Should The Farang Pay

[chefshane]

when you go to a restaurant the oldest person is expected to pay, not because its expected, but because he may lose face as not being the most successful, with the most income.

I really cant believe some are suggesting not to help with the bill, are you part of the family or not?...are you the most financially able, or just using the daughter for sex?

This is actually very relevant.

Everyone (most people) are complaining about 'white man pays'

The reality is that a relationship (a real one) is usually based on a number of factors.

personality, compatibility, social acceptance or otherwise.

Family may or may not be closely involved / aware / condoning the relationship.

Perhaps the guy is lovely but not financially stable. Work together.

Perhaps the guy has more money than anyone in the family. In that case, help out with the bills or you look like an ass.

Did you start by sending money home, and now starting to question it? Have a consistent policy.

If it is a big hangup, split with your Thai gal, get a Farang lover and keep separate bank accounts, and split all bills 50/50 when you go out. Your girl can get her own job and pay for her own drinks and flowers. See how long that lasts too.

My lady helped me through the tough economic times.

She had time, skills, compassion and savings - all helped and were at my disposal. Her family came and helped with logistics, moving house, support and buying making meals.

Once stable again - I return the favours and be thoughtful sometimes.

Give and take. Most long, mutually beneficial relationships are based on it.

So many farangs complaining about having to give money for family - who are you going out with, and what is your relationship based on?

If it is only sex and money, perhaps consider being with someone that you can develop a deeper bond with.

If your relationship is already deep, based on love, respect and without regard to what others think or expect, then I don't see why sharing money with your life partner and helping family is such an issue.

If the family are unreasonable, set boundaries that you discuss with your girlfriend/wife and honour your commitment or stick with your decision.

If you want to count every penny, hookers may be cheaper in the long run than getting into a relationship, having to buy drinks, gifts, presents, pay rent, be considerate etc.

Just pay by the hour.

Then you can spend most of your money eating and drinking alone (to save paying for someone elses meal or drinks), do the business on a single bed, (to save hotel costs) pay short time, and then you don't even have to have her there in the morning, expecting breakfast.

You'd save a fortune.

Honestly, be human, do what you feel is right, and if money keeps being an issue, consider a more compatible partner.

If you are loaded, and have a very poor girlfriend, and fritter away cash on beer, hookers, tuk tuks, massages and Western dinners, then refuse to part with a few thousand baht when the family are sick, just wake up.

If the dad is entitled to cheap health care and chooses to go private, then explain that you are happy to support medicine and a bit for the home to make him comfy, but will not pay private hospital. He can choose local health care and you can assist if he needs anything special.

More than reasonable.

[Heng]

guys like to give the exceptions to prove the rule wrong. most will not end up with an officw girl from a middle class to hiso thai family.

Still, it's good to keep hope alive.

[coconutmonkey]

guys like to give the exceptions to prove the rule wrong. most will not end up with an officw girl from a middle class to hiso thai family.

Still, it's good to keep hope alive.

So true.

[Pakboong]

To me, the answer is linked to how much effort you put into being a member of the family from the beginning of your relationship. If you paid for every thing then, it seems appropriate that you pay for everything now.

[TonySoprano]

Its comical to hear people say, in other words obviously, but their point, whether they realize it consciously or not is, "I just want a girl half my age who wants me for me, not because of my bank account balance"... Its in the line of "Why won't the stock market just go up!"... When will the next Asian Tom Yung Goong Crisis start, I want to buy six homes and flip them fast?"... "If I keep playing the same lottery number, its bound to come up! I deserve it for crissakes!"

[TonySoprano]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

I don't actually think that the theme of this thread is scamming.

I also think that it's not a case of Farang being obsessed with money, it's a question of fairness.

My money has not been easy to come by and I don't see why I should just give it away, without considering the circumstances.

If my gf's father was to get sick, none of the family has any money, so I would have to pay, if I am able.

But I do get pissed off with so many Thais attitude to money.

My gf's sister borrowed 10,000 Baht to help finish her house. Most of the money for the house has come from her father and he is now broke and retired. With no current income she still managed to gamble 800 Baht (borrowed) on the lottery 2 weeks ago. I have just found out that she has gambled 700 Baht on the lottery today. That 700 Baht came out of the money that I have lent her.

It's examples like this that gets up the nose of Farang and makes them reluctant to help people who will not help themselves. How can somebody with no current income gamble 1,500 Baht in 1 month? I feel sorry for her husband, he's such a decent hardworking man, lumbered with a lazy, gambling drunk for a wife.

From what I understand, this is very common in Thailand.

Its not just farang ATM. Its brother ATM, Uncle ATM, Aunty ATM, hot young sister who married a Wealthy Thai ATM, etc.

Thai families are large enough and there is enough guilt that they can team up on each other and extract money from those who are more successful than others. its probably even encouraged by many families, especially in Isaan. Ask any thai from middle or lower class if a friend has ever borrowed money and not paid it back...

[loong]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

I don't actually think that the theme of this thread is scamming.

I also think that it's not a case of Farang being obsessed with money, it's a question of fairness.

My money has not been easy to come by and I don't see why I should just give it away, without considering the circumstances.

If my gf's father was to get sick, none of the family has any money, so I would have to pay, if I am able.

But I do get pissed off with so many Thais attitude to money.

My gf's sister borrowed 10,000 Baht to help finish her house. Most of the money for the house has come from her father and he is now broke and retired. With no current income she still managed to gamble 800 Baht (borrowed) on the lottery 2 weeks ago. I have just found out that she has gambled 700 Baht on the lottery today. That 700 Baht came out of the money that I have lent her.

It's examples like this that gets up the nose of Farang and makes them reluctant to help people who will not help themselves. How can somebody with no current income gamble 1,500 Baht in 1 month? I feel sorry for her husband, he's such a decent hardworking man, lumbered with a lazy, gambling drunk for a wife.

From what I understand, this is very common in Thailand.

Its not just farang ATM. Its brother ATM, Uncle ATM, Aunty ATM, hot young sister who married a Wealthy Thai ATM, etc.

Thai families are large enough and there is enough guilt that they can team up on each other and extract money from those who are more successful than others. its probably even encouraged by many families, especially in Isaan. Ask any thai from middle or lower class if a friend has ever borrowed money and not paid it back...

As you have responded to my post, I'd just like to point out that everytime I have lent money to them, it has been paid back. As I said, I feel sorry for her husband as he works his guts out whenever work is available. Now he'll be working hard to pay back this debt. He works so hard and doesn't see the full benefit because of his lazy wife just wasting so much money. If I hadn't lent the money, she would probably have gone to the moneylender that charges minimum 6% per month interest.

The way I see it, although I don't have a particularly high opinion of her, I have the greatest respect for him and as they have repaid every loan, I'd rather lend them the money so that he is not put under even more pressure.

[sassienie]

My Thai wife used to often ask me to financially help her family out of one problem or another.

An English friend here told me something that put this whole helping out the Thai family thing into perspective.

He said, if a Thai runs out of money in Thailand he/she just becomes poor but has the options of finding work or even begging if need be.

If I as a Farang have no money than the police will come and deport me.

So the moral of this story is, if the OP has money to spare, than it’s his choice at his discretion.

If the OPs funds are limited, like most of us living here, than remember that once the funds go into the red, no one is going to sympathise or bail him out.

Fools never listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience

Edited May 3, 2009 by sassienie

[Tod Daniels]

Quite the gamut of differing and yet somewhat interesting views on this thread.

They seem to range from; "every time they ask for money it is a scam", all the way down the line to the rhetoric spouted by the mindless foreign sock-puppet contingent which say; "you don't understand thai culture".

Actually the latter statement is the most oxymoronic thing I have ever heard in my entire life. (In over 4 years here I have yet to notice one inherent cultural thing yet am nearly overwhelmed by the myriads of ingrained behavioral traits which are pawned off both to other thais and to foreigners as said alleged culture).

I have neither a significant nor (in)significant thai other so am not qualified to weigh in on either side of the proverbial fence.

Now back to the debate. ...

[mauGR1]

He said, if a Thai runs out of money in Thailand he/she just becomes poor but has the options of finding work or even begging if need be.

If I as a Farang have no money than the police will come and deport me.

Spot on,i keep telling that to all the"friends" who are asking me to lend money...If i was in my country and needed a foreigner to help me,i could be defined a weirdo or worst

[Geekfreaklover]

He said, if a Thai runs out of money in Thailand he/she just becomes poor but has the options of finding work or even begging if need be.

If I as a Farang have no money than the police will come and deport me.

Spot on,i keep telling that to all the"friends" who are asking me to lend money...If i was in my country and needed a foreigner to help me,i could be defined a weirdo or worst

Very good comment. But I have seen Farang beggers in Thailand and farang can work if they are skillled in the appropiate sectors available for farangs to work in. It is difficult, but can be done.

My gf has no problem with asking her Mum for money - her mum is currently helping us out with the rent and taking care of the kids whilst we work. So it works both ways.

My suggestion to the op - get the family together and buy a health insurance policy, depening on his age it may be a lot less hassle, less money and will avoid all the uncomfortable situations.

Edited May 3, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[ALFREDO]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

Thanks for the good advise, kind regards Alfred

[ALFREDO]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

Do these office girls speak english? And are they interested in large hairless, heavy drinking men? Dressed in sandals and tank tops?

As I think you describe yourself , I must say sorry -goodheartman-, I think they are not interested in you.

Stay with your -clownery- postings here, or try it with a for you sure very expensive, makeover, a Psychological also.

Edited May 3, 2009 by ALFREDO

[rafval]

The wifes father is poorly. This is due to hammering the sh!t out of the whisky and whatever else.

Sometimes he needs to stay overnight in hospital but its not a regular thing by all means.I have one brother-in-law(mechanic from home)and one sister-in law(hubby is workin in S'pore).All Thai.

My question is - who should pay the Hospital/medication bills and food for him every month?

Its the daughters job, so either you pay or she goes out working, thats the way it is

[gaipad]

Goodheartman, these girls are interested in clean, well behaved, non alcoholics who are nice people, have humor and all the other things people would look for in a relationship. Western people get a "beauty" bonus and that is just because Thais have a bit different beauty ideals. So I'm sure they are not interested in large hairless, heavy drinking men dressed in sandals and tank tops but maybe in older, hairless, polite men who are easy going and the girls see that they could have a good time together.

[DragonQuest]

farang shouldnt pay

[TAWP]

Do these office girls speak english? And are they interested in large hairless, heavy drinking men? Dressed in sandals and tank tops?

That kind of men rarely hang around the biz-area of Silom, but yes, the office girls do speak English. And they like westerners as much as any other girls - if the guy is good.

[khaowong1]

So I am an farang if I get sick from drinking or any other related sickness like smoking can I ask my Thai family to support me too?

I am sure those who are the same age as their wife and built a relationship on love and respect are more likely to have their care paid for, as opposed to those who are twice their wife's age and have a relationship built on payments.

q. How old are you?

a. 24.

q. Cool. I am 58. Do you want to get married?

a. OK.

q. But you promise that you are not only interested in my money and are marrying me because I am so handsome and good in bed and that you will take care of me if I get sick?

a. ...

I think you were listening to me and my former girlfriend.. you got it down almost word for word...

[egg6447]

pay for the bills, and let the father and mother know that you will pay for their future medical problems and funerals, but they have to put your wife/children as the heir to their home and lands.

or better yet, buy these assets from them now, but do not give them a lump sum. give them a series of payments over X years.

nice one i like this one.

[egg6447]

So I am an farang if I get sick from drinking or any other related sickness like smoking can I ask my Thai family to support me too?

I am sure those who are the same age as their wife and built a relationship on love and respect are more likely to have their care paid for, as opposed to those who are twice their wife's age and have a relationship built on payments.

q. How old are you?

a. 24.

q. Cool. I am 58. Do you want to get married?

a. OK.

q. But you promise that you are not only interested in my money and are marrying me because I am so handsome and good in bed and that you will take care of me if I get sick?

no no no are you stupid. where do you think a thai will get x thousands of bhat.

a. ...

Tony you missing the point, yes I am older then my wife, what that got to do with it? The point I am making is, would your Thai family pay for medical or what's so ever if you are a farang!

[mahtin]

pay for the bills, and let the father and mother know that you will pay for their future medical problems and funerals, but they have to put your wife/children as the heir to their home and lands.

or better yet, buy these assets from them now, but do not give them a lump sum. give them a series of payments over X years.

nice one i like this one.

Me too, and it has already been done in my wife's case - without any prompting.

[Briggsy]

After reading this drivel, sod getting married for a game of soldiers. I've got enough problems of my own without taking on the problems of geriatric alcoholics.

Is that beer bottle empty? What, already? Ah well, back down to 7-11 again.

[egg6447]

Question, also, is who would pay your hospital bills in Thailand, if you ran short of the readies??

no efing thia that i know. not to say they wouldn't if they could, but culture is , have it spent it , ef tomorrow. so i take care of my cash, my wife, my daughter. if they want to live like dross, UP TO THEM. let him die. would this be an issue if you were divorced, or you were talking to a person in a bar with a sick relly. also i get the impression its self inflicted , as with too many thai men all heroes drinking themselves to a early grave. shit i'm on a rant now.

[F1fanatic]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

Amazing Thailand huh?

Thanks for the good advise, kind regards Alfred

"This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you."

Yeah, right.

[egg6447]

Ok guys just to clear a few things up.

The father does not continue to drink.He is on the 30baht deal.He does not gamble because he cannot see and walk by himself properly.I am not talking 1000's a baht here just some overnight stays and medicine and food.I have to go along with GuestHouse first post and Loong.Like I say before I dont mind helping out, its family, but its all about getting the right balance how much you contribute without people walking all over you.

i have a philosophy for most scenarios . this one applies here. if a person cant help themselves,ie not savvy enough, there is nothing you can do, well you can turn your back of coarse. i have and there aint no sweat.