Disrespect Or Misunderstanding

[SoiGirlHunter]

To make a long story short, i rented a boat for the day and invited some of my wifes family and went out to the islands.

I took my 4,000 baht camera and took some awesome pics, probably the best pics i took in my life besides pu yings.

So we are leaving the last island and my wife getting on the boat drops my camera and her phone in the drink.

I get on the boat after and she tells me. Her brother Nun is sitting there holding the camera looking at it and laughing. So after i minute

i walk over and ask "why are you laughing?". He keeps laughing and in a not so nice voice i ask "why are u laughing". He stops

laughing now. It was a tense moment. Living here i am very yielding but i seem to have a zero tolerance policy for my wifes family.

Also I have a thyroid problem going on which is giving me a short fuse between that and the medication.

So the next day my wife asks me "Why you talk Nun no good". I explained and she said "Thai people always laugh at something like

this". Can someone confirm this? Maybe she is just trying to smooth things over but i need to know as i am pick out the good eggs

from the bad in her huge family.

Thanks for any help

SGH

[sanmiguel]

I do think Thais who dont know you may laugh in a nervous way at this, natural reaction for many.

Anyway getting angry isnt going to fix the camera!

Edited May 13, 2009 by sanmiguel

[Nagatus]

Not really sure how common it is, but my wife has done the same a couple of times when I've had a minor mishap.

We talked about it and I think she understood when I explained that westerners do not appreciate this kind of behaviour. She did not necessarily agree/understand but agreed that she won't laugh anymore in such situations.

Have not happened since.

Maybe find some kind of a sample to show how upset you get from this kind of behaviour, a sample, something that the locals take seriously but you laught at, ghosts are real (don't know that you do laught at this) etc.

Well anyway this atleast fixes the problem in the immediate family (although you did not have this problem) but maybe it will spread to the extended one too

One point to add, if her brother is normally fine with you, does not disrespect you etc. Probably he meant nothing by it, his reaction, thats all.

Edited May 13, 2009 by Nagatus

[MJP]

They aren't laughing at you. It's like the smiling thing. Laughing I guess is a way to miss out our typical anger stage. "We'll laugh about that someday", know that one? Well, they just bring "that day" forward a bit, to the immediate.

They tend to do this and it annoys me too. But don't get angry, cultural differences is all.

[endure]

Thais use smiles and laughter in ways that would seem inappropriate if used in the west. They use them to apologise, to cover embarrassment, to hide fear, to show remorse. I'm sure your wife's brother wasn't showing you any disrespect but was reacting in a Thai way to the situation. As far as the advice to get your family to react in a western fashion to these situations - that may be possible but what are you going to do about the other 60 million Thais who think it's appropriate behaviour? Best, perhaps, to shift your own thinking slightly to accommodate this cultural difference.

[Sabum]

Soigirlhunter, how have you lived here for the amount of time you have and you dont even know this glaring part of Thai culture and behaviour? They often laugh or smile at bad mishaps even if they are the perpetrator. I don't like it, but it's what they do.

[MJP]

Thais use smiles and laughter in ways that would seem inappropriate if used in the west. They use them to apologise, to cover embarrassment, to hide fear, to show remorse. I'm sure your wife's brother wasn't showing you any disrespect but was reacting in a Thai way to the situation. As far as the advice to get your family to react in a western fashion to these situations - that may be possible but what are you going to do about the other 60 million Thais who think it's appropriate behaviour? Best, perhaps, to shift your own thinking slightly to accommodate this cultural difference.

I still know what the OP means though. It is tricky. But need to learn to control temper in these situations.

[Jimjim]

It's a cultural thing to laugh at such accidents. Get over it. Next time don't be so confrontational about it, mai pen rai.

[lannarebirth]

Soigirlhunter, how have you lived here for the amount of time you have and you dont even know this glaring part of Thai culture and behaviour? They often laugh or smile at bad mishaps even if they are the perpetrator. I don't like it, but it's what they do.

True. Seldom if they are the victim however. Which may be telling.

Edited May 13, 2009 by lannarebirth

[snuggzzz]

It's a misunderstanding on your part SGH; I've done this myself to find that their smile/laugh was probably a reaction to the circumstances; it sounds like a classic in your case. Cultural differences and shyness have a lot to play in it.

[Sabum]

Soigirlhunter, how have you lived here for the amount of time you have and you dont even know this glaring part of Thai culture and behaviour? They often laugh or smile at bad mishaps even if they are the perpetrator. I don't like it, but it's what they do.

True. Seldom if they are the victim however. Which may be telling.

Yup

[sbk]

Reminds me of the builders next door, some of our customers walking down the beach were passing by the construction site next door when a free standing wall collapsed. The builders came over to have a look, and then all started laughing.

Its just a normal Thai way of dealing with an embarrassing situation and while it is kind of hard to take when upset it is best to remember that it is not meant personally.

[SoiGirlHunter]

OK, thanks for all the replies, sounds like i owe this guy an apology.

Culture clash

[longstebe]

So if it was the other way around would that be ok? Does 'saving face' play a part in this?

[njpski]

OP, have you never laughed when a buddy gets hit in the groin?

Do you ever laugh at (insert country here)'s Funniest Home Videos?

Same same.

PS - If the camera is digital and you still have it then you should be able to retrieve the happy snaps.

PPS I fully endorse Endure's words

[473geo]

Well I think if I'd clocked the look on you and the wifes face as the camera and phone hit the water......

[teacup]

You are all truly a fool, if you think that is the social acceptable/norm behavior across the wide board of thais,…just like the issue of sinsod thingy

It really depends on individual, upbringing, education, and environment surround.

If I were the OP, I would like to hear the word “sorry”, then they will have an earful from me as how to be respectful of other people and stuffs.

And If you let this go…as a mai-pen-rai attitude,….believe me the problem will get worse, and who knows what might be next.

If you threat them like a child, they will continue to act like a child…..and then you will have no one to blame but YOU, yourself, as part of the problem.

Just my thought here

[MJP]

You are all truly a fool, if you think that is the social acceptable/norm behavior across the wide board of thais,…just like the issue of sinsod thingy

It really depends on individual, upbringing, education, and environment surround.

If I were the OP, I would like to hear the word "sorry", then they will have an earful from me as how to be respectful of other people and stuffs.

And If you let this go…as a mai-pen-rai attitude,….believe me the problem will get worse, and who knows what might be next.

If you threat them like a child, they will continue to act like a child…..and then you will have no one to blame but YOU, yourself, as part of the problem.

Just my thought here

Thinking about it, I make you right.

The Thai's most farang are involved with aren't educated, let alone well educated. I suspect most would enjoy hill-billy status in the West.

Go on! Flame away!

[njpski]

OK, thanks for all the replies, sounds like i owe this guy an apology.

Culture clash

Well said, SoiGirlHunter, it takes a big man to apologise - you will "Live long and prosper!"

[GuestHouse]

Yep apologize and you'll be able to look forward to your own fits of laughter when some mishap befalls your BiL.

It works both ways right?!

[Norrad]

My wifes family does the same thing when her sisters children destroy my stuff. I used to get angry about it but now I just tell my wife that it is going to come out of her shopping budget for the month. Now she keeps an eye on the children when they come over for a visit. They still break stuff and the family laughs but the wife does not.

[sbk]

You are all truly a fool, if you think that is the social acceptable/norm behavior across the wide board of thais,…just like the issue of sinsod thingy

It really depends on individual, upbringing, education, and environment surround.

If I were the OP, I would like to hear the word "sorry", then they will have an earful from me as how to be respectful of other people and stuffs.

And If you let this go…as a mai-pen-rai attitude,….believe me the problem will get worse, and who knows what might be next.

If you threat them like a child, they will continue to act like a child…..and then you will have no one to blame but YOU, yourself, as part of the problem.

Just my thought here

Thinking about it, I make you right.

The Thai's most farang are involved with aren't educated, let alone well educated. I suspect most would enjoy hill-billy status in the West.

Go on! Flame away!

The brother-in-law is not the one who dropped the camera in the water. So, for what should he be apologizing? His sister's clumsiness? The fact that he was, in all likelihood, nervous and embarrassed by the fact that his sister had managed to destroy his brother-in-law's expensive camera?

[Jungian]

Maybe it's like someone walking off a roof, it's not really funny but everyone laughs. What is the old saying? It's only funny until someone gets hurt then it's hysterical.

[MJP]

You are all truly a fool, if you think that is the social acceptable/norm behavior across the wide board of thais,…just like the issue of sinsod thingy

It really depends on individual, upbringing, education, and environment surround.

If I were the OP, I would like to hear the word "sorry", then they will have an earful from me as how to be respectful of other people and stuffs.

And If you let this go…as a mai-pen-rai attitude,….believe me the problem will get worse, and who knows what might be next.

If you threat them like a child, they will continue to act like a child…..and then you will have no one to blame but YOU, yourself, as part of the problem.

Just my thought here

Thinking about it, I make you right.

The Thai's most farang are involved with aren't educated, let alone well educated. I suspect most would enjoy hill-billy status in the West.

Go on! Flame away!

The brother-in-law is not the one who dropped the camera in the water. So, for what should he be apologizing? His sister's clumsiness? The fact that he was, in all likelihood, nervous and embarrassed by the fact that his sister had managed to destroy his brother-in-law's expensive camera?

Keep going.

I need to wake up a bit.

More adrenalin.

[thaiwanderer]

it may well be a non-malicious laugh but the OP's name and location perhaps betray something else for the judgemental

for you other farangs who 'understand thai culture' are we to take it you are never laughed at or instead your understanding does not extend to telling the difference?

anyway i would be interested to see the 'pu yings' the OP belives he's encountered whilst soi girl hunting in pattaya soi 6

for anyone offended by this post please don't be as its my culture which you should of course respect

[MJP]

it may well be a non-malicious laugh but the OP's name and location perhaps betray something else for the judgemental

for you other farangs who 'understand thai culture' are we to take it you are never laughed at or instead your understanding does not extend to telling the difference?

anyway i would be interested to see the 'pu yings' the OP belives he's encountered whilst soi girl hunting in pattaya soi 6

for anyone offended by this post please don't be as its my culture which you should of course respect

Dowt undwerstant!

[sanook2me]

This is Thai culture laughing at misfortune - sorry dude but get used to it.

example on a minor scale only yesterday.

moving a fan out of the back of a car and then i dropped it and snapped one blade off and the front went rolling away.

The security at my condo started laughing while i was mouth "f*cking hel_l, f*ucking b0llox, blah blah"

This is their way of dealing with a situation the same as we to like to rant, neither way solves the issue !

I'm sure no disrespect meant from your Thai family.

You hired a boat, i thought you were a helicopter in a previous post

[noahvail]

Ok, so you lost a cheap camera but the pix are still available to you. Don't know how much the cell was worth, but since you didn't mention it, prolly cheap as well. I haven't lived all that long in LoS, but mai pben rai sure helps with the blood pressure! You've got the pix, maybe your wife's sim still works, so all you've lost is a couple of things. Things can be replaced, or you can do without.

I'm more concerned over the zero tolerance for her family. Seems like that's the bigger problem here. Don't know what you can do about that attitude, but assuming you're gonna stay married a while, you're gonna have to deal with her family for a while. Maybe you'll never figure out a way to acceptance, but imho you'll make a part of your life happier if you can figure out a way to tolerance.

[JohnGotti]

Another fun thread.

[G54]

Another fun thread.

Can you spare a few of those 'fun' pills?