Going To See Your Future Mother Inlaw In The Village

[tommmytucker]

Anyone take their lady back to the village for a Mothers blessing party ,give money /gold .Is

this considered to be a marriage in thailand and if it is,

is it a legal wedding in the eyes of the law??????

[mgjackson69]

The family and the village may consider you to be married.

Many Thais marry in this fashion, never actually doing the legal part.

You will not be legally married in Thailand or any other country.

[Uros]

Don't do it.

Say you already celebrated mother's day in May with your own mother.

Tell your girlfriend to go ahead and do likewise with her own mother.

[soic]

I agree, don't do it. It would be great to go meet the prospective Mother-in-law, but not to give money before a wedding. If you're serious about marying the lady, and she's serious about marrying you, then do it legally. Many non-thais do the non-legal way, but they have little to lose; you on the other hand have absolutely nothing to gain, and everything to lose by having a non-legal marraige. Go meet the lady, give her flowers and some small gift, gold or otherwise but don't pay a dowry. Tell them that you want to marry, but to make it a legal marraige and you can discuss the future dowry and see how much they expect.

[colino]

:D :D

Not another one

colino

[Chaimai]

Another one bites the dust - Queen

(Oh! - sorry, I thought I was posting in the 'what are you listening to now' thread)

[Bangyai]

Arrange the following words into a well known phrase.

tread fear angels rush where to in fools.

Seriously though...as the last poster said.....don't do it. A social visit with a small gift ( not chocolates or flowers ) might be nice and an education but don't get sucked into a traditional marriage ( i.e. not registered ). However, if your girlfriend has already phoned ahead with the good news ... " I got one mum and he's a whopper " then better to either put the visit on hold or have your gf clarify things to her family first. Otherwise, they may already be ordering the wedding feast before you even get there and may present you with the bill as a fait accompli as soon as you arrive. Backing out will be very tricky and will cause a big loss of face all around.

[Bangyai]

Arrange the following words into a well known phrase.

tread fear angels rush where to in fools.

Seriously though...as the last poster said.....don't do it. A social visit with a small gift ( not chocolates or flowers ) might be nice and an education but don't get sucked into a traditional marriage ( i.e. not registered ). However, if your girlfriend has already phoned ahead with the good news ... " I got one mum and he's a whopper " then better to either put the visit on hold or have your gf clarify things to her family first. Otherwise, they may already be ordering the wedding feast before you even get there and may present you with the bill as a fait accompli as soon as you arrive. Backing out will be very tricky and will cause a big loss of face all around.

Actually, it was Soic who said it.

[tmd5855]

Anyone take their lady back to the village for a Mothers blessing party ,give money /gold .Is

this considered to be a marriage in thailand and if it is,

is it a legal wedding in the eyes of the law??????

You do not say how old you are? how old she is, is this your first time going to the village, in Thailand. If your answer to all is yes.

Your in trouble. Before you do anything here and that is anything, brush up on Thai etiquette.

As other posters have put, this could play out to a big loss of face for the Thai's and that should be a No No.

Get out

[garro]

A lot of what happens will depend on what expectations the family have in regards to you. If you are the first foreigner that she has brought back to her village then she will likely want to impress everyone. If you are not the first then it might not matter as much. Bringing back a westerner can sometimes mean a loss of face for her as well as well as a boon.

You should just go and enjoy yourself, but don't hand over any cash unless that is the way you want things to be. I never paid any money to my in-laws despite the fact that I lived in their village for years. It is important to start as you mean to go on, but do bring a small gift for politeness sake.

Edited August 11, 2008 by garro

[tsocr]

As everyone has said, be cautious and remember your GF and family must save face. There is nothing wrong with a tradition village marriage. If you are serious the both of you will follow up with a legal marriage. Or do it in reverse.

My situation may be different then yours, but I went to the village many times and years before the word marriage ever came up. Money still does not come up. Her first husband, a Thai was killed in a car accident. They had a daughter together and she was a single mom for 6 years. When I met my GF she was 37 and the daughter 11, so things were a little different. If you care for this girl, be careful and learn all the customs before moving on.

Good Luck

Tsocr