Girlfriend Needs To Divorce Deserted Husband

[joskydive]

Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes; My girlfriend and I of about 3 years have two beautiful little girls (twins), now one year old. We are not married because she is still legally married to an American who left her about 7 years ago, from information that she received from the US embassy, he had returned to the US at about the same time of leaving her. She assumes he is dead because he was around 70 years old when he left her and not in good health. He has also never contacted her again after he left, no emails, phone calls or anything. The situation now is that we would like to get married but first my girlfriend would need to divorce or finalise her existing marriage in some or other way. There is also a question of a house the deserted husband built for her or them or himself, that her mother and father have been living in and that she would not like to lose, apparently the house and land was bought through a company he registered in Thailand with unknown Thai shareholders who she doubts even exist. Any ideas from anybody on how to handle this would be appreciated.

Your girlfriend can apply for a divorce independently.

Civil and Commercial Code. Book 1 -6

Book V FAMILY

Section 1516. Grounds of action for divorce are as follows:-

4/2. The husband and wife voluntarily live separetely because of being unable to cohabit peacefully for more than three years, or live separately for more than three years by the order of the court, either spouse may enter a claim for divorce;

5. One spouse has been adjudged to have disappeared, or has left his or her domicile or residence for more than three years and being uncertain whether he or she is living or dead;

If you have the service of a Thai Lawyer, he/she can resolve your Ladies problems quite efficiently.

With regard to the house and land, the Lawyer can also check the situation for her. He/she only requires the name of the Company and where it was registered to find out who the shareholders are with all the documentation. The documentation will have a copy of her previous husbands passport and it will state where he is from in the US. From that information the Lawyer will be able to find out if, in fact, her husband has died or not from the US Embassy. If he has died she is likely to have to house placed in her name since she was his wife, unless he has made a will opposing this outcome. There shouldn't be any backtaxes since her name is not on the company documentation, however, the Law changes frequently, so guarantees can't be made.

Please bear in mind that this can take some time and money to do, however, you will have an outcome and be able to get on with your lives.

[Spaniel]

If you know the man's full name and hopefully the state he is in, or that you think he may be in, you may try to find him using these two "people search" sites.

www.zabasearch.com

www.pipl.com

[bonobo]

I really don't understand the attitude of the people here who are, with no viable justification, calling this girl very bad.

.....

Why not just help him with the advice he asks for.

My goodness, why all the posts stating this woman, the mother of the OP's children, is bad?  How do we know any of that?

I have to agree with Jangot here. Just give the OP the answers to his questions if you have them, but please leave off the specious name-calling to the woman who has been a good partner and mother to his kids (from his own words.)

[sassienie]

With your gf's stellar history, arent you afraid you may go missing in the near or distant future?

To tell you the trueth, yes I am, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt for now.

This I find really worrying.

Firstly, does your girlfriend have any telephone numbers or addresses of anyone connected with her previous husband in the States? I.e. family, friends etc.

If she does, than you should try and contact them to enquire if they have knowledge as to what has happened to her husband.

If this draws a blank, than visit the American embassy or consulate here to see if they can assist you with contacting American public records offices for death certificates.

Otherwise as one poster suggested, try a search on-line.

If you feel that you are in danger in anyway from your girlfriend, make your concerns known to family or friends.

To be quite honest, I would not even consider marriage to this girl until you have more information regarding her and certainties of what sort of person you are dealing with here.

The advice I mentioned in my previous post is the first course of action the OP should take in order to try and substantiate whether his girlfriend’s husband is deceased or not. Information that is required so the OP is sure that his girlfriend is free to legally marry again.

Any concerns about the OPs safety, please remember was actually voiced by the OP himself (With your gf's stellar history, arent you afraid you may go missing in the near or distant future? To tell you the trueth, yes I am, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt for now).

Members are only showing concern and no flaming or insults is intended. After all it was the OP who created this thread and set the questions. It’s useless for him to than feel disgruntled if some of the answers don’t conform to his way of thinking.

It’s up to the OP, it’s his life or possible demise as he as already stated.

Fools never listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience.

Good luck and rather you than me.

[harrry]

Congratulations on your forthcoming marriage. I do not know if this will help but when she got married her husbands date and place of birth were probably recorded. I do not know about America but in Australia birth and death records seem to be linked so if you can get a copy of the birth certificate you are probably half way towards getting a death certificate if one exists. If not your wife can apply for divorce on the grounds of his having let for over 3 years. God luck and best wishes for your future life.

[harrry]

sassiene go home if you can or have you pissed off too many people there too.

[PoorSucker]

Reasons to legally get divorced in Thailand.

1 ... acted as the spouse of a third party, or been sustained infidelity (this point was changed in 2007 to include infidelity from both the female and male party).

2 ... committed a serious act, regardless of whether it is a criminal case or not, that makes you cannot have a normal life after wards.

3 ... intentionally mistreated or tortured either physically or mentally, or have insulted your family members.

4 ... been absent for over a year. Also applies if your spouse has been in prison for over a year, if you were not an accessory.

5 ... been reported missing for over three years.

6 ... damaged your credibility so that it affects your work, economy and life together as husband and wife.

7 ... been mentally ill for over three years with little chance for improvement, and that the disease prevents normal life.

8 ... had an incurable contagious disease that can be harmful for you.

9 ... are physically unfit to have sex.

[hlfourie]

Thank you very much for the responses, I believe that I have gotten some very useful help from some in order for me to resolve the situation, get married and have a good and normal life with my wife.

To the other negative people around, there is no sad story here, sorry, or any lesson to learn from. I have been happy with my girlfriend for over 3 years, have lovely children and am happy, just wanted to get this legal issue out of the way. So good luck and hope you find happiness as I have..

[patklang]

let's stop with trolling. The op's gf is guilty of nothing more than being married & not knowing where her ex (of 7 years) is. Hardly a hangable offense or reason for some of you to make such degrading comments about her. Anymore of it & I will be issuing warnings & posting holidays.

BOO,

Good call,i think Grapefruit has read too many thai books.Very insulting to the OP

[Carmine6]

Reasons to legally get divorced in Thailand.

1 ... acted as the spouse of a third party, or been sustained infidelity (this point was changed in 2007 to include infidelity from both the female and male party).

2 ... committed a serious act, regardless of whether it is a criminal case or not, that makes you cannot have a normal life after wards.

3 ... intentionally mistreated or tortured either physically or mentally, or have insulted your family members.

4 ... been absent for over a year. Also applies if your spouse has been in prison for over a year, if you were not an accessory.

5 ... been reported missing for over three years.

6 ... damaged your credibility so that it affects your work, economy and life together as husband and wife.

7 ... been mentally ill for over three years with little chance for improvement, and that the disease prevents normal life.

8 ... had an incurable contagious disease that can be harmful for you.

9 ... are physically unfit to have sex.

Wouldn't the year absence in #4 make the 3 years in #5 a moot distinction? Or perhaps you have to have their signature on the docs for #4 and for #5 it's not required.

[mommysboy]

Reasons to legally get divorced in Thailand.

1 ... acted as the spouse of a third party, or been sustained infidelity (this point was changed in 2007 to include infidelity from both the female and male party).

2 ... committed a serious act, regardless of whether it is a criminal case or not, that makes you cannot have a normal life after wards.

3 ... intentionally mistreated or tortured either physically or mentally, or have insulted your family members.

4 ... been absent for over a year. Also applies if your spouse has been in prison for over a year, if you were not an accessory.

5 ... been reported missing for over three years.

6 ... damaged your credibility so that it affects your work, economy and life together as husband and wife.

7 ... been mentally ill for over three years with little chance for improvement, and that the disease prevents normal life.

8 ... had an incurable contagious disease that can be harmful for you.

9 ... are physically unfit to have sex.

Wouldn't the year absence in #4 make the 3 years in #5 a moot distinction? Or perhaps you have to have their signature on the docs for #4 and for #5 it's not required.

It's easy to get a divorce I know I did it. She could file today and it would be done and dusted in a year.

The problem is the house, and whether a divorce would invalidate any claim she might have. The only link she has at the moment is that she is the wife of the MD of the company that owns the house, and the natural heir to his estate.

That's why legal advice is needed and it's not expensive at all.

Played well she gets her divorce and the house, played badly she gets a divorce and zip.

[tominchaam]

I remember a Canadian man who lived here with his Thai wife many years. About ten years ago he went for holiday to Canada himself. He was “lost” for more than five years when a friend of him happened to see him in Las Vegas His only explanation was he was tired of Thailand and wanted to do something else. His Thai wife has always been a nice person and still has nothing bad to say about him!!!

So OP – it has happened before and I regret to say it is likely to happen again and again. I hope your problems can be sorted out. Bad comments have a tendency to appear a lot in topics like this one. Just do like most readers do, ignore them.

[Carmine6]

Reasons to legally get divorced in Thailand.

1 ... acted as the spouse of a third party, or been sustained infidelity (this point was changed in 2007 to include infidelity from both the female and male party).

2 ... committed a serious act, regardless of whether it is a criminal case or not, that makes you cannot have a normal life after wards.

3 ... intentionally mistreated or tortured either physically or mentally, or have insulted your family members.

4 ... been absent for over a year. Also applies if your spouse has been in prison for over a year, if you were not an accessory.

5 ... been reported missing for over three years.

6 ... damaged your credibility so that it affects your work, economy and life together as husband and wife.

7 ... been mentally ill for over three years with little chance for improvement, and that the disease prevents normal life.

8 ... had an incurable contagious disease that can be harmful for you.

9 ... are physically unfit to have sex.

Wouldn't the year absence in #4 make the 3 years in #5 a moot distinction? Or perhaps you have to have their signature on the docs for #4 and for #5 it's not required.

It's easy to get a divorce I know I did it. She could file today and it would be done and dusted in a year.

The problem is the house, and whether a divorce would invalidate any claim she might have. The only link she has at the moment is that she is the wife of the MD of the company that owns the house, and the natural heir to his estate.

That's why legal advice is needed and it's not expensive at all.

Played well she gets her divorce and the house, played badly she gets a divorce and zip.

I was actually commenting on having #5 when #4 seems to cover it. If they're missing for a year, they're absent, so no need to wait 3 years. But that kind of redundancy happens in legislation everywhere.

[nidge]

My gf is also married to an american. He dissappeared nearly 3 years ago and the only communication since has been the occasional death threat should she meet another man. According to her lawyer she can post her divorce papers at the local amphur office and if no response has been recieved after 30 days a divorce can be granted.

My ex-wife tried this attempt with me, locked me out of my house, moved to her mothers and then posted the divorce papers at a house i could not get into. Luckily my lawyer was just as smart as she was stupid

[sassienie]

sassiene go home if you can or have you pissed off too many people there too.

You wouldn`t be the husband by any chance?

[GungaDin]

sassiene go home if you can or have you pissed off too many people there too.

You wouldn`t be the husband by any chance?

Harry made a very valid point.

[sassienie]

sassiene go home if you can or have you pissed off too many people there too.

You wouldn`t be the husband by any chance?

Harry made a very valid point.

People who result to swearing in order to make their views noticed are uneducated idiots.

It means that normally these persons have nothing constructive to say.

Basic lack of intelligence makes the mouth speak before their brain moves into gear.

Edited May 18, 2009 by sassienie

[GungaDin]

A pathetic response doesn't alter the fact.

[Misplaced]

I really don't understand the attitude of the people here who are, with no viable justification, calling this girl very bad.

Caution is one thing, but gratuitous bad-mouthing is another.

Look, if she had wanted to get the old dude out of the way to inherit house, money etc. and move on to a younger mark, there were better ways to do it.

A "heart attack', unfortunate fall down stairs of from a balcony, a regrettable road accident. Then there would have been a body and everything would have been wrapped up neatly, quickly and cleanly.

Why not assume that he regretted getting involved with her, for whatever reason, and did a bunk

Yes, OP needs to be very careful, and he has shown that he is that.

Why not just help him with the advice he asks for.

I would rather live in hope (and with due care) and get stung maybe, than live my entire life in bitter distrust and fear.

Carpe diem.

Because this is TV and all Thai girls are presumed guilty until proven innocent

With that, the common sense approach goes out the window.

Edited May 18, 2009 by Misplaced

[SoiGirlHunter]

Another calf off to the slaughterhouse

unbelievable stupidity

[ILOOKFORWORK]

Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes; My girlfriend and I of about 3 years have two beautiful little girls (twins), now one year old. We are not married because she is still legally married to an American who left her about 7 years ago, from information that she received from the US embassy, he had returned to the US at about the same time of leaving her. She assumes he is dead because he was around 70 years old when he left her and not in good health. He has also never contacted her again after he left, no emails, phone calls or anything. The situation now is that we would like to get married but first my girlfriend would need to divorce or finalise her existing marriage in some or other way. There is also a question of a house the deserted husband built for her or them or himself, that her mother and father have been living in and that she would not like to lose, apparently the house and land was bought through a company he registered in Thailand with unknown Thai shareholders who she doubts even exist. Any ideas from anybody on how to handle this would be appreciated.

Hi. I sent you a message about who you can contact about getting this taken care of.... so please check your inbox for my message. In terms of the house that her parents live in, I don't know what to tell you. But from what I know about Thai law and courts.. they both usually will rule in favor of the Thai person when it's regarding ownership of property. The thing that may give you trouble is if another Thai person does own this house legally and really do exist. A foreigner cannot own land or property here (from what I have read), so it must be registered as being owned by a Thai citizen. However, there is also a law in Thailand that states if property is left abandoned for greater than 10 years (I believe), another party may claim or take possession of legal ownership. But I don't know the details on that exactly, and I don't know if it also applies to houses or only land.

[ILOOKFORWORK]

I'd start at the local land office to determine whose name the land is under.

Have you googled US obituaries for the old dude's name? Do you know what state/city he went back to?

Hahaha.. "the old dude's name" ... that's great.

[ILOOKFORWORK]

Maybe i dont understand thai culture . What more info does this guy need about the girl. She a bad girl, but im sure in his eyes she has changed her ways. I understand where poor girls coming from(their mindset) , i just dont understand where the men coming from.

Thank you for the response, but I was not looking for info on my girlfriend, good or bad, I was only asking on how it will work to have her divorced from a deserted husband. For all I know, yes he could be six feet under in his backyard where my girlfiends parents now live in his house but thats not the point. Well for the moment at least. Over the past three years she has been pretty good with me, we have our normal ups and downs but most importantly is that she is the mother of my children and a very good mother and has been a good partner to me. She has been quite allusive with regards to the husband just apparently dissapearing off the face of the earth and I never as perhaps I should have early in our relationship pushed the point as I am now trying to do.

It's good that you recognize that you should have pushed her about the issue from the beginning. I don't know anything about your girlfriend, so I'm not in a position to really give you my opinion about her character. I guess some of the things to really look back at (in retrospect) are.. 1) Where did you meet her originally and under what circumstance(s)? 2) What is her educational background and work history? 3) Have her friends ever given you any gossip or indication that she may or may not be a "good girl"? .... It's very possible that she really hasn't wanted to talk about or dealt with settling the marriage up until now simply because she has a "mai bpen rai" attitude about it. Or maybe she keeps procrastinating. Thais are notorious for this as you probably know. They're also notorious for their "conflict avoidance" approach to dealing with big problems. So don't automatically assume that she's hiding some critical information or has some sinister or ulterior motive, especially if she hasn't given you anything to be suspicious about (other than this situation with the legal marriage). At the same time, maybe think about some of those questions mentioned above and see if anything strikes you as alarming after you think back about those things.

Edited May 18, 2009 by ILOOKFORWORK

[Livinginexile]

With your gf's stellar history, arent you afraid you may go missing in the near or distant future?

To tell you the trueth, yes I am, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt for now.

LOL