Divorce In England

[thebee]

I am not sure if this post should be on here, but if anyone else, and I am sure there are a few have been through the same situation as I find myself in then any advice will be of great help. I have been married to my Thai wife ( who I still love ) for 19 months and she has been in the uk for 16 of them. 6 months ago she changed from the happy girl I married to someone who was only happy when out at clubs until silly hours in the morning getting as pissed as possible. She is nearly 27 so I think she should have grown up by now and realised that this is not the way to hold down a marriage. I am 36 and still like to go out so this is not an age thing. I know for a fact that she has not been cheating on me although this as a reason would actually make things easier to understand. I have tried for the last 6 months to sort things out but have now resigned my self to the fact that she will not grow up so it is over. Divorce is something very new to me would appreciate any advice anyone can give me. My wife still has 8 months on her visa to run and we have no children. If I do not help her then she will not get the right to remail but will I have to pay for her flight back to Thailand if she is removed from the country. She is currently staying at a friends house but cant stay there for long and as she cannot get any help from the state what can I do other than take her back into my home until she has to leave. I would not see her on the street but would find it very difficult to live with her. Has anyone else had any experience of their Thai wife suddenly going of the rails, did she calm down. I just dont know what to do. My perfect wife has turned overnight into a spoilt brat and has continued to act like this for the last 6 months.

[GuestHouse]

I'd start by going to speak to a Lawyer ASAP.

A couple of things to be careful of. Your wife is in the UK on the basis of an ongoing relationship, if that has broken down and you are divorcing then you ought to inform the Home Office.

You also need to be aware that your wife may also receive legal advice - There are provisions in the Immigration rules that allow your wife to remain in the UK to obtain her Indefinite Leave to Remain even though your relationship has broken down if she can demonstrate that she has suffered domestic violence. That is, there is an incentive within the Immigration Rules for your wife to file a complaint of Domestic Violence. The consequences of her doing so for you would be dire.

You need to be aware of this and that it does happen - I know of two cases of Thai women filing a complaint of Domestic Violence some considerable time after having broken up with their husbands - One case was accepted, the other kicked out.

My advice would really be, get legal advice now and in the meantime get someone who can act as an intermediary to ask your wife if she wants to go home, hinting that you are willing to pay the fare.

[GuestHouse]

Oh and don't get yourself into any situation where you can be accused of having attacked your wife - especially in front of witnesses who might be, shall we say, predisposed to helping your wife out..

Put another way - Change your locks.

[Mario2008]

If you are still in love with your wife, try marriage counseling. Moving to another country, with a totaly different culture, can be hard on anyone and requires one to start a new live. Apperently she doesn't work, so does she has other things to do besides going out?

[7by7]

I believe that a marriage is a partnership of equals and requires give and take by both sides to work. I have to say that you saying things like "I think she should have grown up by now and realised that this is not the way to hold down a marriage" and "have now resigned my self to the fact that she will not grow up" and talking about her "going off the rails" gives the impression that you expected her to do all the giving and you all the taking!

27 is not too old to enjoy a night out! My wife is in her forties and still enjoys spending Friday nights in Yates' or RSVP with her girlfriends. I hate those sort of places and so go to a local pub; who usually have an excellent cover band playing. Other times we go somewhere together or with friends.

Maybe if you sat down and had a good heart to heart with her, making it clear that you are not trying to control her or stop her clubbing and going out with her friends, merely that you want her to spend time with you as well, things would improve to both of your satisfaction. As suggested, marriage guidance may help too.

However, if you are intent on ending the marriage then where and how you divorce depends on where you married, I think!

If you married in Thailand then you can divorce either in Thailand or the UK, and the divorce would be recognised in both countries. But be aware, a divorce at the Thai embassy in London, whilst legal in Thailand,is not valid in the UK. For a divorce in the UK to be recognised in the UK it must take place via the UK courts.

If you married in the UK, then I think, but am not sure, that you have to divorce in the UK. See a solicitor.

[mariner29]

You actually have the right to cancel her visa and she can be removed fronm the country.

[thebee]

I understand that you do not know me or my wife but I will point out that the comments made about her growing up are out of frustration at my wife coming home 2 nights a week at between 4 and 6 in the morning in such a state that she cannot get up the stairs. Also having a male friend who I know to be a dodgy character round my house fro dinner while I am at work and then coming another day to my place of work claiming to have slept with my wife even though I know this not to be true and just him being angry at her turning down his advances. My wife used to go out with friends and have a couple of drinks and then come home at a normal hour like your wife but it has moved on from there and this is always on nights when she has to work the next day. As I have said I still love my wife but it is my old wife that I love not the one she has changed into. sorry but I had to get that of my chest. What I need to know is at the end of the visa whos responsibility is it to get my wife back to Thailand. If everything went smoothly how quickly could my divorce go through, what happens if my divorce has not gone through before she has to return and if and this is a big if we can work it out can I get another visa for 1 year or 2 years without going for the right to remain as I would still worry if she changed again or was just playing along for the visa.

[7by7]

I realise I do not know you or you wife, and my comments were based upon the impression given by your OP.

Whether your wife applies for ILR or FLR you will need to declare that your marriage is still extant. If it isn't then you would be making a false declaration; a criminal offence. However, if you are still trying to make a go of it then she could apply for a 2 year FLR instead of ILR when her current leave to remain expires.

If thye marriage has definitely ended, then it is her responsibility to ensure that she has left the UK by the time her current LTR expires. If you want to be sure of protecting yourself from any liability then you can inform the Home Office of the situation beforehand.

You cannot divorce in the UK until the marriage is at least 2 years old; but if she has returned to Thailand by then you can still divorce her via a UK court. If you married in Thailand then to divorce there you both simply turn up at an Ampur and sign a few papers; unless she contests the divorce in which case you will need to go to court.

For further advice on how to divorce in the UK you really should talk to a solicitor.

Edited May 2, 2009 by 7by7

[Eff1n2ret]

You actually have the right to cancel her visa and she can be removed fronm the country.

It's very worrying that an OISC-registered advisor can express himself in such a cavalier fashion as to give a totally false impression. The OP has no right to cancel anything. He has no right to demand that she be removed from the UK. If he informs UKBA that the marriage no longer subsists, they may decide to curtail her visa, but with only 8 months to go they may decide not to, as she would have the right of appeal. If she applies in time for FLR and is refused, she again has the right of appeal, so either way she could remain legally in the UK for quite a while longer. If she does nothing and remains after her visa has expired she could be arrested, served with papers as an overstayer, and removed. This would be at public expense, and there would be no call on the OP. His only responsibility as far as her immigration status is concerned is to inform UKBA if/when the marriage has broken down and he no longer considers himself her sponsor. He has no other duties or rights.

The advice given by Guesthouse and 7by7 is sound and relevant, and should be taken to heart by the OP. He needs to watch his back.

[theoldgit]

You actually have the right to cancel her visa and she can be removed fronm the country.

I am very sorry he cannot cancel the visa, only UK Visas can do that, as an "expert" you really should not give misleading advice that people may take as fact.

He can inform UKBA that the relationship is no more when it reaches that stage.

Edit - Sorry Eff1n2ret, I answered in haste before I got to your response.

Edited May 2, 2009 by theoldgit

[Thongkorn]

Sorry to say it looks like a lost cause. Most Thai girls are use to partying , Coming to a different culture is a shock, There are many Thai girls where i live and what you are experiencing now is quite common ,The honeymoon period is over , The best advice given on here, is go see a solicitor, because believe me she will, her friends will put her in the know , protect yourself , think with your head not with your heart , best of luck mate hope you can sort it one way or another.

[thebee]

Thank you all for all the help. At the moment my life is in a spin and I must get a grip. I still cant understand how someone even in a foreign country could change so quickly. We had 6 months of tourist visa that went great and 10 months of this visa was wonderfull. She has changed all together and thinking with my heart I think she could change back but with my head I should know this will not happen.

[snuggzzz]

I agree with 'Thongkorn', you MUST get legal advice. Your wife is obviously mixing with a crowd who will give/get her any necessary advice, try not to be a 'Mr Nice Guy', because any thought to looking after your wife MUST be after protecting yourself.

It sounds like your wife is a party animal and has gone OTT, let alone inviting a 'friend' back to the house for dinner. The fact that he confronted you means that your wife appears to have already sought help.

I genuinely feel for you as I know how you feel having had a similar situation happen to me in the past; but my wife was English, you must remain strong and seek advice as early as possible. A good Solicitor acting for you will accomplish far more than you can do yourself in this situation. Good Luck.

[Monokuro]

When you say she is out clubbing all the time, how often is that?

I don't know many 27 year olds who have given up going out - I'm 28 and am nowhere near ready to stop yet and neither are my friends. As for getting super drunk, well, that's generally why we go clubbing.

If you know for a fact she hasn't cheated on you, then unless there is another underlying issue (or she's not ever spending time with you) then I can't really see the problem. She's still young and likes to have fun with her friends.

[mazimus]

if it was my wife,and it was definitely over i would oretend to mke up with her,take her on holiday to her home in Thailand and leave her there.Who spoiled her and if she doesnt work how does she get money to go to nightclubs etc and get drunk?

[Monokuro]

I just re-read it and see I missed the post which says she is out twice a week.

Is that really so bad in the grand scheme of things? That means she is with you 5 days right? Have you tried going out with her, or are you totally against the clubbing scene?

[fishhooks]

Is she on the Internet on the many Thai sites where these girls get together and share their stories, good and bad.

Do everything by the book from your side of things as you can be sure that the other side will be well up with advice if she is as I said, well entrenched on "the net"

[spongeman]

Thank you all for all the help. At the moment my life is in a spin and I must get a grip. I still cant understand how someone even in a foreign country could change so quickly. We had 6 months of tourist visa that went great and 10 months of this visa was wonderfull. She has changed all together and thinking with my heart I think she could change back but with my head I should know this will not happen.

Legal issues aside perhaps you need(ed) to get her doing something to occupy her time during the day ? If she had this she would not be able to go out on the batter , as she would have to get up to do it?