Weakest Link.

[Chopper]

Full Disclosure: I am British.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester .

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er. . .

Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .

Contestant: (Silence.)

Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant: Walked?

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm.

White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?

Contestant: Strong.

White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy ?

Contestant: France .

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton

DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM, Bristol

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM, Ireland

Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The. .?

Caller: Mohicans.

RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

A: Forrest Gump.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona .

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Q: What is the world's largest continent?

A: The Pacific

RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))

Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er. . .

Presenter: He makes bread. . .

Contestant: Err...

Presenter: He makes cakes . .

Contestant: Kipling Street ?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)

Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?

Contestant: Ummm. . .

Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.

Contestant: Shark.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller: Japan .

Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller: Er . . . Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland ?

Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?

Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant: No.

THE VAULT (ITV)

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?

Contestant: Basketball.

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)

Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord Of The Rings?

Contestant: Enid Blyton.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?

Contestant: Jelly.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)

Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.

Team: Chedpit.

SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)

Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?

Contestant: Six.

Tufnell: Higher!

Contestant: Five.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)

Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest ?

Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland , is it?

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?

Contestant: Jool carriageway?

QUIZMANIA (ITV)

Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.

Contestant: Doctor.

Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.

Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor.

BIG QUIZ (LBC)

Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.

Contestant: Lepers.

DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?

Contestant: I need a clue.

Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?

Contestant: Cartons?

TALKSPORT

Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have?

Caller: Two.

Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...?

Caller: Five.

MAGIC 52 ( NORTH-EAST ENGLAND )

Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?

Contestant: Erm...

Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.

Contestant: 1965?

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? (ITV)

Chris Tarrant (asking the audience): 'Jambon' is the French for which food?

11 per cent of the audience: Jam.

DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)

DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?

Contestant: Wales .

JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND )

Forsyth: What is India 's currency?

Contestant: Ramadan.

OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES )

Money: In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.

Caller: Er. . . Tony Brown. . . and Nigel Benn. (Silence

[Jai Dee]

[mr_hippo]

HOLD YOUR PLUMS (RADIO MERSEYSIDE)

Billy has a phone in quiz based on a fruit machine on his Sunday morning programme - he gives clues to help contestants.

Billy 'What famous movie actor was known as the Duke?

Caller 'I don't know.'

Billy 'Very famous cowboy actor.'

After a few more hints

Caller 'Give us a clue, Billy.'

Billy (In a Western drawl) 'The hel_l I will.'

Caller 'Aww, Billy, you've helped everyone else!'

Edited January 15, 2009 by mr_hippo

[warfie]

they walk among us...

[sangfroid]

they walk among us...

And they vote!

[njpski]

and they even got elected - but fortunately the use-by-date is only 2 days away!!!

[warfie]

and they even got elected - but fortunately the use-by-date is only 2 days away!!!

agreed!