Merit-making Costs 3-4 Years After The Funeral.

[SamsSauce1949]

I think I am about to be royally 'fleeced'. My wife, (from an Issan village) whose father died some 3-4 years ago (and before I met her) says she wants to organise a merit-making ceremony for her father.

I know that she has always missed him, and feels guilty that he spent most of his income on enabling her to attend a really good school.

However she is saying that the cost of this, is going to be about 500,000Bt!

From what I have found out elsewhere, (which is not a lot!) at the funeral, in addition to the usual costs of a Buddhist funeral, a payment of Alms is collected by the monks.

Since I doubt many of these Thai farmers in Issan, have pretty meagre incomes, an individual spending that amout of money, AFTER the funeral, is remarkably unusual.

I haven't yet said yes or no, although I have told her I think the expense she is considering seems far too high. The money is NOT going to be spent on any statuary in the local Wat 'graveyard', or donated to the Monks for work on their Temple.

What do people think is a reasonable cost for such an event (involving many of the local villagers) held in her house in Issan.

Your thoughts on this matter, giving some idea of what is usually expected of relatives at such an event, would be greatly appreciated.

[teacup]

Well for my family , we are in BKK.

At the family home……some years we had 1 monk, but other years we would have up to half dozen monks, it depends . Of course we never have more than our own family members and close friends - normally no more than 20-30 all of us. We didn’t spend much in the past for the foods, drinks, and the merit gift to the monks - probably no more than 50-60000 bths at the full swing of 6 monks w/ foods/drinks included.

Just for my family - but of course you could make it as big and elaborate as you want to. But for us it is relatively a quieted affair.

edit: And most of adult family members also chipped in w/ the cost

Edited August 8, 2008 by teacup

[rgs2001uk]

I think I am about to be royally 'fleeced'. My wife, (from an Issan village) whose father died some 3-4 years ago (and before I met her) says she wants to organise a merit-making ceremony for her father.

I know that she has always missed him, and feels guilty that he spent most of his income on enabling her to attend a really good school.

However she is saying that the cost of this, is going to be about 500,000Bt!

From what I have found out elsewhere, (which is not a lot!) at the funeral, in addition to the usual costs of a Buddhist funeral, a payment of Alms is collected by the monks.

Since I doubt many of these Thai farmers in Issan, have pretty meagre incomes, an individual spending that amout of money, AFTER the funeral, is remarkably unusual.

I haven't yet said yes or no, although I have told her I think the expense she is considering seems far too high. The money is NOT going to be spent on any statuary in the local Wat 'graveyard', or donated to the Monks for work on their Temple.

What do people think is a reasonable cost for such an event (involving many of the local villagers) held in her house in Issan.

Your thoughts on this matter, giving some idea of what is usually expected of relatives at such an event, would be greatly appreciated.

her money her family, let her pay for it.

i am sure the education at a really good school has enabled the wife to land a really good job with a really good salary.

never ceases to amaze me just how much of this sort of nonsense is only required when its the farang footing the bill. refuse to pay it and watch the whole process get scaled down to a more appropriate sum of money.

nothing more than a shindig to try and gain face, nothing whatsoever to do with the departed.

25,000 baht is plenty if doing it thai style, ask for a breakdown off the costs, 500k baht is extracting the urine.

to some people in isaan 500k baht is 10 years salary, i assume your wife knows this already.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

It's a con.

[Carib]

Sorry, but this an absolute outragious amount of money, in no way does this relate to income in Thailand and especially in isarn. Are you sure it was not 50.000? Even than the " party " would be great.

[KhaoNiaw]

It is not remarkably unusual to have merit-making ceremonies for parents after a funeral. I know people who do so annually, and one friend organizes an event with hired entertainment that the whole village is invited to. His family are reasonably wealthy and are wellknown local figures and I'm sure the costs run well into six figures. In my friend's case, there are 5 brothers and sisters, all sucessfully running their own businesses, involved in local politics etc., all sharing the costs. 100,000 baht each is well within their means.

If your wife and her family are in a similar position and have the money to spend, then I don't think this is particularly unusual. But if they are a just a regular village family, and you are being expected to foot the bill, it seems totally unreasonable.

Edited August 9, 2008 by KhaoNiaw

[Nomad97]

My father-in-law has just made merit to his departed father and mother at a temple near Khukhan, Sisaket Province. The family prepared the food and some forty (40) family members were at the celebration. I think we also had nine monks conducting the ceremony. A nice day was had by all. Oh! The total cost including some beer Chang and Lao Kao - 10,000 Baht. What's more, I was not even asked to contibute to the costs.

For sure 500,000 Baht is a con.

[ozzydom]

One of T/W,s friends just had quite a big two day party ,two years after his passing, but the reason she gives me is that it is less for merit than because she is about to remarry and the party is to appease the departed husbands spirit so that it doesnt come back and make problems for the new marriage.

Usually the big lavish parties are merely to show the rest of the village how successful you are or if you are going to run for election to a senior post such as a village boss or Amphur administrators.

A local farmer who has done pretty well for himself and is standing for such a post ,is giving a big party in the near future, he has hired one of the top travelling musical shows with a top recording artist and expects to kill six cattle and has arranged with us for 300 kg of fish for the feast. He told TW the party is costing him 190,000 baht.

[lifeisrandom]

its 500k. if she is planning on doing it in a nice place with style thats not an unreasonable sum, just think how many couples spend 4-5 baht on a wedding. thats only a 1/10th of that. why would you think your wife was conning you? why would a wife con a husband?

[a2396]

Another total rip-off story. How long have you been married to this woman? Has she ever pulled these "stunts" before? ....and people wonder why I might be a skeptic, with a bad attitude toward the local "culture". No one has mentioned the "T" word yet?

[Heng]

In the countryside, it does sound like a bit much. Among better to do families, weddings, like funerals, can get a bit pricey. More common to the well to do in Bangkok, but there are 'plenty' of such families in Issan and everywhere else as well. There isn't a set figure, and some families will foot the bill themselves and state that they aren't accepting merit envelopes from guests. You can tell which these are often by the fact that they are overflowing with 'puang leed' those standard funeral flower wreaths.

These funerals will obviously cost you more if you're the host.

[RakJungTorlae]

It's a con.

Or one hel_l of a party.

[RakJungTorlae]

Well my aunties bf/husbands Brother had a heart attract and they spend around 700K for everything. And last Sunday was the 50^th day and we have another on in 50days time. Nice food I must say and we are pissed by 10am. if there is truth to what she’s saying it could get that pricey if she wants to go all out.

But I do smell something fishy about it.

[coxhoedave]

My wife's family have had these for both parents and a brother over the last few years. They are not a wealthy family by any means but I have never been asked to contribute.

500,000 is a ridiculous sum of money to fork out. If it were me I'd simply refuse point blank.

[philstone]

I think I am about to be royally 'fleeced'. My wife, (from an Issan village) whose father died some 3-4 years ago (and before I met her) says she wants to organise a merit-making ceremony for her father.

I know that she has always missed him, and feels guilty that he spent most of his income on enabling her to attend a really good school.

However she is saying that the cost of this, is going to be about 500,000Bt!

From what I have found out elsewhere, (which is not a lot!) at the funeral, in addition to the usual costs of a Buddhist funeral, a payment of Alms is collected by the monks.

Since I doubt many of these Thai farmers in Issan, have pretty meagre incomes, an individual spending that amout of money, AFTER the funeral, is remarkably unusual.

I haven't yet said yes or no, although I have told her I think the expense she is considering seems far too high. The money is NOT going to be spent on any statuary in the local Wat 'graveyard', or donated to the Monks for work on their Temple.

What do people think is a reasonable cost for such an event (involving many of the local villagers) held in her house in Issan.

Your thoughts on this matter, giving some idea of what is usually expected of relatives at such an event, would be greatly appreciated.

I think she should pay one year salary she is making now. However you should not pay. Tell her if you pay she and father do not get credit. By the way I think this

[way2muchcoffee]

In context - I had a village wedding in May of this year. We had about 50 guests. The party lasted 3 days, during which time we never ran out of beer, whiskey or coke. We had two pigs with loads of rice, noodles, vegies, sauces, etc. There were live musicians on the day of the wedding, and we hired a DJ for 2 days. We purchased gifts for a few of the VIP's and paid for their hotel. Including the cost of the tailored traditional wedding outfit for my wife, the total cost came out to about 120k.

[Maizefarmer]

Sooner you pack your bags and move on the happy you'll be ..........................

[mrtoad]

I can't believe that your even entertaining the idea. As clearly stated by others, "It's a con".

[Mosha]

Ok from my experience in the sticks.

1 At death a wake of up to avout 10 days. Attendees make merit by contributing to the cost.

2 After 100 days another ceremony to help the spirit go in the right direction. Again attendees make merit by contributing.

3 Annually maybe a celebration, feed some monks at the house invite a few guests who help out with the costs.

So if you catch my drift the families might even come out in front at these events. You are being ripped off.

[Beardog]

Down the road in Bang Sare where I live they just had a 3 day blowout Thai style same kind of event.

they had 2 days of music 100 guests on & off 8 monks. I hardly doubt they shelled out more than 50,000 baht with all the food.

500,000 baht I think someone is off by a zero somewhere. I would chack to see if someone has been looking to buy a new truck in the family or a #2 Toyota Vigo. I would offer to pay no more than 50,000 baht ( or whatever if anything you are moved to contribute, you set the amount & let them make it work - that way you are not handing the family or whoever puts the program together a blank check. 500,000 baht OUCH that is close to a new Honda city- you can be driving or 1/3 of a rai Aiiiiiiiiiiiiii......

[Maigo6]

Merit making ceremonys can run to the type of money the OP is talking about, just depends how many people are paying for it.

If one person is paying it sounds too much, if the costs are divided amongst the whole Family which can include Borthers Sisters, Cousins , Nieces, Uncles etc etc......... It ain't so bad.

I knew a Thai guy in Isaan that paid 3 - 400,000 Baht just for the Entertainment at his merit making for his Father. It was a NokNoi concert from Udon Thani, they are probably the Top cabaret show in Isaan, and they ain't cheap.

So it all depends on what you wanna pay for, luckily for the OP Barabara Streisand isn't being flown in for a one night special at about 2 Million USD

[mizzi39]

Sorry, but this an absolute outragious amount of money, in no way does this relate to income in Thailand and especially in isarn. Are you sure it was not 50.000? Even than the " party " would be great.

I attended a merit making ceremony last month for my wife's auntie sister (half sister). We gave her a 500 baht donation, and i think this went to the monks at the local temple. I remember going to the temple, and then back to aunties for food and drink. The whole spread cost about 10,000 baht including booze. I just ran this post past my mother-in-law and her response was . Enough said! Even middle class families would not be shelling out 500,000 baht for a Merit making ceremony, I do not mean to beat a dead horse, but you are being taken over the hurdles big time! Have a heart to heart talk with your wife and simply tell her that maybe this is the way things are done in her culture, but not yours, and have her and her family figure out a way to come up with the money if they feel the need to have such an extravagant spread.

Edited August 9, 2008 by mizzi39

[jackr]

It's a con.

Yep, divorce her

[whatsoever]

Think more Face Making than Merit Making. No wonder poor Thais remain poor. Anyone can make merit during quite pray and contemplation.

Superstitious boll-cksd!

[GuestHouse]

This is going to the top of my list of 'Unbelievable Cons from Thailand'.

There is no way a handful of candals, a pack of joss sticks, a pigs head and a crate of Thai whyskey costs the same as a new pick-up!

[mrtoad]

This is going to the top of my list of 'Unbelievable Cons from Thailand'.

There is no way a handful of candals, a pack of joss sticks, a pigs head and a crate of Thai whyskey costs the same as a new pick-up!

Considering that it's 4 years after the event and the OP never even met the bloke I have to agree. I think the mention of the pick-up is probably were the money is actually going.

[GuestHouse]

This is going to the top of my list of 'Unbelievable Cons from Thailand'.

There is no way a handful of candals, a pack of joss sticks, a pigs head and a crate of Thai whyskey costs the same as a new pick-up!

Considering that it's 4 years after the event and the OP never even met the bloke I have to agree. I think the mention of the pick-up is probably were the money is actually going.

Either that or to some other bloke the OP has not yet met.... or not yet been properly introduced to.

[Naam]

It's a con.

but still much cheaper than an aircraft carrier

[GuestHouse]

Naam never fogets

[cmsally]

My husband's family are Thai-Chinese and every year we do the graveyard thing for the ancestors which I guess is comparable.

Just over 1k for grave upkeep and approx. 1k for food, decorations .

The only money they burn is the gold cardboard stuff that you get by the kilo; although sounds like the OP will be burning a different kind!

This year the grave upkeep increased by 200Bt and my husbands aunt was not impressed. Upon inquiring, it was a fuel surcharge for the lawnmower. I think she told him it should be running on gas!

This is a well to do Chinese family and looking at around 2,000Bt per family - nowhere near 500k.

By the time everyone has contributed we get our moneys worth as we go around 3 graves if I remember correctly.