What Is The Cost Of A Typical Dowry?

[sinbad]

I am an English teacher living and working in Thailand on a salary of about 32,000 baht a month. After being here for many years, i've finally met someone. She's not a bar girl (works in a shop). She's an Isaan girl and comes from an, apparently, decent but poorish family. We want to get married.

My questions are: How much is the average dowry? How much do Isaan Thai men normally pay?

Please advise. Thankyou.

[Petesear]

Not sure about a Thai geezer, seen amonts of 999,999 etc...

My wife is of Chinese decent so it was all money for show, the family didn't want it, mine was half a mil in cash.. A mate of mine is due to get married to an Isaan bird later this year and he is talking around 50k, and not getting it back....

All the best...

[Ajarn]

There is no typical or average anything here when it comes to this issue in Thailand... Do what you think is right and appropriate. Upfront and honest discussion is the best way to go, in my experience.

Follow your heart, and cover your ass.

[chanchao]

While you're at it: How long is a piece of string?

[chanchao]

Alright then:

> She's an Isaan girl and comes from an, apparently, decent but

> poorish family. We want to get married.

30,000 baht.

Personally though, I wouldn't pay dowry. Help out the in-laws: sure. But dowry displays at weddings.. screw that.

[Harmonica]

sinbad,

"Wondering thru' thai culture" -- a book recommended to me by a friend in Phuket when this question came up not so long ago -- I haven't had the chance to purchase it yet, but remember this as part of the discussion .... about 100K to 150K and possibly less if the girl has a child already.

He had been thru' the entire process and everybody was happy with the arrangement.

Regards

[Petesear]

Alright then:

> She's an Isaan girl and comes from an, apparently, decent but

> poorish family. We want to get married.

30,000 baht.

Personally though, I wouldn't pay dowry.  Help out the in-laws: sure. But dowry displays at weddings..  screw that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Petesear]

sorry, forgot to add my bit.....

when in Rome..

[RamdomChances]

There is no typical or average anything here when it comes to this issue in Thailand... Do what you think is right and appropriate. Upfront and honest discussion is the best way to go, in my experience.

Follow your heart, and cover your ass.   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You wont get much better advice than this. There are loads of threads on this subject do a quick search, try "dowry" or "sin sot"

[aletta]

For an average girl in an average village i would say from 30000 to 50000 and a baht or two of gold.

[gburns57au]

I am an English teacher living and working in Thailand on a salary of about 32,000 baht a month. After being here for many years, i've finally met someone. She's not a bar girl (works in a shop). She's an Isaan girl and comes from an, apparently, decent but poorish family. We want to get married.

My questions are: How much is the average dowry? How much do Isaan Thai men normally pay?

Please advise. Thankyou.

depends on the girls age, children, lifestyle, village social status etc...

my ex was 24 I was 37....she had been married before with no kids, she was a non bar girl and was not working outside the village chores. I might add that she was very attractive too.

53,000 baht and 3 baht of gold, they initially asked for 75,000.....negotiated to 10,000 down and pay the rest over 12 months. Despite what people say it is important to have a display of money at the wedding...usually in 100 baht notes cos it looks like there is more and stops others from counting it...lol. This is symbolic to show that you will support her and look after her and also a face saver for the family, you may ask for the display money back if it is not part of the dowry. There are many quaint traditions in a Thai wedding, enjoy !!!

[Totster]

All I have to say about this is.... If it needs to be paid then the amount to be paid is a result of discussions between yourself and her parents and maybe her. Where two Thais get married the two families hammer out deal.

To give an example price is not practical as there are many different factors.

A good rule is... if you are not happy with the sum, then don't pay it, negotiate, but remember these negotiations should stay "happy"

totster

[rockhardbkk]

I think following your heart is the best route but...

I'm married to a South Thai girl and have been for about 4 years now. Initially the older sister was a bit perturbed that my wife was hooked up with me and told me I needed to pay 200,000 baht plus some gold to get married. At the time she was in university and shortly thereafter graduated so she was not a bar girl or an Issan farm girl looking for a way out. My wife went to her mother and her mother stated a dowry was not necessary as long as she was happy. I paid nothing. I've been here a little more than 8 years now and from what I have gathered and know, Southern Thais are not nearly as "needy" we'll say as the Issaners can be. Maybe I was lucky, I don't know really but I'm not one for the dowry, tradition or not. Think about it, you're going to pay for the girl AND more than likely support her? Seems like she ought to be paying the dowry but that's debatable.

I was with an Issan girl a couple of years before I met my wife and stayed with her for a few months. The family and her were not at all money hungry and also did not want a dowry if we chose to marry. I really do think it depends on the girl and her family and it's not always necessary to pay a dowry. From what I know 50,000 plus a couple of baht of gold sounds like plenty. If they have children or have been married before or are a bar girl, their value goes down. If they are educated and from a higher "class" family, the dowry tends to be more, in some cases up to or more than a million baht.

[britmaveric]

No a dowery isn't necessary, but suppose if you have to keep it low.

Edited January 25, 2005 by britmaveric

[hansnl43]

No a dowery isn't necessary, but suppose if you have to keep it low.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I paid 200,000 baht, a lot, but I hear sometimes amounts of 500,000 or even 1,000,000 baht.

[Ajarn]

Seems like she ought to be paying the dowry but that's debatable.

From what I've read, that used to be the system here, like in India.

Then the new Chinese settlers changed all that in their desire to integrate into Thai society easier, according to one book...

[ProThaiExpat]

Follow the advice about "following your heart", but keep in mind you are in effect joining their family. Thus, the "face" of the family is the primary concern, not the Baht. Fully discuss the matter with the family and make a full disclosure of your finances (keeping whatever secret funds you want to hold back) and between "show funds at the wedding" and actual dowry, they will treat you equally kindly. 10K baht one way or the other really doesn't matter. Love and fillial accord do.

If your wife to be or her family have reason to believe your wealthy and you are, then the sky is the limit. On the other hand, if your a school teacher by profession the opposite is the case and your net worth isn't high enough for you to worry about their taking advantage of you.

Unfortunately, Thai teachers in Issan, try to live at a higher standard than they can afford and so many of them are heavily in debt trying to "show off". You can't get blood out of a stone, so I am for full disclosure to take the pressure off and let the family solve your problem for you. If they are gouging you for dowry, not show money, then you can always say no, but the residual effect on the "families" face will always be a consequence.

As I understand it, dowry comes from capital not on the installment plan from your salary. After all, you and your wife have to live on your salary and there needs to be enough left over to "help the family" in times of need.

Edited January 25, 2005 by ProThaiExpat

[drummer]

I'm planning to get married and my fiancee, 22 y/o from Nakhon Si Thammarat said 50K THB would be appropriate. not he richest guy, and our son was just born last week. (her priority is to get the kid's stuff paiod for before we get married, so its a long engagement )

[jayenram]

Get married in the Amphur. Bht 70.00. I did.

(comments edited by the tight git)

I'll cost you far, far more than that in the end!

[Crazy Dave]

> What Is The Cost Of A Typical Dowry?, And how much would a Thai man pay?

a middle class thai man would marry a non soiled gal,ie a virgin and the price would be negotiated within the family, if the gal is soiled she is only good for the lower classess or farangs.

a nice example of this is my galfriends 15 yr old nephew, now the family is quite well to do and all that, so he moved his 14 yr old galfriend in, the gals parents wanted 50,000baht for the marriage, when it was exposed that the 15 yr old nephew werent the first kid to do her, the family refused to pay anything for her, yep soiled goods aint worth nothing in this country...

[Nam Kao]

Sin Sod is nothing to what you'll be paying down the road

[Rinrada]

Bought K.wife a new rice cooker at about 450Bt

[Khun Jean]

I paid 200.000. It was all for show. After the ceremony it was returned.

Think of it as a good start where everybody can gain a lot of face. Especially your wife will feel special and dont have to be ashamed if she was not a virgin or "damaged goods" worth nothing. Now is that not a better start than refusing a dowry and show everybody that she was "damaged goods". I really don't like the words some people use, it shows that they ony think about money.

This is more about feelings than the need for money. If the family is really poor you will be supporting them in the future anyway, and is it so bad to give? Especially when the parents are old they like to keep traditions.

And if you don't trust that you will get your money back, why marry at all?

[Girlfrombar]

i'm thai and a woman

and i hate dowry.. marriage circus show

heart, actually is priceless..

and it's about the two

anyway

the 'dowry' is just about the protection of losing the daugther in the 'old' world

it's the wise mechanism for women, as well as it nails the belief of unequality between men and women

in the other hand,

dowry devaluates the woman being and pure love and true romance and.. the virginity!

Edited January 25, 2005 by Girlfrombar

[britmaveric]

i'm thai and a woman

and i hate dowry.. marriage circus show

heart, actually is priceless..

and it's about the two

anyway

the 'dowry' is just about the protection of losing the daugther in the 'old' world

it's the wise mechanism for women, as well as it nails the belief of unequality between men and women

in the other hand,

dowry devalulates the woman being and pure love and romance and.. the virginity!

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly- problem with dowery is it creates the illusion of "property". People aren't property and this is exactly why I would never participate in such a practice.

[toklong]

If soiled goods aint worth nothing in this country....would this include farang men?

[Pink Mist]

If they have been married b4 or have kids, then sin sot is zip.

[Lars]

Never even heard about dowry when we got married(she's thai but the family came from China way back). We went to the amphur and that was it,five years ago and no problems with her family

[Ajarn]

if the gal is soiled she is only good for the lower classess or farangs.

Nonsense. Life here isn't nearly as black and white as you seem to believe. Plenty of non-virgins marry rich folks, and even divorced folks can remarry well. Don't fool yourself with other nonsense. It's not fair to take an incident in your family and extrapolate that 'proof' of your hypothesis to assume it's the same throughout Thai society. Way too much of that kind of 'all Thais do this' thinking goes on in these forums, in my view.

[aletta]

I've always been led to believe that if a girl has been married before than there is no dowry to be paid.The girl is "mai mai".