Partner / Bf Looking At "images" Of Women

[woonwai]

Just a short while ago I noticed a few google keywords relating to "sexy girls" and "hot babes" on the drop down google bar of my bfs laptop when he asked me to help him with something and I used his google for a couple of tips on what to do. No idea when he entered those keywords, could have been many months ago, as we both have our own laptops. Didnt go hunting in his history tab, because i believe in privacy. However, it nagged in the back of my brain, so I entered the keywords into google on my own laptop to see what sites would come up and has made me feel a bit repulsed because i didnt expect them to be so graphic.

At this moment I really dont want him near me, especially not in an intimate way, because I feel a bit sick about it and the vision of him ogling those images/possible videos is stuck in my head.

What i wonder is how would you feel, or, how do you feel about your partner viewing graphic images/videos of women? Is it something you accept as normal for a man, or do you feel upset about it?

[girlx]

it honestly does not bother me. i like porn too for that matter, and most of my girlfriends have admitted the same. you will never be all things to your partner, and i think being visually stimulated by pictures of girls he will never meet is much more preferable to going out and finding the real thing.

[Boo]

What is graphic? My fella looks at all sorts of crap on the net & has some porno movies too. I've seen them, find them as erotic as a wet lettuce but he likes them but they dont' bother me.

TBH unless it was animals/dead people/rape movies or kids then I can't see why you would be upset over it. Fact of life, men like porn & they masturbate too, even when getting it loads from their gf/wives. It isn't a reflection on you & he isn't a deviant for looking at it. But again, it depends on the content imo.

I think if it bothers you you should tell him & give him reasons why so at least he knows to keep it discreet (although it does sound liek he did already & you saw it though pure bad luck)

[OxfordWill]

it doesnt mean he has been searching for those phrases. google has implemented a new assistance for search. If you start typing "cars.." it will offer you the 10 most searched for terms related to cars, to save you typing. Same for "girls.." or anything else.

But, seriously, lighten up.

[popmybubble]

I agree with girlx, definitely better than him cheating on you, although I can understand why you would feel this way. I think it's quite easy for someone to feel insecure about it especially if it's not something you expected to find. I think a lot of women could think it means they aren't enough for their partner. Maybe you could try looking at some with him and see how it makes you feel... if it still feels very uncomfortable then you don't have to look at it again...

I sometimes used to be grateful when I wasn't in the mood and an ex could just get busy with his dvds...

[bina]

LOL

one day also i was going thru my history stuff and some triple xxx in thai popped up (we use the same desktop )... since it was in thai im sure it wasnt my 18 yr old son who doesnt seem that interested in hard core porn (gross mom)...

i asked him, and he said 'stam' (the hebrew term that sums up a lot of things at once) in other words, he was mucking around, felt like looking, had a look, and moved on to someting else, 'tamada', 'chuey chuey' i guess would be the thai equivalent... or 'nothing special'...

erotic as wet lettuce... crack me up...

its a boy thing... i think htey do that the same way they look at used cars sites, or digital equipment sites... to them its 'products' to be looked, enjoyed, lets the brain rest, whatever... for all i know they think of beautiful pics of fast cars while using the soap in the shower on days we arent interested....

definately not threatened by it; his libido is definately more active then mine

bina

israel

[Goinghomesoon]

I found the collection of girlie mags quite early on in our relationship. Hubby was very surprised that I was not remotely upset. Then again they were just titty mags, and pretty tame ones at that. To be honest I do sympathise somewhat with the OP, as hard core material would probably make me a bit squeamish too. Serious porn is just one of the few things I don't deal with very well.

[Lucifer]

Just a short while ago I noticed a few google keywords relating to "sexy girls" and "hot babes" on the drop down google bar of my bfs laptop when he asked me to help him with something and I used his google for a couple of tips on what to do. No idea when he entered those keywords, could have been many months ago, as we both have our own laptops. Didnt go hunting in his history tab, because i believe in privacy. However, it nagged in the back of my brain, so I entered the keywords into google on my own laptop to see what sites would come up and has made me feel a bit repulsed because i didnt expect them to be so graphic.

At this moment I really dont want him near me, especially not in an intimate way, because I feel a bit sick about it and the vision of him ogling those images/possible videos is stuck in my head.

What i wonder is how would you feel, or, how do you feel about your partner viewing graphic images/videos of women? Is it something you accept as normal for a man, or do you feel upset about it?

Please inform your b/f to click on tools, then ''options'' and delete history.

Problem solved.

[sbk]

Just curious, OP, how old are you? Cause, to be perfectly frank, this is men. Thai men, western men, old men, young men. Sure, some men don't look at porn but since its one of the most pervasive presences online, its pretty safe to assume most do.

I'm with Boo here, if its not really nasty, just hot girls, then whats the problem? If he starts obsessing over it, starts looking at truly kinky stuff or starts acting on it, then you have a problem. But for now, what you've got is a man.

[sibeymai]

Men (and a lot of women) look at porn. Simple.

I don't understand... if you like sex, how can you not like porn ? If it's all the BS about the women being exploited that's a pretty weak argument these days, at least for western women.

If you don't like your guy looking at porn with other women in it why not suggest to him to make some porn of your own. It's easy enough to do these days.

[yasx]

I'm curious why it bothers you so much. Is it because if makes you feel insecure or because you would have preferred that he was more open and honest with you? - also, whats your background? (religious and cultural, makes a big difference).

IMO -boys will be boys regardless of how much they get it and how they feel about you. What did bother me is when I stumbled across a folder on my ex boyfriends laptop which contained pics of almost every girl he's ever been with! It was an issue for me because I felt he was keeping a record of his conquests - ie notches on the bedpost mentality.

Edited January 6, 2009 by yasx

[Boo]

what did bother me is when I stumbled across a folder on my ex boyfriends laptop which contained pics of almost every girl he's ever been with!

Naked/porno type pics or just general non sex photos?

If the former, ouch & urgh!!! Be sure not to become part of that collection!!!

[yasx]

what did bother me is when I stumbled across a folder on my ex boyfriends laptop which contained pics of almost every girl he's ever been with!

Naked/porno type pics or just general non sex photos?

If the former, ouch & urgh!!! Be sure not to become part of that collection!!!

Unfortunatly a mix of both

Probably part of the collection now - in the general category

[sibeymai]

A naked picture which you have consented to give to your guy is a gift meant to give the guy pleasure in the same way as giving any other gift.

Would you expect your guy to discard everything which he was given by previous partners before you ?

It would seem that women would have their guy's memories of everything prior to meeting them erased.

Don't forget that he's with you by choice, not them in the pictures. There seems to be insecurity and jealousy about the OP's post. Ok, they're strong emotions and hard to deal with but unless his behaviour is or becomes obsessive in some way it's not likely to have any affect on your relationship unless you make it into an issue.

[ajarnmark]

Just a short while ago I noticed a few google keywords relating to "sexy girls" and "hot babes" on the drop down google bar of my bfs laptop when he asked me to help him with something and I used his google for a couple of tips on what to do. No idea when he entered those keywords, could have been many months ago, as we both have our own laptops. Didnt go hunting in his history tab, because i believe in privacy. However, it nagged in the back of my brain, so I entered the keywords into google on my own laptop to see what sites would come up and has made me feel a bit repulsed because i didnt expect them to be so graphic.

At this moment I really dont want him near me, especially not in an intimate way, because I feel a bit sick about it and the vision of him ogling those images/possible videos is stuck in my head.

What i wonder is how would you feel, or, how do you feel about your partner viewing graphic images/videos of women? Is it something you accept as normal for a man, or do you feel upset about it?

Either u r too young or too old.

Grow up n dont behave like a 16 years old... he is adult n has every right to look at porn.... same as u....

Why some women think that they r sufficient to fulfill all fantasies of their men?

Honestly, u have never seen any porn in ur life?

He is just looking at porn n not doing it by himself.

BTW, nowadays google provides certain keywords on its main page, so maybe its google problem n not ur bf problem. If u dont believe me, then use a "virgin" computer, i.e. one which was never used by ur bf or u n u will see that such keywords will appear on google's homepage by itself.

[yasx]

A naked picture which you have consented to give to your guy is a gift meant to give the guy pleasure in the same way as giving any other gift.

Would you expect your guy to discard everything which he was given by previous partners before you ?

It would seem that women would have their guy's memories of everything prior to meeting them erased.

Don't forget that he's with you by choice, not them in the pictures. There seems to be insecurity and jealousy about the OP's post. Ok, they're strong emotions and hard to deal with but unless his behaviour is or becomes obsessive in some way it's not likely to have any affect on your relationship unless you make it into an issue.

My bf keeping pics of his Ex's wasnt the issue, It was the fact that he felt the need to keep a 'collection' of his conquests that pissed me off.

As for insecurity - you're telling me you wouldnt be a tad annoyed if you came across (no pun intended) a portfolio of you're current gf/bf former flames?

As for the OP - I think that her upbringing has a lot to do with her emotions. OP?

[sibeymai]

Wouldn't bother me about seeing pictures of my partner's ex's, or finding letters or e-mails which they sent to each other. I'd be interested and somewhat curious if such things didn't exist. It's history and what I think, good or bad, doesn't change that.

If for some reason I didn't trust my partner to keep it history then it may concern me. But if my partner was fulfilling all of my needs then it wouldn't bother me unless I wasn't doing the same for my partner.

In almost all cases those ex's have moved on to new partners whom they prefer to be with anyway, not waiting around to snatch your guy back.

This whole topic seems somewhat irrational to me.

[Shotime]

Is he asking you to do things you've never done (with him, anyway) before?

[mssabai]

I have to say I think porn is almost more culturally acceptable here. OK, not with the older generation, but with younger thais, girls and boys, it seems more of a norm than in the UK. It seems quite normal for blokes to sit around watching porn, drinking, playing cards etc. Even girls I know will pass around DVDs of the latest Thai superstar caught with their pants down. There seems to be a general asian obsession with sex and film.

But even aside from his nationality...boys will be boys. I am admittedly particularly unjealous, but I totally don't have an issue with my man looking at another woman. As long as I am allowed to look at the cute men! I have be known to whistle at cute boys when with my bloke if I feel his eyes have been resting a bit too long on some bikini'd boobs! He he. But seriously. Just do a few sexy boy searches on google. Preferably on his computer.

[woonwai]

I find it a bit sad how some people like to jump to conclusions, fill in gaps how they see fit, and generally dive bomb a post without first (seemly) reviewing their initial reaction before providing a constructive comment (or critisism) in a non-biased way.

When I wrote this thread, i did so within a short time of first noticing the keywords and after doing the google search. If I was a jealous person or irrational, i would have spouted off something to him without taking time out to think rationally about it first, or gone searching in his history files. I am completely aware that I have my own insecurities (dont we all??), which obviously play a part in my feeling of being uncomfortable with it.

As for backgroung info, I am in my 30's, though often told that i look younger, slim and like to take care of myself (I only mention that for those that may think he looks at the net stuff due to me being frumpy or something..not that it should matter really anyway). Im not short of being asked out here in Thailand, but i am always loyal/faithful. Bf is more than ten years older. He tells me im sexy, and has a high libido, (sometimes too high to be honest), we have a healthy sex life. So no, im not a kid, and maybe you think i should be wiser about this, but im not. No need to send me to trial over naivity.

I suppose when i noticed the keywords and did the search on my own computer, I felt deflated and sad that he would feel the need to look at other women in that way. I want to feel that i provide enough satisfaction for him in that way. The reason I wrote in this forum is because i wanted some constructive imput to help me rationalise and sort out my feelings privately (meaning not to friends or my bf. I like that in forums you can discuss something like this anonomously, even if sometimes people give you flack.) Only then can I work out if i want to bring up something to my bf or let it go.

I am uncomfortable with it..thats just how i am. But, I will not bring it up and try to be more rational about it. If its something that I notice happens a lot, then I will need to address it and let him know that im not comfortable. I dont expect someone not to do something. We all have our individual rights. But, at the same time, couples do need to compromise. If its just a case that he looks at general graphic content from time to time, then I guess i will just have to get over my issue.

[t.s]

Just a short while ago I noticed a few google keywords relating to "sexy girls" and "hot babes" on the drop down google bar of my bfs laptop when he asked me to help him with something and I used his google for a couple of tips on what to do. No idea when he entered those keywords, could have been many months ago, as we both have our own laptops. Didnt go hunting in his history tab, because i believe in privacy. However, it nagged in the back of my brain, so I entered the keywords into google on my own laptop to see what sites would come up and has made me feel a bit repulsed because i didnt expect them to be so graphic.

At this moment I really dont want him near me, especially not in an intimate way, because I feel a bit sick about it and the vision of him ogling those images/possible videos is stuck in my head.

What i wonder is how would you feel, or, how do you feel about your partner viewing graphic images/videos of women? Is it something you accept as normal for a man, or do you feel upset about it?

it seems you haver some preety deep issues if you deny your boyfriend a healthy fantasy sex life. every girlfriend i have ever had has been more into porn than i am. i daresay most maturbated more often than i do as well.

how can your remark that his libido is sometimes too high and in the same breath deny him an outlet. it seems porn is doing you a favour.

get thee to a nunnery.

Edited January 7, 2009 by t.s

[imaneggspurt]

If i were you id be more worried if he was looking at pictures of men, .perfectly normal to be inquisite, my wife is very naive but still looks as she is fascinated at what "farang can do "

[ozsamurai]

Bf is more than ten years older. He tells me im sexy, and has a high libido, (sometimes too high to be honest), we have a healthy sex life. ....................I felt deflated and sad that he would feel the need to look at other women in that way. I want to feel that i provide enough satisfaction for him in that way..............I am uncomfortable with it..thats just how i am.

So, his sex drive is higher than yours, your sex life is healthy according to you (you require less), and then you don't want to get intimate with him because he seeks another 'non damaging' way to get satisfaction. You are headed for a disaster.... listen to yourself before you rip into fellow posters.. but that's just how you are right?

Oz

[OlRedEyes]

There's the ideal of the perfect world we'd like to live in, and the real world we live in. Though we can try and 'improve' (move it closer to our personal ideal) the world we live in, if we push too hard, we isolate ourselves from the real world and the people therein.

Careful of trying to put the man in your life in too small a cage, he's bound to try and escape if he starts feeling claustrophobic.

There is a big biological difference between men and women, and sexuality is one of the biggest. If you try too hard to turn your man into a woman, or vica versa, the relationship is doomed.

The problem does not lie with you, or with porn. It lies with the unrealistic values our society uses to raise it's children. Fortunately, many people manage to shed some of those unrealistic ideals as they age. Unfortunately, it causes much drama on the way.

Welcome to the real world. It's a wonderful world, if you don't fight nature.

[woonwai]

Quickly turning into a berating thread.

Yes, I do think that more than 3 times a day within short spaces of each other tends to be a bit on the high libido side for me! I also find it hard to do my work (i work remotely on the net) when I am being gropped and kissed, so yes, i have to tell him to stop. Sorry if that all seems perfectly reasonable to many of you! At what point did it come across that i was denying him his right to view? At what point did i say that i was denying him (ongoing) physically? My reaction is of a person who saw something unexpected and would like a little time to get my head around it. Im not brushing him off or playing a game. What the heck is wrong with those of you who jump to conclusions based on a little info?

Anyway, thanks to those of you who provided constructive comments for me. Appreciated.

[H2oDunc]

Years back I used to manage a sex shop in the North of England. I never once saw the proverbial dirty old man and around 60% of my customers were women. I used to have some of the models spend the day in the shop and they were just normal everyday girls who just happened to take their clothes off for a living.

As far as men are concerned its just what we do. It has no bearing on the girl we are with or the amount of sex we are getting. Sometimes we just want to do it ourselves, sorry. The way my ex used to look at it was she would rather I was looking at pictures or DVD's than cheating on her with another woman. Any man who says he doesn't look at porn on the net is lying.

[imaneggspurt]

Years back I used to manage a sex shop in the North of England. I never once saw the proverbial dirty old man and around 60% of my customers were women. I used to have some of the models spend the day in the shop and they were just normal everyday girls who just happened to take their clothes off for a living.

As far as men are concerned its just what we do. It has no bearing on the girl we are with or the amount of sex we are getting. Sometimes we just want to do it ourselves, sorry. The way my ex used to look at it was she would rather I was looking at pictures or DVD's than cheating on her with another woman. Any man who says he doesn't look at porn on the net is lying.

It was a filthy ,job but someone had to do it eh Dunc !

[H2oDunc]

It was hel_l. But the stories I could tell.

It was also probably the best chat up line I've ever had. Even my old Mum used to love telling her friends about it.

[Bangyai]

it honestly does not bother me. i like porn too for that matter, and most of my girlfriends have admitted the same. you will never be all things to your partner, and i think being visually stimulated by pictures of girls he will never meet is much more preferable to going out and finding the real thing.

girlx ....the more I read your posts the more I like you.!! A former dope smoking hippy chick........................... coooool . I'm a fan

[torrenova]

So the OP is not going to talk about it unless she sees it becoming more of a problem. Surely that means she is going to be snooping around his computer - no ?

As for pictures of other girls well that is just daft. I wish I had pictures of more of my old flames and had we lived in a digital age then, then I surely would have. I think it is normal to keep a record of your journey through life. The only problem I could see would be if the person with the record was obsessed by someone from their past.

As for the OP working from home and getting groped by a boyfriend with a higher libido then I suggest you tell him to get out and get a job. Otherwise why is he always at home to grope you ?

Seriously though, porn is porn and it is fantasy. I don't like some foods but I don't berate those close to me who eat them. Try to think of it on the same level, nothing to worry about. he may just be researching ways to increase your libido !