Finding A Nice Intelligent Thai Girl To Marry

[Harmonica]

venturalaw:

The title bar states "intelligent Thai girl" ..... are you referring to native intelligence or intelligence acquired thru' conventional education?

I ask this because IMHO, after one jettisons western mental baggage, which I and many others have successfully done, one is left with just plain, effervescent simplicity and ease. The educational qualifications of the TG in question are a non-issue. Scintillating conversations can be had with even a young BG who has absolutely zip in the realm of conventional Ed.

After the jettison one realizes quite rapidly that one (I am a prime example) knows doodly squat about women and matters of the heart; the schooling in this "whisper-mode" of the heart can then begin. IMHO this "mode" dispenses with the liability of "weaponry" such as planning, strategy, games conditions, datingclubs recourse, educational quals, etc., to find the "right" gal.

Lord knows that LUCK plays a huge role in this quest and I would venture to guess that it is indeed one of the "tools" of the "heart". I welcome it but admit that I know zip about it!

And for anybody searching for a white woman, a highly recommended prior request from Heaven would probably be, "Lord, when its over and she decides to do me in, pray let it be someone who knows WHERE to shoot!"

Regards

Harmonica

[Harmonica]

Ravisher:

Greetings & thanks! Newbie to the board, yes but to Thailand, No. I've been living here for a little over 4 years and yes, with the same TG.

Regards

Harmonica

[motif]

In the process of a divorce from a western women. Yeah she is a B&^%*. Still that doesn't turn me off white women. Im looking for a friend in a life mate. Someone that relates to me and that I can relate to and communicate with. I don't see how I could do this with a THai women. I have enough trouble with communication at my BKK office.

I've dated one Thai women since I've been here (3 months) and it felt kinda strange. Not much in common didn't say much over dinner. And the text messages after that. very strange. I miss you I love you. After one date. Talked to one other guy about this, he said you'll probably have to change your number a few times when you start dating thai women.

Guess its all on what you are looking for in life.

[motif]

ravisher.

My parents have been married for nearly 40 years. I've been lucky enough to witness a long loving marriage. One that I hope to duplicate.

All my uncles of 6, 4 have been married just as long. The other 2, well one has succeeded in a 2nd marriage of 15 years. And the other his 3rd of 5 years, his second wife past away. All married to western women.

Much success to you and your marriage. But to each there own.

I'll take my chances and try to find a partner I can relate to.

[mbkudu]

ravisher.

My parents have been married for nearly 40 years. I've been lucky enough to witness a long loving marriage.  One that I hope to duplicate.

All my uncles of 6,  4 have been married just as long. The other 2, well one has succeeded in a 2nd marriage of 15 years.  And the other his 3rd of 5 years, his second wife past away. All married to western women.

Much success to you and your marriage.  But to each there own.

I'll take my chances and try to find a partner I can relate to.

Learning to speak Thai always helps in a relationship with a Thai woman.

[mbkudu]

Learning to speak Thai always helps in a relationship with a Thai woman.

Or course that would be right mbkudu, but I am useless with languages... been in Greece 9 years plus and still speak only half a dozen words of Greek. I think after over 2 years married to a Thai woman, I speak thre words of Thai. Fortunately my wife speaks very good English, and rarely do we have a problem in the communication.

Even where couples speak the same language, there are misunderstandings... and don't we all know that

Agreed. I have to say that in my experience the sacrifice in communication with my spouse is greatly made up for by her in other ways.

Just curious Ravisher, how does your Thai missus like Greece? I visited there when I was a high school student. I dreaded Athens, but liked the islands very, very much.

Edited December 17, 2004 by mbkudu

[mbkudu]

I am honest, and will admit to being shallow, as good looks are more important to me than personality and brains put together.

Great stuff! . A better man than most for admitting it.

[motif]

part of the problem with my ex was she was beautiful and knew it.

High maintenaince and demanding because of it. I was a sucker for beautiful women too. Now, still want one pretty but she's also got to have more qualities than just that.

[venturalaw]

venturalaw:

The title bar states "intelligent Thai girl"  .....  are you referring to native intelligence or intelligence acquired thru' conventional education?

Lord knows that LUCK plays a huge role in this quest and I would venture to guess that it  is indeed one of the "tools" of the "heart".  I welcome it but admit that I know zip about it!

Harmonica

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You mixed 'intelligent ' with 'educated'. The education one receives in Thailand I have found to be completely different. That is not a problem. By requesting an intelligent Thai lady, I am seeking one that is able to, and excited by, learning new concepts. Intelligence can be found in any culture. And I certainly agree that LUCK does play a huge role.

[venturalaw]

In the process of a divorce from a western women. Yeah she is a B&^%*.  Still that doesn't turn me off white women. Im looking for a friend in a life mate.  Someone that relates to me and that I can relate to and communicate with. I don't see how I could do this with a THai women. I have enough trouble with communication at my BKK office.

I've dated one Thai women since I've been here (3 months) and it felt kinda strange. Not much in common didn't say much over dinner.  And the text messages after that. very strange.  I miss you I love you.  After one date.  Talked to one other guy about this, he said you'll probably have to change your number a few times when you start dating thai women.

Guess its all on what you are looking for in life.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I take it this is your 'first' divorce. Wait until you've had 3 or 4...

Remember when you first met the woman you are divorcing now... remember how much you loved that sweet thing... and how well you communicated, how you both wanted the same things in life... how you planed together... how wonderful and rosy the future looked then... Now you see her for what she IS and what she has always been... All that happend was that you delluded yourself for all that time...

"Love is the dellusion that one woman differs from another." No sure who said that, but sounds like Oscar Wilde. And I happen to think he's right, whoever he is.

I can almost hear you saying, "Oh it will be better the next time... I will be more careful. " But it won't and you won't... It will be something akin to an action replay...

You are right, it all depends on what one is looking for in Life... So treat yourself to a lot more heartache... or get to know the Thai woman, her wants, needs and desires... It will take time, patience and understanding... but well worth it in my opinion.

Now having wrote that, I could be back here in 5 years eating my words, or you could be back here telling me how right I was... But I would bet a large sum of money that it would be the latter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You're a sharpe guy. I enjoy reading your thoughts.

I do feel that Thai women are quite different. I have corresponded with a few, one for a significant period of time. The culture inspires values that just are not present in Western women. For me, this is key.

[venturalaw]

ravisher.

My parents have been married for nearly 40 years. I've been lucky enough to witness a long loving marriage.  One that I hope to duplicate.

All my uncles of 6,  4 have been married just as long. The other 2, well one has succeeded in a 2nd marriage of 15 years.  And the other his 3rd of 5 years, his second wife past away. All married to western women.

Much success to you and your marriage.  But to each there own.

I'll take my chances and try to find a partner I can relate to.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My parents too were married for many years - until the death of my father. What I have concluded is that the 'good' Western women are all married by the time that they are out of their 20s. Older men to them (I am well past 20) are not appealing as a mate.

To Thai women, and I may be wrong here, it appears that age is of no consequence. That is part of the alure - they seem to care deeply about what is on the inside - not the exterior, and not the age. For me this shows a maturity that is not present in younger Western women.

[seanwg]

Its funny reading all these comments...

My nurse gf left BKK 2 hours ago flying here to spend christmas and new years with her bf.

So narak... she was nearly crying she's so scared... the jokers at the airport insisted she need a visa but here in Bermuda no visa is required.

Its easy to find single educated women.. my gf is a nurse, and has 5 single friends all wanting to meet 'handsom farang man'. Have you looked at any singles website? It will take some times but you'll eventually find one.. as ebay says 'We believe that most people in the world are genuine'

When she left BKK, at the immigration checkpoint (what do you call it in thai? ) officer asked her 'You don't like Thai men?' She said.. 'No I like Farang.. they are nicer than thai men.. they take care better'.. the office smiled and said have a good trip...

Happy Hunting!

Sean

Edited December 17, 2004 by seanwg

[lukamar]

Just remember that Thai's place a lot of importance and value on looking good and that is how you should be. They all (Including bar girls) dress very well with clean clothes,and perfect personal hygiene. Farangs have much to learn in that department IMHO.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are right on the money here JS. My wife has often commented that Farang in general small bad and dress disrespectfully. Even after 2 years of marriage she still comments about it sometimes. She also says that one of the things she likes is the fact that i take a lot of baths and smell good. An addiction to Talcum powder is probably not a hinderance either.

I met my wife in a medical setting and we had lots that we could talk about and we did. Most women in Thailand with any education speak and or read/write english, even if they are not fluent or comfortable at it, like me and Thai.

I have a friend here in Canada and his wife did not speak a word of English until she immigrated to Canada 15 years ago. He learned to read, write and talk Thai so they could communicate. That's commitment to a relationship.

seanwg is also right... my wife is a nurse as well (although now in Canada) and has lots of Thai friends wanting to meet decent Farang men. Nurses often work very strange shifts and don't party, they sleep when they are not working...LOL because of the long hours.

Someone mentioned to spend some time in a mall. Not a bad idea. If you see some shopgirl that looks interesting, why not approach her and ask her for some help reading a Thai label, or ask her for a suggestion for a small present for your mother or sister, remember Thai people in general have a high regard for Family values.

It's no harder or easier to meet a woman in Thailand than anywhere else on earth.

[SiamJai]

Ravisher, you confuse me. You talk about how your first wife rants about men, and how you are 'not bitter and twisted' - and then you quote that "Love is the dellusion that one woman differs from another." and agree with it. And when Motif talks about still wanting a woman of his kind, you warn him about treating himself to a lot more heartache. What is that, if not bitter and twisted? I guess you could call it jaded or biased, but certainly not 'wise'.

Your failed relationships could hardly be the representatives of the characters of millions of Western women - what they represent is you, your choices and how you dealt with them later. Others may - and do! - find their Western marriages happy, not thinking of divorce. You see, they work their marriage problems out, instead of running from them.

But you are not alone. I've seen plenty of your kind, projecting their negative experiences to the rest of the race and gender. Old geezers sitting in a bar, whining "western women are this and that" "Don't go with them or you will be sorry, like me" to everyone who cares to listen.

Well, but at least you are honest when you say

and will admit to being shallow, as good looks are more important to me than personality and brains put together.

And therein lies the problem. What do you expect from a woman who has the looks but not the soul? Choose with shallow taste, and you end up with a shallow relationship. No surprises there.

I think after over 2 years married to a Thai woman, I speak thre words of Thai.

Wow... that shows committment. Men of few words, aren't we. Yeah, she speaks English to you - she can make herself understood. But to truly know a Thai, her feelings, her point of view on the world, one has to speak the language that she grew up with. The language that her parents, teachers, friends -basically everyone in her life before you - is speaking. Then, perhaps, you could engage in a conversation deeper than "Honey, could you please empty my enema bag?"

But if you are comfortable with shallow relationships, fine. Just please don't blame all Thai women when this relationships of yours is gonna go Deadside way, like the previous ones.

Unlikely though, because Thai women have high endurance, and treat marriages with more respect than just a piece of paper.

[SiamJai]

'good' Western women are all married by the time that they are out of their 20s.

Wow... that's an interesting observation. So, by your definition, a "good" western woman is one with a husband and two kids by the time her highschool classmates are getting their university degrees. Sweet. I shudder to think what your definition of "bad" western women is then.

Older men to them (I am well past 20) are not appealing as a mate.

I am sorry that it shocked you, but I'm glad you finally reached the revelation that not many women like to marry their daddy, and even fewer are comfortable with marrying their grandpa, thank you. Those who do are the brave souls who endure for the sake of their (and their families) financial security.

they seem to care deeply about what is on the inside - not the exterior, and not the age. For me this shows a maturity that is not present in younger Western women.

Whoa, whoa, slow down, gramps. Just because you find women over here who are willing to stroke your balding head and make you feel like a king, it doesn't mean they value what you are inside. Just think about it. To do that, they would first have to know you inside out. Now, even if we don't look at the language barrier, how the heck could a young woman understand the values, feelings and ways thinking of someone from his father's/grandfather's generation? Don't you think that's a bit too much of a task, when even couples of the same generation struggle to truly understand each other?

And then we didn't even talk about the enormous culture gaps between the East and the West. "they seem to care deeply about what is on the inside" is just pure illusion, fueled by an inflated ego.

Edited December 17, 2004 by SiamJai

[venturalaw]

'good' Western women are all married by the time that they are out of their 20s.

Wow... that's an interesting observation. So, by your definition, a "good" western woman is one with a husband and two kids by the time her highschool classmates are getting their university degrees. Sweet. I shudder to think what your definition of "bad" western women is then.

Wouldn't want you to shudder. Any woman, or man, who determines that taking, rather than giving, is what it is all about, is lacking. That's as simple as I can put it.

Older men to them (I am well past 20) are not appealing as a mate.

I am sorry that it shocked you, but I'm glad you finally reached the revelation that not many women like to marry their daddy, and even fewer are comfortable with marrying their grandpa, thank you. Those who do are the brave souls who endure for the sake of their (and their families) financial security.

I wasn't 'shocked', but since I have never had any children, and would like to some day, marrying a woman that is mid 40's + doesn't make sense.

they seem to care deeply about what is on the inside - not the exterior, and not the age. For me this shows a maturity that is not present in younger Western women.

Whoa, whoa, slow down, gramps. Just because you find women over here who are willing to stroke your balding head and make you feel like a king, it doesn't mean they value what you are inside. Just think about it. To do that, they would first have to know you inside out. Now, even if we don't look at the language barrier, how the heck could a young woman understand the values, feelings and ways thinking of someone from his father's/grandfather's generation? Don't you think that's a bit too much of a task, when even couples of the same generation struggle to truly understand each other?

You really sound hostile. The inability to understand often is due to a lack of maturity, or 'intelligence' (hence the reason I phrased the opening statement as I did). Younger people can understand people older than themselves. What is surprising to me is that although you apparently live in Thailand, you have failed to learn one of the basics of why Thais garner respect - that they honor, not ridicule, people senior to themselves.

And then we didn't even talk about the enormous culture gaps between the East and the West. "they seem to care deeply about what is on the inside" is just pure illusion, fueled by an inflated ego.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You have much to learn.

[meemiathai]

I am a single professional who has been married before, but I have never had any children. I have been to Thailand 4 times in the last 8 months. Just looking for some suggestions as to how to meet that one special Thai lady with whom I will raise a family.  Not to generalize, but the Thai people I have met are so warm, I would be proud to call them family.

********************************************************8

what you perceive is just an illusion . you are a newbie who see's things thru rose tinted glasses .

even if you go thru an agency the chances of success are small .more likely you will end up broke and brokenhearted .

communication is the first hurdle that will get you .

my advice is to find a woman from HK or Singapore at least they will have a reasonable understanding of english and the western way of life .

many farangs get sucked into the whole thailand scenario and it turns into a nightmare, when their new thai wife is not what they thought .

Thai women are great for the medium and short term but not long term..

Total generalisation IMO , every man and woman is an individual , how can you warn somebody away from an entire race of people?

***********************************

because the hurdles , and cultures are so at odds with each other that the likely

outcome is in most cases is disastrous .

how can you get married to a woman who has in most cases no english speaking capabilities ? has never heard of Mick Jagger , David Bowie , or John lennon ? and

its more than likely that she has never even heard of Adolf Hitler as well.

you might as well get married to a love doll !

and then there is the cold freezing european weather , how can you expect any thai woman to tolerate that ?

100% agree! It will also be torture for the woman to marry this man if he thinks english is the only language in the world. And who only knows Mick Jagger , David Bowie , or John lennon ! And think Adolf Hitler is a must-know person!

BTW, who is this so-called "Adolf Hitler"? Is he going to stop me and my wife go skiing in Korea for holiday next month?

[meemiathai]

Even where couples speak the same language, there are misunderstandings... and don't we all know that 

Very very true!

[venturalaw]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you venturalaw for your compliments. By the way, are you from Ventura near LA? I had the most wonderful two weeks there with a woman I will never forget! Oh, she was American not Thai, in case anybody thinks I am predjudice

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are welcome. Yes, Ventura is north of Los Angeles, on the coast between Malibu and Santa Barbara.

[Tom Kagai]

9-Look around at big shopping malls like The mall, central, seacon at

LadPrao, Ramkhamheng, Bangkapi, srinakarin, .....These are Thai

nighbourhood where middle class thai live, you will see lot of woman

at these places, i can say almost more than any part of bangkok

Bangkapi has the highest woman Ratio in Bkk.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeh, women are the same the whole world over. Best place to find them is in the shopping malls. Do a course in meditation. It comes in handy while you wait outside the fitting rooms!

Love points 1 to 8. Spot on I reckon!

[sking_is_leaving]

Exclude no category of Thai girl -- that means leave the door wide open for ALL types (including BGs) to walk in; intelligence and brainpower, planning and/or strategy hardly qualify for top honors in this intriguing endeavor of the heart -- when the right girl "fires" it will defy ALL previously and herein mentioned "qualifications", "barriers" and social-stances" etc. etc.  Language barriers, family interference, cultural and social imbroglios will ALL be swept away by the "winds of change" -- one need only be cognizant of inevitable difficulties that 2 vastly differing cultures are likely to present; but these difficulties are TINY in comparison to the awesome motive force of the "right" TG/foreigner combo.  There is NO mistaking the "look" of a TG who is falling &/or  has fallen for you! -- therein lies the easiest "elimination" process!  As others have so eloquently stated here, there is no better race of women on earth and for those of us who have had the pleasure of battling with several white women, the change is akin to finding a cure for cancer!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for this post, think I might be getting the "look" at the moment. New to Thai girls, came here with farang gf. She's educated, I am studying Thai, but none of that should necessarily mean things are any more or less sincere, right?

Anyway, can you define the "look"? Or any other behavioural signs of the force you're talking about? A smack in the face doesn't always do the job for me...!

Ta.

[Trevor]

I have been visiting Thailand for 25 years and have no more desire to marry one now than I did in 1979. As a previous poster correctly stated, the women are strictly short-to-medium term. There are so many levels and classes in Thai society, and the rich locals are going to get the best-educated and most-attractive. I support females in the 18-23 year old age range and find fresh ones when they bore me or get too old. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS BEST WHEN ALL IS FRESH AND NEW.

To our California lawyer of means, do the world tour -- check out women in Colombia, Ukraine, Singapore, Philippines, Japan ... don't get hung up on just Thailand. It's a great place to live if you have a certain level of income, but the inbuilt cultural differences mean that long-term relationships are on a rocky footing from the outset.

I currently support an 18-year-old country girl who prefers life in Bangkok to the boondocks, and who can blame her? With only 3 years of high school she can't even get work in a 7-11, so works as a waitress. If I didn't pay for her accomodation one of her Thai male customers would make her his mistress just the same. She's cute, young, fresh-faced, lazy, hopeless at English, and makes this 49-year-old farang feel like he's on his first visit again.

And then there's the Thai airlines stewardess, 36 years old, still single, very pretty, highly intelligent, intrusively inquisitive of who else I see or talk to, very flat-chested and slack-pussied, and not a good cuddler.

So you will never get everything you want in one woman, and what you do sadly fades with age. Who's for serial monogamy? Or even polygamy? And watch those knives ... Thai women hack off more d*cks than the rest of the world's women put together

[venturalaw]

I have been visiting Thailand for 25 years and have no more desire to marry one now than I did in 1979.  As a previous poster correctly stated, the women are strictly short-to-medium term.  There are so many levels and classes in Thai society, and the rich locals are going to get the best-educated and most-attractive.  I support females in the 18-23 year old age range and find fresh ones when they bore me or get too old.  RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS BEST WHEN ALL IS FRESH AND NEW.

And watch those knives ... Thai women hack off more d*cks than the rest of the world's women put together     

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I must really disagree with you here. As relationships grow (all healthy relationships by the way) they become richer and more significant. That has been my experience. The challenge is finding a romantic relationship that continues to grow.

However, that said, thanks for the warning about the knives.

[venturalaw]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are welcome. Yes, Ventura is north of Los Angeles, on the coast between Malibu and Santa Barbara.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I enjoyed my time there very much. It was a long time ago, but what stuck in my mind was a Yacht or boat harbour there... I could not believe how CLEAN they kept the place, imaculate. So clean it was eiree...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Interesting you should mention the Ventura Harbor area; it is where my office has been located for 11 years. I posted some photos of the area under my album name - my office in Ventura - or something like that.

[Harmonica]

Whoa Nellie, give it a rest Ms. SiamJai.

Read her post several times; this is the best education ever and encapsulates ALL our reasons for why men ought to avoid them like the plague!

May I have the honor of presenting to ALL participants of THIS thread the quintessential WHITE woman -- Siamjai -- via her most recent post, actually a wartime sortie to drop a bomb and kill as many men as possible; men who've taken a shine to Thai women and get this, especially men who TOTALLY IGNORE the western variety!

Just paraphrase her entire post, add a graphic ( finishing touches to be done in Adobe Photoshop), print it and circulate to all foreign men as they enter Thailand.

"This is what you had! Ah, huh! Forget it, pal; your luck is about to change -- serendipity has answered your distress call; you will henceforth be showered with sweetness and delights you ain't ever dreamed of, and Lord Almighty, will she take care of you like no other!"

Your court, lass! I thought we ran you out of Patong! I await round 2.

Greetings and regards to all

Harmonica

[SiamJai]

Any woman, or man, who determines that taking, rather than giving, is what it is all about, is lacking.

I still can't make any sense of this. So now all the Western women who got married in their 20s -whom you labelled "good" - are "giving"? What are they "giving" exactly, that their counterparts don't? Please elaborate on this further.

since I have never had any children, and would like to some day, marrying a woman that is mid 40's + doesn't make sense.

So that's it? Looking at the wife as a baby-factory? If your younger loved one happened to be infertile, you'd threw her out of your life as soon as you found it out then, right?

Believe it or not, others have higher, more noble reasons for marriage. But I guess not all of us evolved to overcome feral instincts of finding a mate only for species survival. (Like we need to worry about that now - quite the contrary. :/ )

Younger people can understand people older than themselves

I disagree. Sure, the younger generations will be amazed by Father's and Grandpa's stories about what life was like in the past, but can you base a marriage on that kind of "understanding"? Maturity plays a role, as you pointed out, but it cannot be a substitute.

What is surprising to me is that although you apparently live in Thailand, you have failed to learn one of the basics of why Thais garner respect - that they honor, not ridicule, people senior to themselves.

What's surprising to me is that you've failed to get beyond the guidebook definition of life in Thailand. The respect shown towards the elderly is about as deep and sincere as a handshake in the West. It is shown only when the actual situation needs it. moer often than not, when the situation disappears, so does the respect. True respect, the kind that's coming from the heart, has to be earned here just like anywhere else on Earth.

I don't just live in Thailand, but live with Thai people, and see what happens when the situation is no longer formal. Don't get me wrong; if the social norms demand it, I can be polite as much as any Thai, I'd even call you Than if the Thai rules of etiquette demand it - so that I won't embarrass my friends. But as soon as those rules cease to apply (and they certainly do not apply in an Internet forum) real feelings emerge. I've been talking and ridiculing old men freely with my Thai friends, who do it just as much as anyone else.

Here is some proof of how superficial and flexible the "honor the elderly" system is: one day you might witness a young boy kneeling before his grandfather in deep respect. The next morning, you may see the same old man kneeling before the young boy in a similarly respectful manner. Guess what happened?

The boy got ordained as a novice monk, the situation changed, and the behavior changed as well. The man does not not revere the young boy personally, but rather what he represents at that place at that time.

Similarly, the young ones do not pay respect to the elderly for their personal character, but rather for what he represents at the given situation and time. All participants know this, except some old Western men, who let all that respect get to their heads, apparently. Put down the guidebooks and head into real Thai life for a change, hmm?

You have much to learn.

And so have you, buddy. Why do so many old people think that they aquire knowledge automatically as they blow out more and more candles on the birthday cake, is beyond me.

One great thing about Buddhism is that our learning is not limited to the experiences of a single lifetime. Thus, a person whose body is younger in this life may actually be well ahead of his seemingly older peers - much like a racecar that apperears last is actually a lap ahead of everyone else. So, to correct your sentence, we all have much to learn.

You really sound hostile.

That's right. The reason is because you, and the rest of your kind make it much more difficult for us normal farang expat men to integrate into the fabric of Thai society.

They, especially Thai men! are very suspicious, and it takes a lot of time to get through barrier they erect thanks to you. One can see it in their eyes, as they are sizing you up "Is this guy a sex-tourist jerk, or a sociopath loser who can't have a meaningful existence at home? Is he here for Thai women, like the others? "

There are so many of these kinds of people here that the fact that a Farang male could come here purely for cultural reasons does not even make it as a possibilty - until I live with them for months, and start to accept than I'm different. Some of them anyway. For others, the barrier you erected with the pathetic lifestyle is just impossible to break. Who knows what kind of wonderful opportunities did I miss out by not knowing these people better? Thank you very much for spoiling our names - and thus, our lives.

[SiamJai]

PS: By the way: did you know that sociopath is an anagram for thai scoop? Fits the situation well. Nomen est omen.

Edited December 31, 2004 by SiamJai

[SiamJai]

Ravisher, I have to acknowledge, you are a good debater. You took my two main points and labeled them as "supposition", while explaining that my general examples do not apply to you. Okay, you don't drink, and don't have enema bag. These were not the main points, but rather just general statements applying to your group rather than to you in particular.

But please tell me: how could "shallow taste = shallow marriage" be a supposition? As far as I know, "supposition" is not a synonym of "common sense", therefore I disagree with you. Base your selection on shallow criteria, and you will end up with shallow results - this is common sense. You can only reap what you sow.

I think wisdom comes from experience, not from any academy.

True - when it's about how to cook tom yam gung and other simple stuff. But when you pass judgement on millions of individuals, you have to rely on more than an experience of four cases - which may mean a lot to you personally, but to outsiders it's next to nothing. But you'd need to think outside to box to realize this. (By the way, lumping millions of women into one category is the best case for supposition. A look in the mirror is in order, before you accuse others, don't you think?) I do it too - in fact, everyone does. But at least, most people accept that there are exceptions to the rule. I have not seen you doing that.

I don't see how your frequent change of marriage partners shows any commitment - unless you talk about commitment to marriage, but who wants to be committed to an institution? How about committing to one person, as the marriage vow says. Through good times and bad times, eh? Working problems out, instead of running away, eh?

So, what will happen if things don't work out with your Thai wife? Will we see you here, advising others about the adverse character of 30,000,000+ Thai women, based on your "overwhelming" experience? Get real.

I find your reasoning for not learning a language interesting. Because there are problems even between people who speak the same language perfectly, you seem to think "why bother then". But good communication is more than just the perfect order of words, and perfect usage of grammar. They are the necessary basics - hence the need to learn the language perfectly - but it's so much more. The people you refer to simply did not get beyond grammatical perfection. It's not only how you say it, but also what to say. Any marriage counselor would stress the importance of good communication. Considering the above, I find your argument for not learning a language just an indefensible excuse for laziness, and -again- lack of committment.

Happy New Year.

[mbkudu]

Any woman, or man, who determines that taking, rather than giving, is what it is all about, is lacking.

I still can't make any sense of this. So now all the Western women who got married in their 20s -whom you labelled "good" - are "giving"? What are they "giving" exactly, that their counterparts don't?

Head?

[kreon]

Any woman, or man, who determines that taking, rather than giving, is what it is all about, is lacking.

I still can't make any sense of this. So now all the Western women who got married in their 20s -whom you labelled "good" - are "giving"? What are they "giving" exactly, that their counterparts don't? Please elaborate on this further.

since I have never had any children, and would like to some day, marrying a woman that is mid 40's + doesn't make sense.

So that's it? Looking at the wife as a baby-factory? If your younger loved one happened to be infertile, you'd threw her out of your life as soon as you found it out then, right?

Believe it or not, others have higher, more noble reasons for marriage. But I guess not all of us evolved to overcome feral instincts of finding a mate only for species survival. (Like we need to worry about that now - quite the contrary. :/ )

Younger people can understand people older than themselves

I disagree. Sure, the younger generations will be amazed by Father's and Grandpa's stories about what life was like in the past, but can you base a marriage on that kind of "understanding"? Maturity plays a role, as you pointed out, but it cannot be a substitute.

What is surprising to me is that although you apparently live in Thailand, you have failed to learn one of the basics of why Thais garner respect - that they honor, not ridicule, people senior to themselves.

What's surprising to me is that you've failed to get beyond the guidebook definition of life in Thailand. The respect shown towards the elderly is about as deep and sincere as a handshake in the West. It is shown only when the actual situation needs it. moer often than not, when the situation disappears, so does the respect. True respect, the kind that's coming from the heart, has to be earned here just like anywhere else on Earth.

I don't just live in Thailand, but live with Thai people, and see what happens when the situation is no longer formal. Don't get me wrong; if the social norms demand it, I can be polite as much as any Thai, I'd even call you Than if the Thai rules of etiquette demand it - so that I won't embarrass my friends. But as soon as those rules cease to apply (and they certainly do not apply in an Internet forum) real feelings emerge. I've been talking and ridiculing old men freely with my Thai friends, who do it just as much as anyone else.

Here is some proof of how superficial and flexible the "honor the elderly" system is: one day you might witness a young boy kneeling before his grandfather in deep respect. The next morning, you may see the same old man kneeling before the young boy in a similarly respectful manner. Guess what happened?

The boy got ordained as a novice monk, the situation changed, and the behavior changed as well. The man does not not revere the young boy personally, but rather what he represents at that place at that time.

Similarly, the young ones do not pay respect to the elderly for their personal character, but rather for what he represents at the given situation and time. All participants know this, except some old Western men, who let all that respect get to their heads, apparently. Put down the guidebooks and head into real Thai life for a change, hmm?

You have much to learn.

And so have you, buddy. Why do so many old people think that they aquire knowledge automatically as they blow out more and more candles on the birthday cake, is beyond me.

One great thing about Buddhism is that our learning is not limited to the experiences of a single lifetime. Thus, a person whose body is younger in this life may actually be well ahead of his seemingly older peers - much like a racecar that apperears last is actually a lap ahead of everyone else. So, to correct your sentence, we all have much to learn.

You really sound hostile.

That's right. The reason is because you, and the rest of your kind make it much more difficult for us normal farang expat men to integrate into the fabric of Thai society.

They, especially Thai men! are very suspicious, and it takes a lot of time to get through barrier they erect thanks to you. One can see it in their eyes, as they are sizing you up "Is this guy a sex-tourist jerk, or a sociopath loser who can't have a meaningful existence at home? Is he here for Thai women, like the others? "

There are so many of these kinds of people here that the fact that a Farang male could come here purely for cultural reasons does not even make it as a possibilty - until I live with them for months, and start to accept than I'm different. Some of them anyway. For others, the barrier you erected with the pathetic lifestyle is just impossible to break. Who knows what kind of wonderful opportunities did I miss out by not knowing these people better? Thank you very much for spoiling our names - and thus, our lives.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

obviously these are just words from a big-brother brian-washed purist

if i want drink, smoke dope, party, shag, etc myself to death, well ###### that's is purely my choice, so go and mind your own business, will you