated for this occasion - even the victims family knows this!! Please, your honour!".

I can tell that Sabum is seriously concerned for you - as am I. I have read many stories about marriges and relationships, but I cannot remember a story that made my spine chill as much as yours. It isn't because it is very obvious or in any way proven that she has any bad intentions. It just still sends shivers through my spine - and I usually have a very good sense of these things. I have lived in many continents for many years and have never even once been robbed, mugged or had anything stolen from me. Several times, I have had a bad feeling (in reality it is more reasoning than feeling, but that is a technicality) and have smoothly changed my course, not called back or what it may have been. If I was in your shoes, I would take an extremely hard look at your situation and I would be reluctant to move to Thailand with this woman. Perhaps move to Thailand to enjoy life, but I would be .... scared .. (yes, really..) to move there with her. Remember, none of us on the site has enough information to conclude anything conclusively. However, please be careful.

PS. Finally, let me tell you what I would do IF I decided to stay with her despite the surreal behaviour. I would make sure that she and her family would not benefit AT ALL if something happened to me. And I would make very sure that her and her family knew this. I would testament everything I own to my brother or whomever (I would then most probably make a deal with him (unbeknownst to her) to take care of her financially in case something happened). I would at any time make sure that her calculation of her lifestyle would result in her having a better lifestyle as long as I am alive than if I was not. That way she has a motivation to keep me here. However, if I really felt the need to think so pragmatically about a relationship, I certainly hope I would rather break it off.

I think when we write a true life story on the web and are not able to actually witness the characters, it may make ones spine chill, but in real life it is not as bad as it sounds as we can joke with eachother about many things and have a good laugh every day. I have lost interest at the moment to move to Thailand with her though, I have to admit that. She has a son and daugher in Thailand, but they have never asked for anything, ever and she has a brother in Thailand and another brother in another country and they are both good guys and very honest and hard working, so it is really just the issue between ourselves that remains unresolved and not something that is originating from her family. Someone here mentioned it probably has something to do with her worrying about speding the inheritance away, and maybe that is really the main issue as from time to time, she does mention things of that nature, but it's reall silly as the only thing I have purchased was two motorbikes and that was about it.

Please remember that she works with us in our business in her own private office and loves it and does a wonderful job that has contributed to us still being in business and she gets a great salary as well, so if it was about money, she would not keep telling me to retire as she feel sorry for me that I work so hard, but I only work so hard so we can both retire and not have to work anymore and one more year would do that.

It's just the silliness with trying to isolate me from my brother. Like I said before, she is a little nuts, but a sweetheart in many ways too. I should have set some type of boundaries as mentioned before here and due to my own lack of forcfulness in this, have really created my own problems by not doing it well. Good thing is that my brother and I are buddies and we both feel sad about the situation, but we make the best of it and try and rise above it and not be bitter. Life is just too short to take things too seriously.

Edited July 7, 2008 by dude123

[dude123]

............. sorry repeat post

Edited July 7, 2008 by dude123

[AmeriThai]

Sounds to me like Dude123 is mulling over the idea of divorce, or at least has thought about it. That being the case, I wouldn't recommend dropping everything he has now and move to Thailand just to make the wife happy, especially if it's likely to come to an end anyway. Instead, why not just spend a month in Thailand once a year? That lets the wife have time to keep in touch with family and friends. And if the wife is already agreeable and content with the idea of living in Canada, why move?

Dude, have you ever been to Thailand? If not, then you should just consider visiting to see if it even appeals enough to want to move there. Just a thought.

[dude123]

Sounds to me like Dude123 is mulling over the idea of divorce, or at least has thought about it. That being the case, I wouldn't recommend dropping everything he has now and move to Thailand just to make the wife happy, especially if it's likely to come to an end anyway. Instead, why not just spend a month in Thailand once a year? That lets the wife have time to keep in touch with family and friends. And if the wife is already agreeable and content with the idea of living in Canada, why move?

Dude, have you ever been to Thailand? If not, then you should just consider visiting to see if it even appeals enough to want to move there. Just a thought.

She just came back from a month stay in Thailand 2 weeks ago. Yes, been to Thailand briefly 6 years ago for 2 weeks. A little hectic paced for me and very LOUD in bangkok LOL! It seems every shopping centre had loud music and it took awhile to adjust to the different pace, but I loved the food everywhere and warm nights. People seemed very friendly over there and polite. That was my first impression.

[jastheace]

I've been here ten years and haven't had a problem. Very peaceful life amongst nice people. However, I do watch myself in the areas where other farang congregate to their rampant alcoholism, drug addiction and lack of moral values.

mmmmmmm....we do seem to let the side down...had more probs with whities than indigenous beings,have travelled around a bit as well.....advice ....as the quoted says,don't worry.

[AmeriThai]

She just came back from a month stay in Thailand 2 weeks ago. Yes, been to Thailand briefly 6 years ago for 2 weeks. A little hectic paced for me and very LOUD in bangkok LOL! It seems every shopping centre had loud music and it took awhile to adjust to the different pace, but I loved the food everywhere and warm nights. People seemed very friendly over there and polite. That was my first impression.

2 weeks six years ago. Heh, yes BKK can get pretty hectic, but it's got plenty of variety. I like the slower pace away from the city. If you can manage it, try to spend 4 to 8 weeks there next time. It'll give you more time to look around and get a little more acquainted with the feel of the country. Spend a day at the beach at Bang Saen. I don't think I'd want to swim there. but it's relaxing to sit under the umbrellas with the breeze blowing. Lots of good food there too. Sounds like your first impression was a good one.

Regarding the crime question: you can find bad seeds anywhere in the world, not just in Thailand. There's crime against farangs, but it's not like the country is riddled with it. However, if a person does have an unfortunate experience, that can certainly seem like one time too many. I've never had a problem of that sort, and hope I never will. You'll find most people are regular people who are often very helpful, to be in the majority. Use common sense, stay alert, and exercise a certain degree of caution, same as you would anywhere else.

[dude123]

...sorry for the double post, I did not remove the quote marks again when posting.

Edited July 7, 2008 by dude123

[dude123]

2 weeks six years ago. Heh, yes BKK can get pretty hectic, but it's got plenty of variety. I like the slower pace away from the city. If you can manage it, try to spend 4 to 8 weeks there next time. It'll give you more time to look around and get a little more acquainted with the feel of the country. Spend a day at the beach at Bang Saen. I don't think I'd want to swim there. but it's relaxing to sit under the umbrellas with the breeze blowing. Lots of good food there too. Sounds like your first impression was a good one.

Regarding the crime question: you can find bad seeds anywhere in the world, not just in Thailand. There's crime against farangs, but it's not like the country is riddled with it. However, if a person does have an unfortunate experience, that can certainly seem like one time too many. I've never had a problem of that sort, and hope I never will. You'll find most people are regular people who are often very helpful, to be in the majority. Use common sense, stay alert, and exercise a certain degree of caution, same as you would anywhere else.

I like the idea of living near the beach acutally and my wife says what you say about crime. No one was ever rude to me in Bangkok except a British Chap on the bus once but that was about it. I'm a laid back guy that never looks for trouble and mind my own business so I can imagine I would like it over there for 6 months every year. Once my wife and I reslove some of our issues, if it does not end in divorce, then I still would like to go over there. I like the idea of riding a moped from beach to beach and walking around. I don't get much free time around here with the amount of work that needs to be done each day.

Nice to hear everyone's thoughts in this thread. A lot of decent people on this site, I'm very impressed.

[jaideeguy]

The worst crime rates are in the urban and tourist areas. That's a fact anywhere, not only in LOS. That's why I choose to live in the moo ban [village], where I'm surrounded by simple local folks that watch out for their neighbors and have simple needs.

In the 15 yrs I've lived in Asia, most of the crimes that I've been a victim of were perpretated by other falangs....mostly in the form of unpaid loans.

I feel more secure here in LOS than I do in the west. We never feel the need to lock our doors, even when we go out for a few hours.

[dude123]

The worst crime rates are in the urban and tourist areas. That's a fact anywhere, not only in LOS. That's why I choose to live in the moo ban [village], where I'm surrounded by simple local folks that watch out for their neighbors and have simple needs.

In the 15 yrs I've lived in Asia, most of the crimes that I've been a victim of were perpretated by other falangs....mostly in the form of unpaid loans.

I feel more secure here in LOS than I do in the west. We never feel the need to lock our doors, even when we go out for a few hours.

I like the quieter areas too, that's why I live in a small lake town in the mountains.

[BangnaBound]

Similar to OP’s situation, my wife and I spent the first 5 years of our marriage in Western Canada. I had only been to Thailand once for a few weeks, before we got married, so our relationship was established outside Thailand. After five years, we came here for a 3 month holiday, and after a few months back in Canada, we decided to move to Thailand.

While I don’t regret the move, it was a lot more challenging than I thought. It’s like the joke with the devil and the politician; it’s a lot different once you’ve moved. We just had a visit from a Thai friend of ours who lives in Canada. He made a comment regarding how proud he was of us because we were still together, where as all of the other Thai/Western couples he knew from Canada had divorced within one year of moving to Thailand. We’ve been here three. As he said this, in the back of my mind I was thinking, “You have no idea how hard it’s been.”

I think starting in the west, then moving to Thailand is harder on Thai/western couples then those that always lived in Thailand. While every situation is different, the move will cause a major ‘contract renegotiation’. Unless you speak and read fluent Thai, you will need to depend on your wife for a lot more things than you do back home. This is probably the opposite of your current situation. Then there is the whole family issue. No matter how great your Thai family is, they will not understand the boundaries that us Westerns place on our privacy and freedom. (that’s as tactful as I can put it )

Having said all that, by all means, come for a long visit, you will have a fantastic time. I’d suggest at least a few long visits before any decision to make a permanent move.

As for safety, I’d be more concerned with road accidents then crime

Here’s that joke:

http://www.xanga.com/SewSew1934/640322133/item.html

[wilko]

Criminals aren't usually racially motivated...they are opportunists - don't be an opportunity!

[AmeriThai]

Criminals aren't usually racially motivated...they are opportunists - don't be an opportunity!

Well said Wilco. For one thing, don't flash money, etc., regardless of whether your wealthy or not. Out in the villages, if you're a farang, some people have the misconception that every farang is rich so you must be as too. My wife has a bad habit of spreading money around, and flashing jewelry and gold. The purpose is to elevate her status in the eyes of others. The biggest headache that goes along with it is that it attracts every sponge and leech from far and wide. Some family members (though not all) are the worst like that. Fortunately, I've been able to get some of them to understand that not all farangs have unlimited income. Some, like me, have to live on a tight budget, just like they do. Not exactly the same, but we do have to make ends meet. For others, it just doesn't register no matter how many different ways you try to explain it. For them, I just give up trying because it's a waste of time. And they do seem to understand that. However, they just bypass me, and spin their tales of woe to my wife instead, usually when I'm not around.

But in general, most of the locals view me pretty much like anyone else, except sometimes as a curiousity since I'm practically the only farangs they know. Still, having to deal with the false image that 'farangs are rich' is something that sometimes has to be dealt with. The only theft we've ever encountered was a diamond ring that belonged to me wife after flashing it around and passing it around to family members to have a good look. A screwy son of hers ripped it off and tried to sell it to a shop. The shop wouldn't take it and told him they thought it was probably a fake. He fessed up and returned it. He's pretty much straightened up since. I don't treat him like an axxhole, but I don't have any real trust or use for him either. However, the vast majority of the locals are just ordinary good-natured neighbors, the kind you like having as neighbors. And some of the neighborhood kids like to use me as practice for their English skills. LOL!

The point being that there are plenty of challenges and hurtles to deal with and overcome.

Edited July 8, 2008 by AmeriThai

[dude123]

Similar to OP's situation, my wife and I spent the first 5 years of our marriage in Western Canada. I had only been to Thailand once for a few weeks, before we got married, so our relationship was established outside Thailand. After five years, we came here for a 3 month holiday, and after a few months back in Canada, we decided to move to Thailand.

While I don't regret the move, it was a lot more challenging than I thought. It's like the joke with the devil and the politician; it's a lot different once you've moved. We just had a visit from a Thai friend of ours who lives in Canada. He made a comment regarding how proud he was of us because we were still together, where as all of the other Thai/Western couples he knew from Canada had divorced within one year of moving to Thailand. We've been here three. As he said this, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "You have no idea how hard it's been."

I think starting in the west, then moving to Thailand is harder on Thai/western couples then those that always lived in Thailand. While every situation is different, the move will cause a major 'contract renegotiation'. Unless you speak and read fluent Thai, you will need to depend on your wife for a lot more things than you do back home. This is probably the opposite of your current situation. Then there is the whole family issue. No matter how great your Thai family is, they will not understand the boundaries that us Westerns place on our privacy and freedom. (that's as tactful as I can put it )

Having said all that, by all means, come for a long visit, you will have a fantastic time. I'd suggest at least a few long visits before any decision to make a permanent move.

As for safety, I'd be more concerned with road accidents then crime

Here's that joke:

http://www.xanga.com/SewSew1934/640322133/item.html

Good Joke

That is what concerns me alittle. I depend on her for all the paperwork in thailand as I cannot read Thai language. I like the idea of just constantly going there for a couple of times a year for several years

and then see how it goes. Your story is a very good one and glad you posted it. Will just not sell our house here in Canada and do regular visits to Thailand and live here in Summer for the next couple of years. She says, if it was not for the weather, she would choose Canada 10 times over Thailand as she feels so free over here, but that is how it has always been in Canada, a great place to live with not so great weather.

AmeriThai: I know many people who flash their dollars when travelling abroad and they often seem to get into trouble quickly! As far as some Thai's thinking Farangs are all rich, my wife just came back from Bangkok 2 weeks ago after a month's stay there, and her neice was swarming around her asking her to buy this and buy that. She thought it was funny and the niece thinks she is the rich Relative from Canada now.

I think it will be a lovely adventure to live in Thailand 5-6 months every year and just enjoy it day by day. How many people can target me on an isloated beach anyway!

[AmeriThai]

AmeriThai: I know many people who flash their dollars when travelling abroad and they often seem to get into trouble quickly! As far as some Thai's thinking Farangs are all rich, my wife just came back from Bangkok 2 weeks ago after a month's stay there, and her neice was swarming around her asking her to buy this and buy that. She thought it was funny and the niece thinks she is the rich Relative from Canada now.

I think it will be a lovely adventure to live in Thailand 5-6 months every year and just enjoy it day by day. How many people can target me on an isloated beach anyway!

Not just an adventure, but also an experience learning who's who, what's where, what to do and not do, language, etc. Sounds like you got a bit of an eye-opener regarding the neice. It might seem kind of funny at first, but it can get really old real fast when they keep asking for handouts over and over and over again. It isn't anyone's business what your financial situation is, although there are plenty who still try to make it their business anyway. Best to politely nip that sort of thing in the bud at the start.

[BangnaBound]

I think you have the right idea. Half and half is the way to go if you can do it. Get out and travel around, cheap and easy travel is one of the best things Thailand has to offer. You definitely don’t want to get stuck with the relatives all the time.

If you are planning on spending a lot of time in Thailand in the future, would highly recommend learning some basic Thai. I spent a year and half here before really picking anything up. I’m bad a languages, so I finally bit the bullet and signed up for some Thai lessons. It was big improvement in my quality of life in Thailand. Even just a month of two of lessons is enough Thai to handle 80% of life’s little daily transactions. You could probably get away will with waiting until your second trip though, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I don’t really mean anyone will be saying anything bad behind your back, but rather on your first trip it will probably be more relaxing to leave all the thinking to someone else. That’s the main reason my Mom likes to visit me in Thailand. Here she can truly relax because she is out of her element, and is forced to let me take care of everything.

[wilko]

The question was "Criime Against Falangs, Is It Common?" - the answer is probably "No" - most crime in Thailand involves Thais and if you are Thai you are more likely to be a victim too.

[BangnaBound]

Sorry for getting off topic.

While crime rates here are ok relative to world averages, compared to where you’re coming from, you will definitely be increasing your risk. It shouldn’t deter you from visiting, but you will need to be a lot more conscious of you surroundings. Your biggest risks are probably the small things like pick pockets, or someone breaking into your hotel room when you’re not around. And the other area of increased risk is small disagreements escalating into violence. Even if you’re not directly involved, you don’t won’t to be standing too close when someone looses it.

I actually think you’re wife’s risks increase more than your own. My wife feels a lot safer Canada.

[dude123]

Not just an adventure, but also an experience learning who's who, what's where, what to do and not do, language, etc. Sounds like you got a bit of an eye-opener regarding the neice. It might seem kind of funny at first, but it can get really old real fast when they keep asking for handouts over and over and over again. It isn't anyone's business what your financial situation is, although there are plenty who still try to make it their business anyway. Best to politely nip that sort of thing in the bud at the start.

Yes, I could see that happening and I'll be on guard as I can see that it could get out of hand and then everyone will expect it all the time. Good advice, thanks. They all know how I look though, so won't be that easy to hide sometimes!

Bangnabound: I am learning a little Thai already from my wife. Just the words she says I need to know at the moment and then more later on. To tell you the truth, I know I need to learn many more words to live there and do the basics, but I think I like the idea if I really don't know what people are talking about. It may give me the rest I need to live in my own little world for awhile