Help! My Wife Wont Go Back To Thailand

[Garry9999]

....I was married in Bangkok in 1985, I have a 100% 34 YO Thai Step Daughter and a 22 YO Ha Sip/Ha Sip son. My wife really doesn't want to return to Thailand permanently either. In fact a few years ago she vowed that she didn't care if she never came back at all, ever. Although she has softened that stance and has returned a couple of times for short visits/holidays. She finally renewed her Thai ID Card after more than 20 years of having niether a Thai Passport nor ID Card ................................................................................

... Deep down my wife is a Thai at heart and one day, when she is to old to keep up the frantic pace she lives at in Australia, she may just apply for a retirement Visa, like me, and return to see out her final years. But we shall wait and see.

Chok dee krab.

I'm a bit confused. If your wife has a Thai ID card, why would she need a retirement Visa?

I think the retirement visa comment was meant to be a humour!

[cpofc]

....I was married in Bangkok in 1985, I have a 100% 34 YO Thai Step Daughter and a 22 YO Ha Sip/Ha Sip son. My wife really doesn't want to return to Thailand permanently either. In fact a few years ago she vowed that she didn't care if she never came back at all, ever. Although she has softened that stance and has returned a couple of times for short visits/holidays. She finally renewed her Thai ID Card after more than 20 years of having niether a Thai Passport nor ID Card ................................................................................

... Deep down my wife is a Thai at heart and one day, when she is to old to keep up the frantic pace she lives at in Australia, she may just apply for a retirement Visa, like me, and return to see out her final years. But we shall wait and see.

Chok dee krab.

I'm a bit confused. If your wife has a Thai ID card, why would she need a retirement Visa?

Sorry mate, it was written tongue in cheek. i do that alot, please don't take it seriously.

But some of you are correct. Being a dark skinned, fat, peasant, female, from a poor blue collar, non 'connected' family in Isaan, not that my wife fits this category, but i use it only as an extreme example, will not get you far in the Kingdom Of Thailand no matter how bloody good you are. Of course there is a 'Class System' in Thailand. My bloody oath there is. Always has been. What do you reckon alot of the problems of the last fews years are about.

No. life here for many working class Thais is very HARD. I do not live in an Ex Pat Enclave, I live with normal everyday Thais as a 'one out' farang, I know how hard it is for them. My mates daughter just started Uni and as you know it is not cheap, he shakes his head wondering how he is going to pay for it. as he has other children too, but knows that he will find it from somewhere. Times are toughening in the Kingdom and the lower born you are at the moment the harder things are going to get. The Thais are paying more for alot of things here than i pay in Australia. The cost of living is getting damned expensive here now, for an average Thai, and the wages don't seem to want to keep up. The ever widening gap between the rich and the poor is evident too.

Australia is still a land of opportunity. if you have some brains and want to get off you're arse and put the work in, you can do anything you want and be anything you want to be, without or without powerful family connerctions, money or Uni Degrees. As much as i love this place and its people, you can't do that here.

And as someone else mentioned. Women in Australia have equal rights too! Many alot more equal than the males! LOL.

Just ask the Thai girls who go overseas and find their marriage busts up. My wife and I have seen many over the years. Too many. But the Australian Government safety net takes care of them pretty damned good. Money, housing, free education for the kids, free legal, you name it. All given in a non discriminatory manner. The land of milk and honey. Many Australians have absolutely no idea how lucky they are. But the Thais do and that's why so many don't want to go home. To what?

[zorro1]

No wonder I havnt seen you at the Trendy lately!! sorry but this is so funny and of course you cant blame her its all new and exciting , give it 12 months she will come back,you poor bar&tard lol

Kept those beers on ice for you since last chat ,oh well I wouldn't worry about it was meant to be. What a nightmare

What you doing with your condo?

Edited June 6, 2009 by zorro1

[Livinginexile]

No wonder I havnt seen you at the Trendy lately!! sorry but this is so funny and of course you cant blame her its all new and exciting , give it 12 months she will come back,you poor bar&tard lol

Kept those beers on ice for you since last chat ,oh well I wouldn't worry about it was meant to be. What a nightmare

What you doing with your condo?

G'day Zorro

Yep, it looks like my plans have been thwarted.

We had another good talk today and I've agreed (allthough somewhat reluctantly) that we will postpone our Thai plans for a few years.

It's funny actually, I read so often on this forum about guys having to folk out so much money for their wife and her family.

I have the opposite problem, i'm trying my best to persuade my wife and her father to help me set up a business in Thailand (buying land and building a small hotel) and the pair of them wont have any of it!

I do think myself luckey but I was so looking forward to moving back to Thailand.

My Trendy apartment? (I used to call it "the mother ship" ) I will keep it for a while, let the rent accumulate.

Keep that beer cool mate.

I shall return.

[zorro1]

Livinginexile, bet you wish you hadn't chosen that nic lol

Is she a permanent resident now? you could always have a mate dress up as an immigration officer and order her out of the country in a few weeks and whoooshka your back. Good luck and see you round thai visa

[bravingbangkok]

No wonder I havnt seen you at the Trendy lately!! sorry but this is so funny and of course you cant blame her its all new and exciting , give it 12 months she will come back,you poor bar&tard lol

Kept those beers on ice for you since last chat ,oh well I wouldn't worry about it was meant to be. What a nightmare

What you doing with your condo?

G'day Zorro

Yep, it looks like my plans have been thwarted.

We had another good talk today and I've agreed (allthough somewhat reluctantly) that we will postpone our Thai plans for a few years.

It's funny actually, I read so often on this forum about guys having to folk out so much money for their wife and her family.

I have the opposite problem, i'm trying my best to persuade my wife and her father to help me set up a business in Thailand (buying land and building a small hotel) and the pair of them wont have any of it!

I do think myself luckey but I was so looking forward to moving back to Thailand.

My Trendy apartment? (I used to call it "the mother ship" ) I will keep it for a while, let the rent accumulate.

Keep that beer cool mate.

I shall return.

You are lucky mate,my wife hates London and she gets homesick. You are so lucky, what I would give to go and live in London again.

[jackr]

My wife is exactly the same, mainly as she wants our daughter educated there and prefers it ,simple really, and to the poster that says maybe she has another interest there, get a life, tw@t, ! we dont all have ex/current bar girls,.

Ouch.

Thought it was fairly pertinent myself although can understand it being misconstrued by your average jackeroo. I'll forgive the '<deleted>' comment beings as you're a little newbie n all, but perhaps we could discuss next time your in Chiang Mai.

The bit in bold type; wonder how many times you've drummed that into yourself, folks and friends.

[Livinginexile]

My wife is exactly the same, mainly as she wants our daughter educated there and prefers it ,simple really, and to the poster that says maybe she has another interest there, get a life, tw@t, ! we dont all have ex/current bar girls,.

Ouch.

Thought it was fairly pertinent myself although can understand it being misconstrued by your average jackeroo. I'll forgive the '<deleted>' comment beings as you're a little newbie n all, but perhaps we could discuss next time your in Chiang Mai.

The bit in bold type; wonder how many times you've drummed that into yourself, folks and friends.

How is your post pertinent jack?

[michael233]

Thats why she wants to keep away,you see its Thai custom to support their family,she doesn't want to be shamed for not supporting family

[Livinginexile]

Thats why she wants to keep away,you see its Thai custom to support their family,she doesn't want to be shamed for not supporting family

Sometimes I REALLY wish I was a moderator.

[zorro1]

Thats why she wants to keep away,you see its Thai custom to support their family,she doesn't want to be shamed for not supporting family

Australia is a beautiful country one the best in the world ,is it possible she may just like it there without an ulterior motive? Either way she will support her family and Livinginexile makes his money abroad so wouldnt matter where they lived. They already have a lovely condo on sukhumvit and not short of a dollar,seems its just a case of a brighter future for her children and who could blame her for wanting that

Edited June 6, 2009 by zorro1

[Birdman]

.........

I was married in Bangkok in 1985, I have a 100% 34 YO Thai Step Daughter and a 22 YO Ha Sip/Ha Sip son. My wife really doesn't want to return to Thailand permanently either. In fact a few years ago she vowed that she didn't care if she never came back at all, ever. Although she has softened that stance and has returned a couple of times for short visits/holidays. She finally renewed her Thai ID Card after more than 20 years of having niether a Thai Passport nor ID Card. She has been a fully fledged Australian Citizen since 1988. A very easy process all round. No discrimination whatsoever, no fees or charges, even given a present on behalf of the government at her Citizenship Ceremony.

Australia has afforded her things she could only have dreamed of in the Kingdom of Thailand. She is 50 years old now and in her day things we a little bit different than they are now. She had only 4 years of formal schooling in her life - All up. The remainder of her large family are mostly Uni Educated and are doing OK with very good jobs etc. but these offspring came along alot later than my wife did, when things were changing and the family moved to Bangkok and became somewhat 'affluent'.

We are successful Thai Restaurant Owners in OZ - The family owns 3 of them in the Melbourne area, we have been in Business, successfully, since '94 and still going well. My wife has a nice new car, nice house, good money and unlimited access to slot machines and casinos! She speaks English well and enjoys the freedoms, non discriminatory policies of our culture and government and receives reward for effort. She is looked up to within the local Thai Community in Australia and is the Defacto 'Yai' for many young Thais visiting or coming to live in Australia. She has status, experience and brains. She does not drink or smoke and never has. Our daughter, whose future in Thailand would not have been great in these days, has also done well for herself, Uni Educated in Aust, again with nice possessions, an affluent lifestyle and a good business.

...............

Chok dee krab.

nice story, you were lucky, because it was the right time for that moves then.

[Xangsamhua]

If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Very true!

[michael233]

You know Thailand has too much corruption,many farang have dealings which resolve in death and not because of under handed, just to rid a business rival,bad builders taken to court or debt owed!

Your Wife simply wants a better life in your country,like my wife!You have to compromise?

regards

[cognos]

Lets see, if I had the OPs problem, I'd still have:

My BMW M3

6 figure job

house bought and paid for

OH but we have to live in Thailand, to enjoy life with the in-laws....

I find your post amusing, thanks..and I sincerely wish you all the best in whatever situation

[cognos]

Thats why she wants to keep away,you see its Thai custom to support their family,she doesn't want to be shamed for not supporting family

Sometimes I REALLY wish I was a moderator.

yes, cow chai ..Thai visa is great..except for the lowest common denominator, which one finds in all things oh oh ,maybe its me ..

[cognos]

joking aside..Livinginexile, your post is a good one. You have gotten some good feedback. I may find myself in a similar situation soon, so I can relate to your situation. We only got married a year ago, and the visa for her to come to Canada is almost completed, God willing...meanwhile I go there quite a bit..however I suspect she will like it here "too much" ..I have quite a few Thai friends here in Vancouver, which will be good for her..anyway my plan was to live here 4 to 6 months a year and in LOS 6 to 8 months a year..however she has already indicated she would like to visit home (Thailand) just one month per year, and she hasn't even been here yet!! She has almost 2 acres of land in a great area in Phuket, and we will build something, one or two nice small houses. I will just go with the flow. Take care..

[jai]

reading back through the original posters posts, I would imagine he would be very happy.

he has nothing at all positive to say about thailand, why would he would want to come back ?

Stay in australia is better for you, be happy there, don't come to thailand and be sad, think of your children.

best luck for you,

[PaddyThai]

Interesting Topic.

My Isaan wife, 2 kids (10,14) moved from Thailand to Ireland about 11 years ago. We came here initially so my 1st daughter would get a good education.

To be brief, I have had a decent income from building and we manged to buy lots of land and build 2 houses for our retirement in Thailand. As I fast approach retirement age we do not have a plan B to retire in Ireland.

My daughters are doing well in school and will most likely go to University.

My wife originally missed many aspects of Thailand but that has changed. She does not keep up to speed with the ongoing political crises but is aware that it has always been corrupt.

Her main reasons for now not wanting to go back are;

1. Relatives and neighbours telling her tales of woe every-time we visit. The perception that we are wealthy and our wealth was acquired easily and so can and should be shared.

2. Pollution, dirt, noise, no planning laws, mangy dogs roaming, funerla music in village, morning loudspeakers.

3. Low level of intellect of her neighbours, friends and family (her comments not mine). She has seen the world and broadened her horizons, they have not.

4. Class system, Grienjai and all that.

5. The unquestioning following of the state religion.

6. The never ending social responsibilities in the village.

7. The reluctance to try new things, experiment, improvise, improve. The neighbours live much the same as they did when we left. Our poor neighbours still take our Papayas and lemon grass eventhough they are simple to grow.

Most of her Thai friends here do not wish to return to Thailand for much the same reasons.

While Ireland is not the perfect place she is accepted here as a friend, mother etc. and not labelled as Thai or anything else. She has studied and progressed professionally here based on her abilities and merit alone.

I, on the other hand, would be very happy to return to Thailand and stay on one of our farms. Hobby farming, reading, meeting local Farangs etc. This is more appealing to me than retiring in Ireland, also more affordable.

[loong]

PaddyThai,

It definitely sounds like your wife has turned farang.

I find it very interesting to note that a born and bred Thai, after living in a foreign country is annoyed by the same things as farang.

If I had posted your wife's points 1 to 7 as my own opinion, I'd have had 10 replies telling me if you don't like it why come here? Why don't you **** off back to where you came from?

I enjoy living in Thailand, but there are many things that I would like to see change.

[Livinginexile]

Interesting Topic.

My Isaan wife, 2 kids (10,14) moved from Thailand to Ireland about 11 years ago. We came here initially so my 1st daughter would get a good education.

To be brief, I have had a decent income from building and we manged to buy lots of land and build 2 houses for our retirement in Thailand. As I fast approach retirement age we do not have a plan B to retire in Ireland.

My daughters are doing well in school and will most likely go to University.

My wife originally missed many aspects of Thailand but that has changed. She does not keep up to speed with the ongoing political crises but is aware that it has always been corrupt.

Her main reasons for now not wanting to go back are;

1. Relatives and neighbours telling her tales of woe every-time we visit. The perception that we are wealthy and our wealth was acquired easily and so can and should be shared.

2. Pollution, dirt, noise, no planning laws, mangy dogs roaming, funerla music in village, morning loudspeakers.

3. Low level of intellect of her neighbours, friends and family (her comments not mine). She has seen the world and broadened her horizons, they have not.

4. Class system, Grienjai and all that.

5. The unquestioning following of the state religion.

6. The never ending social responsibilities in the village.

7. The reluctance to try new things, experiment, improvise, improve. The neighbours live much the same as they did when we left. Our poor neighbours still take our Papayas and lemon grass eventhough they are simple to grow.

Most of her Thai friends here do not wish to return to Thailand for much the same reasons.

While Ireland is not the perfect place she is accepted here as a friend, mother etc. and not labelled as Thai or anything else. She has studied and progressed professionally here based on her abilities and merit alone.

I, on the other hand, would be very happy to return to Thailand and stay on one of our farms. Hobby farming, reading, meeting local Farangs etc. This is more appealing to me than retiring in Ireland, also more affordable.

Good post Paddy,

My wife cites the same reasons as your wife, education is her biggest concern.

We will stay here and open a Thai restaurant somewhere and see where it goes.

[marsteele]

My wife is exactly the same, mainly as she wants our daughter educated there and prefers it ,simple really, and to the poster that says maybe she has another interest there, get a life, tw@t, ! we dont all have ex/current bar girls,.

So true we leave those for the desparate and lonely.

What was the OP wifes status in Thailand before moving to Australia? Maybe she prefers the life she has there as to what she had in Thai maybe she is considering the future of your son. I met my thai wife when she was living and working in Melbourne and she had been there for a number of years but she got itchy feet and wanted to return to thai for a couple of years now she wants to go back to Melbourne again.

[pgs]

My Mrs has been here over 5 years. In that time there has been a few trips home. Mum had 3 strokes in 10 days at Christmas 2005. Family had that sewn up there & she is taken care of. The following year little sister died of a respiratory disease in Korea - apparently becoming a problem for Thai workers there - she went home for 3 months. 2 months in, it's "when can I come home?". Her duty that time was to take care of mum so the sister that had been looking after her could have a break and some support. This year she went for 2 months. At 7 weeks she's climbing the walls wanting to come back.

I'm really not sure what will happen to the retirement plans of moving there. I have a suspicion they'll be dropped to part time in each country.

[spysee]

Thailand has its pro's and cons just like many western countries. I dont have kids and my wife and I saved up a crap load of money before coming to Thailand, we invested in property in Australia and have set our selves up very nicely. We both had high paying jobs (the wife made a little more money then me) but it was pretty much the same.

We worked our <deleted> off and saved as much as we could, paid a few houses off and now living in Thailand very comfortably in my wifes house and getting rent money from our property in Australia.

In Australia it still would be a struggle, but in Thailand we have more then enough money come in every week. We have retired in our late 20's. So for me, Thailand is the place to be, also don't have any kids

[rixalex]

We have retired in our late 20's.

Each to his own of course, but to retire so young, no matter how comfortable one might be, strikes me as peculiar.

For me the great thing about having money isn't stopping work, but choosing the work you love.

[spysee]

We have retired in our late 20's.

Each to his own of course, but to retire so young, no matter how comfortable one might be, strikes me as peculiar.

For me the great thing about having money isn't stopping work, but choosing the work you love.

Well only retired for a while or until I get bored. We have just reached a goal that looked impossible at times

We have worked our <deleted> off the last 6 years or so and not going out and saving. Put almost every penny into paying off both properties and just want to relax for awhile. I'm sure we will both be doing something soon. But might take the rest of this year off. Who knows what will happen in the future, kids might come or anything.

[james24]

Perhaps she has another interest there.

why write that?? Plonker

[ComicBum]

If you have money, Thailand is THE place to live. I live at a much higher standard than in Canada and don't miss a thing except fresh air and panoramic mountain vista along with great beer & vine..... for that we spend 3 months a year there. BUT,both my wife and I prefer Thailand in the bigger picture.

[nigelandjan]

It has always been my priority to get my wife her permanent resident visa for Australia so we can return home when our son is aged 9 or 10 to complete his secondary education and also as a backup for my family incase we ever need to return home in an emergency.

It has always been our plan to move back to Thailand when all the visa requirements have been met and start a business that I have been planning.

Now I've got a big problem. My wife doesn't want to go back to Thailand!

She has become close to my sisters and my family and has taken to farang land like a duck to water!

I new there was something wrong for the past couple of months because every time I mentioned our plans she would go silent. It all came to a head last night when she told me how she really felt. She asked "can't we just go back for a holiday for 2 weeks a year?" My sisters have been in her ear too! Shit.

I love my wife very much and I am extremely lucky to have her for my wife. Non of that salary to the family rubbish, everything has been great.

Oh what to do, what to do?

Just be happy with what you have in life ,, you are extemely lucky,, a loving Thai wife with you on home ground . Dont look in life for what you havent got ,look at what you have and forget the mosquito ridden oven .

[zorro1]

out of curiosity , those of you that have moved back home with your Thai lady, do they become westernized? that is do they become influenced by farang women and their values?