LennyW Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, > flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up, > She turned out to be an undercover detective.... > How cool is that at her age?! > > I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. > She said I had to stop w-anking. > When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" > > I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I > mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? > > A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and > thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young > son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that > was an insect." > To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground > with a cock like that." > > I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed > him in front of a steam train. > He was chuffed to bits. > > When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.... > Took her out with one punch. > > My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.... > "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. > > A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that > he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter, > Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are > bound to be curious about sex at that age." > "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" > > I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding > behind a gravestone. I said "morning."... > He replied, "No, just having a sh!t." > > Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. > > I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.... > How could anyone stoop so low? > > I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a > fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.... > I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boater Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter991 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Seen it before ... but it's still funny ... and I had a chuckle. Thanks. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehaigh Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 > My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed....> "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. > oh, i get it, "sound advice" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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