The Best Story You've Ever Heard In A Thai Bar ?

[bonobo]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

There is an organization in the US which goes about debunking people who claim to be SEALS or Medal of Honor winners, (although they tend to focus on public figures).  Now, though, they report that many people are claiming to have been Marine snipers.

I think I have met more SEALS around the world than have actually ever worn the trident!    I attended the US Naval Academy, and when I was there, the Air Force Academy has some sort of weird training agreement that about 25 or 30 cadets would attend the BUD/S (Basic Underwater Demolition School) Indoctrination Program, a four week mini-SEAL school, aimed at recruiting Air Force 2nd Lieutenants to transfer to the Navy and join the SEALS.  At the time, due to Admiral Rickover's efforts (he led the nuclear power program), newly gradauted ensigns were not allowed to attend BUD/S but had to wait for two years of service before applying.  But someone pulled some strings, and five midshipmen were allowed to join the cadets.  I was lucky enough to be one of the five. So while I went Marines upon graduation, I do know enough of the SEALS' culture and people to be able to easily debunk most bar patron SEALS.  Until recently, for example, there were only three SEAL Medal of Honor winners, and not one bar patron I met even knew their names.  And not one knew the Teams or even the typical training terminology.  I would think that if you were that anxious to build up a fake persona, you would at least do alittle homework!

On the other hand, while not bar-related, I recently joined a naval aviator's forum to get some input on a novel I had written.  Some pilots there tried to debunk a guy on a fishing forum, of all things.  The guy said he was an enlisted man with flight time who jumped up to officer and was an A4 pilot, who did some things far beyond his rank, who was shot down in Algeria and was ignored by the US government, then had to escape and make his way back.  Of course, people were howling about him.  Turns out though, he was telling the truth.  He had articles written describing his ordeals, photos, certificates, etc.  So while I tend to discount all the BS one might hear in a bar, for example, chances are that every once in awhile, the guy is telling the truth.

[mauGR1]

Few years ago,on my first trip to LOS,i was hitting the bars quite a bit,and i had a friend who was living in CM.One evening,i've seen the most pissed-drunk guy you can imagine-not able to stand or speak coherently-i was puzzled,because he was wearing rather elegant clothes,the opposite of a backpacker,so i asked my friend-Do you know him?Of course,he said,he's a good friend of mine,but he's leaving tomorrow for work.Well,which kind of work,i asked.Oh,he works for -------Airlines, supervising airliners maintainance.

[Duangta]

Cambodia, Phnom Penh

An American with another local Cambodian buddy coming in, taking the bar chairs next to me. Ordering a bottle of Whiskey, they invited me to drink with them.

He is (not was) working for the CIA being on a mission now here in Cambodia. Doing all secrety staff, meeting the Prime Minister on a daily basis, recruiting agents, etc bla bla bla. Not really bragging about it, but very openly discussing his line of work...

After some time the two took out guns and placed them behind the bar counter. I took a piss when I found an armed man standing at the backdoor of the establishment. An hour or so later I left the bar only to find two heavily armed cambodian military outside, guarding the front door.

[billd766]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

Whilst not being a soldier I was in the Royal Air Force as a radio technician for 25 years boy and man.

I have only 1 medal for long service and good conduct awarded after 18 years.

Was never shot at or involved in any wars.

Just did my time and left.

No sweat, no problem.

Tell us the truth. For you ze war is over my friend.

Sorry Fritz

Number rank and name is all that is required under the Geneva convention.

Oh and where is my Red Cross food parcel?

[t.s]

had drinks on a number of occasions with a guy named mickey who said he was angelina jolies bodyguard and ex sas.

he didn't go on much about either, though he had some brilliant stories

didn't really think too hard about it either way, then i saw him on tv with her in cambodia and later on tv in the states.

been out with him a few times since, though not for a couple of years. but he never really brings it up

edt: just googled him, interesting:

http://famewatcher.com/2009/04/bodyguard-m...d-pitt-and.html

seems the sas bit may be untrue.

Edited May 6, 2009 by t.s

[mca]

Met a Brit once in the Sofitel Khon Kaen hotel lobby while I was waiting for my wife who told me back home he made 10000 quid a day selling copy DVDs at car boot sales. When I (against my better judgment) asked him why he was in LOS he informed me that he was a partner of the hotel we were standing in. I said "Great say hello to Khun..... when you see her from me."

"Who?" he replied.

"Er.... your partner mate."

He then flatly denied that the hotel owner (who's a distant acquaintance of my father in law) was in fact the owner.

My mistake then.

[IanForbes]

If you've never watched the movie "Second Hand Lions" then do so. It's a great little movie with Robert Duval and Michael Caine. The movie relates somewhat to this discussion.

Sometimes those crazy stories actually are true. I tend to believe the one reported by IMA-Farang about the Dutchman from the concentration camp on the river Kwai. I know a few crazy characters who've led amazing lives. But, the guys who have lived amazing lives are usually not braggarts.

[ProfessorFart]

What I can't understand about the whole SAS thing is that I thought even after someone leaves, they have to keep it secret for 20 years? Official secrets act or some such? I could be wrong though.....

I liked the one about being mates with the Chief of Police. You could also substitute that for the Mayor or Provincial Governor especially in Pattaya.

On my last jaunt to Pattaya (which was only a week) I must have had 5 bozos tell me that they were mates with either of the above.

The thing was that from my glazed expression and the fact that I was still listening to Opeth in one ear on my MP3, they must have known that I knew that they were talking arse yet they still persisted.

In one particularly wet afternoon on Soi 8 (I was just there for research purposes) I had three of them in three different bars, one after the other. I must have a sign over my head; 'Believes Anything' or 'Will Listen to any ####'

[ericthai]

Few years ago,on my first trip to LOS,i was hitting the bars quite a bit,and i had a friend who was living in CM.One evening,i've seen the most pissed-drunk guy you can imagine-not able to stand or speak coherently-i was puzzled,because he was wearing rather elegant clothes,the opposite of a backpacker,so i asked my friend-Do you know him?Of course,he said,he's a good friend of mine,but he's leaving tomorrow for work.Well,which kind of work,i asked.Oh,he works for -------Airlines, supervising airliners maintainance.

I think most of the airline workers are like this. Cant recall the guys name, but he is a pilot of AA, always in mardird on patpong when he's in town. Dont know why we get a hotel room, never makes it there, when the other bars close he is in mardird passed out until lunch time or so.

[nhbb]

great thread, some very entertaining stuff! I actually lol'd at several of the stories.

I was curious about the pigeon fellow, and did some research and found the guy who owned 'top gun' the pigeon phenom. His name is Marcel Sangers and there are several articles regarding him on google, and if you enter his name on youtube he is showing off some of his specimens.... so if the OP is actually interested to see if mr. miami vice was legit just go take a look on there

Edited October 3, 2009 by nhbb

[rott]

Few years ago,on my first trip to LOS,i was hitting the bars quite a bit,and i had a friend who was living in CM.One evening,i've seen the most pissed-drunk guy you can imagine-not able to stand or speak coherently-i was puzzled,because he was wearing rather elegant clothes,the opposite of a backpacker,so i asked my friend-Do you know him?Of course,he said,he's a good friend of mine,but he's leaving tomorrow for work.Well,which kind of work,i asked.Oh,he works for -------Airlines, supervising airliners maintainance.

I think most of the airline workers are like this. Cant recall the guys name, but he is a pilot of AA, always in mardird on patpong when he's in town. Dont know why we get a hotel room, never makes it there, when the other bars close he is in mardird passed out until lunch time or so.

Please excuse my ignorance but what is mardird?

Obviously the secret is safe with me, I have been interrogated before and kept shtum.

[Naiplan]

Few years ago,on my first trip to LOS,i was hitting the bars quite a bit,and i had a friend who was living in CM.One evening,i've seen the most pissed-drunk guy you can imagine-not able to stand or speak coherently-i was puzzled,because he was wearing rather elegant clothes,the opposite of a backpacker,so i asked my friend-Do you know him?Of course,he said,he's a good friend of mine,but he's leaving tomorrow for work.Well,which kind of work,i asked.Oh,he works for -------Airlines, supervising airliners maintainance.

I think most of the airline workers are like this. Cant recall the guys name, but he is a pilot of AA, always in mardird on patpong when he's in town. Dont know why we get a hotel room, never makes it there, when the other bars close he is in mardird passed out until lunch time or so.

Please excuse my ignorance but what is mardird?

I think you mean the Madrid. I haven't been in Patpong for the best part of 20 years so I do not know if it is still in existance but it used to serve excellent pizza and sold Louis 13 brandy at 900 Baht a shot.

Obviously the secret is safe with me, I have been interrogated before and kept shtum.

[clinique]

Me and some mates knew a guy, who before running away from Thailand for legal reasons, used to live in a world where everything he did was based around the sum of $10 000 USD. By this I mean, he would impress us with new deals he was making, new business ideas he had sold at profit, or new investment he had convinced someone to give him for a project, and even though the scope and size of these projects, ideas, creations etc was always very different, in each case the amount of money involved was... $10 000 USD.

think me and my mate met him also, he was sitting with another farang, supposedly a lawyer.

said he was investment banker ! from Singapore i think, or maybe Oz, cant remember now.

[SoftWater]

What I can't understand about the whole SAS thing is that I thought even after someone leaves, they have to keep it secret for 20 years? Official secrets act or some such? I could be wrong though.....

I liked the one about being mates with the Chief of Police. You could also substitute that for the Mayor or Provincial Governor especially in Pattaya.

On my last jaunt to Pattaya (which was only a week) I must have had 5 bozos tell me that they were mates with either of the above.

The thing was that from my glazed expression and the fact that I was still listening to Opeth in one ear on my MP3, they must have known that I knew that they were talking arse yet they still persisted.

In one particularly wet afternoon on Soi 8 (I was just there for research purposes) I had three of them in three different bars, one after the other. I must have a sign over my head; 'Believes Anything' or 'Will Listen to any ####'

Chances must be that at some point those three guys would run into each other and start BS-ing each other with the same story? Wonder which would be first to get a post on TV to slag the other two??

Edited October 4, 2009 by SoftWater

[sassienie]

The Best Story I've Ever Heard In A Thai Bar:

Hey there, sexy guy, you so handsome, come sit next to me, where you come from, whats your name?

Oh my mother, she in hospital, we need money from you.

Oh my brother he have accident, we need money from your home.

Darling I love you, dear I miss you, buy me motorbike, buy me house, buy me auto car and give me money for all I want.

Dear no money, no honey, so sorry, but I love you and I`ll miss you, see you again in 20 year.

Edited October 4, 2009 by sassienie

[dcfc2007]

" i love you, you hansum man you know, you falang no 1 supasta " i here it so much but it still gets me everytime.

[imaneggspurt]

Well this isnt a story i was told as much as an observation, we were in foodland pattaya last week and a farang guy in army camaflague came in and sat down, looked like ex nam, but too young,he places what appeared to be a large stone ( pebble ) on the counter, gave the waitress a liquid which later seemed like a special cooking oil,he ordered a veggie dish and 2 huge bowls of rice,we really thought someone was coming to join him,.when the meal came he added all sorts of various sprinklings he had with him on it, he then hovers his hands over the plate and begins to chant !,. this lasted about 3 minutes,he then demolished the lot, then more chanting, then the pet rock was collected up, he paid his bill and left,. ,,now i just know if we had started a converstaion with this dude he would have had ian interesting story to tell, ,,Pattaya has some very odd fellows about it,...

[cyb]

Two weeks ago I was nursing a hangover at the end of soi 11. English guy started talking to me on the opposite bar stall. Out of politeness I asked him what he did for a living. 'Security' was the answer. He had recently been Oliver Stones body guard whilst Stone was shooting a comercial (?) in Bangkok. Then he went on to say that he couldn't tell me about his past - too many people listening - he took a pen from the bar and wrote the words 'SAS' on my newspaper and nodded. A few moments passed and he then offered to award me 1 million baht if I could recover a suitcase containing 75 million that had been stolen form a bungalow on Ko Samui. It was just a case of finding the Thai girl that had stolen the money, he had copies of the girls ID in his bag.

this made me chuckle

Reminds me of a joke I heard that ends with the guy coming out of the bathroom (needing to go make a clandestine phone call through his necktie)

So, he's coming out of the bathroom with a toilet paper unraveling behind him as he walked (one end stuck in his pants)

When someone mentioned it to him, he said: "oh, I'm getting a fax"!

Ha ha that reminds me of the tv show get smart.

[laowai1960]

One night I chatted up (in Thai) a bird at Thermaes. We each spoke a little bit of English at times but overall I had the impression that her English was limited.

I was living at Samrong. She didn’t want to travel out that far so she suggested her place at On Nut. Small, but quite nice.

Her mobile phone rang at 6:00 am and she proceeded to have a long conversation in fairly fluent English. She didn’t bother getting out of bed. I heard the entire conversation.

Yes, she was still going to the language school. Yes, she was still going to computer classes. No, she wasn’t visiting her friends at the bar. Yes, she was being a good girl by staying home and watching TV every night.

Turns out it was her boyfriend in Sydney. The boyfriend who was paying for her apartment, paying for her English lessons, paying for computer lessons and more.

When the phone conversation ended she simply went back to sleep as if nothing had happened.

I looked out for her at Themaes the following week, and for a further 4 weeks or so, but I never saw her again.

[midasthailand]

Bastard, so you're the one! My Tilak told me all about the one night that she went to Thermae and was drugged by some Farang that spoke Thai, She promised it only happened the one time and that she is doing very well in her English and computer classes.

[JimsKnight]

I've heard a few . Used to ask for the bill and walk out , but some are worth sticking out for pure entertainment.

My top three ;

1. I met a guy who couldnt see further than his nose with his milk bottle glasses , said he was former SAS , that he was sent to a building site in London to infiltrate the IRA. Had to go undercover for 6 months , practising his Irish accent and growing a beard. He was rumbled , and as he tried to escape, was shot in the back. He managed to return fire , and make it back to his commanding officers base. There , with one punch , he knocked out the officer for putting him in such a compromising position . He then went on to play for Leicester City, before moving to BKK in a 6000 bt a mth room.

2. One bar owner told me the story of the Scot who wore a kilt everywhere. because Kilts were known to 'open doors' for him. He said that the customer claimed he met Tiger Woods , who gave him a lift when he was playing in the Open , when noticing him walking outside the course with his Kilt . He said that when in the Clubhouse at a different golf club, Bill Clinton walked in , admired his kilt, swapped it for his trousers and Clinton went out and finished his round wearing the kilt. He then said that wearing his kilt , he met the POPE at a garden party. The Pope spoke highly of his kilt . All apparently was said withy a straight face .

3. One guy in a bar in Udon Thani, dressed in a Miami Vice style white Linen suit , and pork pie hat, about 26yrs old with long clown style shoes, said he was touring Thailand after making his first million , racing pigeons in the UK. His most famous apparently was 'Top Gun', a world beater by all accounts .

Priceless stuff .

You couldn't make it up.

Off the top of my head was some bozo in farang bar who was breezing how a ferry boat had just sunk in the Gulf of Thailand but the scooby doo divers from Koh Tao had raised it and it was back sailing again!

I explained I'd been living on Koh Tao for months on end in the dive industry and he was talking bs as it was a Thai Navy matter for that kind of thing...

He promptly changed the subject

Years ago I was wandering Cambodia. A Brit staying at the same guesthouse in PP came drinking with me.

I was on leave from the armed forces back then and told him that, when he asked me what I did.

He then starts raving about how he is an 'escorter' for hookers wanting to go to Hong Kong and needed an accomplice to travel there and walk through customs with! Apparently, they wouldn't look suspect if they were with someone.

We're in a few bars and he's just slinging down the beer at a rapid fire pace. So I play it the same.

Suddenly he gets a phone call and is nearly having a nervous breakdown.

'Whats up?' I ask him

'My girlfriends wondering when I get back to Thailand! I was only supposed to be here 2 days' He cries before slinking off into the night.

So much for the James Bond act

Edited October 4, 2009 by JimsKnight

[whackojacko]

Well the ex-British SAS I met in a bar in Bangkok was describing some of the clandestine SAS missions carried out in Vietnam during ' the American' war. Is there any truth to this, were the British SAS active in Vietnam? Always wondered.

Just googled and found this:

There is no official information about any members of the British SAS having served in Vietnam. At the height of the Vietnam war the British SAS were heavily committed in Borneo, Aden and the Radfan. However British SAS instructors are regularly sent on attachment to both Australian and New Zealand SAS Squadrons. It is generally thought that a few British SAS personnel attached to the Australian and New Zealand SAS while they were deployed in Vietnam under the official title of instructor. After the war 70 British General Service Medals were issued with the Bar South Vietnam 1962-64. No Names or units are mentioned.

I can confirm we were in Aden - but cant say any more than that - sorry but you do not have clearance

[whackojacko]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

Whilst not being a soldier I was in the Royal Air Force as a radio technician for 25 years boy and man.

I have only 1 medal for long service and good conduct awarded after 18 years.

Was never shot at or involved in any wars.

Just did my time and left.

No sweat, no problem.

clearly you are hiding something, you must be SAS, SBS or MI5 - do you think we would fall for your lies?

[Fishenough]

Amazed to have met two different retirees, this year, that have both; raced motorbikes and cars, worked as Hollywood stuntman, and have designed high end components for high performance vehicles.

Shame I’ve stopped drinking for a month, miss those odd but interesting bar stories.