Does Giving Money To Thai Girl Do Harm To Her Familiy

[Heng]

Methinks the Don doth protest too much.

[cynthialee]

maybe they sendin you a message you not sending enough

how much do you send, btw?

dont you love it when guys say they dont give yet replaced a shack with a functioning house

dont feel bad though usa gives lots of money with little appreciation to show for it.

seriously though , methinks op is troll. do people really give money to thai people for no apparent reason............lol. it just doesnt happen!

Edited August 3, 2008 by cynthialee

[Naam]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Did he send you the money so that you would stay away from his daughter?

:D

[Tyke]

I give money to my Thai Girl she gives it to her family. I feel that I am hurting the family.

After 7 years they are in worst shape then before she met me.

Give them more.............

They already know how to beg - next thing is to teach them how to fish.

[mgjackson69]

Give a <xxxx> man a fish, he eats for a day

Teach a <xxxx> man to fish, he will ignore what you told him

Give a <xxxx> man the equipment to fish, he will sell it for whisky money.

[Tod Daniels]

Those are truly words of wisdom spoken by the previous poster "siamamerican":

Blindly giving the family money is counterproductive. Getting to understand the families real needs is more difficult and many don't have the energy for this, hence many just send the cash with no rules.

Unfortunately later in the same post "siamamerican" says this:

I also replaced the shack they lived in with a functional house.

Whether people live in a shack or not is hardly relative to their quality of life. If that's what they've always done, well, I'd let it go. Understanding there is a wide disparity between quality of life, in say; America, and here is the first step to finding out what people's real needs are and addressing them. If they've been happily living in a shack, have never felt the need to invest in as you put it a more "functional house", who are you to change the status quo? (Oh, that's right, you're the rich foreigner in-law. ..)

There is a HUGE difference between needs and wants. Early on one needs to understand the difference as it applies in the glorious "Land 'O Thais" and its people. I find thais are more myopic in discerning the difference between the two, and more often than not will lump them into the same catergory.

Managing cash flow to the extended family is the first step in a LONG series of steps which must be addressed in foreign/thai relationships. Do not confuse real needs with the ever present 'face' card which is played so often here. Sadly status is rarely tied to actual needs.

[faranglandoz]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

They will soon learn your in it just for the money

[faranglandoz]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Why would your Father in Law give you money, don't you have the means to support yourself and your wife, don't you have a job ?

I bet the Father in Law is over the moon about his Son in Law....

He didnt give me money, he gave US money. Its not a huge amount, but its not bad. Plus he wants us to do some kind of business and wants his daughter to be looked after properly. He thinks by always giving us money he is doing his part. I cant really complain now can I

If the Father of the girl I married was supporting US, I'd hang my head in shame.

I reckon he just sends the money to you out of fear.

The father-in- law dos'nt want to be snapkicked, so gives money to be left in peace

[LoveDaBlues]

I have to laugh at the way everyone buys "TheDon" BS. I know him personally and he's barely 150 pounds and wears coke-bottle glasses.

Good one Donny.......got em all going!

[TheDon]

I have to laugh at the way everyone buys "TheDon" BS. I know him personally and he's barely 150 pounds and wears coke-bottle glasses.

Good one Donny.......got em all going!

Dam you got me, this is really me below

[LoveDaBlues]

Bet your wife loves the hairy back!

Omibuddha........brings the term "computer geek" to a new level.

Come on Donny; show em your pic NOW after your diet.

[ozsamurai]

I think he's what us Aussies call a &lt;deleted&gt; stirrer is all, most of them older 'blokes', if he is young, fit etc.. etc.. then he is just a fool. Now we know he's a paid fool!!

[mgjackson69]

dam_n...I will *never* get near another doughnut, ever!

[cynthialee]

Those are truly words of wisdom spoken by the previous poster "siamamerican":

Blindly giving the family money is counterproductive. Getting to understand the families real needs is more difficult and many don't have the energy for this, hence many just send the cash with no rules.

Unfortunately later in the same post "siamamerican" says this:

I also replaced the shack they lived in with a functional house.

Whether people live in a shack or not is hardly relative to their quality of life. If that's what they've always done, well, I'd let it go. Understanding there is a wide disparity between quality of life, in say; America, and here is the first step to finding out what people's real needs are and addressing them. If they've been happily living in a shack, have never felt the need to invest in as you put it a more "functional house", who are you to change the status quo? (Oh, that's right, you're the rich foreigner in-law. ..)

There is a HUGE difference between needs and wants. Early on one needs to understand the difference as it applies in the glorious "Land 'O Thais" and its people. I find thais are more myopic in discerning the difference between the two, and more often than not will lump them into the same catergory.

Managing cash flow to the extended family is the first step in a LONG series of steps which must be addressed in foreign/thai relationships. Do not confuse real needs with the ever present 'face' card which is played so often here. Sadly status is rarely tied to actual needs.

some are quite delusional when it comes to poor rural thais! they just dont see what others who read what they wrote see!

replacing box house with functional house is same as op is doing, just a little diff. prnicipal the same same!

[cynthialee]

Give a <xxxx> man a fish, he eats for a day

Teach a <xxxx> man to fish, he will ignore what you told him

Give a <xxxx> man the equipment to fish, he will sell it for whisky money.

this is funny as i was going to recommend op send fishing equipemnt in lieu of cash. i dont know how poor thai man think though. id be pissed if man sold pole for whiskey

[terrier123]

The magic 7 years -- yep, generally the more you give (donate, help) the more is expected. Yet it seems to last shorter each time. Alongside this (naturally) ANY original gratitude vanishes and the greed machine kicks in. Then too much is not enough and they help themselves in various ways. Happened to me and countless others.

[ozzydom]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Why would your Father in Law give you money, don't you have the means to support yourself and your wife, don't you have a job ?

I bet the Father in Law is over the moon about his Son in Law....

He didnt give me money, he gave US money. Its not a huge amount, but its not bad. Plus he wants us to do some kind of business and wants his daughter to be looked after properly. He thinks by always giving us money he is doing his part. I cant really complain now can I

If the Father of the girl I married was supporting US, I'd hang my head in shame.

I reckon he just sends the money to you out of fear.

The father-in- law dos'nt want to be snapkicked, so gives money to be left in peace

&lt;deleted&gt; on a shovel comes to mind.

[thaiman]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Why would your Father in Law give you money, don't you have the means to support yourself and your wife, don't you have a job ?

I bet the Father in Law is over the moon about his Son in Law....

He didnt give me money, he gave US money. Its not a huge amount, but its not bad. Plus he wants us to do some kind of business and wants his daughter to be looked after properly. He thinks by always giving us money he is doing his part. I cant really complain now can I

If the Father of the girl I married was supporting US, I'd hang my head in shame.

I reckon he just sends the money to you out of fear.

The father-in- law dos'nt want to be snapkicked, so gives money to be left in peace

&lt;deleted&gt; on a shovel comes to mind.

Give them money only if they've earned it. What have they done for you lately? So many thais think that just b/c foreigners have more they should give it all to them. "Farang have big money" "You should give to us"

I say, "Earn it, you lazy spoiled people". I had to earn it. You should to.

Now if there is an emergency or something, that is different! If they are just lazy and want your cash, F#@$ them!

[cynthialee]

you need to compensate them for taking their little darling away sir! dont be so harsh!

this is where the disconnect comes in. you marrying poor thais, poor not the same same mindset as the non poor!

[mgjackson69]

you need to compensate them for taking their little darling away sir! dont be so harsh!

this is where the disconnect comes in. you marrying poor thais, poor not the same same mindset as the non poor!

No need for me to compensate...her first husband (Thai, BTW) did that already...before he started to butterfly and beating on her.

But I do take care of the family in my way, as I can, as noted in a previous post...but my way is *not* to just give them cash.

Funny, when various and sundry family members found out we had married, they all started pinging Mom for money, figuring that Luung Maak had paid a large sinsod. Big surprise for them.

My form of sinsod was as follows: Before I met her, Mrs Maak had bought a house in Chok Chai and had been paying on it for a few years. A bit after we met I started making the payments for her. After we married, I paid off the house. The payments that I made plus the payoff equaled what would be very generous sinsod, especially since "by the rules" I was obligated to pay zero sinsod.

My wife and I presented it to Mom in that manner...that the money that I had contributed to the house (payments + payoff), as well as taking care of a few other minor monetary issues for the wife and for Mom, would be in lieu of a sinsod. Mom was fine with that...in fact, I think she liked the idea as she would not have people bugging her for money.

Edited August 3, 2008 by mgjackson69

[Heng]

So many thais think that just b/c foreigners have more they should give it all to them. "Farang have big money" "You should give to us"

More like "if farang stupid enough to marry gal/guy with 2nd grade education, then maybe he/she stupid enough to part with rest of dosh as well."

[cynthialee]

wow! i like that heng!

its the men i worry about

[Chaimai]

Give them money only if they've earned it. What have they done for you lately? So many thais think that just b/c foreigners have more they should give it all to them. "Farang have big money" "You should give to us"

The first lesson any Thai girl will teach is naam jai - far too simply defined as "if you have it/can give it - you should".

It is very easy for Falangs to think that naam jai is one directional.

The following is a reviewers comments on a section from Thailand Fever:-

The Westerner should be happy to show Naam jai as people become indebted to him and according to Buddhist beliefs his present generosity will ensure that good things await him in the future (what goes around comes around). If a westerner tries to resist this system and demands that everything should be totally fair here and now - ie. if he pays 1,000 THB for anything then he should see some kind of tangible pay back to feel comfortable - then Thai people will look upon him with contempt.

If the flow of money from the westerner is a continual drip in one direction then the westerner feels exploited - this is bad business - I am being conned. But Thais think that if it should happen that the Westerner falls on hard times then he will be repaid manifold - the Westerner will never have to fear poverty or loneliness as he has now made so many people indebted to him. But the point is that this point of returning the favours may never occur. The Thais see no problem with this as this is how their social system operates. The Westerner should feel happy that he has high status within their community because of his naam jai.

[cynthialee]

i could give farangs who marry 2n graders a break if they at least married the pretty ones

[Edonista]

I give money to my Thai Girl she gives it to her family. I feel that I am hurting the family.

After 7 years they are in worst shape then before she met me.

I feel you are hurting yourself.

Do a runner or your inlaws will hurt you even more when your money finishes.

[Tod Daniels]

The first lesson any Thai girl will teach is nam-jai; far too simply defined as "if you have it/can give it - you should".

The obvious error in the previous statement is that a thai girl could teach any lesson to at least a semi-educated first world foreign partner especially something as oxymoronic as the above statement. The statement is made even more ironic seeing as every single thai in this country knows the phrase "What's in it for me?" It's chanted like a mantra when favors are asked.

I have found for the most part Thais are selectively Buddhist much like American's are selectively Christian (by that I mean thru convenience NOT strict practice). When it suits them they will beat the Buddhist drum, when it doesn't fit with their plans they won't. Not really all that much different from any other mass-marketed religion in many respects.

The term 'nam-jai' (น้ำใจ) I believe really means more along the lines of generosity, charitable nature, and thoughtfulness. Although admittedly; at times I find those traits are paid mere lip service rather than given practical application in this country.

The last statement of the excerpt;

The Westerner should feel happy that he has high status within their community because of his nam-jai.

Okay that sounds more like another round of attempted brainwashing by "wanna-b-thai" foreigners with their "second hand" or "gently used" gold encrusted "thai-in-tow" living in Nakhon Nowhere up country supporting an extended family of ne’r do wells. WHO cares what your standing is in the community, you're even NOT thai, you're a foreigner; you can neither gain nor lose face, only thais think like that.

I honestly believe the sooner foreigners stop buying into the generations of mindless brainwashing pawned off as culture here the faster the native people will leave it behind.

It bodes ill for the foreigner's who wash up on the shores here if that mindless hogwash is being touted as the "thai way".

The mind truly wobbles. ..

[thaiman]

i could give farangs who marry 2n graders a break if they at least married the pretty ones

I agree, if she's hot then you get a break.

[thaiman]

Seriously, it's your money and you do what you what you want with it. If you want to give then give without expecting anything in return. It's your life and live it how you want.

[jietjon]

I give money to my Thai Girl she gives it to her family. I feel that I am hurting the family.

After 7 years they are in worst shape then before she met me.

Excuse me..... Are you mental??

[Chaimai]

The obvious error in the previous statement is that a thai girl could teach any lesson ...

"What's in it for me?" It's chanted like a mantra when favors are asked.

I have to disagree about the daughters of Isaan not being qualified teachers.

Their particular university of life has skilled them in the art of manipulation, extraction and many other skills than cannot be mentioned here. I myself have benefitted from such tutelage.

I believe that more than sufficient evidence exists from observing the multi-cultural students that they have attracted. Control freaks can come in diminutive form.

My point was that naam jai, rather like the selective interpretation/application of Buddhist principles, is regarded (by Thais) only as Falang to Thai funds flow.

My intention was to convey to the OP the expectations that befall him. Not my words, but the words of a book reviewer, were used to try and clarify this expectation.

If anyone really thinks that they can 'westernise' a Thai, or coach/train Thai 'in-laws' to earn their corn or learn the western way of fiscal management - they are deluding themselves.