Allowance For Wife ?

[Maigo6]

I see no harm in helping her out.

Vibe, there is no ' Harm '..

It's just that to some of these guys, 10,000 Baht is a lot of money.

Maybe they wish somebody cared about them enough to give them some extra pocket money........

Edited May 22, 2009 by Maigo6

[lazygourmet]

You will start counting she will acquire a taste for French lingerie and Jimmy Choo shoes...

[cathyy]

Obvious why you live ehre.

NO FARANG WOMAN WOULD GO NEAR YOU

Agree 100%.I am a farang woman.I have a job and also have enough time and joy to take care about my man.But..I have also self-respect. God, save us, woman, from men who think like you.

Speak only for yourself, Dille, don't try to speak for all women. I like having the choice of whether or not to work. I choose to not work. Sure, I've worked before, and earned decent money doing so. All working did for me was give me stress overload and reinforce that I just prefer a much more domestic lifestyle. There's no lack of self-respect involved. I don't presume to insist you should stay at home; why do you insist I should work? I don't appreciate it.

Originally women's lib was about being able to choose. I know because I was around when it all began. But it was taken over by women who think like you and now women in the US no longer have a culturally accepted option to stay at home. I feel sorry for the kids and for the husbands who live with stressed out wives who would be happier at home. It's gone so far that now men insist their wives work, where once it was considered an admission of their inability to provide for the family.

[sbk]

while there are women who do prefer to stay at home there are also women who prefer to work. Both of my sisters went back to work after their kids were born, not out of necessity or expectation but because they wanted to. They felt unfulfilled dealing with a toddler all day. Personally, I don't see the need to judge either way. And neither do I see how it really has much to do with this topic.

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

[bkkjames]

while there are women who do prefer to stay at home there are also women who prefer to work. Both of my sisters went back to work after their kids were born, not out of necessity or expectation but because they wanted to. They felt unfulfilled dealing with a toddler all day. Personally, I don't see the need to judge either way. And neither do I see how it really has much to do with this topic.

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

Be careful, everything you say can be used against you in a divorce court of law.

[scotsman]

Obvious why you live ehre.

NO FARANG WOMAN WOULD GO NEAR YOU

Agree 100%.I am a farang woman.I have a job and also have enough time and joy to take care about my man.But..I have also self-respect. God, save us, woman, from men who think like you.

Speak only for yourself, Dille, don't try to speak for all women. I like having the choice of whether or not to work. I choose to not work. Sure, I've worked before, and earned decent money doing so. All working did for me was give me stress overload and reinforce that I just prefer a much more domestic lifestyle. There's no lack of self-respect involved. I don't presume to insist you should stay at home; why do you insist I should work? I don't appreciate it.

Originally women's lib was about being able to choose. I know because I was around when it all began. But it was taken over by women who think like you and now women in the US no longer have a culturally accepted option to stay at home. I feel sorry for the kids and for the husbands who live with stressed out wives who would be happier at home. It's gone so far that now men insist their wives work, where once it was considered an admission of their inability to provide for the family.

Very good post thank you.

Regards

Scotsman

[scotsman]

while there are women who do prefer to stay at home there are also women who prefer to work. Both of my sisters went back to work after their kids were born, not out of necessity or expectation but because they wanted to. They felt unfulfilled dealing with a toddler all day. Personally, I don't see the need to judge either way. And neither do I see how it really has much to do with this topic.

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

That is fair enough but not all marriages can work like that, there are a lot marriages that end in divorce Due to bad debt I have seen it close up with friends in the uk as one partner can't take care of money and use credit cards to the max or drink it all away or gamble. There are so many different ways that a marriage can work you can't put it into just one box and put a label on it like some of the pc people on this forum. Love can mean hard choices have to be made and some people make them and there marriage is the better for it, but I am happy for you and your partner what you have works.

Regards

Scotsman

[cathyy]

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

What happens when you disagree on whether to buy something or not? You can't always come to an agreement. That's what my allowance is for. My husband doesn't want me limited to only being able to get things when he approves. If he approves, he buys it for me. If he doesn't, I have to decide whether I want to spend my allowance. It's not that I have no access to our money; it's all joint accounts and I have my own ATM cards. It's simply the arrangement that works for us.

[jaideeguy]

I learned 8 yrs ago that my wife was a poor money manager when I gave her my income [then] of 80kTHB/mo and most of it went to her family in the provence and the remainder went to buying plastic and sugar for our kids and nothing left by the 20th of the month.

Money is a lot tighter these days and I now give her 2kthb/mo [which goes to the family in the provence] and she has freeom to dip into my pockets when ever she needs small baht and asks if she needs more. She has no problem with that, as She knows that she is a poor money manager and appreciates the fact that she is better off than most.

Why don't they teach 'money management' in school ??

[Moonrakers]

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

What happens when you disagree on whether to buy something or not? You can't always come to an agreement. That's what my allowance is for. My husband doesn't want me limited to only being able to get things when he approves. If he approves, he buys it for me. If he doesn't, I have to decide whether I want to spend my allowance. It's not that I have no access to our money; it's all joint accounts and I have my own ATM cards. It's simply the arrangement that works for us.

My wife doesn't need my approval to buy something, she can still buy it regardless. Within (financial) reason of course, but then I can and do trust her to be sensible in that regard.

[TAWP]

I donät have a joint account but the wife knows my pin-code. The arrangement is ofcourse that you tell if you take out money from my account (as she has her own Thai-decent salary too) but being a somewhat spoiled middle-class lass, she only do it sometimes...

Anyway, the reason I don't get a joint account is due to the fact that someone that knows money management needs to be in control. Otherwise it's like letting my son guard to cookie jar. Sure, it would be democratic or something, but there would be no cookies left after a few days...

[tutsiwarrior]

allowances and money management being part of the same discussion I've found that my wife (who receives a very generous monthly allowance when I am employed) has the view that the money is there to be spent while I hold a more conservative view that values having a large bank account. I see my wife's (Asian?) perspective as being related to being part of a large, interdependent, extended family arrangement wherein everyone is looked after whereas my view is more (western?) aligned with bank accounts, investments, etc.

(when I say 'everyone is looked after' that means my wife and myself included as we found ourselves broke (zero available cash ...totally unforeseen) once and my wife appeared to be unconcerned; house paid for and no debt and we had the rest of the family to support us otherwise...)

any observations regarding the 'spend it all' vs. 'financial probity' thai/falang household money management arrangement and the issue of an allowance for the wife?

Edited May 22, 2009 by tutsiwarrior

[cathyy]

any observations regarding the 'spend it all' vs. 'financial probity' thai/falang household money management arrangement and the issue of an allowance for the wife?

It's hard to generalize, Tutsi. I've known Western men who spent money as fast as they got it, and Asian /Thai women who valued healthy savings account balances.

One way to look at it is to note how much gold a woman buys. Gold jewelry is not mere jewelry to a Thai. It's an investment that is as liquid as a bank account, but appreciates in value much faster than interest is earned in a bank. That is how many Thai women "save" their money. They buy gold, knowing it will hold value and can be sold back to the shop if need for the money arises. Of course, she hates to sell it, just as Westerners hate to raid their savings. If she's buying gold, she is putting away money for a rainy day in the way she trusts to do it.

As far as the "spend it all" attitude, is it really a need to spend it all, or a sense that whatever good can be got from the money is better than the money just sitting in a bank? Real, immediate needs take precedence over future, potential needs in a poor society.

[sbk]

My husband and I have joint accounts and we both have bank cards. I would not allow him to pay me an allowance and neither would he dream of it, we are partners in our marriage and as such it is "our money" not his money given to me to use.

What happens when you disagree on whether to buy something or not? You can't always come to an agreement. That's what my allowance is for. My husband doesn't want me limited to only being able to get things when he approves. If he approves, he buys it for me. If he doesn't, I have to decide whether I want to spend my allowance. It's not that I have no access to our money; it's all joint accounts and I have my own ATM cards. It's simply the arrangement that works for us.

My wife doesn't need my approval to buy something, she can still buy it regardless. Within (financial) reason of course, but then I can and do trust her to be sensible in that regard.

Ditto. My husband is not a gambler, not a poor money manager, not a spendthrift (well except for fishing stuff ) and if he wants to buy something big (or if I want to buy something big), then its a joint decision, if we can't agree, then it doesn't get bought. But, to be honest, we rarely disagree on these matters. Money is not, nor has it ever been, an issue in our marriage. If he wants something then why the heck not? He doesn't waste it on stupid stuff. And neither do I. If one of us were irresponsible then that would be a different story.

But, all major decisions in our marriage are made after discussion, compromise and agreement. And the small stuff? Who cares? I don't want someone who feels the need to have that much control over my life that the small stuff requires permission, and neither does my husband.

[elektrified]

How much speding money do you give your wife or long-term girfriend ?

I give my wife 15,000 Baht a month, divided into 4 weekly payments. This is for her personal expenses or whatever she wants to send to her family, not for food, transportation or extraodinary expenses (doctor, dentist, emergencies).

To my mind this should be plenty, but she's always asking for more for this and that.

What's your experience and opinion ?

My opinion is that you are fool! Why would you "pay" your wife anything? Did you "pay" your wife in your home country?

[elektrified]

Funny how the OP never mentioned bar but everyone else jumps in with their own personal Thai experiences.

C'mon John, what are we supposed to think?

It's an asumption one must jump to when someone talks about "how much allowance (salary) is too much!" and..."when does one say enough"

I know many farangs here in Australia with Thai wifes, every one of them works for a living and contribute to the household budget. You know what the difference is? They had legit jobs when they met their future husbands.

Paying 15-30k+ per/mth "allowance"? for what?

It just baffles me.

I agree, rent a wife situation for sure, no ?, then stop paying the rental and see how long she hangs about,".how much you love me" , " how much you got ? "

Exactly.

[lioness]

Maybe the OP should've asked...

How much money do you have to pay your wife/gf to stay with you each month?

Honestly, these posts sound more like a business arangement than a loving relationship

You people really do need to ask yourselves:

"what would happen if I stoped paying my terak?"

If you have to "pay" your wife/gf every month then the answer is very clear.

You would be out the door quicker than you can say "but teerak jaaa, I love you!"

Thank Jesus H Christ I don't have those kind of problems.

The Op said give, not pay. There is a difference.

[rott]

Refreshing to see so many guys not hurling vast amounts of money at their Thai gf's/wives, the problem is the number of bozoes ( and I can instantly think of 2), who are not earning big money, yet still manage to send £10,000 p.a. here. And that is straight to the wife's pocket, no mortgage or young children to pay for. That is (partly) why I am considered a cheap charlie.

[TerryTibbs]

A good woman shouldn't have to be treated like a PAYG sim card by topping up now and then to get them to function.

[Lancelot]

My opinion is that you are fool! Why would you "pay" your wife anything? Did you "pay" your wife in your home country?

Yeah, I can never understand why guys "pay" their wives and/or girl friends. I do however know why (the wife/gf would sky up if no "allowance were forthcomming) but I still don't understand it...

Relationships, one of lifes mysteries

[BSJ]

I don't believe in spoiling either wifes or children. If they get into the habit of asking for money, and getting it whenever they ask there is less motivation to work hard (and smart) to accumulate their own wealth.

Each to his own I guess!

[loong]

Many people have jumped on this idea of "Paying" their wives.

Allocating a percentage of family income for the wife's personal spending is not the same as paying them.

In fact there have been a few studies where the cost of replacing a wife would actually exceed most husbands' incomes. In many cases the cost of a housekeeper, cook, cleaner, laundry, child carer, nurse, counselor, teacher and of course, sex worker would amount to a tidy sum.

Lucky for most, they don't pay their wives, but allocate a percentage of income for personal spending.

Allowance is a convenient word for this allocation, it doesn't indicate that the husband considers his wife the same as a child.

I give my lady an allowance every week. I would like to be able to just hand over my income every month and be done with it, but it wouldn't work. She is useless with money and we would have nothing for the last 2 weeks of the month. That's why I give her her spending money once a week, she couldn't make it last if I gave her it monthly.

[Livinginexile]

Many people have jumped on this idea of "Paying" their wives.

Allocating a percentage of family income for the wife's personal spending is not the same as paying them.

In fact there have been a few studies where the cost of replacing a wife would actually exceed most husbands' incomes. In many cases the cost of a housekeeper, cook, cleaner, laundry, child carer, nurse, counselor, teacher and of course, sex worker would amount to a tidy sum.

Lucky for most, they don't pay their wives, but allocate a percentage of income for personal spending.

Allowance is a convenient word for this allocation, it doesn't indicate that the husband considers his wife the same as a child.

I give my lady an allowance every week. I would like to be able to just hand over my income every month and be done with it, but it wouldn't work. She is useless with money and we would have nothing for the last 2 weeks of the month. That's why I give her her spending money once a week, she couldn't make it last if I gave her it monthly.

I agree,

It's all a matter of managing the money well.

It is absolutely normal to provide spending money to our wives when they require it. It is her family that needs to be watched. The hidden pressure they try to exert on them can be too much.

As Scotsman has allready posted, all to often they will send as much money as possible to them at every oppertunity.

I think it is imperative that the rules are laid down from day one, otherwise it will be a constant battle to stem the one way flow of money to her family.

[scotsman]

Many people have jumped on this idea of "Paying" their wives.

Allocating a percentage of family income for the wife's personal spending is not the same as paying them.

In fact there have been a few studies where the cost of replacing a wife would actually exceed most husbands' incomes. In many cases the cost of a housekeeper, cook, cleaner, laundry, child carer, nurse, counselor, teacher and of course, sex worker would amount to a tidy sum.

Lucky for most, they don't pay their wives, but allocate a percentage of income for personal spending.

Allowance is a convenient word for this allocation, it doesn't indicate that the husband considers his wife the same as a child.

I give my lady an allowance every week. I would like to be able to just hand over my income every month and be done with it, but it wouldn't work. She is useless with money and we would have nothing for the last 2 weeks of the month. That's why I give her her spending money once a week, she couldn't make it last if I gave her it monthly.

I agree,

It's all a matter of managing the money well.

It is absolutely normal to provide spending money to our wives when they require it. It is her family that needs to be watched. The hidden pressure they try to exert on them can be too much.

As Scotsman has allready posted, all to often they will send as much money as possible to them at every oppertunity.

I think it is imperative that the rules are laid down from day one, otherwise it will be a constant battle to stem the one way flow of money to her family.

Well that's what i said all along to the op if you read my post"s correctly and for a change I agree with this post. But what I do not agree with and so do other posters on this thread is That you have to put your label on everyone that gives Pocket money, Allowance or what ever you want to call it to there wife/GF because that would be Wrong. You don't know everyone's cercomestances to put everyone in just one box and call it paying a salary. My wife has more money in her 3 bank accounts than I have in my 1 account I don't keep money in Thailand they don't give you much or any % plus I have read many news reports in English news papers over here that Thai & Farang bank accounts are robbed by hackers or people who work in the bank and you will never get your money back not the same laws here that you get in other country's. Now when it comes down to the Thai Family then it can be a mine field of trouble if they are like the op"s G/f family they are a bad Thai family, then you have to put your foot down Grow a set of balls and say no. I on the other hand have experienced first had on my vast travels around Thailand that there are good & Bad Thai Family's . I am very lucky my wife's family are hard working loving people with a lot of pride and yes we do sometimes take care but not with Money My father-in-law lives not far from us and he works part time as a gardener at 72 years old and My Wife & I go to see him once or twice a week and bring him some food or fruit also a new mosquito net for his bed. I did give my brother-in-law a loan of 10,000 baht for a year and he gave me back 12,000 because he made money so he shared it with me and I shared the profit with my wife 1000 baht each so there is always 2 side's to everything you can't generalize. I also don't like people making up there own interpretation of my post's with lie's or wrong assumptions.

Regards

Scotsman

[sabaaisabaaiinchiangmai]

ALLOWANCE FOR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND??...I JUST DONT GET IT,WHY?

she has no job?

what did she do for money before you?

i know there are loads of poor people in thailand,i have lived here for 5 years....if your happy to have a gf with no job and no money and want to pay for everything then great each to their own!!for me i would rather have a gf like i have with education good job her own house and car and own money....problem solved!

we never ever have money issues,but if you find your gf or wife in the bar ...what do you expect,you will pay for everything for the rest of your life......

like all the old men with young girls here in thailand.....its a business deal if the old man dosent pay she will go,get real do these old men really really think young girls like them other than money then surply......

[loong]

ALLOWANCE FOR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND??...I JUST DONT GET IT,WHY?

she has no job?

what did she do for money before you?

i know there are loads of poor people in thailand,i have lived here for 5 years....if your happy to have a gf with no job and no money and want to pay for everything then great each to their own!!for me i would rather have a gf like i have with education good job her own house and car and own money....problem solved!

we never ever have money issues,but if you find your gf or wife in the bar ...what do you expect,you will pay for everything for the rest of your life......

like all the old men with young girls here in thailand.....its a business deal if the old man dosent pay she will go,get real do these old men really really think young girls like them other than money then surply......

"she has no job?"

There are not so many jobs available that pay more than a pittance.

Times are getting harder nowadays. And if your girlfriend happened to lose her job and money? What will you do? Dump her?

If so then you are only with her because she has money, so same as the Isaan girls but on a different scale.

If you lose your income will she dump you?

If she will dump you. then she is only with you because you have money, so same as the Isaan girls but on a different scale.

If you have a child together and she gives up work to take care of the baby, what will you do? You obviously won't be sharing any of your income with your partner. Maybe you'll employ an Isaan woman as a nanny and pay her a pittance so that your gf can keep working? After all, having her child grow up thinking that an Isaan lady is the mother as a small price to pay for someone who worships the money god.

It's such a shame that your Mother didn't teach you to share, but maybe she was too busy thinking about money.

[lioness]

with regard to post by Loong

It is common he says for men to give their wage to the woman in his area, probably because they would spend it on alcohol.

The average wage in Isann is what? 4,000 Baht per month.

[loong]

with regard to post by Loong

It is common he says for men to give their wage to the woman in his area, probably because they would spend it on alcohol.

The average wage in Isann is what? 4,000 Baht per month.

I think that I said Many would spend it on alcohol. Some men who do not drink still hand over all the money for the wife to manage.

Obviously average wage really doesn't mean anything as so many, especially in the cities earn much more. But for the average low paid Isaan villager a common wage is 150 to 200 Baht per day, so your 4,000 isn't far out. Often it's lower as they do not have available work everyday.

[Norrad]

OK guys, don't kill me for this. I have to admit to giving my wife my wages every month.

The first 2 months were tough as she was not used to having so much money on her. But she soon adapted and manages to save quite a bit of it now.

ps. Now she gives me a daily allowance from my own wages

[Livinginexile]

OK guys, don't kill me for this. I have to admit to giving my wife my wages every month.

The first 2 months were tough as she was not used to having so much money on her. But she soon adapted and manages to save quite a bit of it now.

ps. Now she gives me a daily allowance from my own wages

Good on you,

I bet she doesn't send most of your wages back to her family in Issan huh?

Or send most of it back for a constant stream of crisises her family needs to bailed out of.

I suppose she doesnt send most of it back to her secret bank accounts she has at home building her nest egg untill she decides to dump you.

My wife manages all our money too but not one cent is sent back to Thailand or to her family.

I feel sorry for guys who need to pay a salary for their wives.