Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families

[patklang]

I get big bags of fresh rice,now thats very good for a family who have nothing.They never ask for anything,but they get the odd gift from me and my gf

[473geo]

am just surprised he has n't replied.

He only posted the original post 2 hours ago so I would hardly say this thread has been abandoned, maybe he had something to do today like work or go for lunch or something that requires a small amount of time away from a computer.

What's to respond to?

He has supplied the facts to support his header.....ending..... 'be aware'

[LevelHead]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

[mrt273nva]

I agree. Saying that a Thai girl loves her family is just outright wrong. Remove this thread immediately!!!

[Spee]

While I sympathize with the OP's situation, I think it is unfair to extrapolate a generalization from one example to an entire population. FWIW, I've seen the same thing happen in other cultures, and from people of the same blood. Money is money. Give it if you want to out of generousity. But for anything else, family or no family, get it in writing.

my wife always backs me ,she says i am her husband and i come first,

...

not all thai women are the same ,remember that.

I couldn't agree more with these sentiments, and was getting ready to write a new post until this one came up.

My Thai partner and I have been together a little over 5 years, with our fair share of ups and downs, family issues, etc., and me wondering at times where I stood in the pecking order. While I was initially not as high on the pecking order as desired, I knew deep down that my partner is a good girl, was quite a bit immature and naive for her age (a common trait with Thai women and men in their 20's & 30's, IMHO).

I also felt that with time, coaching and learning from me and from her experiences, that she would grow, become less naive and learn to appreciate more who I am and how important we are to each other in our relationship. During the past few months, she has had some problems with her family, and I of course have backed her up all the way, and this has added to the strength of our relationship.

She has told me that she loves me more times in the last 6-9 months than in all the time prior. A couple of weeks ago, she had a serious falling out with her mother and one of her brothers, both of whom have taken advantage of us and our generous and giving natures. She called me and told me that now we are "sam kon," just me, her and her daughter, a family of three. For her to make this kind of statement is ample evidence of how much she has grown as a person, in her self confidence and her belief in our relationship.

So please, don't lump all Thai women into a single category. And also, please don't be convinced that all Thai people are set in their ways and incapable of growing, maturing and changing simply because of culture or upbringing.

[patklang]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

chill out and take a happy pill.

[samuibeachcomber]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

just try and live up to your avatar name.

[caf]

This family sees you for what you are - A SUCKER!!!

Strange isnt it that most of these ( Thai ) sorts you could send up a tree to get a coconut, halfway up they would turn round and ask you " what did you want " or come down with a banana,then on the other hand they are better at getting money off farang than the tax man or csa,.it amazes me,

If I sent a Thai up a tree to get a coconut I would, using due diligence, make sure it was a coconut tree and not a banana tree first. But mixed metaphors are funny, though I don't understand them all .

Buffalo soldier still eludes me. Can anyone enlighten?

[caf]

While I sympathize with the OP's situation, I think it is unfair to extrapolate a generalization from one example to an entire population. FWIW, I've seen the same thing happen in other cultures, and from people of the same blood. Money is money. Give it if you want to out of generousity. But for anything else, family or no family, get it in writing.

my wife always backs me ,she says i am her husband and i come first,

...

not all thai women are the same ,remember that.

I couldn't agree more with these sentiments, and was getting ready to write a new post until this one came up.

My Thai partner and I have been together a little over 5 years, with our fair share of ups and downs, family issues, etc., and me wondering at times where I stood in the pecking order. While I was initially not as high on the pecking order as desired, I knew deep down that my partner is a good girl, was quite a bit immature and naive for her age (a common trait with Thai women and men in their 20's & 30's, IMHO).

I also felt that with time, coaching and learning from me and from her experiences, that she would grow, become less naive and learn to appreciate more who I am and how important we are to each other in our relationship. During the past few months, she has had some problems with her family, and I of course have backed her up all the way, and this has added to the strength of our relationship.

She has told me that she loves me more times in the last 6-9 months than in all the time prior. A couple of weeks ago, she had a serious falling out with her mother and one of her brothers, both of whom have taken advantage of us and our generous and giving natures. She called me and told me that now we are "sam kon," just me, her and her daughter, a family of three. For her to make this kind of statement is ample evidence of how much she has grown as a person, in her self confidence and her belief in our relationship.

So please, don't lump all Thai women into a single category. And also, please don't be convinced that all Thai people are set in their ways and incapable of growing, maturing and changing simply because of culture or upbringing.

Well put, Spee. Let's get more sensible comments on Thaivisa

[GuestHouse]

You need to distinguish between money lost and money at risk.

While you remain attached to this woman all the money you have not yet lost and the income you have not yet earned are at risk.

Get rid of the girl, get rid of the risk.

She (or her family) might well see your departure as the loss of an income stream and that might translate into a pretense of caring about you leaving but measure your girl on her performance so far.

She chooses her family over you, despite knowing the problems you face - get rid of her.

[Birdman]

am just surprised he has n't replied.

He only posted the original post 2 hours ago so I would hardly say this thread has been abandoned, maybe he had something to do today like work or go for lunch or something that requires a small amount of time away from a computer.

right, I always wondered about members, who seem to be on TV non stop

[samuibeachcomber]

am just surprised he has n't replied.

He only posted the original post 2 hours ago so I would hardly say this thread has been abandoned, maybe he had something to do today like work or go for lunch or something that requires a small amount of time away from a computer.

right, I always wondered about members, who seem to be on TV non stop

yawn yawn

[qualtrough]

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

One of the marks of an ignorant farang is that they believe that all Thais operate/act in the same manner.

[SoiGirlHunter]

>>>>not all thai women are the same ,remember that

Agreed some OK, my wife of 12 years has been fine, never gouged me for $$$, her family has tried though and she told

them to get f..d, but looking back and seeing what has happened to other farang i just consider it luck i didnt marry a

money sponge.

On the same breath, she has no idea how much $$$ i have or where to find it.

Dont trust anyone over here, farang or thai, even if they are trustworthy, just as a precaution

[t.s]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

hardly a level-headed response, though the topic is cliche

[TonySoprano]

My wife puts me above her family, and herself for that matter. I don't know if there is anyone else on Earth as kind a heart as her. She recently sent my sister some paternity dresses and when she got an email back from my sister saying that she had received them she was literally ecstatic. I can't personally say I am that nice or kind to derive so much happiness out of giving another person a gift.

I think you picked the wrong person as a life partner.

[torrenova]

I'm tying to get my head around the sequence of events and the timing relative to the OP's arrival in LOS and the dates of these transactions.

He came here 8 years ago

We don't know how long he has been with the girlfriend save that it must be more than 6 years

6 years ago, when he had been here 2 years already, he was convinced by his girlfriend to pay 400k as a deposit on some land owned by her parents. No mention is made of the full purchase price of the land. Did he really think he could buy the land ?

The 400k disappeared.

6 years on so I presume six years on from the 6 years before (?) i.e. now, he sells his car to his GF's sister who promptly disappears off to the USA. She owes him 30k.

He rents a car for 17k a month

OK, let's start here.

I reckon the family were up to their eyeballs in debt and the chanote was with the bank and mortgaged. He has either paid that off or some portion of it. He is clueless regarding the ability of a foreigner to own land, even after 2 years. That stinks. If it was to be put in his GF's name then why ? it would come to her anyway or part of it. He makes no mention of what the land is or why on earth he wanted it.

6 years later he has not had one satang of the 400k back.

Now he must know that his GF's sister is going with a westerner and is getting married but he still sells his car with some on the never never. Just stupid. However, the numbers don't make sense. If you can pay 400k cash then you can find the other 30k especially with a western fiancé in tow. Has he actually had the 400k ?

So now the car is with his GF's parents. Why on earth would you sell your car to someone who was jumping ship for the USA ? Who paid the 400k for the car ? Some sucker paying sinsot ?

The issue of him paying 17k for a car is meaningless as he decided to sell his car. Unless he has not received the 400k

I think this is too stupid for it to be real but if it is real then the OP is too stupid for real and should be locked up for his own safety. Sorry but a guy 6 months off the boat knows more than this guy here 8 years.

[yabaaaa]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

Theyre not all the same my wife lent her sister money she didnt pay it back, wife told her if she didnt she would either contact a lawyer etc etc or she could choose to never speak with her again. She got the money back. She has little contact with most of her 10 brothers and sisters as most are "no good" ( her words not mine) but 3 of them are fine , very honest, and have not asked for anything. I stress it was my wifes money the sister borrowed not mine. She has always been a saver.

Thais loyalty is not always what you might think same as anywhere.

[BWFC]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

Theyre not all the same my wife lent her sister money she didnt pay it back, wife told her if she didnt she would either contact a lawyer etc etc or she could choose to never speak with her again. She got the money back. She has little contact with most of her 10 brothers and sisters as most are "no good" ( her words not mine) but 3 of them are fine , very honest, and have not asked for anything. I stress it was my wifes money the sister borrowed not mine. She has always been a saver.

Thais loyalty is not always what you might think same as anywhere.

But if it was your money that was leant to the sister would your wife have have made the same threats?

[oevna]

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

One of the marks of an ignorant farang is that they believe that all Thais operate/act in the same manner.

It's true. And this belief will only be supported by their experience. If you treat everyone as suspect and never trust them, it makes no difference whether they are trustworthy or not; you will always be satisfied with your conclusion that you have been safe because you never trusted any of those dishonest people. It will be very hard to change a person's mind who is convinced of this.

You only learn if a person is trustworthy by trusting them. Of course you have to be careful, but if you treat everyone as suspect, you will never get close to anyone. Life is inherently risky. You just have to decide for yourself if you are content taking no risks and living on an island, or if you want to take a risk and allow some people to get close to you.

The down side is that sometimes you will get cheated, and you learn not to trust those people again. The up side is that some people are trustworthy, and they are worth having in your life (maybe even worth whatever you lost getting cheated by others before). This will cultivate the more accurate belief that some people in this world are trustworthy, and some are not.

[Moonrakers]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

not a complete and utter one because despite the rant he does hit upon a point.

That point being of course that the OP has painted all Thai girls with the same brush because of his own personal experience with one individual, some could take offence to this.

Maybe the OP chose the wrong words to explain himself, or maybe he needs to think outside of his own world a bit.

Sorry to hear about the OP's woe's but there is no need for the prejudiced attitude that he has displayed.

[qualtrough]

My wife puts me above her family, and herself for that matter. I don't know if there is anyone else on Earth as kind a heart as her. She recently sent my sister some paternity dresses and when she got an email back from my sister saying that she had received them she was literally ecstatic. I can't personally say I am that nice or kind to derive so much happiness out of giving another person a gift.

Might it be possible that her happiness was derived from tricking her sister into wearing a paternity dress?

[aussiejosh]

Just stop giving them money... and tell them why if they ask for a favor or anything again...

[TonySoprano]

My wife puts me above her family, and herself for that matter. I don't know if there is anyone else on Earth as kind a heart as her. She recently sent my sister some paternity dresses and when she got an email back from my sister saying that she had received them she was literally ecstatic. I can't personally say I am that nice or kind to derive so much happiness out of giving another person a gift.

Might it be possible that her happiness was derived from tricking her sister into wearing a paternity dress?

Haha. Typo.

[aussiejosh]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

not a complete and utter one because despite the rant he does hit upon a point.

That point being of course that the OP has painted all Thai girls with the same brush because of his own personal experience with one individual, some could take offence to this.

Maybe the OP chose the wrong words to explain himself, or maybe he needs to think outside of his own world a bit.

Sorry to hear about the OP's woe's but there is no need for the prejudiced attitude that he has displayed.

Well its not necessarily a bad thing to be labeling a group loyal to their family above all other? I mean it would be a cultural thing right, and something that people might actually be proud of, not exactly negative. However it is stereotyping but don't we do it everyday anyway, at least from some perspective its not a negative attribute.

But it was portrayed as a negative trait, and thus perceived easily as negative.

Wouldn't your goal of a relationship hopefully bring you into this loyalty circle? Eventually... I mean you tend to gain more, but TIT.

Edited March 10, 2009 by sbk
quoted deleted post removed--sbk

[Briggsy]

Looking only at the OP's initial post, I think this has very little to do with family loyalty and everything to do with lack of financial discipline, if I'm feeling generous, and tapping up the gullible ageing farang, if I'm feeling cynical.

It's cash up front in Thailand.

[Moonrakers]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

ot a complete and utter one because despite the rant he does hit upon a point.

That point being of course that the OP has painted all Thai girls with the same brush because of his own personal experience with one individual, some could take offence to this.

Maybe the OP chose the wrong words to explain himself, or maybe he needs to think outside of his own world a bit.

Sorry to hear about the OP's woe's but there is no need for the prejudiced attitude that he has displayed.

Well its not necessarily a bad thing to be labeling a group loyal to their family above all other? I mean it would be a cultural thing right, and something that people might actually be proud of, not exactly negative. However it is stereotyping but don't we do it everyday anyway, at least from some perspective its not a negative attribute.

But it was portrayed as a negative trait, and thus perceived easily as negative.

Wouldn't your goal of a relationship hopefully bring you into this loyalty circle? Eventually... I mean you tend to gain more, but TIT.

Some fair points there.

Although considering that it was a post about deceit and probable theft then I don't think that your point stands in this case.

[Maizefarmer]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

... the argument been, that this is uniquely Thai i.e. an ex-pat family would not handle matters like this (?)

Not a pleasent way to be treated, but I think its human nature - I can see much the same thing as just as likely to happen in the West.

There is a positive side to all this: its your "get out of jail for free" card - next time you are asked for a favour, just refer all concerned back to this episode i.e. end of favours - in the long run its going to save you quite a bit I would think.

[scottyd]

Bening loyal to your family is one thing, but if it brings dishonesty along with it, it's not exactly a good way to be. Especially if that dishonesty is towards your partner.

If I found out my family was trying to rip off my partner, i'd be livid, because not only are they stealing off her, they would effectivley be stealing off me.

I have been had a few times during my lifetime, everybody has (not under these circumstances). Being had once, no biggie, learn from it, but being had twice, it's your own fault.

Edited March 10, 2009 by scottyd

[robblok]

Bening loyal to your family is one thing, but if it brings dishonesty along with it, it's not exactly a good way to be. Especially if that dishonesty is towards your partner.

If I found out my family was trying to rip off my partner, i'd be livid, because not only are they stealing off her, they would effectivley be stealing off me.

I have been had a few times during my lifetime, everybody has (not under these circumstances). Being had once, no biggie, learn from it, but being had twice, it's your own fault.

Nicely put