7 hours ago, riceyummm said:

Am I being green but will the driver get "charged" for parking there illegally?

 

My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300 to help pay her rent?
Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help, I told her to let me think about it and I would call her back.
Before I called her back, my aunt rang and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.
She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.
I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300 because we all need help at times.
So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money.

A couple of hours later, I get a call from the prison.
It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money?
My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!

 

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.
 His friend said, "No what is it?"

 "Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then you say, 'Boy these are almost as nice as your sister's.

 

 Then see if you can hang on for eight seconds." 
 

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me" 

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

Edited September 20, 20187 yr by tifino

37 minutes ago, tifino said:

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me"

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

Did your friend buy it ?  my mouth is aghast with envy .

3 minutes ago, superal said:

Did your friend buy it ?  my mouth is aghast with envy .

yes he did, and he never regretted the joke played on her husband 

 

 

or, technically; 'the joke was on him'

Edited September 20, 20187 yr by tifino

5 hours ago, tifino said:

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me" 

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

But what a beautiful car.

3 minutes ago, CantSpell said:

But if he had "put it up himself" would he have made a pretty angel on the top of the tree?

A convicted con man who was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which the judge remarked,

 

"I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual, seemed to know his subject matter in detail and ever so polite."
 

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up".

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

 A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 7 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 8. You were so close, but no free sex this time."

 As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex. Bubba replied,

 

 

"No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged ---- my wife won twice last week."