Are Boyfriends Less Trouble Than Girlfriends?

[endure]

I read most of Thaivisa on a regular basis and am struck by some of the differences between posts from straight guys with Thai girlfriends and gay guys with Thai boyfriends. There seem to be regular complaints from straighties that they are being ripped off by their GFs/GF's families whereas complaints in the gay forum seem to be less to do with finance and more to do with cultural differences. Is this just me being prejudiced or are there real differences between gay and straight Thai/farang relationships?

[onni4me]

How should I know? Can't compare ladies to my bf...

Anyway, maybe there is that gay people in general have to define themselves more than average straight guys. We are a minority and as such need to establish ourselves in the context of majority society.

This might explain why there is slightly less turbulence in gay relationship. Although, I have had my share of it - at least when I was younger but then that is the time when everything is new and smells fresh.

Nowadays I am more willing to compromise and that might have a positive effect. One needs to work for any relationship. Gay or straight or any kind, that is. Also the personality factor is a major player.

Nevertheless, I have heard such horror stories from straight guys that I couldn't believe them at first. One guys Thai family attacked him a day before wedding. Other guy told me that his Thai wife sent family member to drive over him with a car while he was on a motorbike. The thing I could not understand that they are still together. An attempted murder would be a major turn down for me...

[PeaceBlondie]

Good point, endure. I was kind of thinking there were just so many more straighties out there, with those problems. Let's see what I know, which is limited to anecdotes of folks I knew.

There was the alcoholic loser from USA who met his boy in Pattaya and left him in Chiang Mai, no fault of the boy. One of my old friends here is currently going through his 4th or 5th ripoff by an opportunist gay guy, but my friend is too trusting and foolish - not too typical. My late friend outlived two longterm Thai gay or bi middle-aged lovers, who did not rip him off. My bf and I have been together over five years and I have not been ripped off. Au contraire, when I got short of funds recently buying my new CBR, the bf lent me 15K, and when I wrecked that bike, he and his sisters provided substitute bikes while mine was in the repair shop. My bf's best friend - also never a barboy, and over 30- nursed his long term farang boyfriend through his final illness and then gave him a proper funeral. Their younger friend from the same village has been with the same farang for about three years now - no ripoffs. I know a local gay farang who has not had a long term lover, but has had casual relationships with commercial young Thais and never been rippped off, not even 100 baht. I have never had a gay Thai steal five baht. An older friend of mine has been living with his college-graduated Thai lover for several years now, no serious economic problems. In the Long Yang club, you can meet numerous farang-Thai couples who have been together many years.

These gay experiences, like the straighties, include long-term live-in relationships where the richer guy (farang) bought a house for them to live in. In no case had I ever heard a rumour that the gay Thai guy tried to kick the farang out of the house. In most cases, the gay Thai was fully employed in non-sexual employment before, and even during the relationship. I have never heard of the gay Thai guy having a secret "brother"-boyfriend on the side.

I can think of one poster here - maybe two - who were ripped off, either by a barboy or a stealth barboy, but they learned their lesson and have moved on. Some of our posters have had the same Thai bf for ten or twenty years. An infrequent poster met his bf at the age of 18.2 years, many years ago, and seems happy.

[Pawpcorn]

Good question P.B.; I've witnessed the same phenomenom, in my 2 years plus years living in LOS.

My first 3 boyfriends had money issues or stole small amounts of money or items from me...

My fourth boyfriend is a "keeper", whom I'm able to trust, on all levels.

The difference here, though, perhaps, is that I was able to sift through the rubble of the first 3 boyfriends in the first 3 months, and get educated QUICKLY, as to how things tend to work here...

Is that because male - male relationships are more easily terminated quickly, when things start to go badly? perhaps...

I think too, there's a little less tendency to get quite so tangled up (when in a male - male relationship) in the traditional extended family roles, where the farang discovers he's got a new family, of some 30 or 40 people, many of which are experiencing an emergency (and needing a bail-out, etc. etc) which becomes one emergency after another...

Perhaps we tend to be at least a LITTLE more wise to the ways of the world, due to our experiences, from our alternative lifestyles, living on the outside of traditional ways of life, so to speak...

Just a few ideas, from on top of my head...

My student arrived, got to get to work!

Regards, all;

Pawpcorn

[chuck_s]

All depends where you are at. In the city you will see and encounter often a more playboi type, yet i he is from the country, more commitment and better quality. He will also expect the same of you.

[onni4me]

Is that because male - male relationships are more easily terminated quickly, when things start to go badly? perhaps...

I suspect that there is that question that SOME gay people concentrate more to their superficiality and looks rather than the real content. And maybe we are more used to paying for company than average straight guys. I know it sounds cruel but in the past i saw so many money sucking eels that it still makes me rather uncomfortable when the question of money arises. That why I prefer someone that is on the same "level" what comes to education etc.

Terminating relationship - if its a genuine one - must be as hard as for straights or maybe even harder for the reason that we are so alone when it comes to support from social groups, family, friends etc. They understand but do they really support us, that's a sort of dilemma. We stay outside the society's patterns and ways of conduct, so we have to determine a lot what comes to our own values.

[britmaveric]

Well thai lad I know who is gay is juggling a few farang bf(s) and was having quite the laff over it when I asked him about it. I don't think being male/female has anything to do with it - if you are an opportunist in these sort of situations than that is what you are.

[Scott]

A lot of the gay foreigners in Thailand are older and thus a little more mature. A lot of the folly that goes on is with people who are relatively young and inexperienced. Secondly, gays can't get married, so relationships don't have the legal technicalities. Finally, the complication of children, which is a very common factor in a lot of the straight relationships, isn't usually a factor in gay relationships. Along the same lines, it isn't too often that you get the family taking sides the same way they do in a straight relationship--such as brothers beating up the boyfriend/husband for mistreating their sister etc.

[Ijustwannateach]

The marriage and property trap is one big difference that we gay guys don't fall into quite so easily as the straights.

I haven't heard horror stories as extreme for gay guys as with straight guys. Most of the time when I've encountered gay foreign guys who are basically giving all their money to their Thai gay partners (either quickly or slowly), they seem to know they're doing it and don't see what might be wrong with it; but when I see this happening I tend to put distance between myself and the foreign person involved as I don't like to see how it will end up. These situations are not at all in the majority of my foreign gay acquaintances (but I tend to end such acquaintances when they go that way, so my count may be biased in favour of my own values).

[jdinasia]

All depends where you are at. In the city you will see and encounter often a more playboi type, yet i he is from the country, more commitment and better quality. He will also expect the same of you.

Have you had a BF in Thailand, chuck?

[endure]

All depends where you are at. In the city you will see and encounter often a more playboi type, yet i he is from the country, more commitment and better quality. He will also expect the same of you.

Have you had a BF in Thailand, chuck?

You sound as though you're auditioning for a part in Coronation Street

Sorry - English telly joke...

[jdinasia]

nah, I just know the guy and that he'll say anything even when he has no experience with the topic

[PeaceBlondie]

How about the rest of us: do you think gay farang have fewer relationship problems than the straight farang have?

[jdinasia]

Nope, I think most farang make all the same mistakes. We have sub-forum members that have built houses, healed buffalo, bought mobiles, etc etc

I think the only thing in gay people's favor here is less of an expectation of either monogamy or a life long commitment.

[PeaceBlondie]

But who pays sin sod for a gay partner?

I know, sooner or later, you end up being asked to buy him a house, a car, etc.

[jdinasia]

But who pays sin sod for a gay partner?

I know, sooner or later, you end up being asked to buy him a house, a car, etc.

nobody, and no

He owns his own car and house

[OxfordWill]

I dont think this forum is an accurate or fair representation of the straight or gay relationships in this city, and since very few of the posters here are bisexual, the comparison is a waste of time.

[PeaceBlondie]

That's fine, but it is not about bisexuals, or just about Bangkok. In fact, nobody mentioned either. Reading ThaiVisa, you hear lots of stories about straight men and their girlfriends. Here, we tell of gay relationships with gay Thai men all over Thailand. It is interesting to see the contrasts.

[OxfordWill]

yes nobody mentioned either hence why its not worth pursuing, you would have to take into account both to begin with.

[jdinasia]

Oxford ... this is a forum for average folks in Thailand, not an academic forum. Things can and mostly are discussed here without regard to trying to hit every base (or make things ultra scientific and accurate)

When someone makes a claim about percentages etc then it deserves to be backed up by real thought and real numbers, however, when it is totally subjective like this topic then it is about answers based upon personal experience.

are BF's less trouble than GF's? obviously.

[OxfordWill]

why treat percentages as special? a claim is a claim. "are there real differences between gay and non gay relationships" is not begging a subjective answer at all.

why do I bother pointing this out? same reason you posted what you posted.

Edited October 6, 2008 by OxfordWill

[jdinasia]

OK ... boys have penises and girls have vaginas .. objective

and your quote was sadly very faulty ..... it should be

Is this just me being prejudiced or are there real differences between gay and straight Thai/farang relationships?

which would really make the question "is it my subjective opinion or an objective fact that BF's are different than GF's?"

[PeaceBlondie]

I do not know why this has become a discussion or argument about ....whatever. Shall we just get back on track to the OP?

[OxfordWill]

Ill butt out no problem, im not saying you shouldnt feel free to chat subjectively about this topic and I am just getting in the way of that. jdinasia if you want to continue feel free to pm, I think you're wrong.

[rijivi]

I'll tell you what I really hate about my new Thai bride.

She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!

[onni4me]

I'll tell you what I really hate about my new Thai bride.

She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!

WOW! And this revelation was in favor of ladies or gay?

Seriously speaking I feel that the original question might be answered as well like comparing the majority to minority. Which one causes more trouble? I guess that majority is the big problem to minority as my old good gay friend said. We are in comparison more reluctant to reveal our true nature - my observation only, doesn't involve every gay I've met.

So speaking about the majority of ladies must mean that they - in general - cause more trouble. We, as minority, are not seen causing trouble so often. Also I hope we are more aware of all kinds of hurdles causing trouble. Being gay might not be a blessing but it might be blessed sometimes.

[PeaceBlondie]

I lived with lots of females, so I assumed the straight poster meant that his wife leaves the toilet seat down. At least the home has a toilet seat! Also, living with a gay man (usually) means there will not be a bra hanging from the dresser top.

[BigSnake]

My humble opinion for what's it worth, boyfriends/girlfriends all about the same because you are dealing with relationships/friendship. As we all know relationship/friendships can and will go sour from time to time. Just Human Nature, not necessary a girl/girl, boy/boy, girl/boy or boy/girl/boy thing.

[himachal]

most boyfriends don't leave long hairs in the shower tray.

[sunray69]

I have never heard of the gay Thai guy having a secret "brother"-boyfriend on the side.

What I just read is too funny... I am living here for about 4 years and I can say that gays arent better than girls, the farang has to pay and the farang will pay... Dont get me wrong, I have known few good thai gay men (but they really are THE exception) but lets not say that gays in thailand arent thinking about money when they see a foreigner, this is a total joke.

I knew a thai gay couple, if you met them when they were not together they would tell you "me not like thais, me like only white guys" what the hel_l liar ? Their main business was to meet white tourists and once they were back to their country to play the song "my sister sick, no hab moni, can send 15.000 ?".. Btw sorry for my written english, i just find funny the way they speak...