Is This For Real

[G54]

I hope you ladies do not mind me asking here but this is related to a Thai lady and views sought from ladies with experience.

Having been coming round to my place for a while the Thai g/f own computer broke down a couple of days ago so she asked to use mine to access the internet to keep up with her Hi5 site.

I had no objection to this at all but I am wary of the fact there are sensitive documents on my computer including bank details and other important documents so I set up a guest account for her.

I also hid certain folders from view. ( I expect to get a kick or two for this from the ladies, but the folders contained photos of my ex girlfriends. Nothing too risque. Lingerie photos and such. Nothing worse than you would see in a 'Littlewoods' type catalogue.) All done with consent and some egging on from them too. These folders have always been private and never intended to be seen by anyone but myself and the 2 ladies in question.

Private they remained and private I thought they would stay and I never thought to encrypt the data.

Private they remained until the other day when the current g/f was using the computer. She is smarter than I gave her credit for and I did give her credit for her brainpower recently.

She was into my computer and obviously digging around instead of being on Hi5. I knew something was amiss when I looked at the My Recent Documents on the start bar in the guest account. Listed were several of the photos from the hidden folders!!!!

Tonight the g/f tells me she has looked at photos on my computer of my ex girlfriends. But what has really amazed me is the fact she was so calm about it while my mind was racing looking for excuses!!

She has told me 'Mai Bpen Rai'. ????

I am not looking for her to be criticised for rummaging about in the computer and opening hidden folders or for criticism of my having the photos. Nor about the risk to my bank and other private data.

My main query for the ladies, especially the Thai ladies on here :-

Is this 'Mai Bpen Rai' attitude normal considering the photos are of 2 of my ex's and maybe should not even be there and should have been deleted by me? I would have expected the g/f to blow a fuse BIG time. Yet she seems totally normal and happy.

Am I missing something here? Is this a ticking bomb or do Thai ladies really have this no problem attitude over something like this? I would expect an English female to have given me he11 over the photos.

[teacup]

I can’t speak for your girlfriend or of all thai girls

But for me….

It is one thing to maintain pictures of people or your past girlfriends in a friendly gesture of the past memory, however it’s an entirely different thing to keep soft porn of past lovers. I would feel uncomfortable and think my discomfort is well founded and justified.

If you are over them(past girlfriends), why do you have those pictures still?

My attitude toward you would be........phen araiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!

I would say.....It’s a ticking time bomb, one day she will use that against you------tick tick tick…...........

Just me -

"I'm a thai, with a normal woman heart and thoughts"

so...Chokdee

[eek]

Is she aware that they are your ex-girlfriends?

If she just thinks they are ladies in their underwear, she may think mai pen rai, as most women are aware that men like to look. A few soft images are preferable to hard porn or something weirdly kinky. But, its a different equation if there is personal association with the women.

[donna]

sneaky little thing she is for snooping around your computer. i wouldnt let her near it again. its rude and something that should not be done. i am assuming you were in the house with her at the same time that she was doing this? bit cheeky i say.

[alexisthetiny]

I'd echo eek and ask if she knew those were your ex-girlfriends. Chances are, if she didn't, she just wrote them off as porn pics.

It wouldn't just be an Engish female to give you he11, most women would. I have no issues with my husband looking at porn becuase those women are anonymous and just sex objects that have no chances of appearing in real life. Now, if he has a photo of an ex-girlfriend in lingerie, the large hadron collider would have NOTHING on me for destruction of the earth.

If you think its wise, you could always ask her if she knows who those women are. If she does, well, be prepared that in the future, this will be used against you. But if she had no idea, asking might open up a whole new can of worms. Good luck.

[girlx]

the only times i think a woman would look around your computer are if she suspected you of cheating and wanted evidence, or if she was up to no good ie. stealing bank account info.

i would keep an eye on her.

[G54]

Is she aware that they are your ex-girlfriends?

If she just thinks they are ladies in their underwear, she may think mai pen rai, as most women are aware that men like to look. A few soft images are preferable to hard porn or something weirdly kinky. But, its a different equation if there is personal association with the women.

I do not know how, eek, but yes she tells me she knows they are ex girlfriends. This is why I find her reaction so strange.

The photos have now gone. In truth I am not sure why I kept them but I did.

[G54]

Donna :- Yes I was in the house. I was downstairs watching the F1 grand prix. Though the fact she did rummage around in my computer files does not really bother me. I am very laid back about it though I thought I would not be.

Teacup :- I know I am a bad boy for having the photos. As I said in reply to eek. I am not really sure why I kept them. I can offer no rational explanation. Seems to be one of those things I did not want to let go. Sentimentality?

Alexisthetiny :- Agree on most women blowing their stack but English ladies have been my main contacts in the past so used them as a guide. Maybe I need to erect a bomb proof shelter

girlx :- I know she is the jealous type from sms I get if I do not answer the phone or reply to an sms within a certain time frame. The sms I get can be 'hot hearted' to say the least, yet she is always calm and loving and repenting afterwards. The jealous streak does not really bother me that much. Maybe it should bit I am laid back enough to believe it will resolve itself in time, though she has had plenty of time to learn by now.

She is a very loving young lady albeit very suspicious though there is ample evidence available for her that I do not cheat. I frequent places I know she has friends and associates though I do not know most of them to talk to yet they do report back on what I do.

I am monogamous and hapily so.

Any sensitive documents have now been encrypted and only available to me as admin on my computer.

Thanks for the opinions. Seems a general line of thought that she is more than likely to use this against me in the future. That being the case I will have to wait and see if it comes back to kick me hard or if she really is 'Mai Bpen Rai' over it, but for me that is the opposite of her jealous streak and very puzzling.

Edited September 17, 2008 by G54

[RueFang]

My main query for the ladies, especially the Thai ladies on here :-

Is this 'Mai Bpen Rai' attitude normal considering the photos are of 2 of my ex's and maybe should not even be there and should have been deleted by me? I would have expected the g/f to blow a fuse BIG time. Yet she seems totally normal and happy.

Am I missing something here? Is this a ticking bomb or do Thai ladies really have this no problem attitude over something like this? I would expect an English female to have given me he11 over the photos.

The difference perhaps with an 'English female' is that you get an immediate, honest response to something you know is a bit wrong (I mean, how would you react to nearly naked pictures of your girlfriend's exboyfriends on her computer??) whereas with some Thai women, they will act as if it doesn't bother them at all to make you feel all secure and then later when you're much deeper in the relationship they will inevitably use it against you with 10 fold the wrath. We've all seen it and read about it time and time again on this forum. All the best with such a sly cat working you.

[alexisthetiny]

Maybe I need to erect a bomb proof shelter

Seeing as she knows and could be repressing her feelings, make it one of those nuke shelters.

[sylviex]

Maybe I need to erect a bomb proof shelter

Seeing as she knows and could be repressing her feelings, make it one of those nuke shelters.

Because it is former girlfriends (plural) rather than one in particular, I can understand that she might appreciate that it's just something of your history you are holding on to. Perhaps she has a similar folder of her own .

However, most people appreciate that while our own feelings may have moved on past such saved images and memories, they may upset the people in our our present, male or female.

She may think you are testing her. Perhaps you are -- you know how to hide files but chose not to hide these.

I'd say she may be displaying the cool behaviour she thinks you want to see, or she simply doesn't care much. What do your instincts say ?

[G54]

Maybe I need to erect a bomb proof shelter

Seeing as she knows and could be repressing her feelings, make it one of those nuke shelters.

Because it is former girlfriends (plural) rather than one in particular, I can understand that she might appreciate that it's just something of your history you are holding on to. Perhaps she has a similar folder of her own .

However, most people appreciate that while our own feelings may have moved on past such saved images and memories, they may upset the people in our our present, male or female.

She may think you are testing her. Perhaps you are -- you know how to hide files but chose not to hide these.

I'd say she may be displaying the cool behaviour she thinks you want to see, or she simply doesn't care much. What do your instincts say ?

My instincts are that she loves me more than I realised.

Last night she took a phone of mine that had got wet and was not working. Took it to a friend who repaired it. He not only repaired it but he also re-instated all the photos I had deleted from the phone. (I MUST stop taking photos or having them taken!!!) One was of me on my birthday kissing a tattoo on the breast of a rather buxon lady friend - I had no g/f at the time. Another of kissing the same lady. Various other photos of my birthday. So the today. Yet after all the acrimony in sms today she asked to meet me tonight. Was very loving as she was last night too yet I cannot help but feel uneasy. She is young - the youngest I have ever dated, clever and beautiful and certainly not 'desperate'.

Maybe because of experiences from previous encounters I have got this lady wrong big time. Yet her calm over the computer photos and her vitriol over the camera photos, that had been deleted, leaves me bemused.

I suppose time will tell though things have been great before this couple of incidents.

No fool like an old fool as they say & that bomb shelter is still an option going by earlier posts though I have taken note of what sylvex has pointed out. The insight is appreciated, Ladies.

[tavarich]

IT seems to me that the sneaking around is much worse than keeping a couple of pictures of old GF's. If she brings up the subject later kick her to the curb.

[britmaveric]

Natural inclination for people to snoop - so either secure things you don't want people to see or make sure they do not use your computer.

[Murgatroyd]

Are you absolutely sure that she didn't access and make a note of all your banking details at the same time as she was searching your computer for photos and whatever else she could find?

If even the faintest possibility exists that she did... and she is obviously a clever lass, you would be well advised to change all your passwords, and account numbers...

It's possible that she's just keeping you sweet whilst she prepares a sting...

However sure you may be that she's a honey, security protocols indicate that you have to prepare for what a person is capable of doing, not what you think her current intentions may be...

I'm not saying that she's a bad person, or that she doesn't love you... but as this board will show you, people can change.

Murg

[bina]

the OP raises as interesting point: i have photos still on display in my house of ex husband albeit with children and me in the pic, or family extended at some family thingy. they arent large print pics but they are part of a large collection of family portrait type things, including new ones of anon and i together, with my kids, etc.... anon never indicated that my ex still hung on the wall with kids and me and family is a problem.

actually witht the repainting of my house (nuther story nuther time) i took down all the pics and we are now revamping the house/decorations... HOWEVER, any pics with me and any THAI male, alone (and from when i was with a thai man in the past) make him going nuclear to say the least.... but i do not delete them from the computer as they are part of my history (no nudes/intimate pics, just together)... these, he absolutely goes beserk about so i did put them in a file and buried it (cybernetically speaking) ... i dont look at them but they are a few years of history that i am unwilling to erase.

but i would say: prepare nuclear proof bomb shelter...

bina

israel

[eek]

I think there is a big difference between family photos of your ex bina (also because you were a family, not just individual pics of your ex), to having intimate photos of your ex. But I am not berating the OP for having intimate pics of his ex's, I can understand the sentimentality, even if I would hate to find something like that myself. However (as most have stated), the deal isnt the pics, which were carefully hidden away. The main deal is the fact she went seriously hunting in order to find them. I realise you requested that aspect not to be discussed G54, so i wont go into detail on what my thoughts were when i read it, but it is something I personally think should raise some rather big warning flags.

But i wish you luck

[G54]

I am taking not of the replies and have waited a couple of days to reply myself to see if there was any reaction from the g/f.

I agree on the fact she should not have been snooping around looking for hidden files and folders yet I am reluctant to criticise her too sternly for doing so.

Why?

2 reasons.

The first is I had the photos on my computer so that does not make me a saint.

The second is curiosity. Something I think we all have in varying degrees and it could be that she was simply curious. (OK, I accept that looking to that degree on the computer is worse than simple curiosity of stumbling over files and peeking at them, but maybe I am also laid back and forgiving.)

I understand the feeling here of people who think she does merit red flag(s) for searching out these folders and I have also taken heed of those warnings.

She cannot access my bank details as they are in my documents and only I can access those the way my system is set up. So I have no fears on that score.

Other personal data has since been encrypted (bolting the stable door after the horse has bolted, I agree) but I have learned a couple of lessons here.

I do wonder how she could use it against me (the photos) in the future, as some have stated. Use the weapon now, yes. But in the future? If she knows now then surely the power of her knowledge has to diminish as time goes by?

As to her current reaction, she seems more loving than ever and that does confuse me, especially as I tend to agree with those who feel she has a good right to 'punish' me for having kept the photos and I would have expected punishment.

I do appreciate your insight into this and am hoping that she is not a slow burning fuse. Seriously it is often hard for a man to understand the ladies in life, apart from chocolates, flowers and love and even harder when you get the opposite reaction to the one you expect.

[sbk]

Well, given her response she could be either worried that you will leave her if she flips out, or biding her time. Personally, given the fact the she has seriously and egregiously spied on you, I vote for the second. Curiosity is one thing. But to go to the effort to open locked folders is waay beyond curiosity.

[G54]

Understood, sbk. I'll stay wary.

[Tim207]

I do wonder how she could use it against me (the photos) in the future, as some have stated. Use the weapon now, yes. But in the future? If she knows now then surely the power of her knowledge has to diminish as time goes by?

She will use it the same way any woman will pull things out of the past during an argument even though it is totally unrelated.

For example:

You: I am not hungry tonight.

Her: WHAT? I COOKED FOR YOU AND YOU DON'T CARE! IF THAT GIRL ON YOUR COMPUTER COOKED FOR YOU, YOU WOULD BE HUNGRY.

or

You: Not tonight honey, I am tired.

HER: IF I HAD BIG BREASTS LIKE THE GIRL ON YOUR PHONE YOU WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!

This will come back to you at some point. The difference is Thais tend to bottle it up and let the pressure build. You assumed that you would get a bit of an explosion, what you need to realize is that the pressure is being contained but it is still there and probably building. It is obviously still on her mind since she took your phone to get "fixed" and (accidently?) recovered evidence of other past behavior.

The pot is going to blow, it has to. It may take months but it will blow, so be prepared.

[F1fanatic]

Speaking as an English woman, I have to say that if I found out my boyfriend had pics of his scantily clad ex-girlfriends I would not be angry. If I felt we were v close, I would be upset and ask him if he would mind getting rid of those and just keeping the fully clothed pics. (I would however, get angry if he refused!)

Having said that, I would NEVER consider poking around ANYONE else's computer! That really is unforgivable and a complete betrayal of trust.

[kevthekiwi]

A few years ago i was working night shift..... when i got home at 1am i would go on the computer..couldnt sleep.......

Mainly looking at travel forums...but did have a look at the odd girlie site....

My wifes sister paid us a visit from BKK...... Now she is a clever person...

Next day when i was at work they got into my computer..and went through all the past history....

A few days later i came home and found my monitor had be thrown off a 60ft balcony.

Was not amused...

[G54]

A few years ago i was working night shift..... when i got home at 1am i would go on the computer..couldnt sleep.......

Mainly looking at travel forums...but did have a look at the odd girlie site....

My wifes sister paid us a visit from BKK...... Now she is a clever person...

Next day when i was at work they got into my computer..and went through all the past history....

A few days later i came home and found my monitor had be thrown off a 60ft balcony.

Was not amused...

Now, THAT is the sort of reaction I was expecting.

Obviously different temperaments in different countries. (Thinking here initially of the Latino temperament).

Oh, oh. from the other new posts I am thinking of going to the army surplus store for a kevlar vest and some other useful items

On the other hand this young lady does seem different with each new day now. More attentive. More loving. More affectionate. Funnier. Laughs more. Jokes more.

I am beginning to wonder if she has decided these former g/f's she has seen on the computer and from the deleted photos on my phone, are there lurking in the background, waiting to take over if she 'fails'. Failure seems an inappropriate word, but I think you will get my drift. (Not that they are going to take her place and, yes, I have told her that.)

Time will tell. And I am glad I aired this topic here. Often we cannot see the wood for the trees where others can, especially when it is a personal and direct problem and one is 'alone' unlike back home where you can talk with friends about these incidents.

Now I can get back to my usual, warped sense of humour :D

[kevthekiwi]

Well G54...you may of hit the nail on the head.....ie...different countrys...

we lived in thailand for a while ..ended up in all sorts of places.....allways went home to-gether.....iam not the sort of bloke to muck about on my GF...or wife.......

since we have been living here ,there seems to be a complete sign of misstrust.

I was surprised when you said ...(just the sort of reaction i was expecting).......

keep posting...........................................

[sbk]

OP has requested the thread be closed, he really appreciates all the help and advice offered from the ladies here. But I think its run its course now.

///CLOSED///