A Typical Conversation With My Wife

[Neeranam]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

You 'have' a couple of ladies?

Many guys I have known find it fun for a couple of years then after 5 or so realize they made a mistake.

[a2396]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

You 'have' a couple of ladies?

Many guys I have known find it fun for a couple of years then after 5 or so realize they made a mistake.

I did not mean that the "couple of ladies" were simultaneous GF's. They are friends who are excellent to communicate with, as good or better than back home. One was a GF, but is now in Europe working as an Au Pair for one year. We talk by phone twice per week. She was a GF for a few months before she left & probably will be when she returns to Thailand. My current GF, if you want to call her that, (she says she is a GIK) has so, so English, but is a very stable & even tempered predictable lady. I think the biggest mistake is marrying someone who has little or no interest in communication with their husband. A dime a dozen here, from what I have seen.

[Monkeypants]

Not me but a good friend of mine.

Wife- I take son go arabic dancing

Him He's not my son he's yours, but he is not going Arabic dancing, he is THAI, He is not an arab, no fkin way is he going there fkin Arabic dancing!

Wife- Why you so angry, only Arabic dancing ?

Him- Look, I have just told you why he isn't a fkin arab, he is Thai , no way thats it, He's not going.

Wife- Fine, have it your way !!

2 minutes later

Wife_ come here husband I have Arabic dancing to show you on youtube

Him- No

Wife Please look

Him you daft get, it's not Arabic dancing its Aerobic dancing

True story happened last month, still laugh about it.

Classic

[Monkeypants]

Not me but a good friend of mine.

Wife- I take son go arabic dancing

Him He's not my son he's yours, but he is not going Arabic dancing, he is THAI, He is not an arab, no fkin way is he going there fkin Arabic dancing!

Wife- Why you so angry, only Arabic dancing ?

Him- Look, I have just told you why he isn't a fkin arab, he is Thai , no way thats it, He's not going.

Wife- Fine, have it your way !!

2 minutes later

Wife_ come here husband I have Arabic dancing to show you on youtube

Him- No

Wife Please look

Him you daft get, it's not Arabic dancing its Aerobic dancing

True story happened last month, still laugh about it.

Classic

[prefabs]

Not me but a good friend of mine.

Wife- I take son go arabic dancing

Him He's not my son he's yours, but he is not going Arabic dancing, he is THAI, He is not an arab, no fkin way is he going there fkin Arabic dancing!

Wife- Why you so angry, only Arabic dancing ?

Him- Look, I have just told you why he isn't a fkin arab, he is Thai , no way thats it, He's not going.

Wife- Fine, have it your way !!

2 minutes later

Wife_ come here husband I have Arabic dancing to show you on youtube

Him- No

Wife Please look

Him you daft get, it's not Arabic dancing its Aerobic dancing

True story happened last month, still laugh about it.

Classic

Did you think we didn't get it the first time?

[turnpike]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

[paddydubai]

Not quite the same, but I had a Chinese girlfriend for a long time. One day we drove to the shops. I parked outside and she said "go down?'

I said "no, get out."

At this point she bristles a bit and says "what? why you tell me get out?"

I say, "you don't say go down, you say get out."

She says, "yes, yes, I know. I go down, I get out, is same same."

Then, as she's getting out she shakes her head sadly and says "oh my God, you stupid."

[johnnyj]

I love this thread. its fantastic.

one that happened with my partner and me.

her: ooh its cold can you pass me the loaf

me: what? what loaf?

her: you know, the loaf.

me: what?? you want a loofa?

her: NO, the loaf, you know, a loaf

me: how do you spell?

her: R..O..B..E

me: oh the Robe

her: yes the rrrrrr lobef

not the funniest i guess, but I figured i had to share after enjoying all the other stories.

[a2396]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

Yes, i see most of these posts are intended to be humorous. I don't see much humor in it actually. Most guys I see here are married to or involved with women, who have got little interest in communication, as long as they are getting their monthly dose of money. As for me, I really would have no interest in a long term relationship with no sex. I don't know who would.

[craigt3365]

Here's one from yesterday:

her: remember when we went camping in lo pi with dave and becky?

me: lo pi? Where the heck it that?

her: where we went camping with all our friends last summer?

me: I have never been to lo pi. Is that in China?

her: no, you crazy? it's in California!

me: what are you talking about?

her: lo pi. lo pi!

me: I have no idea what you are talking about....

me: oh...do you mean LONE PINE?

her: of course, your brain not so bad after all!

Here is a great one from our 2nd date...this was when "supp, dog" was the big rage in the US.

we are walking into Hard Rock in Bangkok for a night of rock n roll and some dancing. As we walk in, I give her a high five and say "supp, dog???"

her: dog? you call me dog?

me: uhhhhhhh....what?????

her: I'm no dog, why you call me dog. (she is really pissed at this point and about ready to cry)

me: it's only a saying. You know, like the rappers on MTV.

her: I'm no dog. Don't ever call me dog.

me: Hey look, is that a lady boy? (anything to change the subject)

We still laugh about that one....and it is now part of our routine when we go out...

[johnnyj]

nvm.

Edited February 11, 2010 by johnnyj

[sanook2me]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

Yes, i see most of these posts are intended to be humorous. I don't see much humor in it actually. Most guys I see here are married to or involved with women, who have got little interest in communication, as long as they are getting their monthly dose of money. As for me, I really would have no interest in a long term relationship with no sex. I don't know who would.

Get a grip a2396...its a just a humourous thread which goes both ways..if you can be bothered to read all the posts instead of venting some hidden anguish about us married guys..

I posted one early in the thread about a farang guy who orders "<removed>" at the Thai restaurant in my condo...the waitresses never tell him..but they told me and my Thai mrs... the language funnies go either way but this just happens to be an English language forum so more English speakers will post here..

Now, if your long life here is so perfect with your English thinking Thai giks or whatever.. why don't you make your own thread about your intelligent conversations with your giks and stop trying to hi-jack this one....

[bkkjames]

Not quite the same, but I had a Chinese girlfriend for a long time. One day we drove to the shops. I parked outside and she said "go down?'

I said "no, get out."

At this point she bristles a bit and says "what? why you tell me get out?"

I say, "you don't say go down, you say get out."

She says, "yes, yes, I know. I go down, I get out, is same same."

Then, as she's getting out she shakes her head sadly and says "oh my God, you stupid."

mate if my mrs told me she wanted to go down i would tell her to get out, yet.

[a2396]

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

Yes, i see most of these posts are intended to be humorous. I don't see much humor in it actually. Most guys I see here are married to or involved with women, who have got little interest in communication, as long as they are getting their monthly dose of money. As for me, I really would have no interest in a long term relationship with no sex. I don't know who would.

Get a grip a2396...its a just a humourous thread which goes both ways..if you can be bothered to read all the posts instead of venting some hidden anguish about us married guys..

I posted one early in the thread about a farang guy who orders "<removed>" at the Thai restaurant in my condo...the waitresses never tell him..but they told me and my Thai mrs... the language funnies go either way but this just happens to be an English language forum so more English speakers will post here..

Now, if your long life here is so perfect with your English thinking Thai giks or whatever.. why don't you make your own thread about your intelligent conversations with your giks and stop trying to hi-jack this one....

I am just making a legitimate reply. Not trying to hijack anything. I said nothing about perfect. I doesn't exist in life. I am sure readers would not want to be bored with my conversations, with Giks or anyone else, being posted. They would not so interesting. I don't care anything about who is married to who, here or anywhere else. Unfortunately, many people living in "Fantasy-Land" here can't face reality. Actually, this whole topic is better suited to Farang Pub or the language forum.

[Tod Daniels]

Yet another thread (this one actually amusing to read) has been hi-jacked and turned into a pissing match.

Last time I checked (which I do periodically) there is no prize or acknowledgement given out to self important foreigners who bloviate about knowing and/or interacting with "excellent engrish speaking, quick minded" thai women. However, if they ever do offer a prize; I'll vote for you. Clearly you have us all beat in that arena.

This thread is totally tongue-in-cheek; showing that two people can know each other quite well, yet in conversation, things can and do go sideways.

Just to lighten this thread back up; Here's a classic routine from the two ronnies; which in fact might already be on this thread, (but I was too lazy to look back over 7 pages of posts )

This clearly shows how even people who speak the same language don't always understand what the other saying.

[Neeranam]

[bkkjames]

Tod are you Canadian by Chance? Don't tell me you are John Candy's brother that nobody knows about?

[dttk0009]

My wife came back from the market tonight:

Me: "What did you buy"?

SHE "A chicken theatre duster"

ME: We haven't got a chicken theatre. What the heck is that? (imagining making my fortune with chickens on Broadway)

SE: What chickens have on their body.

ME "Oh, chicken FEATHER duster"

SHE "That what I said" !

Haha, these are all great. Makes you think, to them it sounds like they're saying it right in the same way that some of us wonder why they don't understand that we want to order pad see ew. Then when they say it you think THAT'S WHAT I SAID, WHAT THE hel_l!? Gotta love it

[ivowatson]

Not me but a good friend of mine.

Wife- I take son go arabic dancing

Him He's not my son he's yours, but he is not going Arabic dancing, he is THAI, He is not an arab, no fkin way is he going there fkin Arabic dancing!

Wife- Why you so angry, only Arabic dancing ?

Him- Look, I have just told you why he isn't a fkin arab, he is Thai , no way thats it, He's not going.

Wife- Fine, have it your way !!

2 minutes later

Wife_ come here husband I have Arabic dancing to show you on youtube

Him- No

Wife Please look

Him you daft get, it's not Arabic dancing its Aerobic dancing

True story happened last month, still laugh about it.

Classic

Did you think we didn't get it the first time?

By far the funniest post on this thread!

[EvilDrSomkid]

a2396, you should hang out with Laughing Man. Sounds you two will get along just fine.

[eurasianthai]

"Will you come to the Wat with us tomorrow?"

"Will there be interesting photos to take?"

"Come on, you know there will be"

[TheLaughingMan]

a2396, you should hang out with Laughing Man. Sounds you two will get along just fine.

That was uncalled for.

[ThaiBrat]

Just before opening our new office, I took the new to be office manager shopping for furniture and fittings etc. On walking through many stores I noticed a eautiful aquarium on display, I passed a comment that I would like an aquarium / fish tank in the reception area; to which came the reply “ No boss I not like and I think no time to care for”

About five days after the new office opened, I walk in to be greeted by the office manager and the first thing she asked was:-

Her - Today can we go by FISH.

Me – No you told me you don’t want.

Her – No boss not FISH, I mean FISH.

Me (now thinking what is going on here, and I start to recall the earlier conversation) I say again No FISH- you will not have time to care for them.

Move on 3 more days.

Her – Please boss can we go buy FISH today.

Me – Before you told me you don’t want FISH, so why now do you want FISH.

Her – We need FISH.

Me – Why

Her – I have to give water all the time, so we need FISH

Me – (Now thinking, are they going to drink from a fish tank).

Her – Customer not say anything, but I know they not like.

Me – Not like what?

Her – Warm water.

Me – What does this have to do with a FISH tank.

Her – Not fish in tank, we need FISH.

Me – Lets try again, you want FISH for customers.

Her – YES and for staff too.

Me - Why, do we have to give everyone FISH.

Her – We not give everyone FISH, we keep cold water in it.

Me – AH you mean Fridge.

Her - Yes I tell you we need FISH before, can we buy?

Within 2 hours we had a new fridge in the back office to keep cold water in.

Edited March 3, 2010 by ThaiBrat

[mackland]

wife sees 2 japanese tourists standing at a bus stop and taking city scape photos, as they are standing at a bus stop the approaching bus stops of course, the driver opens the door and the 2 tourists start shaking their heads and speaking japanese, the bus driver looks stunned when my wife walks past the japanese and onto the bus and says "bloody japanese how did they invade thailand?"

[jay1980]

When I lived in BKK a friend of mine's girlfriend kept asking for dick.

He only realised what she ment dictionary when they were out shopping and she asked him to buy her a 'talking dick'

[IMA_FARANG]

While I am ever thankful I neither have a thai wife nor an (in)significant thai other, surprisingly I actually do have quite a few thai friends.

This morning I received a call from one of them, the conversation went like this;

Her: Hello Tod, today I sa-tay my home and die already..

Me: I'm sorry; did you say you're already dead?

Her: NO, I say today I die already.

(thinking to myself, wow, what a bummer, but if you are indeed dead, how can you talk to me? With this being thailand I believe anything is possible but this is pushing the envelope even for this place )

Me: Tell me again what happened, please?

Her: I tell you many time, today I sa-tay my home, die already!

(thinking again to myself that she might be mixing thai and engrish words )

Me: Are you speaking thai or engrish?

Her: Tod are you drunk? I sa-peaking engrish, and say I DIE ALREADY!!!

Me: Of course I'm not drunk it's frickin' 10 in the morning.

(note; I never drink before noon) .

(thinking to myself yet again; how can I ascertain exactly how she 'die already'? Realized the direct approach was the best)

Me: How did you die already?

Her: I eat some food last nite, it no good, now I die already.

BING! (the light comes on in my head!)

Me: Oh your shit is like water? You have diarrhea?

Her: I tell you that 10 times.. Now you make me 'ugly' (angry) you, goodbye!

CLICK..

Me; staring at the phone, thinking knowing she 'die already' is just a little too much information at 10am....

That reminds me of a story that was in the Bangkok Post some years back.

Seems there was this English man who had once taught in Thailand, and spoke some Thai. He was now teaching in Jakarta, at a university where there were a few Thai students, Therefore the university often used him as an unofficial go-between for those Thai students.

One morning he recieved a call. "Please come. sir, you must see, we have a Thai girl in a cage", was the call.

The english guy wondered what a Thai girl could have done to be put into a cage. Since his help was obvoiusly needed, he hurried to the office of the person who had called him.

When he arrived, there was no Thai girl. There was a cage however, and a mostly full grown male Tiger, in that cage.

"You see, sir",he was told, "Thai girl in cage".

[witold]

My missus driving back from Tesco Lotus yesterday (and deploying an idiom she picked up last time we were in Liverpool), as a car driven by Russians or similar, rudely pulled in front of us:

"What's your problem mate. Just got off the boat or what"?

Keep it coming guys, many of these are pure gold.  

[martijn12345]

Love this topic. Don't understand why some ppl don't see the fun in this and have to make it so serious. Just cause you sometimes have a misunderstanding (which is most of the time endlessly more funny then a problem) doesn't mean ur in a bad relationship or whatever quick conclusion you guys are drawing.

I unfortunately don't really have to share any stories as my GF understand and speak english pretty well. Then there is still the obvious difference between understanding and wanting to understand

[Jogden]

David006, on 2010-01-14 06:34:30, said:

We often get "cut up" while driving and I always used to swear...now my "she who must be obeyed" has taken over..

"stupid baaastaard, boll....oks wanke_r you die soon" ..hilarious cure for road rage....

couldn't find edit...

just remembered one time an erratically driven truck loaded with coconuts and perched on top was the monkey...I started to grin and the wife looks at me and says "what dear? you think wrong person driving yes!!"........amazingly astute lady!!!

Just showed the wife this one and she had a good laugh, the monkey bit was the best. Thanks.

I used to carry on a bit when driving till i realized that a lots of the children on the roads carry weapons. Now i sit quietly in my passenger seat and listen to the handbrake going off, quai, <deleted>, then back into thai again. Cracks me up.

[theblether]

You know one thing that cracks me up is how quickly these Thai girls can go from being demure and polite into being moth frothing, eye bulging, Tasmanian devils. I'm sure there will be a few heads nodding in agreement with that statement.

Gf " Next Thursday bright day "

Me " How you know "

Gf looking at me with a hint of contempt " What you mean how I know? "

Me, wondering why my GF has suddenly developed the ability to predict the weather on random future dates " How you know next Thursday bright day? "

Gf tensing up like a wet cobra " What you mean how I know??? I know next Thursday bright day, ok Ok, OK!!!! "

Me, wondering why the brightness of next Thursday or otherwise would cause such a reaction.........." Ok, next Thursday bright day, ok, no problem, can be bright day, I don't care, ok? "

Gf exploding like a wet hen " what you mean you no care bright day " ( trust me, screams, expletives, the whole shooting match )

Me, contemplating being murdered by my beautiful gentle girlfriend and served up in a noodle soup " Ok, ok, calm down, calm down, I don't know why you get so angry, tell me, how do you know next Thursday is a bright day? "

Gf striking like a wet cobra chasing a wet hen " expletive deleted.......( and I mean expletive deleted several times ) ........when I was born I knew was bright day!! every year my Mom tell me is bright day!! My id card say is bright day!! .............continued expletives, eyes bulging Tasmanian devil, and I swear I saw a bit of mouth frothing "

Me " Awww, next Thursday is your birthday? "