Ignorant, Stupid Fool?

[Jimjim]

OK,

My 3 1/2 yr old daughter is suffering from epilepsy and has seizures fairly often.

The other day some idiot from our apartment block said to my wife: "Why do you keep letting your daughter have fits, are you not worried that it might damage her brain".

I mean really, what a stupid ignorant thing to say, blatantly insinuating that my wife and I don't care enough about our daughter and that we are neglecting our daughter by "allowing" this to happen.

I wasn't there at the time it was said and have decided to leave it, but I know that if it is said again in my prescence then I am very likely to react in a very strong manner.

What would you do in this situation? I know that the best option is likely to be to leave it as this person is clearly very very stupid, but I am sure that I will not be able to keep my cool and it is quite upsetting.

Anybody?

P.S. this person is Thai, which may well be relevant for cultural reasons (I am individual bashing, not Thai bashing)

Obviously the fool doesn't know the medical situation so you should explain it to the fool. Some people don't know a lot about these things so it's just ignorance and not stupidity in my opinion.

[JOHN2]

Chuang - a Westerner would not have made that comment,pure and simple, no matter how you try to twist it.

[tomuk76]

Just leave it unless she says anything again! but i guess the gossiping will never stop if people are ignorant to your daughter conditions,

best wishes to your daughter!

[tourleadersi]

Chuang - a Westerner would not have made that comment,pure and simple, no matter how you try to twist it.

Come on John2, you simply cant say that. I hail from the UK and from my experience there are any number of people who say crass, insensitive and downright offensive stuff. We can't win an argument over which country has a better standard of people, there are dregs and saints in both.

[siamamerican]

Why didn't you just say 'It's a medical condition call "epilepsy", and unfortunately our poor daughter cannot control the fits, but we are seeking medical treatments, thank you for your concern'.

Results:

- Fool is now educated, and will not make such comments again

- You feel better as there is now no tension between you and the fool

Or you could do as you did: Stomp out of the room, and wife getting pissed off.

Results:

- Fool wonders what the heck just happened

- Fool continues to wonder and comment on the fact that you do not control your child

- You and wife continue to feel angry until it eventually escalates into fisticuffs with fool.

If the person really is an ignorant fool as your title suggests why are you so angry? As this would mean that they did not know that it was a medical condition and thought it was just some kind of temper tantrum.

This is great advice that any fool can comprehend. Now, let's discontinue this thread so we can get on to trivial but more interesting topics. I don't want ot click on this thead by mistake - the fool that I am.

[sbk]

Off-topic posts have been deleted, lets try to keep this on the subject at hand, thanks

[Moonrakers]

Why didn't you just say 'It's a medical condition call "epilepsy", and unfortunately our poor daughter cannot control the fits, but we are seeking medical treatments, thank you for your concern'.

Results:

- Fool is now educated, and will not make such comments again

- You feel better as there is now no tension between you and the fool

Or you could do as you did: Stomp out of the room, and wife getting pissed off.

Results:

- Fool wonders what the heck just happened

- Fool continues to wonder and comment on the fact that you do not control your child

- You and wife continue to feel angry until it eventually escalates into fisticuffs with fool.

If the person really is an ignorant fool as your title suggests why are you so angry? As this would mean that they did not know that it was a medical condition and thought it was just some kind of temper tantrum.

This is great advice that any fool can comprehend. Now, let's discontinue this thread so we can get on to trivial but more interesting topics. I don't want ot click on this thead by mistake - the fool that I am.

I did comprehend the advice thank you, and despite after consideration deciding that it is not applicable to this case it was still accepted by myself because it could well be applicable in future similar scenarios.

Why discontinue this thread? Is looking for advice on a delicate matter the wrong thing to do on a public forum wrong?

And should you accidently click on this thread please don't feel obliged to read it all (Assuming that you did), and then reply to it. If this topic is of no interest to you then why not just ignore it or even start your own (More interesting) thread.

And I would like to add that your sarcasm is neither fitting nor constructive.

[siamamerican]

I did comprehend the advice thank you, and despite after consideration deciding that it is not applicable to this case it was still accepted by myself because it could well be applicable in future similar scenarios.

Why discontinue this thread? Is looking for advice on a delicate matter the wrong thing to do on a public forum wrong?

And should you accidently click on this thread please don't feel obliged to read it all (Assuming that you did), and then reply to it. If this topic is of no interest to you then why not just ignore it or even start your own (More interesting) thread.

And I would like to add that your sarcasm is neither fitting nor constructive.

Sorry, my prior comments were partly in jest and inappropriate, considerring the subject matter.

[Moonrakers]

I did comprehend the advice thank you, and despite after consideration deciding that it is not applicable to this case it was still accepted by myself because it could well be applicable in future similar scenarios.

Why discontinue this thread? Is looking for advice on a delicate matter the wrong thing to do on a public forum wrong?

And should you accidently click on this thread please don't feel obliged to read it all (Assuming that you did), and then reply to it. If this topic is of no interest to you then why not just ignore it or even start your own (More interesting) thread.

And I would like to add that your sarcasm is neither fitting nor constructive.

Sorry, my prior comments were partly in jest and inappropriate, considerring the subject matter.

Fair enough, and your apology is both appreciated and accepted.

[henrytuttle]

I don't currently live in Thailand (planning to retire to Thailand) but I've lived overseas 80% of my life so I hope that it qualifies me to offer some insight to this thread.

If I were in the U.S., I would have told this person off. Would that have been the right thing to do? Possibly not. But, I wouldn't have cared. The person was ignorant and pissed me off and I lashed back. Perhaps that would have made me ignorant also. But I wouldn't have been at fault or wrong. Just not right. Two imperfect human beings.

But, in Thailand, I think lashing out would be wrong. Because in the end, we're guests in their country. And, unless you're certain that the mistake this person has made is not culturally based and something that would be unacceptible behavior for Thais in Thailand, you can't act.

Thais are wonderful people. I've only been on this site for a few days now and I'm amazed at how much activity is going on here. Some positive, some negative, some downright stupid, but all passionate. I don't think anyone who regularly contributes to here actually believes that Thais are bad people. Personally, I know in my heart that despite all their flaws, Thailand without the Thais would lose its soul and be a far lesser place.

And let's not kid ourselves. Thais have their flaws. Lots of them. And so do we Americans. And so do [insert your nationality here]. It's just that they have different flaws than we do and we haven't come to think of them as normal flaws like our friends back home have.

I'm looking forward to moving to Thailand. And I know there are going to be plenty of times when I bite my tongue even when I might not be wrong. It might be in a bar because I know that if I get into a fight with some obnoxious local, 10 of his buddies will gang up on me. Or it might be when some idiot tout keeps hassling me. Or it might be when some idiot woman knowingly, or unknowingly upsets my wife. But I'll do so with the knowledge that that's the price of admission for being allowed to settle down in a country like Thailand. [insert Thai national anthem here]

P.S. If anyone catches me telling a tout to <deleted> off, don't throw this back in my face. I'm human too.

[geriatrickid]

As for the rest, well, yes, she is clearly ignorant but probably had good intentions. She is not to know that you are treating your daughter as, most likely from her experience, many would not. I know of several people who have not treated their children's ailments merely because of ignorance.

I happen to agree with the above, and would look at it as a positive. It just might mean that she cares. Too often I read threads about Thais being selfish, ignoring situations etc. Well, here we have a case where someone said something and she gets slammed. Ok, maybe she's wrong, but it's most likely because she has no idea as to the underlying medical condition. How could she know? How many people in here would recognize an epileptic seizure in a 3 year old? I saw a medical resident mistake diabetic shock for a stroke. If there hadn't been an old nurse around, the results would have been catastrophic.

That's why the following suggestion is worth reading again, especially fi the lady is motivated by concern and compassion.

give them an info sheet on epilepsy, preferably in Thai. That person may have been ignorant, but I suspect he/she was showing a iota of concern in at least asking about it.

Woken up to the concern and the ins-and-outs of it all, you might have a new best friend, and importantly, someone who knows a little more about it.

Not everyone is evil, mean, selfish etc. Thai people do care. They just show it in ways different than what we are used to.

[TAWP]

But, in Thailand, I think lashing out would be wrong. Because in the end, we're guests in their country

Sure you can, since Thai's (in original form of Tai's) are guests this, a Cambodian country...

Take a minute to think about the point.

[chuang]

Chuang - a Westerner would not have made that comment,pure and simple, no matter how you try to twist it.

John2, there is nothing for me to twist, to you farangs are without flaws how ignorant and xxxxxx can you be, just pure and simple

[nidhogg]

I did comprehend the advice thank you, and despite after consideration deciding that it is not applicable to this case it was still accepted by myself because it could well be applicable in future similar scenarios.

As a father, I may have some pale glimmer of how terrible it must be for you to see your daughter going through this. From my limited knowledge, epilepsy is a very complicated disease, with many causes and treatment that is appropriate can be hard to find.

If you will excuse the 2 satangs worth of pop psychology, I do wonder if your anger arises more from your distress at your daughters condition than the thoughless comments of a neighbour. Lashing out at the women may make you feel better for a while, but in all honesty, its going to do nothing for your daughter and indeed will only serve to create more tension around her.

As you note, similar situations may arise in the future, and unless you want to go through life lashing out, you are going to have to come to terms with your daughters condition and how to deflect such comments.

I do go with the "education" side of the argument - we educate ignorant people - not lash out at them - if it arises again, explain that the doctors are working to try to control her condition -and that until then we look afer her by ...............

Now, I am not a new age touchy feely kinda guy, but, to me, bottom line is that its not going to help your daughter by you flying into a rage every time some one says something stupid - in the future maybe *she* will be the one who has to explain these thing - and you are setting the example now.

And I sincerly hope your daughter find a way to control her epilepsy soon.

[Huey]

If she says something like that again and your there, do your best to maintain a smile and nod as you say something like "Oh I'm sorry miss I know you don't have a good education and probably don't read much, but this is called epilepsy she has a medical condition that makes her do this, its not something she or I can control" If she speaks English it will be perfect if not make sure you tell your wife to translate it EXACTLY so she knows that you basically think she is little more than a ignorant chili farming peasant who should keep her mouth shut. I find when you insult Thais like this with a smile without a hint of sarcasm they will usually nod and smile back with it EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW what you said. Its beautiful.

[henrytuttle]

If she says something like that again and your there, do your best to maintain a smile and nod as you say something like "Oh I'm sorry miss I know you don't have a good education and probably don't read much, but this is called epilepsy she has a medical condition that makes her do this, its not something she or I can control" If she speaks English it will be perfect if not make sure you tell your wife to translate it EXACTLY so she knows that you basically think she is little more than a ignorant chili farming peasant who should keep her mouth shut. I find when you insult Thais like this with a smile without a hint of sarcasm they will usually nod and smile back with it EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW what you said. Its beautiful.

I think that's a great way to do it. As long as it's not done in a confrontational manner or sarcastic tone, it's just a dumb foreigner accidentally insulting someone. I like it!

[RubbaJohnny]

Move on the monkey is on there back not yours

Best wishes to you and your child

[Moonrakers]

If she says something like that again and your there, do your best to maintain a smile and nod as you say something like "Oh I'm sorry miss I know you don't have a good education and probably don't read much, but this is called epilepsy she has a medical condition that makes her do this, its not something she or I can control" If she speaks English it will be perfect if not make sure you tell your wife to translate it EXACTLY so she knows that you basically think she is little more than a ignorant chili farming peasant who should keep her mouth shut. I find when you insult Thais like this with a smile without a hint of sarcasm they will usually nod and smile back with it EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW what you said. Its beautiful.

I like this, I was trying to think along the same lines and you have worded it well.

A bit of an update also, my wife was at the hospital today with my daughter today, and she picked up a few leaflets (In Thai) about epilepsy. My wife has distributed them strategically about the building, and espcially to members of the gossip clique that this woman is a 'member' of. She wasn't there to be given one but I am confident that she will she one.

Knowing the circumtances I have little confidence that it (Education) will have a positive effect, but the suggestions of educating her are valid ones and so it's only fair to give it a shot.

Edited July 5, 2008 by globalj

[sylviex]

Good work.

The leaflets deliver several messages at once .

Edited July 6, 2008 by sylviex

[tomahawk]

I have seen many examples of this type of ignorance here.I know a very sweet woman who works in a restaurant and has alot of scars on her face from motorbike accident,and Thai girls often ask her why her face "Not so good." In the west this would be considered extremely insensitive and offensive,but here it is not uncommon.They often ask big people "Why are you so fat?" and think nothing of it.Yesterday I went to san Kampaeng hot springs and sign on handicapped bathroom said "Men cripple". But I don't think they mean to be offensive.

The point is this is a third world country.I do not blame you for being upset.Nothing is harder than having a sick child.But if you are going to live in a third world country I think one of the conditions you need to accept is ignorance.I mean,in many countries conditions such as epilepsy are believed to be demonic possession.People suffering from these conditions have been put into mental asylums and even burned as witches and such.

If you continue to live in Thailand I think these kinds of encounters will happen again.There is just so much you can do to educate these people.The best thing for you and your child,I think,is to learn to deal with your own feelings and reactions the best you can,and good luck.