Dancealot Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 What do you call a Greek electrician? Confused What would you call a Chinese electrician then? Socgreatness, maybe.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mancub Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 2 goldfish in a tank .. One says to the other .."you sure you know how to drive this thing ?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimonD Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 What do you call a woman who can juggle three glasses of Chang without spilling a drop... Beatrix. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimonD Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? 100. One to hold the bulb and 99 to push the room round. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimonD Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 How many old people does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb, the other to tell you how good the old one was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel1 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 NEVER! Judge a man before you've walked a mile in his shoes. (unless he's wearing crogs, than he's a douche anyway.) Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 NEVER! Judge a man before you've walked a mile in his shoes. (unless he's wearing crogs, than he's a douche anyway.) Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App NEVER! Judge a man before you've walked a mile in his shoes. Because then you'll be a mile away and he'll have no shoes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 14, 2012 Author Share Posted November 14, 2012 Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 The Leader of the Vegetarian Society just couldn’t control himself anymore. he just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth. Now “Isn’t that something,” says the Leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 A truck loaded with ping pong balls is driving at high speed towards the border between russia and china. Meanwhile a russian chicken border guard is talking to a chinese rabbit about a new movie when they see the truck coming towards them at high speed. The truck hits a tree truck and starts tumbling over right into the border pass house. All ping pong balls are released from the truck and cover the chicken and the rabbit.. Then the Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 A truck loaded with ping pong balls is driving at high speed towards the border between russia and china. Meanwhile a russian chicken border guard is talking to a chinese rabbit about a new movie when they see the truck coming towards them at high speed.The truck hits a tree truck and starts tumbling over right into the border pass house. All ping pong balls are released from the truck and cover the chicken and the rabbit.. Then the ???????? Sent from my ALCATEL_one_touch_918D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 A truck loaded with ping pong balls is driving at high speed towards the border between russia and china. Meanwhile a russian chicken border guard is talking to a chinese rabbit about a new movie when they see the truck coming towards them at high speed.The truck hits a tree truck and starts tumbling over right into the border pass house. All ping pong balls are released from the truck and cover the chicken and the rabbit.. Then the ???????? Sent from my ALCATEL_one_touch_918D Thanks a bunch. Do i qualify? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Qualify? I think you win. Sent from my ALCATEL_one_touch_918D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 A man sees a growth coming out from the centre of his forehead and consults with a specialist who tells him he has a rare genetic disorder and what's happening to him is that a penis is growing out of his head. He is told that his life is not in danger, but it's inoperable due to its extensive root system. He is told to wear a hat and that it could be a whole lot worse. "How can you say that? Every morning when I comb my hair or shave, I'm going to see a dick sticking out of my forehead. Do you know what that's gonna do to my ego?" "You won't see anything," the doctor says. "Your balls will be in your eyes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 A truck loaded with ping pong balls is driving at high speed towards the border between russia and china. Meanwhile a russian chicken border guard is talking to a chinese rabbit about a new movie when they see the truck coming towards them at high speed.The truck hits a tree truck and starts tumbling over right into the border pass house. All ping pong balls are released from the truck and cover the chicken and the rabbit.. Then the ???????? Sent from my ALCATEL_one_touch_918D Thanks a bunch. Do i qualify? no, epic fail... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgical procedure. The guy asks what the procedure is . The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of the penis and hope for the best. The guy thinks that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so tells the doctor to go ahead. The doctor performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to try out his new equipment. The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this when his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a cob of corn, and disappears back into his pants! His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on he face. "WOW!!" she says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another cob of corn up my ASS!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaddeus Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 A dyslexic walks in to a bra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgical procedure. The guy asks what the procedure is . The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of the penis and hope for the best. The guy thinks that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so tells the doctor to go ahead. The doctor performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to try out his new equipment. The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this when his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a cob of corn, and disappears back into his pants! His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on he face. "WOW!!" she says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another cob of corn up my ASS!" I see you want to battle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) I was at a dinner party one evening and became engaged in a conversation with a woman. The conversation took a turn for the worst and turned into an argument. Finally, the lady very angrily told me. "Mr.. if you where my husband I'd poison your coffee" I,.. without missing a beat said " If you where my wife, i would drink it" Edited November 17, 2012 by Dancealot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warfie Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Woman: I have a problem. Doctor: Well, are you regular? Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30. Doctor: So, what's the problem? Woman: I don't get up until 9:30. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicog Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I was at a dinner party one evening and became engaged in a conversation with a woman. The conversation took a turn for the worst and turned into an argument. Finally, the lady very angrily told me. "Mr.. if you where my husband I'd poison your coffee" I,.. without missing a beat said " If you where my wife, i would drink it" That's not a joke, that's a Winston Churchill quote. Ah they didn't have silly rules then.... Braddock: "Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk. "Churchill: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?’ ‘It depends,’ His wife replied. ‘What does it say on your shirt?’ He yelled back, ‘ University of Oklahoma .’ And they say blondes are dumb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 "It’s just too hot to wear clothes today" Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money" she replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ———————————————– 2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don’t have enough time) ———————————————– 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don’t stop to ask directions) ———————————————– 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) ———————————————– 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties) ———————————————– 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) ———————————————– 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don’t know…..it never happened) ———————————————– 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual.’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJCM Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) By reading the last 4 post, people must by now suspect KevJohn is Female Edited November 18, 2012 by MJCM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 By reading the last 4 post, people must by now suspect KevJohn is Female I'm going to try and balance this out. Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I’d be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills. Wife: When must I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are. Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevjohn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it, so I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: For you and your parents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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