I was just wondering if this is a big deal or not. My son doesn't really have a best friend. He doesn't even talk about "friends" in his class. He doesn't want to have anyone over for a playdate, & he isn't asked either.

so what's everyones take on this? should i be concerned about his "social status?" 

I only ask because I remember being a shy little girl in nursery (and up), and not having many (or ANY) friends. It didn't make for a happy childhood.

I want something better for my son. Sure he seems happy playing with his brothers, but when my other son gets invited to a birthday party or THREE in the span of 2 months, and the son in question has NO invites, it's upsetting. Maybe I am reading too much into it. IDK.

what's your experience?

I strongly feel for you. My daughter (thai) started school in NZ when she was six and picked up english really quickly but didn't seem to have many friends. I was more concerned at parent teacher meetings about her social life than her marks (she's a bright kid). The teachers never seemed worried. In fact I don't think they really noticed . The teachers told me it was more that my daughter wasn't fazed about hanging out with a lot of the girls who are 9 going on 19! My daughter isn't interested in the 'trendy' scene so she isn't really interested in hanging around with those kids.

Luckily our neighbours have kids her age and they became, and still are great friends. She's ten now and has slowly developed a few friends at school but not that many. She only really seems to have one good friend at school. I always had heaps and was 'popular' like your other son sounds to be so it's a bit foreign to me not to have loads of friends. But my daughter is genuinely really happy with her small group of friends. She doesn't go to a lot of birthday parties or friends houses often but plays with the neighbours every other day - they have been a blessing.

She is however extremely active with music and loves learning and doing her own thing. I wouldn't worry too much. I think kids develop friendships more towards 8 - 10 years old and beyond. As long as your son is a happy kid what more could you want? Give him opportunities to do things he's interested in. If he likes sport encourage that, if music, encourage that, if cooking encourage that etc.

Kids are a funny bunch but they're all unique just like adults. The best thing for me is my daughter loves hanging out with me and I'll make the most of that until I'm the embarrassing old man .

Unless your son is unhappy you have nothing to worry about.

Thank you thats reassured me alot. I was quite an attention seeker when I was young. I don't have any real friends apart from my partner now and I am happy with that. Strange

Maybe think having a play party for your son & invite school friends & neighbor kids. Could just be that he is under their radar as he is quiet so having a party will raise his profile?

Haha. It's quite stressful wondering but not knowing what your kids are doing at school. I used to worry about what my daughter did at lunch time.

It turns out she showed a great interest in helping in the sick bay (which worried me - would she get teased for being a 'geek'?). Last week I got a call from one of the teachers asking if they could train her to help properly. "Yes" I said, "that's fine". The teacher replied "Oh good because there are so many kids that want to do it now we can't take them all but felt your daughter should get the first option".

Haha. So now she's a trend setter! If we worry now what are we going to do when they are 16???

what is wrong with being a 'geek'??? remember, as my wise old dad always said: the late rose blossoms more fully . in other words, all the young and beautiful set become old and worn out quickly; the late bloomers find themselves later in life and seem to have a fuller life. i see it on kibbutz all all all the time. the geeky kid that doesnt fit in with his /her age group (here, much more important than in any school as all every single totally every event here is done as a group)becomes the outstanding officer of the year in the army, or the uni poetry award winner, or the start up king, while the main crowd tend to stay on kibbutz and continue on being sort of mediocre and doing what others want them to do.

my eldest is a good example of this. she, obviously will not be returning to kibbutz as a member, over her dead body she says-- here she was a very serious, curious girl that got along much better with the older kids and had no patience for her peer group, so had few friends, until she left for a year project in the desert. there, she blossomed at age 18 and has a very varied and large set of good good friends for life.

she is one example. she takes after me. i was the horrible geeky, dorky, teacher's pet, book worm, rocket club type. now, being eccentric is a plus not a minus. as u might notice .

on the ohter hand, my youngest is a social butterfly, but she is also sweet and sensitive, with learning disabilities but a star in interpersonal relationships. if your child is not upset, is busy doing things he/she likes, is involved and interacts socially within the norm (doesnt close him/her self in the room with no lights, stops eating, sullen, anger attacks etc) i wouldnt worry.

dont live thru your kids vicariously.

bina

israel