Does Giving Money To Thai Girl Do Harm To Her Familiy

[siamamerican]

dont you love it when guys say they dont give yet replaced a shack with a functioning house

I love it when dim wits try to make a point, but pathetically come across as being a troll. Comprehension seems to be challenging for you. Reread my post and explain how you came to the conclusion that I don't give.

Repetitive LOLs doesn't make your post any funnier. Take my word for it - you don't possess a sense of humor. Unless you consider being laughed at, which you accomplish on a regular basis.

Edited August 3, 2008 by siamamerican

[siamamerican]

I also replaced the shack they lived in with a functional house.

Whether people live in a shack or not is hardly relative to their quality of life. If that's what they've always done, well, I'd let it go. Understanding there is a wide disparity between quality of life, in say; America, and here is the first step to finding out what people's real needs are and addressing them. If they've been happily living in a shack, have never felt the need to invest in as you put it a more "functional house", who are you to change the status quo? (Oh, that's right, you're the rich foreigner in-law. ..)

There is a HUGE difference between needs and wants. Early on one needs to understand the difference as it applies in the glorious "Land 'O Thais" and its people. I find thais are more myopic in discerning the difference between the two, and more often than not will lump them into the same catergory.

Managing cash flow to the extended family is the first step in a LONG series of steps which must be addressed in foreign/thai relationships. Do not confuse real needs with the ever present 'face' card which is played so often here. Sadly status is rarely tied to actual needs.

Agree, there is HUGE difference between needs and wants. That was my point! Take the time to determine their needs.

You state above that you shouldn't give, because "If that's what they've always done, well, I'd let it go".

Hmmm, so if I follow that logic, it is never appropriate to give. Why pay for education for those that can't afford it. They've always lacked education and what is the point. Also, replacing a shack that has no toilet and floods after every major storm, is a waste. They've always sht in the weeds and waded through water; they have no right to improve their situation.

The last time I talked her sister and her kids, they sure seemed happy. The older one has aspirations of becoming a doctor and the youngest loves school. Silly me, I thought I was improving their life. Maybe I should have my wife explain to them how unhappy they are now compared to when they lived in the shack and couldn't afford a good education.

Please tell - what type of giving is appropriate?

[Livinginexile]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Why would your Father in Law give you money, don't you have the means to support yourself and your wife, don't you have a job ?

I bet the Father in Law is over the moon about his Son in Law....

He didnt give me money, he gave US money. Its not a huge amount, but its not bad. Plus he wants us to do some kind of business and wants his daughter to be looked after properly. He thinks by always giving us money he is doing his part. I cant really complain now can I

If the Father of the girl I married was supporting US, I'd hang my head in shame.

I reckon he just sends the money to you out of fear.

He is not supporting us, he just gives us money every now and then as he is well off and has everything he needs.

Yeah he probably gives us money coz he is scared of me

What a load of bulls_it

[TheDon]

Yeap, my wife father gives us money. I'm with the young crew who are in Thailand or comming to Thailand, its not uncommon for foreigner to be married to well off Thai girls. My wife is probably not hi so but there definately up there.

Its just many older foreigner just cant accept the young guns getting the goods

Why would your Father in Law give you money, don't you have the means to support yourself and your wife, don't you have a job ?

I bet the Father in Law is over the moon about his Son in Law....

He didnt give me money, he gave US money. Its not a huge amount, but its not bad. Plus he wants us to do some kind of business and wants his daughter to be looked after properly. He thinks by always giving us money he is doing his part. I cant really complain now can I

If the Father of the girl I married was supporting US, I'd hang my head in shame.

I reckon he just sends the money to you out of fear.

He is not supporting us, he just gives us money every now and then as he is well off and has everything he needs.

Yeah he probably gives us money coz he is scared of me

What a load of bulls_it

BS of envy?

[wolfmanjack]

Those are truly words of wisdom spoken by the previous poster "siamamerican":

Blindly giving the family money is counterproductive. Getting to understand the families real needs is more difficult and many don't have the energy for this, hence many just send the cash with no rules.

Unfortunately later in the same post "siamamerican" says this:

I also replaced the shack they lived in with a functional house.

Whether people live in a shack or not is hardly relative to their quality of life. If that's what they've always done, well, I'd let it go. Understanding there is a wide disparity between quality of life, in say; America, and here is the first step to finding out what people's real needs are and addressing them. If they've been happily living in a shack, have never felt the need to invest in as you put it a more "functional house", who are you to change the status quo? (Oh, that's right, you're the rich foreigner in-law. ..)

There is a HUGE difference between needs and wants. Early on one needs to understand the difference as it applies in the glorious "Land 'O Thais" and its people. I find thais are more myopic in discerning the difference between the two, and more often than not will lump them into the same catergory.

Managing cash flow to the extended family is the first step in a LONG series of steps which must be addressed in foreign/thai relationships. Do not confuse real needs with the ever present 'face' card which is played so often here. Sadly status is rarely tied to actual needs.

some are quite delusional when it comes to poor rural thais! they just dont see what others who read what they wrote see!

replacing box house with functional house is same as op is doing, just a little diff. prnicipal the same same!

I don't see how anyone can say building a house that will be there for many years is the same as giving someone money that is spent on whiskey or whatever. Having something to show for the money is a lot better than having nothing to show for the money spent IMHO.

[wolfmanjack]

you need to compensate them for taking their little darling away sir! dont be so harsh!

this is where the disconnect comes in. you marrying poor thais, poor not the same same mindset as the non poor!

Is this another of Blizzard's new ID's ?????

[cynthialee]

the problem with you goodide too shoes is you give but call it something else. you just dont want to admit that you r same same as the guys who get tired of giving. so you marry rural, give and be happy and continue to give.

its part of the deal when you go poor! you give they happy, doesnt matter if money is used wisely or not.

if you dont give all will be sad

of course mr siams thai brood is happy, they found one who gives a lot . for gods sake you built them a new house, they gained a lot of face and all that thai stuff. you are a man who knows how to get along in the village. GIVE till it hurts! do the in laws have to find work to maintain the house or do you continue your good work?

just thinking, if im poor and someone built me a house. i would expect the giver to maintain the house as where would the money come from if i were previously living in a shck.

Edited August 4, 2008 by cynthialee

[cynthialee]

to sum it all up.

you want to have happy village life do as mr siam does open the dam_n wallet!

[siamamerican]

the problem with you goodide too shoes is you give but call it something else. you just dont want to admit that you r same same as the guys who get tired of giving. so you marry rural, give and be happy and continue to give.

its part of the deal when you go poor! you give they happy, doesnt matter if money is used wisely or not.

if you dont give all will be sad

of course mr siams thai brood is happy, they found one who gives a lot . for gods sake you built them a new house, they gained a lot of face and all that thai stuff. you are a man who knows how to get along in the village. GIVE till it hurts! do the in laws have to find work to maintain the house or do you continue your good work?

just thinking, if im poor and someone built me a house. i would expect the giver to maintain the house as where would the money come from if i were previously living in a shck.

They built the house so I would hope they can maintain it . You are raving lunatic that can't even figure out how to troll. You need to use your minuscule intellect and work on your baiting tactics.

Do you really think your petty incoherent insults are going cause me to loose my cool?

[Maigo6]

to sum it all up.

Thank Christ for that.

<deleted> has it got to do with you how someone spends distributes their money ?

Movie star in USA buys his In-Laws a mansion, Footballer in UK earning 90,000 Pounds a week buys his wifes parents a Villa in Spain, USA Farang helps out his wifes Family, why do these people do this ?

Cos they can, that's why.

Those that complain the most are usually the Farangs that can't afford to live much of a life in Thailand themselves, the ones with a bit of Financial clout don't give a toss about how another man spends his money.

[sylviex]

If a westerner tries to resist this system and demands that everything should be totally fair here and now - ie. if he pays 1,000 THB for anything then he should see some kind of tangible pay back to feel comfortable - then Thai people will look upon him with contempt.

I don't see this purported attitude. Do others ? Generally, I find Thais eager to demonstrate the value of their service/goods.

People should go about handing over 1,000 B bills for "anything" without expecting something in return ?

Does this quote refer to the family context only ?

Perhaps I am misunderstanding something.

[MiG16]

ok, Im going to ask people to keep this on topic. if you do not wish to discuss the subject at hand, you only need to refrain from posting....and I dont think you need to let people know that you dont care. (the fact that you didnt reply shows you dont care)

[cynthialee]

people are free to do whatever they want. to make us believe they are doing it to actually help the poor is insane.

welfare doesnt work too good in usa, does it work in rural thailand? men give coz they have too, its rural village law ,

you dont see bill gates giving poor whatever to help them, although on occasion he may. he spends money on research to help, provides education programs.

rural los would be better off if someone charged frang who marry a rural a large fee and then used the money for education center for the kids complete with computers and all the bells and whistles. and then provide these kids with jobs. thats how you help not buy giving houses, cars , buffalo medicine......lol.

im addressing the group as a whole not one individual, he may be the exception,

i wish i was smart like the mods here, when i dont care bout something i don t post.....lol. go figgure!

Edited August 4, 2008 by cynthialee

[SoftWater]

There's a lot of 'bad stories' on here (and elsewhere) about Thai people and money (I have a few myself), but there are some good ones too you rarely hear about.

My wife is a 'village girl' and her family just ordinary working Thais, but the family have never asked me for anything "significant" after several years of happy marriage. The 'dowry', a common tradition in many places not only in Thailand, was quietly given back to me by my wife's father after the ceremony. It was only a matter of show or status for the onlookers to see that the groom was willing and able to take care of the family's daughter.

Not only that, but the locals all contributed to the wedding costs by putting money in envelopes as a wedding gift (again a tradition). We counted it all up after the ceremony - it more than paid for everything - and kept a log of all those who had given and how much. I don't know if this is normal, or just something this particular village does, but the point is that when one of them has a wedding, goes into the monkhood, or any other kind of public ceremony, we donate an equal amount of money back to them. This way, the community ends up taking care of itself, borrowing from each other on a purely volutnary basis.

My wife is very good at managing both our own income and the demands of relatives. A relative once asked me to pay the monthly payment on his pickup, my wife refused on the grounds that if we did it once we'd be doing it till the thing was paid for. He didn't ask again. I buy them food and drink when I stay in the village (less than a couple of rounds at yourl local farang pub) and is no less than anyone else would be expected to do (farang or Thai) when socialising with people on much lower incomes (Thais do this to each other too).

I know those who have negative views of Thailand and Thais will never change their minds (makes you wonder why they're here at all), but any of you reading this thread and thinking about getting involved in Thailand, don't take all the negativity to be the only side of the story. There's a lot of good, ordinary decent people here as anywhere else. Learn the language and use your judgement. People as a society are pretty much the same anywhere, no matter what the cultural or linguistic differences in the way they express it.

[qwertz]

If you're financially able, if the family is deserving of your generosity, if you want improve their lives, there is a simple recipe.

Front them some money, specify what it's for then sit back and watch what they do.

If they use the money sensibly then it's time to front them some more.

Who wouldn't do that with relatives back home?

I don't think Thais are so different from farangs in this sense.

[Chaimai]

Not only that, but the locals all contributed to the wedding costs by putting money in envelopes as a wedding gift (again a tradition). We counted it all up after the ceremony - it more than paid for everything - and kept a log of all those who had given and how much. I don't know if this is normal, or just something this particular village does, but the point is that when one of them has a wedding, goes into the monkhood, or any other kind of public ceremony, we donate an equal amount of money back to them. This way, the community ends up taking care of itself, borrowing from each other on a purely volutnary basis.

I understand that this 'log' keeping is common practice - it is also done for funerals and I have to say that the book I saw would put some major accountancy firms to shame.

I cannot quite see the logic of "we will give 150 Baht at their wedding/funeral because thats what they did at ours" - although I accept from the above post that it does keep it in the community. I guess that giving nothing would achieve the same end result.

[roygsd]

I give money to my Thai Girl she gives it to her family. I feel that I am hurting the family.

After 7 years they are in worst shape then before she met me.

THen stop doing it NOW!

Roy gsd

[faranglandoz]

So many thais think that just b/c foreigners have more they should give it all to them. "Farang have big money" "You should give to us"

More like "if farang stupid enough to marry gal/guy with 2nd grade education, then maybe he/she stupid enough to part with rest of dosh as well."

Why when you go out to dinner in a restaurant, you are the only farang, you get the bill. Even if there are well to do Thai business men at the table, they give you the bill. Is splitting the bill unknown in Thailand.

Faranglandoz

[Chaimai]

Is splitting the bill unknown in Thailand.

Faranglandoz

No, I often split the bill - but only when the g/f's sister's Falang boyfriend is there as well!

[Ulysses G.]

I think this Forum may not be the best place for this question, many members here have Hi-So wives or GF's from extremely wealthy families who give them money instead.

Maigo6 is right. Many of our wives can answer difficult questiions about Quantum Physics though.

[MonkeyHouse]

I will always continue to so slinging spinning snap kicks to peoples head, It doesnt really matter if one believes me or not as this is just an internet forum.

But I bet you there is many foreigners who have married into a rich Thai family, its not uncommon these days as more and more younger blokes and comming to Thailand these days and alot of the richer/medium class girls find us younger guys attractive and not looking for money in a realtionship.

I had a hiso girl after me, Her dad owned a resort on koh samet, golf course around bangkok, and her mum owned a restaurant in bangkok with over 30 staff.

Unfortunatly i had to knock her back due to the fact i was married but us young guys do get a better flock that most!

[faranglandoz]

people are free to do whatever they want. to make us believe they are doing it to actually help the poor is insane.

welfare doesnt work too good in usa, does it work in rural thailand? men give coz they have too, its rural village law ,

you dont see bill gates giving poor whatever to help them, although on occasion he may. he spends money on research to help, provides education programs.

rural los would be better off if someone charged frang who marry a rural a large fee and then used the money for education center for the kids complete with computers and all the bells and whistles. and then provide these kids with jobs. thats how you help not buy giving houses, cars , buffalo medicine......lol.

im addressing the group as a whole not one individual, he may be the exception,

i wish i was smart like the mods here, when i dont care bout something i don t post.....lol. go figgure!

Makes you wonder why farang men, maybe get ripped off in a divorce settlement in their home country, come to Thailand and get ripped off again.

[qwertz]

So many thais think that just b/c foreigners have more they should give it all to them. "Farang have big money" "You should give to us"

More like "if farang stupid enough to marry gal/guy with 2nd grade education, then maybe he/she stupid enough to part with rest of dosh as well."

Why when you go out to dinner in a restaurant, you are the only farang, you get the bill. Even if there are well to do Thai business men at the table, they give you the bill. Is splitting the bill unknown in Thailand.

Faranglandoz

Hey, you've been there too!

[MonkeyHouse]

people are free to do whatever they want. to make us believe they are doing it to actually help the poor is insane.

welfare doesnt work too good in usa, does it work in rural thailand? men give coz they have too, its rural village law ,

you dont see bill gates giving poor whatever to help them, although on occasion he may. he spends money on research to help, provides education programs.

rural los would be better off if someone charged frang who marry a rural a large fee and then used the money for education center for the kids complete with computers and all the bells and whistles. and then provide these kids with jobs. thats how you help not buy giving houses, cars , buffalo medicine......lol.

im addressing the group as a whole not one individual, he may be the exception,

i wish i was smart like the mods here, when i dont care bout something i don t post.....lol. go figgure!

Makes you wonder why farang men, maybe get ripped off in a divorce settlement in their home country, come to Thailand and get ripped off again.

Golden rule number 1, dont go to dinner with thais unless you like paying for everyone. <deleted> that, me myself i will only pay for wife and kids, call me a tight ass, well i would call it more like sensible.

[MonkeyHouse]

people are free to do whatever they want. to make us believe they are doing it to actually help the poor is insane.

welfare doesnt work too good in usa, does it work in rural thailand? men give coz they have too, its rural village law ,

you dont see bill gates giving poor whatever to help them, although on occasion he may. he spends money on research to help, provides education programs.

rural los would be better off if someone charged frang who marry a rural a large fee and then used the money for education center for the kids complete with computers and all the bells and whistles. and then provide these kids with jobs. thats how you help not buy giving houses, cars , buffalo medicine......lol.

im addressing the group as a whole not one individual, he may be the exception,

i wish i was smart like the mods here, when i dont care bout something i don t post.....lol. go figgure!

Makes you wonder why farang men, maybe get ripped off in a divorce settlement in their home country, come to Thailand and get ripped off again.

Golden rule number 1, dont go to dinner with thais unless you like paying for everyone. <deleted> that, me myself i will only pay for wife and kids, call me a tight ass, well i would call it more like sensible.

Ps i remember few years back when before i lived in thailand just on holiday, my wife INVITED me to go out to dinner with a COUPLE of family members, When i got to the resturant a people carrier full of people got out, Guess who payed? me the INVITE, maybe its a good thing that happened that night because one thing is for sure it wont happen again!

Edited August 4, 2008 by MonkeyHouse

[cynthialee]

If you're financially able, if the family is deserving of your generosity, if you want improve their lives, there is a simple recipe.

Front them some money, specify what it's for then sit back and watch what they do.

If they use the money sensibly then it's time to front them some more.

Who wouldn't do that with relatives back home?

I don't think Thais are so different from farangs in this sense.

one thing is certain qwertz doesnt thin k like low incomed people

[egg6447]

I give money to my Thai Girl she gives it to her family. I feel that I am hurting the family.

After 7 years they are in worst shape then before she met me.

THen stop doing it NOW!

Roy gsd

better yet ask for a refund. see if things pick up.lol.

[Heng]

Cmon heng, Tell us why you never pay the bill? Your thai right?

Sometimes I pay, sometimes I don't (according to the ol' age, wealth, importance, etc. hierarchy). Among peers, those of roughly equal age and wealth, we split the bill. No difference whether it's foreign or Thai friends.

[MonkeyHouse]

Cmon heng, Tell us why you never pay the bill? Your thai right?

Sometimes I pay, sometimes I don't (according to the ol' age, wealth, importance, etc. hierarchy). Among peers, those of roughly equal age and wealth, we split the bill. No difference whether it's foreign or Thai friends.

So when you taking me out to dinner then? Dont worry im not a gayboy but i like lobster!

[Pattaya_Fox]

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