How To Get Approval From Family Of Thai Gf?

[mgjackson69]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

How many times do you bend over and take it up the glitter?

Never...that would be your task

Unlikely, but then you continue to make assumptions that people don't understand Thai culture. I stand by what I said in my initial post (which has nothing to do with Thai culture), and that is from my own personal expereince, clearly there are exceptions, but it pretty much sounds to me like the OP is trying to become something he is not. Given the attitude that his girlfriends family are showing towards him, I wonder if it is really worth the effort?

However, I do agree with your statement regarding not showering the family with money, shame a few more people don't take that advice.

I think we are mostly in agreement here.

Here are what I think are the salient points:

1) Family is important in Thai culture

2) Some Thai ladies will follow their heart, regardless of what the family says

3) For the farang to be a "good guy" in the eyes of the family is not necessarily about giving money. In many cases, just indiscriminately throwing money around will get you even less acceptance...better to show some backbone and character.

4) There is a huge disparity between "taking care" and just throwing money around

4) For each situation, the farang needs to make his own decision as to what it will take to be accepted by the family, and if he is willing to do what that might entail. And if he is not, will the potential wife accept that.

We are also in agreement on your point re: the OP...the family seems to be looking at him as an ATM. Up to him...I would not do that.

For my personal situation, I have been fortunate. The immediate family accepted me right away and have never expected anything from me. I have helped Mom out a bit, mainly with buying some building supplies and using my labor to transform those supplies into something usable. Even then it has not amounted to so much, perhaps 50,000 THB over a period of 4+ years. A couple of extended family members pinged my wife for money when they knew she had a farang. That one was easily solved...I told her that they had to ask me. They did, I told them "no"...end of story.

[farangnahrak]

I've been quite for awhile . . . I just want to re-emphasize a few points I made:

I have not once felt discriminated against for being a farang. Not once felt like I was a trophy fish or some circus freak to collect. I felt like they treated me like any other Thai. My 'farang-ness' does not seem to concern them the least.

Second, I have never felt like an ATM. Never been asked for money. My girl agrees to split everything 50/50. The mother has already said she wouldn't request a dowry because 'she doesn't need any more money'. Most of her family members make *more* money than I do. And I'm not stupid, I'm never paying a dowry or giving out any handouts.

Now reading the above posts . . . it appears getting Thai inlaws is like playing a lottery . . . some of you had horrible luck, some of you got real lucky, and some of you persevered for acceptance. I'm convinced that I can get acceptance from most of her family by just giving them a chance to get to know me . . . I think Mom is the only one that will hold out and will be the hardest to prove myself too.

I'm not going to lie or bend over, but somewhere there needs to be a compromise. They act elite and filthy rich, I need to at least show a face that fits in.

My plan is to spend time with the family and explain exactly what I do for a living, how my company makes money, talk about future growth, etc. Convince them that I'm educated, have a financial future, and that I'm money minded.

So what kinds of fruit do Thai moms like? Would flowers be appropriate, too?

[torrenova]

If this was about a western girl we'd all be saying "just bin her off" if she can't sort it out. The OP doesn't need her money so that is not an issue and if they can't get down off their horse then XXXX them.

Is there something I don't know about Thais which makes normally sensible men even remotely think about kissing arse and getting shafted like this ?

By the way, where did they get their cash from ? Robbing the poor ? Inheritance (means they did nothing for it) ? or running Chuwit style massage parlours ?

Perhaps the foundation of their wealth was not as HiSo as an engineering company and that gives them a complex ?

[farangnahrak]

If this was about a western girl we'd all be saying "just bin her off" if she can't sort it out. The OP doesn't need her money so that is not an issue and if they can't get down off their horse then XXXX them.

Is there something I don't know about Thais which makes normally sensible men even remotely think about kissing arse and getting shafted like this ?

By the way, where did they get their cash from ? Robbing the poor ? Inheritance (means they did nothing for it) ? or running Chuwit style massage parlours ?

Perhaps the foundation of their wealth was not as HiSo as an engineering company and that gives them a complex ?

My last gf was american born . . . she didn't care about her family, so I didn't either. My current gf cares, so I care. I do it because caring is what a good bf should do.

As for the hi-so complex, its pretty common in Thai culture. Just ask the PAD

[girlx]

I have been through the same scene where my girlfriend that was educated overseas who comes from a wealthy thai chinese family .The first 6 months the father would walk out of the room when i walked in and the mother would not talk to me and the sisters would not even look at me ,it was'nt until maybe a year or so that they relised I wasn't going away and slowly stopped ignoring me and offering me to eat with them .

After about two years my girlfriend arranged an enfluencial agent to approach the parents for us to marry which were reluctant but finally agreed .

wow, i could never respect people who are as snobby as this. have you actually made friends with them, or just superficially?

Is there something I don't know about Thais which makes normally sensible men even remotely think about kissing arse and getting shafted like this ?

i am wondering the same thing.

[HYENA]

First when you go negative (back off) it's only natural human behavior to fill the void. If you stop chasing her (so to speak), let her do some advances and call you from here out.

Next, you may make comments back like your family isn't sure about you marrying into a Thai family that maybe you should marry up in your own country, then ask your gf how to fix both of your situations.

If your gf has second thoughts, the family will be the one's to save her face and say no. For me, my GF tells me everything to do; how to win over family, how to save face, etc. If I want to do something special, I ask "I want to do something special, what would your mother really like-what would make your mother more happy with you and me giving her xxxx?"

My wife calls all the shots 'cause within Thai culture families are different and you don't want any misteps when it comes to marriage. For me, I'd rather not deal with the high society leung mat socialites. I'm happy with my Isaan princess just fine!

Let your gf call the shots; she's likely already hinted (my guess would be).

[dave9988]

First when you go negative (back off) it's only natural human behavior to fill the void. If you stop chasing her (so to speak), let her do some advances and call you from here out.

Next, you may make comments back like your family isn't sure about you marrying into a Thai family that maybe you should marry up in your own country, then ask your gf how to fix both of your situations.

If your gf has second thoughts, the family will be the one's to save her face and say no. For me, my GF tells me everything to do; how to win over family, how to save face, etc. If I want to do something special, I ask "I want to do something special, what would your mother really like-what would make your mother more happy with you and me giving her xxxx?"

My wife calls all the shots 'cause within Thai culture families are different and you don't want any misteps when it comes to marriage. For me, I'd rather not deal with the high society leung mat socialites. I'm happy with my Isaan princess just fine!

Let your gf call the shots; she's likely already hinted (my guess would be).

All of these posts are just depressing silly and comical as they make Thai's out to be some strange alien like creatures with ideas and concepts beyond our possible comprehension.

[zaza]

If this was about a western girl we'd all be saying "just bin her off" if she can't sort it out. The OP doesn't need her money so that is not an issue and if they can't get down off their horse then XXXX them.

Is there something I don't know about Thais which makes normally sensible men even remotely think about kissing arse and getting shafted like this ?

By the way, where did they get their cash from ? Robbing the poor ? Inheritance (means they did nothing for it) ? or running Chuwit style massage parlours ?

Perhaps the foundation of their wealth was not as HiSo as an engineering company and that gives them a complex ?

ditto !

At last, these wise words had been said.

[dave9988]

"I have been through the same scene where my girlfriend that was educated overseas who comes from a wealthy thai chinese family .The first 6 months the father would walk out of the room when i walked in and the mother would not talk to me and the sisters would not even look at me ,it was'nt until maybe a year or so that they relised I wasn't going away and slowly stopped ignoring me and offering me to eat with them .

After about two years my girlfriend arranged an enfluencial agent to approach the parents for us to marry which were reluctant but finally agreed"

1. I doubt this is even true, as this thread seems to have unleashed the "I'm married to a rich influential Thai" brigade with posts like "Her father is a high ranking government official" or "Her family have many many business" and if I were to question you further it would likely reveal the extent of your knowledge of your wife's families influence and wealth is limited to the simplest of terms, or perhaps you came to the conclusion based on the fact that they own a home or an automobile.

2. You cant even spell influential or realized, so why would a well educated woman be interested in you?

[zaza]

1. I doubt this is even true, as this thread seems to have unleashed the "I'm married to a rich influential Thai" brigade with posts like "Her father is a high ranking government official" or "Her family have many many business" and if I were to question you further it would likely reveal the extent of your knowledge of your wife's families influence and wealth is limited to the simplest of terms, or perhaps you came to the conclusion based on the fact that they own a home or an automobile.

But none of them had mentioned that her"" Father has two balls""

[torrenova]

Am I missing something here ? Not one of these relationships people are talking about is Thai - Thai right ? Everyone of them is a mix, 50% - 50% of western and Thai - Yes ?

I think we agree that.

So, please, can someone tell me why, with a union of two humans, a boy and a girl (usually), and usually a Thai girl and a western boy, do most of the guys (who pander to the Thai "supremacy") find a way to justify almost forgetting their culture and their "rules" of engagement ?

This pandering and kissing arse most often raises its head with the subject of sinsot where guys kid themselves that it is the Thai way and somehow (how I do not know !) justify the payment of sinsot at all, nevermind ridiculous amounts to a previously married, non virgin, mother of three who worked as a sex worker ? (extreme example I know).

I married into a rich Japanese family years ago and no questions were raised as we loved each other. We set up the wedding in Japan and were going to pay for it and collect the envelopes. In the end her father wanted to more than treble the number and he paid and collected the envelopes. Our respective backgrounds never made it to the dining table.

Honestly guys, go find your balls. You are 50% of the union and as such, are entitled to have your views (not panderings) heard with equal voice as the Thais. Respect where respect is due but you also need to be shown respect and you will never get any if you back off and offer your rear for their amusement.

A psychologist could likely come up with a reasonable argument that no matter how it is dressed up, the backbone here is the sale of sex where the Thais need something for selling their daughter and the guys are so glad to be on the receiving end that they are willing to get shafted both by the girl and for that privilege, also by the family.

I'm glad I was born with balls and a backbone.

[chicolopez]

are you saying op has no balls or backbone. id add a noggin to your list torre. why would a guy i n his position waste his time on a sad sad situation.

[MidoriApple]

This topics gone wack.

Just give the parents a hug, that all people cry out for sometimes is a nice worm welcoming hug.

The parents to which he refers are Thai. If you have any expereince with Thai in-laws you would know that Hugging won't cut it.

A high respectful wai perhaps. Hugging is offensive. Don't work. Would only make the situation worse.

yeah, second that. Hugging is not good idea in this situation.

eerrrrr..p'Torlae ka, if you will meet me one day, I don't want welcoming hug with "worm" na ja. ..is too disgusting for me ja.

[Chewbacka]

What an amusing and interesting thread.

Perhaps the key to the situation is to look at it from the point of view of the Mum. She has already lost MASSIVE amounts of face due to her daughter's marriage break up. You can guess that her mum tried everything within her power to keep her daughter and her previous husband together and pleaded with her daughter to stay married. Her attitude to you might be clouded by the fact that she has not yet fully accepted / got over / faced the reality of her daughter's divorce and her subsequent repercussions in terms of loss of face / status for the family.

A marriage in Thailand, particularly between the "elite", 9 times out of 10 is a marriage of families rather than just two people. Her previous husbands family were probably suitably wealthy etc etc. There is little prospect of a good "marriage" with your family in her eyes (you might consider buying the lordship somebody mentioned(!)). For her mother you being well off financially might not be enough, as true wealth / status in Thailand is measured in terms of families.

Her mother is basically concerned about the face of her family and the family's status and she wants her daughter to toe the line.

family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status family status.

You get the idea.

[Chewbacka]

So no specific practical advice there but perhaps something to work with.

[farangnahrak]

Chewbacka I think you hit the nail perfectly! Thanks for the advice!

As for hugging . . . I tried that once 4 years ago when I didn't know better . . . didn't know a Thai could recoil in horror so fast! But then again, four years later that same Thai person hugged me without any cue from me . . . And whats this 'worm' you talk about, Midori? (hey, she went there first!)

[Chewbacka]

If your girlfriend has chosen you as her long-term partner then her mother will slowly get used to the fact.

Just be yourself and time will heal all (but don't forget to buy the lordship and take up golf).

[dominator]

Why give a s##t what her parents think?

[mc2]

It depends on how emotionally attached she is to her parents. Most Thais are.

If you pull her away from her parents sooner or later an emotional tug of war will come up in some form.

The OP should play the game with the inlaws , within limits.

[CindyCindy]

FarangNahrak, I agree with MaizeFarmer (post 87), and Chewbacka (post 134)...

and also, having been there and done that and seen much, you are moving in the

right direction. Just continue to be who you are, with everlasting patience, and Momma

will change slowly; better than not at all.

A year from now we will be hearing a good update from you!

[Hssl]

Sounds like a good plot for a Thai soap - maybe the OP could play a cameo part - and then have the feeling of being 'wanted' by the future Mil

[abdulla]

im sure theres lots of hiso thaai chienses gilrs running succesful business around with phds to boot.

find another one with a nice momma.

[mahtin]

9 years older, hmm.

What does her mother look like?

[Dakhar]

If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

I have found this to be true too, which really screws up a marriage.

So now, I just don't give a toss what the in-laws think.

[OlRedEyes]

Honestly guys, go find your balls. You are 50% of the union and as such, are entitled to have your views (not panderings) heard with equal voice as the Thais. Respect where respect is due but you also need to be shown respect and you will never get any if you back off and offer your rear for their amusement.

How true.

It has long been recommended to leave ones brains at the airport, seems most leave their balls there as well.

[thaibkk]

take her to your home country & milk them for all you can

[kimamey]

Buy the mother a heap of gold and the father a merc for Christmas, train to be a Doctor for the next 8 years and ask your G/f to wait for you while you`re doing this.

If this fails, you can have my sister in law who after a couple of cans of beer, is anybodies.

I hope your sister in law doesn't come on this site, she might be aggressive when she's drunk as well. Still I'll keep a note of your name just in case I've ever got a couple of cans and a bit of time free.

[ozinthailand]

Family means a lot to my girl, and therefore it means a lot to me. When her mom refused to see me, my girl cried for like a day.

I understand and agree with you, but if you are nice to them, clean, polite, and do your best to fit in and adapt and that they still reject you, what can you do more?

Try to talk about different possibilities with your girlfriend see what you could improve or change, but that's pretty much it.

Why should you respect and bend over in front of peoples who look down and are prejudiced against you for no reason?

It's not because you are in Thailand that you have to accept everything.

Question is ... why take it up the ass just because she is thai ! if it was any other culture, you would walk away I would presume......

dont buy them shit, they are NOT worth it, save yr money, if she loves you for who u are, then it will all work out forget the rest, its all <deleted> !!..... really take off yr blinkers, she will marrry you if she loves you, if not move on, there is a million more out there !!!

[BangkokBP]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

Show valor, persistence and dedication. Good manners will always impress, so make a point of using what you know.

If you have the opportunity, show off your skills and success to her family. If your girlfriend really cares about you, which seems to be the case, ask her for advice. She will know best.

/b

[HelterSkelter]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

Read about the "Edipus" complex.Get drunk and get over it!

Really! You WILL NEVER gain thier approval!(I am wed,happy and NEVER accepted.My wife cut ALL relations and as she sais,"Chose Her love over family duty.I must live with my husband NOT My family!"

And She is more than likely using you as Her "Toy Boy".When she gets bored You'll get dumped!

Find someone near Your own age and social class if you want success in Thai Love relations.(Then You can afford to pay the Brides Dowry and not get stuck

With a used car and alot of miles on the clock!Family happy and Bride pair too!)

Peace out!Merry Xmas too!