What Most, If Not All, Farang Cannot Give A Thai Girl

[bkkjames]

i had a deep chat with a bargurl the other night as to why they choose to marry older farang as opposed to regular middle claas girls who have a choice of who they want to wed.

the answer was they the only ones who will take them and that the bgs preferred old as their expecteded life spans werent too long.

Somehow the statement makes me quite sad, I don’t know why.

May be just a sympathy for some of these girls, I guess......... such a hard life, such a reality.......

I an older farang and my wife is a regular middle class girl, are you saying she didn't have a choice to marry me? I hope not. If true, don't tell her.

[teacup]

i had a deep chat with a bargurl the other night as to why they choose to marry older farang as opposed to regular middle claas girls who have a choice of who they want to wed.

the answer was they the only ones who will take them and that the bgs preferred old as their expecteded life spans werent too long.

Somehow the statement makes me quite sad, I don’t know why.

May be just a sympathy for some of these girls, I guess......... such a hard life, such a reality.......

I an older farang and my wife is a regular middle class girl, are you saying she didn't have a choice to marry me? I hope not. If true, don't tell her.

No I’m not talking about you, but specifically about the bgs he was talking to in his statement “the answer was they(refered to by him as “older farangs” the only ones who will take them”.

I think it’s such a sad life of growing up in poverty and eventually had to marry someone “who will take them“, and didn’t have the chance or little chance to experience or go thru the normal route of dating, or falling in love in making a one family.

May be I'm just too romantic under this circumstance in which many of these girls couldn't afford to have, or experience, and even for some in their lifetime.

That's all, nothing sinister about it.

[steveromagnino]

i had a deep chat with a bargurl the other night as to why they choose to marry older farang as opposed to regular middle claas girls who have a choice of who they want to wed.

the answer was they the only ones who will take them and that the bgs preferred old as their expecteded life spans werent too long.

in the words of Blackadder.....

'I was that bargirl'

55555555555555555555555

Gosh I am funny. handsome and funny, what a lethal combination. If I wear my Dolce Gabbana perfume and some khaki slacks from Ralph Lauren I'll be beating off those hos with a dirty stick.

Still, rather hos than guys.

[MSingh]

Females are social creatures and almost all care about having a social network. So... a farang can be handsome, rich, smart etc, but he is almost never the life of the party, and he very rarely has many true Thai friends who are not just being nice to him but actually understand and respect him. Obviously, there are many Thais who have lived overseas, speak fluent english, so this will be easier if you are apart of a more inter social crowd.

Well that's wrong for starters, i suspect it's a very, very small % of the Thai Poulation have lived Overseas & an even smaller % can speak FLUENT English..

Edited July 4, 2008 by MSingh

[bkkjames]

i had a deep chat with a bargurl the other night as to why they choose to marry older farang as opposed to regular middle claas girls who have a choice of who they want to wed.

the answer was they the only ones who will take them and that the bgs preferred old as their expecteded life spans werent too long.

in the words of Blackadder.....

'I was that bargirl'

55555555555555555555555

Gosh I am funny. handsome and funny, what a lethal combination. If I wear my Dolce Gabbana perfume and some khaki slacks from Ralph Lauren I'll be beating off those hos with a dirty stick.

Still, rather hos than guys.

ya stevie, I am sure all dress up like that you would put most katoeys to shame.

[janj]

Oh dear, it seems that most of these replies are written by men. And it also sounds like they have very little understanding of what a woman wants out of a relationship. I've never broken it off with someone because I thought my friends wouldn't like him or he wouldn't get along with them. I've also never avoided dating a race of people because I thought they couldn't socialize with my friends. That's just stupid. I date guys that I get along with. And if I go to a dinner with him and friends and there's a language barrier, I don't expect him to be the life of the party but a small contribution is really all I require. A small effort, and if he's not willing to try then it's because he's a jackass, not because he 'just doesn't fit it'.

Why do fewer hiso girls date foreigners than bar girls? Probably because they meet fewer foreigners and are used to a much different dating protocol than that practiced in the west. Most Thai middle-class people frequent different areas than westerners. In professional settings they may not be bold enough to strike up a relationship with a foreigner. And of course, they have preconceived notions about western men that may or may not be accurate. But because he can't be the life of the party at a Thai function? hel_l, from my experience most THAI guys aren't the life of the party. Your reasoning just baffles me...

[bkkjames]

Oh dear, it seems that most of these replies are written by men. And it also sounds like they have very little understanding of what a woman wants out of a relationship. I've never broken it off with someone because I thought my friends wouldn't like him or he wouldn't get along with them. I've also never avoided dating a race of people because I thought they couldn't socialize with my friends. That's just stupid. I date guys that I get along with. And if I go to a dinner with him and friends and there's a language barrier, I don't expect him to be the life of the party but a small contribution is really all I require. A small effort, and if he's not willing to try then it's because he's a jackass, not because he 'just doesn't fit it'.

Why do fewer hiso girls date foreigners than bar girls? Probably because they meet fewer foreigners and are used to a much different dating protocol than that practiced in the west. Most Thai middle-class people frequent different areas than westerners. In professional settings they may not be bold enough to strike up a relationship with a foreigner. And of course, they have preconceived notions about western men that may or may not be accurate. But because he can't be the life of the party at a Thai function? hel_l, from my experience most THAI guys aren't the life of the party. Your reasoning just baffles me...

Can you give us an example of this preconceived notion about western men?

[anthonyu]

"Why don't smart, educated Thai girls from good familes date farang?"

I'd say for pretty much the same reasons that a smart, educated Farang girl from good familes don't date Asian guys.

Its easier to accept the evil that you know over the evil that you don't.

[d(-.-)b]

I’m new here but have been lurking for a while now. I would like to share some thoughts if you don’t mind hearing it from a Thai person. First of all, I have spent over 20 years in the western culture so I have a pretty good idea of what it is to be an outcast. To answer the OP, I would like to put it as this.

Could it be that the main reason that many Thais tend to be quiet and boring among the western is probably/possibly because they don’t speak the language? (at least not as well as the mother tongue would). And because of that, they tend to not want to hang out with the westerner (let alone dating) because they have to put that extra effort into communicating with farang in english. No matter how hard they try, they will never be able to communicate with farang/any foreigners or to express themselves as well as they would/could with other Thais.

From my experience in living in the west, language/understanding other cultures could be a big obstacle for groups of people from different backgrounds to live together. I am sure (and I’m willing to bet you this) that if you put an extra effort and try to learn some Thai, and speak Thai to Thais (like what Thais would try very hard to speak english to you), you definitely will make some Thai friends (or decent Thai lady in this case). You can’t expect to only receive, sometimes you’ve got to give in order to get. I just want to remind you that the majority of people here doesn’t speak English, more than half of those that do speak English, doesn’t speak it as their first language. So if you really want to make Thai friends or hook up with a Thai lady, I humbly suggest you start from learning some Thai and understand their culture, don't just expect them to understand yours. If I was in your hometown without being able to speak your language, I wouldn't be able to make any friends now, would I?

Hope I’m making sense here.

[bkkjames]

I’m new here but have been lurking for a while now. I would like to share some thoughts if you don’t mind hearing it from a Thai person. First of all, I have spent over 20 years in the western culture so I have a pretty good idea of what it is to be an outcast. To answer the OP, I would like to put it as this.

Could it be that the main reason that many Thais tend to be quiet and boring among the western is probably/possibly because they don’t speak the language? (at least not as well as the mother tongue would). And because of that, they tend to not want to hang out with the westerner (let alone dating) because they have to put that extra effort into communicating with farang in english. No matter how hard they try, they will never be able to communicate with farang/any foreigners or to express themselves as well as they would/could with other Thais.

From my experience in living in the west, language/understanding other cultures could be a big obstacle for groups of people from different backgrounds to live together. I am sure (and I’m willing to bet you this) that if you put an extra effort and try to learn some Thai, and speak Thai to Thais (like what Thais would try very hard to speak english to you), you definitely will make some Thai friends (or decent Thai lady in this case). You can’t expect to only receive, sometimes you’ve got to give in order to get. I just want to remind you that the majority of people here doesn’t speak English, more than half of those that do speak English, doesn’t speak it as their first language. So if you really want to make Thai friends or hook up with a Thai lady, I humbly suggest you start from learning some Thai and understand their culture, don't just expect them to understand yours. If I was in your hometown without being able to speak your language, I wouldn't be able to make any friends now, would I?

Hope I’m making sense here.

You know how to make good first impressions. Quick pointer, quite being so polite on here because I can tell you that other TVs posters, not mentioning names (bend, donny, stevo etc), won't be quite so delicate in their responses.

Unlike me of course, who is the very definition of the word.

Now back to your point, learn some Thai you say? Good idea, I will try that with my next wife.

[Payboy]

start from learning some Thai

unless you have this...

[a2396]

Females are social creatures and almost all care about having a social network. So... a farang can be handsome, rich, smart etc, but he is almost never the life of the party, and he very rarely has many true Thai friends who are not just being nice to him but actually understand and respect him. Obviously, there are many Thais who have lived overseas, speak fluent english, so this will be easier if you are apart of a more inter social crowd.

Now I have read many posts on the internet of Farang claiming to have many close Thai friends who are like their brother, so perhaps this is the case, but I have never witnessed it in real life. As my Thai language gets better, I do not really feel like I am making more or truer friends. Everyone is of course nice to me and I am happy but I do feel that almost all Thai women, the exception being those who have spent time overseas, would perfer a Thai man (assuming he was as equally rich, handsome, and smart as me) over me.

This does not really bother me. Its the way it is, but I do think it sheds light on the age old question "Why don't smart, educated Thai girls from good familes date farang?"... The answer, imo, is not that they will upset their parents or that they don't want to be mistaken for a lady of the night, but rather that farang do not offer them a partner in a social network: we are boring to take on double dates.

I think you "hit the nail on the head". Your statement rings true to my experience here after 4 years. It is a rare situation, where a Univ educated Thai girl (who has not been married before) will get entangled with a foreign man. She is likely going to blow her reputation and chances of landing a "proper" Thai man. Mingling with a foreign man has a lot of negative impact, because large number of boozing, womanizing foreign men here. Not to say that plenty of Thai men don't do the same. Exceptions to this are women who have some interest in living overseas and that you can be a vehicle for such, or simply that they need money. The Farang braggarts who claim they can bed any Thai hi-so women for the asking are blowing smoke out of their ears in my opinion.

[steveromagnino]

Why do fewer hiso girls date foreigners than bar girls? Probably because they meet fewer foreigners and are used to a much different dating protocol than that practiced in the west. Most Thai middle-class people frequent different areas than westerners. In professional settings they may not be bold enough to strike up a relationship with a foreigner. And of course, they have preconceived notions about western men that may or may not be accurate. But because he can't be the life of the party at a Thai function? hel_l, from my experience most THAI guys aren't the life of the party. Your reasoning just baffles me...

Actually most of the true hisos and the middle classes study abroad and probably know more foreigners and share more in common culturally. And many do eat at Caldorazzo and all those other expat type places from time to time.

The reason why most don't keep relationships is for the reason that they can pick and choose so they tend to choose someone acceptable with similar values to themselves, as most people do in life. The same applies to their choice of where to go out; a huge number of Thai friends don't like going to certain places or buying certain buildings simply because they understand, correctly usually, that going to those places will involve meeting a large number of foreigners who think they and everything about Thailand is simply, c&*p. But are willing to leer and try to sleep with them nevertheless.

There are quite a few with foreign husbands/BFs (quite a few well educated Thai men with foreign wives too) but many I know simply enjoy the company of Thai speaking people more than english speaking (including my present and past bosses for instance, all educated abroad and capable english speakers) for purposes of fun and laughs. Incidentally, many of that same group prefer for similar reasons to read english language books.

It is fairly unusual for me to meet any westerners who are the life and soul of a group who is almost all Thai; they mostly seem to be a bit awkward on the side; Thai speakers fare better and of course if the group are all bilingual then that makes things easier.

To try to assume it is lack of opportunity for the upper classes is simply wrong; there are indeed Hisos that are involved with westerners (e.g. Mint, Pat, Lek, etc) but in many cases we are not talking your run of the mill english teacher (fellow student from USA, ajarn for music, Vietnamese very rich property developer). If you look at skanky low grade actresses, well there is Ying Chulalak and a few others, but again they are going for rich or good looking mostly and few of those relationships are anything other than relatively short periods.

Growing up with parents from two different cultures, it is pretty obvious that it is hard work to make it work. Easier to be 'birds of the feather'

BKKJames - general preconceived notions about westerners held by many middle class/upper class Thai women educated in the west:

- the best ones don't usually want to date a non westerner

- the ones in BKK are usually scumbags and idiots vs. the westerners in a western country (i.e. dregs)

- a lot of western men here would rather hang out with Isaan hos and dark skinned women than me

- I am scared what people will think of me if I am around a westerner

- western men are better looking/good looking BUT not the ones I have ever met

- I don't know what we would talk about - not much in common

- I don't know where we would go together or do - most westerners don't speak Thai, can't enjoy Thai food, can't enjoy meeting my friends

- can he be trusted

- will he stay here (if met here) long term as Thailand is not a great place for many westerners to work

- will he get/hold a decent job

- his friends are f&*King idiots

- does he have enough manners not to embarrass me (most important for the higher status Thais) in front of workmates/friends/family

Family is in there, but not the biggest priority. All the above are just various beliefs many of the Thai women I know have said, including some with western BFs/husbands; most of that group who said, I never thought I would marry a westerner, but this guy just seemed right (including my own mum).

The ones who already have friends dating westerners tend to be more polarised ('western guys/ Japanese guys etc are the best vs. those guys are the worst') as they've seen it already.

Many of the women who have worked with a western boss also tend to think more highly in some cases or far less highly of westerners in general. I can think of a few women in one company who will now cross the street to avoid meeting british people, based on working with one guy.

Edited July 4, 2008 by steveromagnino

[Boater]

"What Most, If Not All, Farang Cannot Give A Thai Girl"

An itsy-bitsy teenie weenie ?

[Seneque]

What Most, If Not All, Farang Cannot Give A Thai Girl

According to my gf there is definitely one thing a farang can give a thai girl : an opinion

[cynthialee]

Those preconceived notions of westerners are the TRUTH. Leave em to the upcountry girls.

[AFKAFSinLOS]

Females are social creatures and almost all care about having a social network. So... a farang can be handsome, rich, smart etc, but he is almost never the life of the party, and he very rarely has many true Thai friends who are not just being nice to him but actually understand and respect him. Obviously, there are many Thais who have lived overseas, speak fluent english, so this will be easier if you are apart of a more inter social crowd.

Now I have read many posts on the internet of Farang claiming to have many close Thai friends who are like their brother, so perhaps this is the case, but I have never witnessed it in real life. As my Thai language gets better, I do not really feel like I am making more or truer friends. Everyone is of course nice to me and I am happy but I do feel that almost all Thai women, the exception being those who have spent time overseas, would perfer a Thai man (assuming he was as equally rich, handsome, and smart as me) over me.

This does not really bother me. Its the way it is, but I do think it sheds light on the age old question "Why don't smart, educated Thai girls from good familes date farang?"... The answer, imo, is not that they will upset their parents or that they don't want to be mistaken for a lady of the night, but rather that farang do not offer them a partner in a social network: we are boring to take on double dates.

NoSpeakIt NoSpeakforme and NoSpeakformyexperiences...

Methink you speak for yourself... but interesting thought anyway...

For many Thais, foreigners actually open up more social networks than they would otherwise have access to. Bear in mind, a smart, educated girl "from a good family" would already have their own social networks. Additionally Thais often marry within their own social networks, so marrying the Thai guy, may not add anything at all...

[AFKAFSinLOS]

My posting will offend many, sorry - thats not my intention.

I would not want my daughter marring an expat in Thailand nor would she want to. She made her first trip back to Thailand after several decades and was disgusted by the conduct of the expats she met . As she put it "so many morally bankrupt alcoholics". From what I read on this forum, I tend to agree.

...

Times have changed, we have land outside Nongkhai and intended to build and move in two years. I have friends there, its near my wife's village, and I love her family but we have put off moving because the attitude of the Thai towards round eyes is not really very good. I would not feel as comfortable downtown being mistaken for someone there for the sex industry. I suspect that many of those expats in Thailand who are living good moral lives are being pre judged by the locals - just as I am now prejudging many of you.

No offence taken in any way.

I would say that your post says more about you, your own situation and the people you live and meet with than anything else...

If your daughter was disgusted by expats she met, you have to ask what she is doing meeting disgusting expats, and why you and her find yourself among them...easily avoided...and if not why are you there...what does it tell you?

As for your insecurity about being mistaken for someone there for the sex industry, as well as what your Thai family thinks about foreigners... I wouldn't want to live like that either... I never have any worries about being mistaken: 1) I don't think I would be mistaken 2) If anyone thinks that... well they're mistaken...end of story

Your last sentence is honest. Yes you are pre-judging, but many of your problems seem of your own making... They say more about yourself than anything. BTW I wouldn't want to live near your prejudiced in-laws either. Good move on that one...

[wintermute]

"What Most, If Not All, Farang Cannot Give A Thai Girl"

An itsy-bitsy teenie weenie ?

This is what i'm talking about. You have farang men making lame racial pee pee jokes on forums and acting like their sh*t don't stink.. Not exactly the cream of the crop here.

[boiledegg]

"What Most, If Not All, Farang Cannot Give A Thai Girl"

An itsy-bitsy teenie weenie ?

This is what i'm talking about. You have farang men making lame racial pee pee jokes on forums and acting like their sh*t don't stink.. Not exactly the cream of the crop here.

It was a joke and it got a few smiles so dont play the race card Mr Cream Of The Crop.

[sbk]

Actually, it was a dumb, lame joke that has been harped on incessantly by some guys on this forum. In fact, it could even have fallen into the "trolling category" and will definitely do so if the conversation about it continues.

And is, in fact, best ignored from now on.... thanks

[NoSpeakIt]

hi steve. generally, i find the raised in the west or studied extensively in the west Thais to be more or less interchangeable with Westerners. they probably have a better diet and a bunch of quirky stories about their grandma being racist, but thats about it in terms of 'foreignness' in their personality.

[NoSpeakIt]

steve,

"can he be trusted"

is this really a concern for upper class thai girls? i thought they just accepted that their bf's/husbands would cheat on them or do you mean 'trust' in a different way than fidelity?

[Huey]

Anyway in all seriousness though. I think the OP has some self worth issues. The fact of the matter is that every guy has something too offer. And a woman will choose him based on that. Yes some whores choose farang men out of desperation or for money, like quite possibly the OP's lady. And some attractive well bred women from good families will marry farang men because they love them. I think the OP's exposure is a bit limited

[NoSpeakIt]

Anyway in all seriousness though. I think the OP has some self worth issues. The fact of the matter is that every guy has something too offer. And a woman will choose him based on that. Yes some whores choose farang men out of desperation or for money, like quite possibly the OP's lady. And some attractive well bred women from good families will marry farang men because they love them. I think the OP's exposure is a bit limited

wow, did i hit too close to home? must have for you to tell me out of the blue that my gf (whom you know nothing about whatsoever) is a whore.

[Kerryd]

There must be a lot of downtime in your English teaching job.

Like I said, you obviously know nothing about me.

But keep up your trolling, we can use a good laugh.

[on-on]

I have to hope in my black little heart that somewhere out there there are web forums full of Thai women having the exact inverse of all these discussions. I don't mean forums full of bargirls designed to reel in punters, but just community discussion forums. Once I buckle down and learn to read and write (it's been two years of working and traveling, cut me some slack) this is one of the first things I'm going to look for. I imagine all these pseudo-introspective posts by women complaining that they'll never fit in with a farang man because all that matters to the farang is money and even more comical posts that read "he cheated on me for years and when he wasn't down at the brothel, he sat around drinking beer, grunting and watching farang TV all the time - then he acted surprised when I left him for my new husband!" Probably even we could look around and match up posts there with posts here - "...and then he started screaming and throwing things! Then he actually told the owner that he was going to poison all of his dogs! Now he wants me to go see the pu yai baan and convince him to do something? Oi, this is so embarrassing. Thank Buddha we're moving soon."

I doubt this exists because this particular fascination, just by virtue of the socioeconomic interplay of supply and demand here, is fairly unidirectional, but it's still a great concept. In fact someone should start a parody blog that does exactly that.

[Huey]

Anyway in all seriousness though. I think the OP has some self worth issues. The fact of the matter is that every guy has something too offer. And a woman will choose him based on that. Yes some whores choose farang men out of desperation or for money, like quite possibly the OP's lady. And some attractive well bred women from good families will marry farang men because they love them. I think the OP's exposure is a bit limited

wow, did i hit too close to home? must have for you to tell me out of the blue that my gf (whom you know nothing about whatsoever) is a whore.

In a way, yes it did. I messed around with ALOT of whores in Pattaya before I decided I had enough and left that life style behind. I'm not knocking it at all I'm just saying ya don't mix the two (ie don't try and be serious with a hoe), thats when problems occur. Anyway, was I incorrect? Did your GF ever sell sex for money? If not then I will apologize. Just sounded kinda whorish by the way you portaged her stereotypical thought pattern.

[Huey]

I have to hope in my black little heart that somewhere out there there are web forums full of Thai women having the exact inverse of all these discussions. I don't mean forums full of bargirls designed to reel in punters, but just community discussion forums. Once I buckle down and learn to read and write (it's been two years of working and traveling, cut me some slack) this is one of the first things I'm going to look for. I imagine all these pseudo-introspective posts by women complaining that they'll never fit in with a farang man because all that matters to the farang is money and even more comical posts that read "he cheated on me for years and when he wasn't down at the brothel, he sat around drinking beer, grunting and watching farang TV all the time - then he acted surprised when I left him for my new husband!" Probably even we could look around and match up posts there with posts here - "...and then he started screaming and throwing things! Then he actually told the owner that he was going to poison all of his dogs! Now he wants me to go see the pu yai baan and convince him to do something? Oi, this is so embarrassing. Thank Buddha we're moving soon."

I doubt this exists because this particular fascination, just by virtue of the socioeconomic interplay of supply and demand here, is fairly unidirectional, but it's still a great concept. In fact someone should start a parody blog that does exactly that.

That would be so awesome if it did I would love to see it

[sbk]

Off-topic, inflammatory posts have been deleted. Further such posts will result in action. I hope THIS warning is clear enough this time.