Funds To The Familly?

[thaimate]

ive been around Thailand now for about 19 years and we have lived here permanantly for 3. when posters speak on these boards i regularaly hear them saying that they give the familly money or pay the wife a monthly amount.

now each to his own ,but i have never had to do this ,my wifes familly are not badly off ,so perhaps ime lucky ,but i was married to a Thai before and she never asked for anything ,we just shared .

so out of interest ,how many of you guys pay ? is it the norm?

[colino]

Not me ,I never paid sin sod ,and i have only helped out when the family have had major problems,

and i have been payed back in full nearly everytime.

The sister inlaw couldnt pay back some cash SO i now own 2 buffalo,

colino (future buffalo farmer)

[grantbkk]

My wife parents are divorced with their own money. I provide no supplemental income to them.

[richm7]

ive been around Thailand now for about 19 years and we have lived here permanantly for 3. when posters speak on these boards i regularaly hear them saying that they give the familly money or pay the wife a monthly amount.

now each to his own ,but i have never had to do this ,my wifes familly are not badly off ,so perhaps ime lucky ,but i was married to a Thai before and she never asked for anything ,we just shared .

so out of interest ,how many of you guys pay ? is it the norm?

The issue of Thai women looking after their family has been covered ad nauseam on TV so let's not open that one up again! I think you answer part of your question yourself when you say your wife's family are not badly off. I have had three wives (two farang) and I have had to give them all an allowance (not unreasonably - they have to live after all), unless they were working, of course (kids put an end to that). I give my Thai wife an allowance and I'm pretty sure she passes some of that to her family, which is her choice - once I give it to her, it is her money to spend as she chooses. I have a rule though, which is don't even ask for money for the family, and she doesn't. Would I help if they were in dire need? I hope so, but then I am more inclined to think that way because I don't get bombarded with sick buffalo and the like, so if they need it I'm fairly sure it would be genuine (and I'd check first, of course!!).

I'm not going to tell you how much I give my wife other than to say it is not a lot, by any means. Certainly not the THB40k++/month I read some guys dish out. If you can afford it, all well and good, I suppose, but if you want to know if she's with you for you or for the money, keep the money at the "just enough" level and no more. If you get earache over it or demands for more, you have your answer.

By the way "we just shared" can be taken many ways. Are you sure it was not a 33/33/33 split? A third for you, a third for her and a third for her family? That's sharing, after all!

[Briggsy]

This one will kick off.

[Neeranam]

Hardly anyone I know is stupid enough to give their wife's family money on a regular basis.

[mrtoad]

Hardly anyone I know is stupid enough to give their wife's family money on a regular basis.

But you know there are still plenty of them that do.

[freitag1]

Its funny in threads like these you have all the "I've never paid anything" people writing and then a few days later there will be a thread of people who think it is completely normal to pay on a regular basis.

Those who pay won't write here because others will just make fun of them. My THAI - CHINESE girlfriend makes enough money to support her family if they need anything (which they rarely do). On the other hand if I would be with a girl from Isaan and her parents just own a small farm and barely have enough to eat I probably would give them something on a regular basis.

But why are we discussing this? I thought everyone here has a well educated Thai - Chinese (that's Thaivisa style isn't it)? If you pay for her parents in this case you might to reconsider your decision.

Edited December 28, 2008 by freitag1

[patklang]

i havent got one mate who gives money to their lady or family,set the rules before relationship and check how the thought pattern is.thankfully i have no problems, in fact i get free rice every time mul visits,and a huge bag too.

[dave9988]

Those who pay won't write here because others will just make fun of them. My THAI - CHINESE girlfriend makes enough money to support her family if they need anything (which they rarely do).

I have seen this line written so many times and its always mentioned as 'they rarely need help', 'we only help sometimes', 'only occasionally have I had to help'.

The fact that you have had to help at anytime, gives us all a pretty good idea of your wife's family's financial situation. Lets just say, they probably aren't Doctors and Lawyers and the upper crust of society if they have needed you to give them money previously.

So stop trying to brag, you are failing miserably.

[freitag1]

I just highlighted the Thai - Chinese aspect because its funny that everyone seems to have a girlfriend like that when it comes to this topic. My girlfriend pays her daddy 20k extra a month even though he doesn't really need it. It's just her way of giving something back to her parents because they raised her and took so good care of her.

If you read my post carefully you will also understand that this is her money she makes from her job and not mine. It's her business if she wants to support her family and she can do it.

I don't know why I should be bragging about having a girlfriend that can take care of her own? Is this really so special?

Edited December 28, 2008 by freitag1

[torrenova]

The ones that pay are paying for sex in just the same way that they pay the bar girl in the morning. Now if you have them stop work and live with you when they worked before then providing a stipend from which she takes care of you and then perhaps has some left for her family is merely substitution and not the same at all.

Handing money over for no reason or when they stupidly get into debt knowing they can call on you means you are a sap. You might as well just bang a hooker, probably cheaper as well.

[MrHammer]

The ones that pay are paying for sex in just the same way that they pay the bar girl in the morning. Now if you have them stop work and live with you when they worked before then providing a stipend from which she takes care of you and then perhaps has some left for her family is merely substitution and not the same at all.

Handing money over for no reason or when they stupidly get into debt knowing they can call on you means you are a sap. You might as well just bang a hooker, probably cheaper as well.

Still common sense would go far.. but to each his own.

[G54]

Currently costs me 1,000 baht a month for milk for the g/f son. About 500 for slap - oops! I mean face creams etc

Nothing to the family at all, unlike former g/f's who wanted, wanted, wanted.

There was the 35,000 baht for the motorcycle but that is now reaping its own rewards as I save on time and money not having to take the g/f to work each day and pick her up again. Now 100 baht a week for juice for the m/c instead of 500 for the car, and the m/c is in my name

Happiness

[snuggzzz]

I supply money to my wife, call it 'an allowance', which she does send to help out her family. I think there can be no hard and fast rules, or consider people 'mugs' as each situation is different.

Each to there own.........................

[dave9988]

I don't know why I should be bragging about having a girlfriend that can take care of her own?

Um, I was just pointing out my observation that people on here often seem to do the following - criticize something while simultaneously subtly admit to doing it too. But apparently your gf just sends that 20k a month to her parents who don't really need it, but accept it anyways.

[Geekfreaklover]

This thread appears to be very torllish.

I don't give my gfs family any cash. If she was a better looking 'krung gin' with 'num yai' I might consider it.

[freitag1]

I'm not paying anything Dave, its her money that comes from her business she is running on her own and as I mentioned before she does this because she feels good about giving something back. So I don't have to pay anyway and she doesn't have to pay either but chooses to.

Snuggzzz summed it up. Every situation is different and its up to everyone how they handle it. People who believe everyone has to pay because its part of the Thai culture are just wrong. This might give some people a better feeling though because they want to believe its part of the culture and not them renting a women.

[MrHammer]

The ones that pay are paying for sex in just the same way that they pay the bar girl in the morning. Now

[Mobi]

It's one of those threads where hardly anyone will admit they support their GF/Wife's family.

They are all scared that they will get abused, humiliated and told they are w...kers and it's not Thai culture etc. etc. etc. etc.

Of course many who claim they don't give money, either on an occasional (emergency) or a regular basis are lying through their teeth.

Well I help to support my wife's family, have put two of her younger brothers through college, and have helped in numerous ways, and I'm very glad that I did so. If my marriage breaks upo tomorrow, I will have no regrets about the help I given over the past 6 years. Both younger brothers are now gainfully employed in good jobs, and a third brother and younger sister are also all working. They are a good, hard working family, from very humble, and unfortunate beginnings (Mother illiterate, Father murdered 15 years ago, and wife had to leave school at 12 to help support the family.)

I was previously married to another Thai/ Chinese lady for 27 years, and for some of that time we lived in the UK. They were a working class family and they ran a market stall in Pratunam market. They all got up at 4 a.m. and worked until 10. pm. 7 days/week, 52 weeks a year. The older brother got a scholarship to Thamasat and now has a good job with the government, and when the market was redeveloped, the family became destitute. So I helped out. My ex wife's parents are now happy in retirement in Bang Saen, and I still keep in touch with them, but no longer provide financial support. They are a very nice couple, and I know they still love me.

It all depends on circumstances, but for me, I am very happy to have my Thai family around me, (as they were this Christmas time), brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, uncles, Aunts, step son and even mother in Law, and I am very happy with what I have done to make their life a little better.

[mahtin]

My wife is my wife.

There is no my money, her money.

[tb86]

What's wrong with helping out a family member now and again, like it or not they are family. Would you not help out with your wifes family in the europe or where ever your from if they needed it? If you marry into a poor familyits kinda a given that the guy with the most money is gonna get the requests for loans. This isnt just a thai/farang thing thai / thai familys borrow money all the time from the wealthiest member of the extended family

[tominchaam]

Good post Mobi – it shows you care about those close to you. The good feeling you have is well deserved.

[Mobi]

What's wrong with helping out a family member now and again, like it or not they are family. Would you not help out with your wifes family in the europe or where ever your from if they needed it? If you marry into a poor familyits kinda a given that the guy with the most money is gonna get the requests for loans. This isnt just a thai/farang thing thai / thai familys borrow money all the time from the wealthiest member of the extended family

Yes, thank you. Well said

[onnut]

I never paid sin sot, and my wife and I have borrowed money from her dad many times

[IMA_FARANG]

ive been around Thailand now for about 19 years and we have lived here permanantly for 3. when posters speak on these boards i regularaly hear them saying that they give the familly money or pay the wife a monthly amount.

now each to his own ,but i have never had to do this ,my wifes familly are not badly off ,so perhaps ime lucky ,but i was married to a Thai before and she never asked for anything ,we just shared .

so out of interest ,how many of you guys pay ? is it the norm?

I've had a Thai girlfriend/wife/companion (take your pick of how you want to describe her, as we were never actually married) for the last 30 years. I've raised her family by her first marriage, sent them to school, and got them started in life as best they could. I've never been asked for money for her relatives, although I have occasionally put some money into business projects to help her relatives, Some went well, some didn't. My girlfriend is quite independent from her family, but not wealthy. I bought her a house not far from Don Muang where she says she intends us to spend our retirement (I hope to start next year). I send her and her immediate family money monthly living expenses, although her children are all grown now and taking care of themselves. I've never paid any sin sod as such, and she never asked.

All in all, it's been a good relationship...I never gave them money out of the sense of duty, but because I love them as my family. Both of us are getting older now, and we've kept our relationship going for a good 30 years....so I guess I'll keep her. I'm happy with the last 30 years...it might have been better...but it could have been a h+ll of lot worse. Money never really entered into it for either of us...I just took care of the ones I loved.

[meom]

All money we earn goes into a combined account and she can take out what ever she likes. Up to her if she want to support her family with small things.

[Maizefarmer]

I never paid sin sot, and my wife and I have borrowed money from her dad many times

don't feel lonely .... I had to do the same on occassion.

[track61]

I have never been able to understand these threads. I took care of my parents for over 20 years after they retired. Seemed fair to me since I had the means and they had taken care of me for my first 18. I had 2 falang wives and gave both of them money whether they worked or not, it's called a joint account. I also "helped" their parents on occasion. I see no reason that I should/would treat my thia wife any differently. So I guess my question to all you "I have never given my ..........", does this make me stupid or you just selfish (he said trying to be "nice)?

[Brigante7]

Hardly anyone I know is stupid enough to give their wife's family money on a regular basis.

My wife and I send £150 to her family every 3 or 4 months, more as a little some thing extra for her mum & dad than them needing it, more than enough in my opinion.