My Wedding Day Approacheth

[old wanderer]

Having been through the whole thing....advise,,,,just have fun...I was married for 7 years and living with my wife in the USA, but NO, the village had to have a wedding...I live pretty comfortable, so decided to throw a party they are still talking about...about 200 relatives and friends came.

1. had a 2 day party, lots of food and beer. The local Wat provided a speaker stack for Mulumm music that you could hear for 3 villages around.

2. Then had 9 monks chant for good luck at sun rise (that was the hard part)

3. Then hired a marching band, to bring me to her village and home.

4. Then the marriage...about 2 hours

Wore a Joke Koh Bahn...(the blue knee length pants.

I feel it was worth it, as I personally had a great time, and the family has since that time been #1 in the village.

Edited February 14, 2009 by old wanderer

[jamescollister]

If you look on You tube [My Issan wedding part 1] or channel [james collister] you can watch my Issan wedding. I have to say I had no idea what was going on from the moment it started to the end. Nor did the wife. so the best you can do is just smile an go whereever they put you.

Good luck Jim

[rideswings]

Tritex - Sounds like you had a good time at your wedding. Thanks for the info on the weather, I forgot about the heat and thanks for the good wishes!

Byoung - still laughing!

Sorensen - "try not to end up in bed with the wrong girl" I think stranger things have happened in Thailand!

CMBruce - "take it in as another golden thread in the rich tapestry of life" Great quote! Thank you!

PK - "if you dont have booze then all the hangers on will not turn up" I dont know how much booze to buy, but if we run out, just as in the USA, everyone leaves...

H90 - "Married, went to eat a pizza, went home" sounds like a plan to me!

JKDanny - "RUN LIKE #### FOR THOSE HILLS" unfortunately, I think she would eventually find me and be a little angry when she did, so I would rather face the music now! I dont want to be duck food.

Socal - "Her Day" is ok with me, and I hope we can make it special enough for herself to have fond memories.

Yabaaaa - So you were just making it "official?" Did you have a village wedding as well as official?

ND Tim - Its going to be motorcycle as of right now, subject to how much luggage she wants to bring. If its more than one suitcase, we're renting a car.

G54 - "Enjoy it, soon you will be another nagged husband" I am currently a nagged bf... but I nag her too! So the nagging is equal in our relationship.

ND -

JBGood - "Thai's are not great communicators" you sure have that right. But if you dont expect too much, its not so bad I guess.

Birdman - "...looked TV and fell asleep" did you ever get to say "I do?" while watching tv?

473 - "the village marriage ceremony had to take place" Its the same thing here for the same reason. I will try to remember to bring a dress shirt.

Farma - That sounds like a huge event! And thank you so much for the details! Now I know a little better what to expect.

KF - I have watched most of those Youtube videos several times, but I dont know if mine is going to be that big... but also thanks for the advice "get a document which says you are free to marry verified and translated and pay for an official to attend." She keeps asking me to bring a paper saying that I am free to marry, so does having an official there mean registration? I dont want to register this marriage until she gets her K-1 visa to come to the USA!!!!! I dont want to complicate anything with immigration and I have heard that registered marriages will not allow me to apply for a K-3 visa and delay the immigration process a few months! Thanks for making mention of this small little piece of paper!!

Henry - "Its not always necessary to sit in the driver seat." Yes I agree. But sometimes I want to sit in the drivers seat if I am being driven by a suicidal BKK tax driver! Just kidding...

tb - Im not sure what my involvement will be, but I would also like to know how much others have given to brides and grooms as gifts or cash?

Old Wanderer - Thanks for the pictures!Yyour wife is lovely and you are a brave man to sit on the floor. They already told me I can have a chair if I need one. Can I ask where you went on your honeymoon?

JCollister - I have watched your videos a few times without even knowing who you were! By the way, you have a lovely family!

Edited February 14, 2009 by rideswings

[rideswings]

Well, after seeing some replies about how big your weddings were, were your spouses married before? I am curious to know how big "second" weddings were if it is your Thai spouses second marriage (after a first one ended in divorce)? My fiancee was married 3 years ago to a Thai man and they had a huge wedding, similar to some of your big ones, and they divorced after a year, and it was never registered (Please no sarcastic posts or warnings, thanks!)

In the USA, the "first time around" wedding ceremony is sometimes huge (especially where I am from on New York) beginning in a house of worship and then moving to a catering hall, whereas the second marriage is sometimes in the county clerks office and then the ceremony is in the families house or a restaurant.

Edited February 14, 2009 by rideswings

[on-on]

Hope your lithp clearth up!

[rideswings]

Lithp, what lithp? funny!!!!!! took me a while to figure out what you meant!

[473geo]

My situation was similar, in the reason for the ceremony. I was staying at a friends house, the GF wanted me to move in with her; before this could become a reality the village marriage ceremony had to take place. This was conducted in her family home, a lovely little ceremony conducted by the head man of the village. Fruit, pigs head, a quaint joining by 2 rings of silk and a thread. Guests were few, only close family and some well respected older relations who turn out for all these occasions.Her family worked and cooked all day to feed the 'passing' trade where people drop in have a drink, chat and eat. A very pleasant low key entertaining day. I insisted on providing the beer, everything else was taken care of. I really enjoyed it...knew nothing of it until the morning of the ceremony....even borrowed a dress shirt from my friend.....luckily it was loose fitting!!!!! Did drink a bit too (with my friend, in his shirt) a good day.

Was her second 'wedding'....again the first one was not registered.

[rideswings]

I forgot to mention in my OP that my fiancee keeps asking me to bring proof that I am single and available. Is she asking me for this information because she wants to register the marriage? I have told her many (many many) times before we are not registering it right now because of immigration concerns, if we register we must apply for a K-3. In your simple village weddings, do I need to have this proof? It was not my intention to bring my divorce papers with me because I dont know if a village wedding requires it. I hate to say it, but if it is not required in a village wedding and she insists on having it, there will be no wedding!

Which brings me to another issue that I am completely oblivious to... a prenuptial agreement.

My fiancee has some of the top financial advisors on her side (her mom, aunt, cousin, and grannie all of whom who I can never say no to), and I have only myself and some friends who dont know how good some Thai people are at convincing me to part with my money. Somehow, I feel like now is a good time to protect myself against some potential financial adversity should the marriage not pan out. I would really like to know even if I do not register the marriage, is a prenup a good idea? I am a firm believer that you can never have too much insurance, or too many lawyers protecting you.

[Ta22]

i got to know my wife during my brithday party - and 6 days after i know her i ask her to marry me ,

- she agree , but the process took us a few month - my parent have to visit her family to ask for her hand . and the process is long , we invited about 800-1000 guest bascially the village .

we printed like 1000 invite card and she wrote the name all by herself over the week .

- i can;t help cos i did not write thai .

anyway if you need help --

Pm me if you in bangkok , maybe we can have dinner and i would be happy to help you out ..

[473geo]

We have as yet not 'registered' the marriage at the Amphur....I have had my divorce paper translated into Thai...which I think maybe a requirement, along with the 'free to marry paper' which as yet I have not procured. Anyway we had a small village ceremony, suited us both...who knows later we may well throw a 'wedding' party make it all legal at the Amphur....I guess I am lucky on this,..... there is no pressure.

As far as money goes....pick an amount you can afford to spend.....reduce it by 20%...give them this amount as your contribution to the wedding full stop. Make this clear from the start.....the 20% is a reserve amount you may have to add later if they over spend...best to have it!!

There are a lot of posts on TV about marriage...etc....best advice I have seen is; basically, in any given situation, spend no more than you can afford to lose.....treat anything given as a gift that will not be returned. This is one way to be cautious. Pre nup agreements I know nothing about.

Never be afraid to say no if parting with money is going to make you unhappy or uncomfortable.

Good luck.

[slapout]

If I remember correctly, when you register marriage you can declare what each of your assets are, prior to signing of papers. Its my understanding that the declared assets belong to that individual if the marriage is terminated at a later time.

[yabaaaa]

"Yabaaaa - So you were just making it "official?" Did you have a village wedding as well as official?"

Hmmmmmmmm no not really.Well I wanted to show her "I meant it" and she didnt want the village along as to be honest she was glad to get away from the village when she was 14 years old. No village wedding, its our business is both our viewpoints, village is irrelevant.

[HYENA]

Hopefully you're on Visajourney (I think you are)...great site. I'm in the same boat with ya. Now I know why she wants to do it in March! I do know getting married at 9:09 or something with 9s is lucky. I have left it all up to her. She does clue me in where it involves money, though...family decided to do all the food. 30-40 family and only family friends are coming...no party friends whatsoever.

Although we wanted her family to relax and enjoy, they don't want to strain our finances and they want to be an active part of a wonderful, joyous occasion so they're determined. i have to buy the food (of course, they're really poor...it's only right). Many don't discuss sin sod but I'll tell you the plan; pay off her land loan and maybe leave a little with her mom (although tradition states it's supposed to go to the dtr in case of a divorce since their divorce is different there). I've got too much gold but she'd like us to sell some when we come back to put back into making money however we can.

NO BOOZE WHATSOEVER! I was thrilled to hear that one and I am against it, too (not even for me, I want to be aware of everything)! it WILL keep the stragglers, unwanteds and stupid drunk people away (drunk people are quite unpleasant and anything can happen given the wrong ones). Also no booze or meat since we're having a high monk come fine with me, also but I'd LOVE to eat one of those buffalo (they'd crap on me if they knew what I was thinking when I'd look at them.....)"...you, I think likely taste good, wonder how many tenderloins I could get out of you," etc I'm a steak man but one day without dead animal will be refreshing.

She thinks the entire thing start to end will be 50k. Sin sod 100k, they keep a little, pay off her land, give me back the rest (that's only $2857, mind you)! Over time, I snagged $10k of gold (so I'm bringing an installable safe...little clepto nearby). I couldn't help the gold...I love gold and it's OK, just for show except one necklace for mom. I may dole out more cash if it's important to family face. They know I work for a living and they also know and feel bad they can't do something for me. They're very aware (every once in a while someone gets a weird idea but then again, so have I so I cannot and have to remember, cannot judge them-they're not money grubbers and I need to remember that while getting used to their culture nuances (otherwise I'll be on the run again calling it all off). Some of the warnings and blogs I've read too much and it has been detrimental because the majority of Thai marriages and Thai farang marriages work out fine!

So I'll get out of there after givebacks, everything, I'd say about $5k cash down (not counting the gold since that was over time and it's coming with us). We don't expect any gifts and I hope none gives but I'll make sure it goes back however Thai tradition dictates (since they're all on the brink in her hood)

Lurkers are snooping for the age old sin sod thoughts...just a little but EVERY situation and family is different...if his heart truly believes she's got the right intentions (remember, Asian cultures view marriages as mainly financial worth but love ties it nicely). Please don't read the other blogs about the negative aspects, why isn't it fair, why doesn't the bride pay for her wedding & i sin sod but she doesn't have to so I don't have to rationalization, etc. It can cause problems that don't exist based solely on fear. I've had to remind myself it's taking one member out of a socialist structured family into a dual dictatorship family so some one's gotta get the shorter stick and comparatively they're giving more than I even though they have no money.

It REALLY is a time of enjoyment, gratitude and recognition for you and a welcoming of the groom into her family (for real). Pay what feels right and don't be pushed...feel both sides. I certainly have a feel now. When i questioned sin sod, she's mainly determined to get that loan paid off (understandable since she's leaving) and nothing else matters. I'd like to leave some with mom, though...she's never ever eaten in a real restaurant and never had a vacation...ever, mind you. Think about it. Never a vacation, McDonalds was 5 star for her. Wow and I was stressing over money? McDonald's she didn't like only because it was "expensive" and it upset her since I wasted my money on her like that. She's a good soul and if she were younger, she'd be my pick (but she looks 90 now so, no go). I'm lucky to have a MIL like that. I'm supporting them to some degree and she hates waste and thinks of me and my best interests (even correcting her dtr) all the time. Please read all you can about their culture and don't lose any face since that can be the source of a bad start ( most likely know all that...I'm also writing for others). Remember, Thais have a very low divorce rate amidst the fastest divorce process. I'm going to try my best to do as they do, think as they think because family is what binds and I don't want to be another frivolous farang divorce.

My warning don't take lightly. Cold feet, jitters, money horrors for me at home had me running for the hills just 3 days ago, tears everywhere. The time apart has been awful and has cost us a lot of trust (breakups, arguments...over nothing but 100% misunderstood crap...100%!!!! but still we both misunderstand and keep doing it and it hurts us both)! We need to get on with it before it becomes fatal. 6 months and still no second notice on my visa so maybe 9-12 months total here. It's hard.

OK off my box here, Mr. Motorcycle man....hey, did you ever find where to rent one? Do be careful. I've seen back to back m/c accidents in front of my nose awaiting a taxi. My guess is 1/8 don't make it. Be careful, think of your kids or family or wife constantly when you operate it over there. Having said that, I'd like to do it too but I'm a big chicken of death. I keep putting off buying a MC here until next year. I've been doing that since I was 21 (literally). The sole reason is because I don't want to die. I love mc's far too much and used to ride a LOT.

I'm looking forward to the day, worried I won't have enough sin sod to show nicely for these nice folks and worried in general something will go wrong on my part but I gotta trust the process. Wisdom from my fiancee...."talk good about others, think good thoughts and good things will begin to happen in your life and all around you"

I fully trust it will be a nice event. Think of your family doing a BYO food massive picnic only this has a ceremony in the middle of it. Thais are adept at smoothing everything over, smiling and having fun so there will be no mistakes in your wedding because if they existed, surely would be completely ignored as everyone keeps smiling.

Edited February 14, 2009 by HYENA

[UncleFrank]

Everything is under control.

Just bring the money.

Edited February 15, 2009 by UncleFrank

[spongeman]

Having got married in Dansai, Loei. the advice I would give is sit back and enjoy the ride.

Thais are great organisers in this regard, It was amazing to see people pull together, cooking through the night .

Dont stress yourself too much, and enjoy! You wont forget it............

[G54]

Not read everything but :-

2 televisions are a must unless you love those Thai soaps.

A spare bedroom will help so you can sleep without the noise of all the Thai soaps blaring from the tv.

You could put in requests for the above as wedding presents. If the family are poor you could ask for ear plugs and eye blinds

spppeeellling not good

Edited February 15, 2009 by G54