A thai girlfriend

[Eastender]

I would be interested to hear some opinions on having a Thai girlfriend. (I'm not talking about a bar girl.)

I've heard many mixed reports from people about having a Thai partner, one guy yesterday even spoke of death threats from angry wives (he said although he loves his girlfriend he'd never go with a Thai again), and I've often heard of immense pressure from other family members, including hatred / suspicion from the girlfriend's brothers.  

Also I know that most young Thais are happy just to hold hands, and maybe anything more after they are engaged. (The same guy as above didn't have sex with his girlfriend for the first year!)  

Most uni students I've chatted to aged from 22 to 25 claim they've never kissed, and I know most are virgins.

So how easy is it just to have a casual relationship with sex?

Any response is welcome.

[jayenram]

My thai girlfriend is 24 years old and worked as a waitress for Bht 1,800 a month. It took me 3 months to get her to go out with me and another 2 months to loose her chaperone. Since then she's lived with me for a year (initially in separate bedrooms) and we're very happy together. How long it will last is a different story.

[Butterfly]

whaooo !!! 25 year old virgins in Bangkok ? that must be a first !!!  

You would be surprised what people would say to save face and keep their honor.

[chuang]

whaooo !!! 25 year old virgins in Bangkok ? that must be a first !!!  

I think what he meant is their rear...ha ha

[wolf5370]

My wife says many of the university students she knew had or did work the streets/bars to help pay the costs - virgins?

Having said that, it all depends on the girl's class and her family upbringing. My wife is from a middle class family, but has had a very traditional upbringing.

She was not allowed to have a boyfriend until her dad okayed it - he had already turned down a chinese boy (same class when at school) from a wealthy family - my wife thought he was too thick and told her dad so!

He also turned down a Finish guy that also had a family connection (another aunt's friend) because he was not confident of the man - my wife didn't like hime either, but didn't need to make the decision.

He would not allow her a boyfriend until she reached 20 - and she obeyed as did her older sister (the youngest sister rebelled though).

I met her through an old school friend (Thai) and business partner - his wife is my wife's aunt and we met at a gathering (kind of) - his wife gave me a character referance (to her family) and formal introduction when I said that I liked her (from looks, I had hardly talked to her and had not seen her without her family). We were chaperoned for two years - pretty much until our wedding day give or take - and, no, no sex. She was not a virgin when we wed, but very nearly and I was her first and only.

This actually made quite a nice change for me - most of my relationships went physical very quickly - this caused me no end of problems (including an ex-wife!). With the exception of a year during my divorce I have never been out of one relationship or another. It is amazing how love blossoms with the removal of lust.

[Thetyim]

Wolf,

Thanks for sharing your tale here.

I have never heard of a relationship like that in Thailand before.

Best of luck to you

[chuang]

Wolf,

What a change reading your experience from all those @#@#

in the forum....  

[black sheep]

Not bar girl's ?  How would you ever know ? same thing with a girl that say's she has never been with a farang befour, mabe she hasen't but she's been working in a thai brothal for year's, don't take anything in life at face value !

[Maigo6]

So what if she has been with a farang, or a thai guy , or the man from the moon.

I am glad that i am not judged by the ammount of woman i have slept with.

cheers

[mrentoul]

I am glad that i am not judged by the ammount of woman i have slept with.

So am I - but I mean it in the opposite sense.

[Maigo6]

   

So am I - but I mean it in the opposite sense.

                             

Opposite to what? I have slept with loads!  

[mrentoul]

Opposite to what? I have slept with loads!  

We gathered that.

[mrchips377]

Well on the subject of Thai girls being virgins, going back 24 years ago in U.K., I was 31 and I was dating a 26yr old thai chinese girl. After two months of heavier petting sessions, i came back from a 2 week working trip abroad, passions were strong after the absence, so it got to the point that i f... her. Afterwards, she said, "what did you just do ?" I said " I f.... you!" She said "how can you do that, I'm a virgin". I said "Oh thanks for telling me, but where were you when I was doing it ! You didn't say anything " Anyway we been married since then, so i guess it don't matter !

[Maigo6]

Nice one Chips,

You must have been a good shag if she did not even know you had made love to her, haha,  

cheers

[Mali]

Hi Eastender,

I would just like to make sure that I understand what you are looking for.

Are you looking for a nice Thai girlfriend (no bar girl) with whom you can have casual sex?

 Are you looking for a girlfriend and you are considering dating a nice Thai woman who does not mind having sex with you with no strings attached?

Are you looking for a Thai virgin to have a casual relationship that involves having sex with you?

Do you need to have sex but do not want to pay for the bargirl?

Do you just want to have free sex with a nice Thai girl, period?

May I also ask you few questions?

What do you plan to give those future girlfriends in return for casual sex? Friendship? Love? Joy of sex? Free sex education?  A chance to have sex with a nice guy like you?  Or ……?

How long do you plan to keep her as a girlfriend after a casual sex?

May I suggest something to you?

I think a nice pick up line will be… Hi, my name is Dick. I am here by myself. Would you like to be my casual girlfriend so I can have sex with you? Oh by the way, please tell me you are a virgin, right?

[Wei]

Hahahahaa... I am going fall off from my chair.... this is so funny..... Mali...you go girl!  

[black sheep]

Been with a farang befour, or a Thai man ! dosen't bother me but I draw the line at a man from the moon, you don't know where he's been.

[Butterfly]

My wife says many of the university students she knew had or did work the streets/bars to help pay the costs - virgins?

Having said that, it all depends on the girl's class and her family upbringing. My wife is from a middle class family, but has had a very traditional upbringing.

She was not allowed to have a boyfriend until her dad okayed it - he had already turned down a chinese boy (same class when at school) from a wealthy family - my wife thought he was too thick and told her dad so!

He also turned down a Finish guy that also had a family connection (another aunt's friend) because he was not confident of the man - my wife didn't like hime either, but didn't need to make the decision.

He would not allow her a boyfriend until she reached 20 - and she obeyed as did her older sister (the youngest sister rebelled though).

I met her through an old school friend (Thai) and business partner - his wife is my wife's aunt and we met at a gathering (kind of) - his wife gave me a character referance (to her family) and formal introduction when I said that I liked her (from looks, I had hardly talked to her and had not seen her without her family). We were chaperoned for two years - pretty much until our wedding day give or take - and, no, no sex. She was not a virgin when we wed, but very nearly and I was her first and only.

This actually made quite a nice change for me - most of my relationships went physical very quickly - this caused me no end of problems (including an ex-wife!). With the exception of a year during my divorce I have never been out of one relationship or another. It is amazing how love blossoms with the removal of lust.

Well, I don't get it. If she wasn't virgin why wait so long ? was she already involved with a Thai guy when you met her ? I understand that the context could have prompted her not to jump in bed with you on the first date but ONE YEAR ???? I find this "strange" to say the least, above all for a non-virgin. Were you officially "involved" for that one year ? or were you "open" to other dates ? I can't think of any Thai girl holding it for so long if she had past sexual experiences before, unless it was an "ego" trip for both of you ?

[Eastender]

Eastender here.

Mali, thanks very much for your reply, was it a reply to my original post - or just one you thought up in your head?

My belief that most young Thai girls are virgins, does not in my mind lead to the conclusion that I want to sleep with virgins.  It was my observation of Thai society regarding what is normal in a relationship.  

"Most uni students I've chatted to aged from 22 to 25 claim they've never kissed, and I know most are virgins."

If you need any help understanding this, I'm an English teacher.

And what am I looking for?  Nothing, but thanks for your help.  My questions were really with regard to a friend who I'm falling in love with and wondering what to do about it.

In future please DO NOT reply to any of my posts.

[Eastender]

After calming down a bit I wanted to add, there's absolutely nothing wrong in asking about the attitudes towards casual sex in different countries/cultures.  It's something I've discussed with many Thais who are also interested in the differences in my culture.

My ex-girlfriend (farang) is also very interested in the males attitudes here, for obvious reasons.  I wonder how Mali would have reacted (see a few posts above) had this been my ex'es question and not mine?

I'm also just fascinated by the differences in relationships, not merely the sexual aspect.  We all know about what defines a relationship in our own country, love, attraction of course but also intimacy, trust, physical contact etc and I'm still not sure what defines a relationship in Thailand.

But I'm well aware of the differences myself within Thai culture.  The reason I possed the original question was that I'm just interested in different opinions.  The more people I talk to the more I learn.

For example, I was chatting to a guy recently, he's 39, presently has 4 Thai girlfriends from various provinces ranging from aged 18 to 30.  He reckons he's had about 70 girlfriends in all and 8 on the go at one time.  I was extremely surprisd by this because he is Thai!!  (A self admitted 'Jow chue').  Didn't believe him at first until he started pulling out photographs of g/fs and then showing me he has a mobile phone which only has access within BKK so he can't get caught out!

Also I originally thought that big age differences in relationships, and the use of prostitues in Thailand and a few other things were just done by westerners.  But learning that marriages with huge age differences are common, and the use of prostitutes almost accepted for Thais (men go out to massage parlours in groups?) was very surprising to me.

Anyway, enough from me, now back to you.

[Mali]

Hi Eastender,

Just to drop a line or two and I will write more later. Please don’t be mad at me. I am sorry if I upset you. My post meant to be funny, light-hearted, satiric but with a serious undertone. I do not intent to inflict any harm to you. I am glad that you are an English teacher. Would you like to be my unofficial English prof.? I am trying to write better English assays here. I used to be a teacher like you but I taught sciences.

Peace,

[mrchips377]

Well spotted Maigo, i am a bad shag, now i'm 55 i got an excuse, works too, so for me, my 23yr old filipina girlfriend gotta shag me, i just keep my end up and she does all the rest ! Know what i mean, but honest, it's pure love, he he he!

Eastender, about casual sex with thai girls. Really, please forget about virgins, unless you're in love and wanna marry. Stick to thai women who been in the sack before. From my experience, asian girls in general really don't wanna give their cherry away for nothing. They consider western girls to be stupid to be so easy about sex. It's an old fashioned attitude, but that's how it is. You see it's okay for a girl to be a bar girl, because maybe she has no choice and she's getting something for it. So don't break a virgin's heart okay ! There's plenty experienced women around !

Don't be suprised that Thai men play the game as well as you do. There are a lot of very respectable good hearted thai men around, but there are also a lot who go out

& frequent the bars, massage houses, coctail lounges etc. They are much more experienced & hardened about bar girls, loose women and the night life than most westerners will ever be. It's part of their culture and has been for thousands

of years. Think about concubines, geishas., meea nois etc. That's one of the attractions that asian women have for western men, they had bad experiences with a boyfriend or husband and think western men treat their women better (and have more money in their pocket).

Cheers!

[Eastender]

Mr Chips.  Thanks for your reply which was quite useful and interesting.

But I must point out again, I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH VIRGINS AND HAVE NEVER SAID THAT.  I'm beginning to regret ever putting up my first post.

And Mali, thanks for your reply.  I was vague in my original post so I'll try and be clearer now.

It's looking likely that me and my (farang) girlfriend will split up, quite amiably and mutualy.  And I think we'd both welcome another relationship.  Now when I think of  relationship, as well as the obvious things like love, attraction, trust etc I also think of intimacy, whether it be sex, kissing or just lying on the bed watching TV close together.

I know the Thai idea of a relationship is very different to mine.  But what I'd really like to know is am I likely to be able to have a relationship with some intimacy, without proposing marriage, or even perhaps if the girl knew I may end up moving back to the UK.  As I'd said in a post above I'm finding my feelings growing towards a friend, and I'm wodering what if anything could come of it?

The point is I'm not sure if I could spend a lot of time with someone I cared for and was attracted to without having some physical contact, and yes, perhaps sex.  It would be a bit like torture.

So again, what do you think?

[Maigo6]

The point is I'm not sure if I could spend a lot of time with someone I cared for and was attracted to without having some physical contact, and yes, perhaps sex.  It would be a bit like torture.

So again, what do you think?

--------------------------          -----------------      -----

look, everyone is different, i met a thai girl 26 years old was an officer in the Thai Royal navy, she was in bed faster than a Bar girl, i have met teachers, office workers, and yes after 13 years here, Bar girls.....apart from the fact that the other girls i had met online, they are just normal people same as everyone else.

Personally i have found that some of the nicest,  kindest people i have ever met have been in a bar, and the greatest Butterfly was a girl that worked for a well known website in the webmasers office. Everyone is different.

How old are you eastender?

cheers.

[Eastender]

I'm 38, years young.

[James_Olympic]

Eastender:  Just be careful as you progress into a relationship with your 'friend'.  I would advise you to have really made a clean break with your farang lady before embarking on the new relationship; otherwise your Thai friend will find it extremely unsettling - you'll probably douse the relationship before it starts, and lose her as a friend in the process.

Also, don't know the age difference between you and your friend, but I get the impression from what you've written that she might be a bit on the young side (early 20's).  If you get involved with her, and it progresses physically, the expectation that she'll have is that marriage will eventually enter into the picture.

You might want to look at either an older, more experienced partner (no, I don't mean a 40 year old divorcee, maybe someone in her 30's), who's been through relationships and can be realistic in her assesment and acceptance of where a relationship with you might go.

It's not easy to find a good farang-Thai match, and it takes a lot of commitment for a relationship to be successful.   Don't take this the wrong way, but your comments about your farang girlfriend show that you might not be all that interested in commitment (it seems you've put a lot of thought into the next relatioinship, while you're still in the current one).  Nothing wrong with that, and there are a lot of women out there (in Thailand, too) that can deal with that.  A younger woman in her first relationship is not the ideal candidate for this, however.

jo

[wolf5370]

Quote (wolf5370 @ Sep. 02 2003,20:37)

My wife says many of the university students she knew had or did work the streets/bars to help pay the costs - virgins?

Having said that, it all depends on the girl's class and her family upbringing. My wife is from a middle class family, but has had a very traditional upbringing.

She was not allowed to have a boyfriend until her dad okayed it - he had already turned down a chinese boy (same class when at school) from a wealthy family - my wife thought he was too thick and told her dad so!

He also turned down a Finish guy that also had a family connection (another aunt's friend) because he was not confident of the man - my wife didn't like hime either, but didn't need to make the decision.

He would not allow her a boyfriend until she reached 20 - and she obeyed as did her older sister (the youngest sister rebelled though).

I met her through an old school friend (Thai) and business partner - his wife is my wife's aunt and we met at a gathering (kind of) - his wife gave me a character referance (to her family) and formal introduction when I said that I liked her (from looks, I had hardly talked to her and had not seen her without her family). We were chaperoned for two years - pretty much until our wedding day give or take - and, no, no sex. She was not a virgin when we wed, but very nearly and I was her first and only.

This actually made quite a nice change for me - most of my relationships went physical very quickly - this caused me no end of problems (including an ex-wife!). With the exception of a year during my divorce I have never been out of one relationship or another. It is amazing how love blossoms with the removal of lust.

Well, I don't get it. If she wasn't virgin why wait so long ? was she already involved with a Thai guy when you met her ? I understand that the context could have prompted her not to jump in bed with you on the first date but ONE YEAR ? I find this "strange" to say the least, above all for a non-virgin. Were you officially "involved" for that one year ? or were you "open" to other dates ? I can't think of any Thai girl holding it for so long if she had past sexual experiences before, unless it was an "ego" trip for both of you ?

Butterfly,

Not sure if you miss read or I was ambiguous, but she was a virgin when I met her and stayed a virgin until we were engaged and nearly married - I said she wasn't when we married. Without putting to fine a point on it, we consumated early. She was never a non-virgin until a few weeks before we wed and she had no past-experiences. The point I was making was that her upbringing would not allow her to stray in such a way. Her father would allow her no boyfriends at all until she was old enough in his eyes - sexual or otherwise. I was put through a serious vetting and a long almost completeletly plutonic relationship - we held hands (not in public though) and sneaked the odd kiss when the chaperone was in the loo etc. This was not so she could shag someone else (?) or because she had attachments - it is simply traditional for a Thai girl brought up well and in the traditional way. As we had in the west in the upper classes a hundred years ago or so. We were never alone without a chaperone for nearly our whole relationship before we were wed.

I waited because I wanted to; strangely I actually enjoyed it (no ego boost - I'm not sure if I can understand how it could be), and our feelings grew stronger and over 5 years of marriage later we are still very much in love, totally faithfull and with complete trust in one another. Beat that if you can.

[Eastender]

Thanks James Olymic

Probably the most helpful, and sensible, reply I've had.

(But thanks to all, my original post was perhaps porposefully vague)

And yes, she's mid 20s.

I was thinking the same myself, although it's perhaps difficult when feelings are growing.  But yes, I can see that what your saying is very true.

As you say a match between farang and Thai is difficult, I know there are many that appear to work but???  Without knocking anyone, I don't want to be in any relationship purely because they see me as a rich farang.  They'll be very dissapointed to find I'm just a porely paid English teacher!

[mrentoul]

As I'd said in a post above I'm finding my feelings growing towards a friend, and I'm wodering what if anything could come of it?

The point is I'm not sure if I could spend a lot of time with someone I cared for and was attracted to without having some physical contact, and yes, perhaps sex.  It would be a bit like torture.

I don't understand all this relationship talk. Surely this is one area of life where you don't have to mull things over a thousand times before you act. Just touch her and see what happens. She won't break, and you're still young.

[elfe]

yes - exactly!! mrentoul. I'm surely with you at that point, not everytime though...

what the heck, they are women like any other, if youre not playing big time

actually I'm so sorry about all you guys  here, having the love of your life and asking basic questions how about to handle it....that means...you're not quite sure about lady's intentions???? and your's as well.

the lucky one is the one who gives..... bear that in mind, esp here... but not to the ultra pls

stand by yourself and don't forget  there's more in life (than being with a woman...) then they come by themselves...and...BIG TIME

::

best regards&stay cool

elfe