Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families

[ChiangMaiThai]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

Edited March 10, 2009 by ChiangMaiThai

[neverdie]

Ouch!

The way I see it, you should grab both ur goolies in one hand and go and get the car, at 17k per month for car hire, the sister owes you two months hire & the parents owe you 2 years worth.

Seriously though, that is your car....if you constantly lay down these people will walk all over you, fark that I say, was it ever your intention to donate 400k to these people , sorry but this stinks, if they wanted a donation they should of asked for one, you have been had.

[ukrules]

The moral of this story is - trust nobody and keep your own money in your own pocket. If they can't afford something then they can't have it. This applies everywhere, not just Thailand.

Maybe the parents will rent your old car back to you

[Heng]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

[PhilHarries]

There used to be a saying back home (UK) that blood is thicker than water. It's kind of lost it's import these days with our very man for himself culture but in the end we are not so different. If you had a small wedge of money that your brother desperately needed but so did your girlfriend's sister where would your loyalties lie?

[neverdie]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

So your the 'Head' of your thai family, are you?

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I can't believe this rubbish yet again. Or maybe I'm an exception but I really wouldn't like to think so.

For starters:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

Ok, first paragraph and right off the bat this is insane. WHO buys land within your own family?! (Among siblings it's common to sell or exchange land, but from parents? And you say understand Thai culture? Don't get me wrong, it's common for people to need money ( ) and perhaps this was put into the form of a land purchase but really, the land is already yours and your wife's as a member of the family.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure.

Right, so again as a family, noting what I said above about it being common to need money, the MAIN issue here was probably that particular plot that was with the bank. That's something that as a family you'd look at and decide on ways to keep that in the family, pay the bank and then probably transfer it to your wife's name.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Your wife should deal with that. Again as a family I would let my wife fight about that with her sister, it's as much her 30K as it is yours. In my case there'd be hel_l to pay. Most likely they'd agree on something involving low monthly payments to pay it off, as little as 1000 baht a month but they'd still pay it off. Or else.

> Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

I understand less and less of this. You don't really seem to be part of that family at all. Either make sure you are or walk. (Meaning your wife/girlfriend has a choice to make)

> Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family.

Obviously. What many foreigners fail to understand is that they are (or should be, or can be) very much part of that family. When I bought my car I was about to loan from the bank but my mum in law loaned the money to me instead, saying that money should stay within the family, rather than making the bank richer!

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month.

I think that's the main issue. Again, she has a choice to make, someone should educate here about family. However, you keep saying 'girlfriend' not wife so it's kind of hard to become a part of the family when you're on an extended dating period.

Edited March 10, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[473geo]

There used to be a saying back home (UK) that blood is thicker than water. It's kind of lost it's import these days with our every man for himself culture but in the end we are not so different. If you had a small wedge of money that your brother desperately needed but so did your girlfriend's sister where would your loyalties lie?

Spot on.....an observation often overlooked in the clamour to berate the Thai......doesn't mitigate the happenings such as the op has experienced......but that does not make your comment less true.

[dave111223]

Who hands over 400,000 Baht without a contract?

I wonder how many other plots of land you even considered before putting the deposit down? Were you even in the market for land, or you g/f just suggested it and you slap down 400K?

And if i understand you correctly there is only 30,000 left unpaid for the car, and you did receive 400K for the car?

[ukrules]

her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

How much is 9 Rai of land worth, I'm assuming you're in Chiang Mai based on your forum nickname ?

Edited March 10, 2009 by ukrules

[MSingh]

Who hands over 400,000 Baht without a contract?

I wonder how many other plots of land you even considered before putting the deposit down? Were you even in the market for land, or you g/f just suggested it and you slap down 400K?

Bang on Dave the Rave, it always amazes me when i hear people buy this & buy that, put it in a Thai's name etc etc etc, they would NEVER do it at Home so why all of a sudden does that change when they get here ??

Leave their Brains on the Plane me thinks...

[dave111223]

Come to think of it why did you even need to put down a deposit for land owned by your g/f parents?

You're telling me they wouldn't come to the land transfer office and just do the sale without getting a deposit first??

And why the was the deposit 400K, when i bought my condo for almost 2Million the deposit was only about 30K.

Edited March 10, 2009 by dave111223

[samuibeachcomber]

400,000 seems to be a magic no. for you.did the sister pay you 400,000 for the car,only owing 30,000 if so you are lucky,and can forget about the 30,000 still owing.

Buying the 9 rai of land off the g/f parents?does that now mean the parents still own the land cos of non transfer?did the 400,000 you paid pay off their debt to the bank?If that is the case it sounds like you may have been had.

Dont worry,to some extent we all have been taken for a ride where money is concerned(as farang living in thailand we are in unchartered waters where money and thais are concerned).The minute we arrive in thailand we soon realise that trust has to go out the door(trusting thais is an axymoron)and of course there is no legal recourse.

[h90]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

that's too silly to be true......

[jellymeister]

now what would PT Barnum have said about the OP?

[Westerner]

This family sees you for what you are - A SUCKER!!!

[imaneggspurt]

Loan in thai translates to gift in almost all dialects,.

[Mobi]

This story is relatively mild compared to some that I personally know of. Just read a certain thread in ther "out of the Box" forum to see how bad it can get.

For most of those posters who claim that they will/have never got involved in paying over money,or buying things for the family, they are generally full of <deleted>.

Yes, family will usually come first, unless you assert your position from Day 1, and stick to it no matter what.

The difference between Thai boy friends/husbands and farang boy friend/husbands (apart from the difference in wealth) is that Thais know the score and are much tougher.

This is one of the many reasons that Thai girls seek out farang husbands, because the word has got around that most of us are a soft touch - especially where a hard luck story is concerned.

As with other matters in LOS, the rule of thumb is don't shell out any money to family or friends, be it in the form of a gift, a loan, an investment in land, business etc, unless you are fully prepared to write it off and can afford to do so.

[unforgiven]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

buffalo soldier

[imaneggspurt]

This family sees you for what you are - A SUCKER!!!

Strange isnt it that most of these ( Thai ) sorts you could send up a tree to get a coconut, halfway up they would turn round and ask you " what did you want " or come down with a banana,then on the other hand they are better at getting money off farang than the tax man or csa,.it amazes me,

[imaneggspurt]

This story is relatively mild compared to some that I personally know of. Just read a certain thread in ther "out of the Box" forum to see how bad it can get.

For most of those posters who claim that they will/have never got involved in paying over money,or buying things for the family, they are generally full of <deleted>.

Yes, family will usually come first, unless you assert your position from Day 1, and stick to it no matter what.

The difference between Thai boy friends/husbands and farang boy friend/husbands (apart from the difference in wealth) is that Thais know the score and are much tougher.

This is one of the many reasons that Thai girls seek out farang husbands, because the word has got around that most of us are a soft touch - especially where a hard luck story is concerned.

As with other matters in LOS, the rule of thumb is don't shell out any money to family or friends, be it in the form of a gift, a loan, an investment in land, business etc, unless you are fully prepared to write it off and can afford to do so.

Well spoken mobi, pity it will fall on deaf ears in most cases ,

[samuibeachcomber]

the OP only posted the once,and never replied,so maybe the whole has been made up.

[t.s]

moral of the story, you are a fool.

[PhilHarries]

the OP only posted the once,and never replied,so maybe the whole has been made up.

Well he's been a member for a good while and has a good number of posts under his belt so he should have known he wouldn't get much sympathy here as equally he should know not to make up stories for whatever purpose.

[thaimate]

my wife always backs me ,she says i am her husband and i come first,however if her mother needed money she would ask me if we have it .recently i wanted 500,000k to put into my bank for retirement and did not want to bring it over at a low rate ,this was loaned to me by the familly at the same rate of interest they could get in the bank.

not all thai women are the same ,remember that.

[patklang]

Just hope your gf isnt as dishonest as the family.You got stitched up like a kipper,and you DONT know about thai culture.

If that happened to me i would dump the gf unless she got her family to be honest and decent human beings.Your long term future is very bleak with family like that.

[patklang]

BTW

thats not loyalty thats downright thieving

[samuibeachcomber]

the OP only posted the once,and never replied,so maybe the whole has been made up.

Well he's been a member for a good while and has a good number of posts under his belt so he should have known he wouldn't get much sympathy here as equally he should know not to make up stories for whatever purpose.

am just surprised he has n't replied.

[samuibeachcomber]

my wife always backs me ,she says i am her husband and i come first,however if her mother needed money she would ask me if we have it .recently i wanted 500,000k to put into my bank for retirement and did not want to bring it over at a low rate ,this was loaned to me by the familly at the same rate of interest they could get in the bank.

not all thai women are the same ,remember that.

in that case your lucky to be part of a wealthy thai family,most are not so fortunate.

[ukrules]

am just surprised he has n't replied.

He only posted the original post 2 hours ago so I would hardly say this thread has been abandoned, maybe he had something to do today like work or go for lunch or something that requires a small amount of time away from a computer.