Should The Farang Pay

[goodheartman]

You need to ask why would a lovely 20 year old want to be with a 40/50 year old farang?

A.. easy, money. That is all, money. When you marry, YOU are expected to support the family. She is enduring you and will stay with you because of cash. The test is to cut the family off from all money and presents/gifts etc. and see how long the relationship lasts after that. I would bet my villa on not long until she goes and finds another.

Let me ask the question, why would a young Thai beauty marry a old man?

Answer - cash - he will live maybe 10 years, she has to put up with him and then she will have all he has, house, pension etc. and become very rich is Thai standards

Simple answer to a question asked so many times but unfortunately these older men won't accept the truth that their wife/gf is only there for financial support.

DO NOT PAY THE HOSPITAL BILL AND CUT EVERYONE OFF FROM FINANCIAL SUPPORT THEN SEE HWO LONG YOUR RELATIONSHIP LASTS. OPEN YOUR EYES AND START TO LIVE YOU LIFE IN A TRUTHFUL WAY.

this makes quite a lot of sense.

no need to administer means test to all..............

FARANG EXPECTED TO PAY SO PAY . LEARN TO LIVE THAI STYLE. if someone marries a farang put him to good use. they are good for other things than being hansum and good in bed ya know, the 2 most coomon reasons i hera for these types of unions... . FARAngs good for bill paying!

[Geekfreaklover]

You need to ask why would a lovely 20 year old want to be with a 40/50 year old farang?

A.. easy, money. That is all, money. When you marry, YOU are expected to support the family. She is enduring you and will stay with you because of cash. The test is to cut the family off from all money and presents/gifts etc. and see how long the relationship lasts after that. I would bet my villa on not long until she goes and finds another.

Let me ask the question, why would a young Thai beauty marry a old man?

Answer - cash - he will live maybe 10 years, she has to put up with him and then she will have all he has, house, pension etc. and become very rich is Thai standards

Simple answer to a question asked so many times but unfortunately these older men won't accept the truth that their wife/gf is only there for financial support.

DO NOT PAY THE HOSPITAL BILL AND CUT EVERYONE OFF FROM FINANCIAL SUPPORT THEN SEE HWO LONG YOUR RELATIONSHIP LASTS. OPEN YOUR EYES AND START TO LIVE YOU LIFE IN A TRUTHFUL WAY.

Although the above is true to a certain extent there are many foreigners that I know living from a disability allowance / pension etc so they couldn't really give a monkeys if they are treated as an ATM as long as the money keeps coming every month.

Also if you suddenly cut off a partner finacially sure you might lose them. But if they let the cash cow run the family lose face. So it could get messy.

But to the OP, I would go to the hospital, speak to the doctor, look at the billings etc. As far as you know the Dad is fine and you are paying off a few gambling debts. If you can't get to the hospitals have them send copies of the bills. If they don't send copies of the bills don't pay them.

Edited May 1, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[coventry]

Local ditrict hospital, I hope, not Bumrunrat!

He should have the Thai baht 30 "Gold card" for medical service, need to check if this'll cover him.

Mac

I'm totally in agreement with 'thanyaburimac'. His condition should be met under the 30 Baht scheme.

If he's using a private room and having to pay for it, then that's up to him. He got himself into the mess, why should the OP get him out of it ? If the boot was on the other foot just see how much help you'd get from the immediate family.

When I was in hospital my wife's family never came rushing round with voluntary donations.

[noahvail]

A difficult question/situation.

My own thoughts - Everyone should pay according to their means. So for example, I don't think it is unreasonable for other family members to be paying a few hundred Baht, or more, if they can afford it.

On the other hand perhaps a family member is sleeping over at the hospital to help out, or doing all the running around - that while not a financial contribution is a contribution.

If you are expected to pay everything then you are getting ripped off - and if other family members are staying clear of the issue, ie not helping in anyway then you are definitely getting ripped off.

I'd be blunt about it, offer a contribution and let them come up with the rest.

A voice of reason has been heard!

My wife and her brothers and sister understand that the money tree has very few leaves on it...if their mother is up against it, I'll do what I can, they do what they can. Everybody stays happy.

[robbiecia]

Sounds like the old boy is not willing to help himself

Who pays now is really a mute point

If you start to pay now, be prepared to pay again, and again, and again

[h90]

who should pay?

Simple to answer!

Relatives! The topic starter is NOT and relative.

Not his father...

Yes, relatives should pay. One being his wife, this guy's daughter. What is his is her's, right?

They think so....

I don't know how it is in other families, but I don't think that all I own is now also my wifes.

As well I don't see my wifes big house as my house, it is hers.

[Orac]

I don't know the OPs financial situation but I can only speak for myself in that I would pay for the simple reason that I can.

MY family that I have been lucky enough to gain through marriage have been good to me despite being very poor and if they can give their time in any way to help me they do - i mentioned to my wife a couple of weeks ago that it would be nice to have a shaded sala thingy outside and was then woken at 6am the following morning by the whole extended family who knocked one up in a day for me.

[ALFREDO]

[quote name='goodheartman' date='2009-05-01 18:17:49' post='270543

no need to administer means test to all..............

FARANG EXPECTED TO PAY SO PAY . LEARN TO LIVE THAI STYLE. if someone marries a farang put him to good use. they are good for other things than being hansum and good in bed ya know, the 2 most coomon reasons i hera for these types of unions... . FARAngs good for bill paying!

-goodheartman-

After more than 80 posts in a week (you just joined with that nick), posts in which you showed us your great wisdom of Falangs and Thais,

please open up-I asked you to do that in another thread already, but with no answer.

Tell us from your life and experiencis, how do you know so exactly, right and wrong, good and bad?

In which book did you read that? Or do you have a own life and ups and downs, you maybe only ups, of course!

I must say again, a poster who does nothing tell about himself, never, but is fast sniping on everybody who does is

not brave, has no courage.

Hidden dragon, no crouching Tiger.

Edited May 1, 2009 by ALFREDO

[sinewave]

when you go to a restaurant the oldest person is expected to pay, not because its expected, but because he may lose face as not being the most successful, with the most income.

i really cant believe some are suggesting not to help with the bill, are you part of the family or not?...are you the most financially able, or just using the daughter for sex?

[Geekfreaklover]

As was mentioned before, I think the OP should see the bill first before writing 'blank cheques' out.

It's surprising how some Thai's can become suddenly defensive when you ask for evidence of the sick relative's hospital stay and expenses that need reimbursement.

He should be covered under the 30 bT scheme.

As an afterthought I'm surprised Thailand hasn't come up with a similar health insurance scheme for cattle and live stock.

[BigSnake]

It a natural(family including in-law) thing the world over to look for help from a well to do relative, in this case a daughter with a RICH husband. In most case the farang husbands can and will help the sick relative, but in a case like this many would give second thoughts, bottom line it's your call, what ever your heart deems fair. Know I will get the HAMMER for saying this: but we all pay one way or the other.

Edited May 1, 2009 by BigSnake

[Misplaced]

A difficult question/situation.

My own thoughts - Everyone should pay according to their means. So for example, I don't think it is unreasonable for other family members to be paying a few hundred Baht, or more, if they can afford it.

On the other hand perhaps a family member is sleeping over at the hospital to help out, or doing all the running around - that while not a financial contribution is a contribution.

My thoughts exactly!

If you're married into a poor family than you'll probably be expected to pay most if not all, but, if you are married into a well to do family (like most peeps on TV) than splitting the bills equally would be a fair option.

It doesn't hurt to pay a little more to keep your misses happy IMO.

[tb86]

If you actualy care about the father pay then... if not dont, its that simple. But i think the most reasonable solution is to sit down with the relatives and discuss who is going to pay and how much, make your stance on the situation very clear, offer to match equaly what the others are willing to pay. Dont be guilted in to paying the whole bill yourself, if the other family members dont actualy have any cash, you can offer to purchase family owned real estate ect under the wifes name, that way they get the money they need but your not left with nothing.

[Sidewindr]

Easy .. get a new wife

IMHO if they come out and ask for it .. RUN .. if they try and manage without your money and then you feel like helping out and offer then tere is nothing wrong with that .. I have one rule .. never give money to someone who asks for it ..

[Jangot]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

Why not just relax and live the life you have.

[bobo42]

Perhaps I'm not "Thai" enough to know better, but my thoughts are that seeing as it is your wife's father, you (as a family) do have an obligation to help out. As long as others in the family are also helping out, either through money or services, then I wouldn't have a problem with paying (while making sure the money was going where it should be going). And it really wouldn't bother me if the farmer in the family was contributing 500b/month and I was giving 5000 (just as an example), because it would show that he was willing to help, even just a little.

If the rest of the family is not helping and just expects you to pay because you are a "rich falang", then your wife ought to be shaming them into some kind of action. If they don't help at all, and you're wife doesn't do anything to shame the other responsible parties, then that should tell you something about where you stand with your wife. But if you want to keep her, you'll probably end up paying.

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

No you're not alone. Me too.

Edited May 1, 2009 by bobo42

[Jungian]

I would say you have to consider your relationship with the family, it doesn't matter that they are Thai or otherwise. Although my Thai in-laws could buy and sell me many times over (thus they have never asked for anything only ever given) I care about them and love them like my family (which they are) and would do anything I could to help if they ever needed it with out question.

[Heng]

Tell them you're a firm believer of non-traditional medicines and healing and buy him a box of Zen meditation stones and mini sand garden from a gift shop like say Loft at Siam Discovery.

Sorted.

[PatinBKk]

Why isnt your wife dealing with this, it is obvious from your post that they are expecting you to pay...A decent wife would be fighting your corner......

[PatinBKk]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

Why not just relax and live the life you have.

[Geekfreaklover]

If, as I recall, the problem is purely alcohol related you could suggest he spend a couple of months at Wat Thamkrabok where detox treatment is free (small donations are gladly recieved) and works much better than hospital cures.

If you really want to help then go and see him, speak with the doctors and find out what the situation is. Its all well good people arguing the ethics of paying or not paying, but surely the thing to do is check what you are paying towards first.

[jts-khorat]

It should be shared equally, I feel.

If you feel inclined to help with the bill, tell the family you will help. That does not mean you will foot the whole bill See the bills yourself from the hospital. Check the dates to make sure they are current and not old bills produced from the depths of some hidey hole.

Quite often it is determined that the person helping most will be the one getting the house and the land upon which it stands; so it might seem that there is one family member having a much larger part in helping then others (and often a girl, as she will not only have to help financially, but be physically present: the grandmother of my girlfriend died a few days back and for the last month of her life the hospital would not admit her any more and sent her home to die -- which means no nurses or other personnel to care for her but family).

In other cases, 'equally' should mean 'equally to their means'; as you have supposedly an income a factor larger than other family members, your help should be correspondingly larger.

And if family members are unwilling to help, even though they would have the financial means, see it as bad Karma for them and the chance to make more merit for yourself... the Buddha had this to say:

Though being well-to-do,

not to support father and mother

who are old and past their youth

-- this is a cause of one's downfall.

Sutta Nipata Sn 98

[Geekfreaklover]

It should be shared equally, I feel.

If you feel inclined to help with the bill, tell the family you will help. That does not mean you will foot the whole bill See the bills yourself from the hospital. Check the dates to make sure they are current and not old bills produced from the depths of some hidey hole.

Quite often it is determined that the person helping most will be the one getting the house and the land upon which it stands; so it might seem that there is one family member having a much larger part in helping then others (and often a girl, as she will not only have to help financially, but be physically present: the grandmother of my girlfriend died a few days back and for the last month of her life the hospital would not admit her any more and sent her home to die -- which means no nurses or other personnel to care for her but family).

In other cases, 'equally' should mean 'equally to their means'; as you have supposedly an income a factor larger than other family members, your help should be correspondingly larger.

And if family members are unwilling to help, even though they would have the financial means, see it as bad Karma for them and the chance to make more merit for yourself... the Buddha had this to say:

Though being well-to-do,

not to support father and mother

who are old and past their youth

-- this is a cause of one's downfall.

Sutta Nipata Sn 98

Yes, but it should be pointed out that Guttama Buddha left his wife and child and broke contact with his parents and never supported any family member financially - so probably not the best example.

[loong]

when you go to a restaurant the oldest person is expected to pay, not because its expected, but because he may lose face as not being the most successful, with the most income.

i really cant believe some are suggesting not to help with the bill, are you part of the family or not?...are you the most financially able, or just using the daughter for sex?

Is expected, but not because it's expected??????

Only kidding, I know what you mean, but it's often the person of the highest social standing/richest that will pay. Not necessarily the oldest.

Re the OP's situation, it has to be looked at on its own merits.

If the cost is not too expensive, then I would pay it, but I would make it absolutely clear that it is a one time only payment. I would make it clear that when he is discharged from hospital that he must stop drinking, if he doesn't and has to go back to hospital again there will be NO contribution from me.

[way2muchcoffee]

It's difficult to do, but try to imagine a role reversal. Your father needs some kind of major surgery and doesn't have any health care. You, fortunately, have married into a wealthy family. Where you make $30,000 per year, your wife is pulling well over $300,000. While you have maybe $5,000 in savings, your wife have has $500,000. You do have siblings, but they have kids, low end jobs, and are struggling just to make ends meet. Would you consider asking your wife to help out with the medical costs or would your father end up going untreated?

Edited May 2, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[dominator]

Question, also, is who would pay your hospital bills in Thailand, if you ran short of the readies??

[robblok]

It's difficult to do, but try to imagine a role reversal. Your father needs some kind of major surgery and doesn't have any health care. You, fortunately, have married into a wealthy family. Where you make $30,000 per year, your wife is pulling well over $300,000. While you have maybe $5,000 in savings, your wife have has $500,000. You do have siblings, but they have kids, low end jobs, and are struggling just to make ends meet. Would you consider asking your wife to help out with the medical costs or would your father end up going untreated?

Nice one but does that mean the rest of the family does not pay ? That would be totally unfair. Anyway i just get a lil bit sick of the farang has to come to the rescue.

The more you help the more they rely on it the less they take care of themselves and the more they get into trouble that could be avoided. (because there is a farang to help they are not as careful as they should)

[Macx]

Pretty much what jts said.

To make it simple and to keep it from happening again, make contribution proportionate to what the others are contributing.

If the poorest sibling puts in 1000 baht and the next one puts 2000, then maybe you'll put in 3000 (or whatever multiples that you're comfortable with).

[tmd5855]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

No, I am depressed also.

Missus works in a 7/11 that money goes straight into her parents account.

When we visit them every two months, money no longer changes hands, i.e. me giving to them via her.

In the Thai way the daughter is taking care of mama and papa. I take care of their daughter.

Never been asked these past few yaers except for BBQ when all the relatives and nieghbours come around.

To the original OP. I would make an offer of 50 or 66% on seeing the bills, that way you are doing more than half, your wife keeps face up to the others on keeping theirs in front of her?

Pom song satang

[goodheartman]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

Why not just relax and live the life you have.

well, most often the stories do sound like the thais r scamming the farang of their money.

for some reason farang no can connect the dots. you marry poor upcountry girl, farang pay, one way or another like someone previously posted!

its like the jungle here. poor uneducated thai girl and her family r like lions, farang r the buffalo and gazelles, just waiting to be eaten.

NOT ALL MIND YOU JUST TOO MANY!