Worst Joke Ever

[loong]

This woman was suffering with chest pains and went to see the doctor

He gave here a thorough examination and tells her

"you have acute angina"

She says

"Thank you doctor, that's nice of you to say - but what is causing the chest pains?"

[Ron19]

Old Man Leroy and his friend Carl were standing at the base of a flag pole, looking up. A blonde lady walked up and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flag pole", said Leroy, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from their tool kit, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.... She then took a tape measure from the same kit, took a measurement and announced, "eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Carl shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."

[kevjohn]

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his
grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a

shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind

for everyone to see! he exclaimed .

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on

below the waist? he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck.

This is your grandma's idea.

[scottishjohn]

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Does that count as a 'Grand Slam' ?

[riceyummm]

1. Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
   
   
   
   
   
   Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over. Good women like that are hard to find."

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Washroom Sign

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[chuenyongman]

Q. Why did the pervert cross the road.

A. He was stuck up the chicken.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. He wanted to meet Gregory Peck.

[Ron19]

"Hello, is this Miss Singleton?"

- "Yes, it is me."

"Miss Singleton, this is John Smith, your tax accountant. I must inform you that your tax
statement was rejected by the IRS...They say that your salary and your possessions are
incompatible...Your salary as a secretary is too low for you to be able to afford a luxury
apartment, a new Mercedes-Benz, expensive clothing, jewelry, vacations in Europe, etc."

- "Oh, and what can I do about it?"

"Well, let's do the following: Send me a recent copy of your principal source of income,
and I'll see what I can do with it at the IRS."

- "Very well Mr. Smith. I am making a photocopy of it now, and I will fax it to you shortly."

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Edited June 12, 2013 by Ron19

[Ron19]

Irish Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children ...

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, ?5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania

[Robby nz]

Then there was the Irish lady who had 8 children and said to her friend:

I'm not going to have any more now I have a hearing aid

Whats a hearing aid got to do with having kids asked her friend?

Well said the woman when we used to go to bed my husband would say

Are you going to sleep or what?

And I would say WHAT

[Ron19]

Sorry to post on a sad note but I have just recieved the news from kevjohn who has had contact with the wife of " warfie " who started this thread that warfie has passed away and will be cremated today.

Rest in peace mate and sincere sympathy to his wife and family.

Ron19

.

[Robby nz]

My condolences also

Robby

[GarryP]

Realy sad news. Commiserations to his family and friends. Never knew him personally but appreciated his posts and sense of humour. He will be missed.

[billd766]

And mine too.