Kiddies

[eek]

Hi mssabai,

I do get what you mean about being worried about if you might be able to conceive. Im thinking about Boo's advice of taking a full fertility test. If its something that concerns you a lot, then might be worth considering it too.

Good luck for when the time is right for you.

[mssabai]

Well I'm only 27 so it is purely a theoretical question for now!

Akang please pm me if you would like any contacts of people who have been through a smilar situation in the south. i have friends living on both east and west islands who have gven birth here.

Edited June 13, 2009 by mssabai

[Akang]

Hey ladies,

Interesting topic indeed!

Thanks for the welcome everybody!

I have to say that my husband being 10 years older than I am also played a part in planning our family!

What suprised me is how naturally it feels to be pregnant, what I mean is there's this confidence that I can do this...I always liked kids, did my share of babysitting nieces and nephews but the whole thing seems just very natural!

Something that I didnt figure out yet is how things will go or where it would be better to live in a few years, we lived in europe for a year and a half and that wasnt exactly a good idea, my husband wasnt happy and neither was I, for us livin in Thailand is the best way to go....will that change when there is a little one I wonder, I want it to grow up with both our cultures and have a good education.

Well I guess when that time comes we will see what the practical problems are and what feels right!

Still gathering info about what and what not to do and is best after birth [vaccinations etc] but still some time left!

Some things are very confusing like what and what not to eat, what one claims to be an absolute pro is like poison to another, aargh!!

But so far so good!

Thanks everybody for advice!

[Jungian]

We had our first at 34 and our second at 40, well my age my wife is 4 years younger than I am so she was 30 and 36 when she gave birth. She also had to have a Cesarean section for both children who seem to be larger than the average Thai baby, I'm not sure if that is the norm or not.

[lioness]

I was married at 18 and a year later my son was born.

I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant, I was on the Pill and had no plans for children - ever.

once they arrive, love is kinda automatic, but I have to say I don't have any maternal istincts at all when it comes to human babies, quite different from furry ones, which have filled my homes for years.

However maternal or not, you still love them and want to protect them and do all the right things to see that they get a good start in life.

My son is now married and has a son of his own.

I did make sure after the birth of my son that there would be no more "mistakes".

I am happy that I had my son when I was young, I have had the freedom to do all the things I have wanted to do since he became independant ( at 15 ) and I have probably had a better appreciation of the things I have experienced since then than I would have done if I had been younger.

I support a boy in Ghana, he is 14 now and I am putting him through school, I get a great deal of pleasure corresponding with him and watching his progress, he asks for nothing but I like to help him and his family.

I also support a 2 year old girl here in Thailand whose parents abandoned her.

Wether or not to have babies is a personal thing, but I would say that if you can't make up your mind to have one or not, you should give it serious thought first as having a baby changes a lot of things and it is many years of commitment.

[Patsycat]

To come back to me - I talked about my friend who had ivf etc.

I got broody around the early 30s mark. I was newly married and wanting to start a family. We tried for two years, so i went to the doctor (this is in Switzerland) and he did all the tests under the sun, dye in my fallopians, etc. announced me quite able and healthy to bear a child. So, my husband and I carried on as usual, I was not on the pill nor did we use condoms.

To cut a long story short, the last time i saw that doctor he suggested that my husband had a sperm test. Ooh la la! Monsieur refused. He already had a kid who was 25 years old. He could never be infertile. The doctor proposed seeing us both - husband refused. Which led to other problems within our marriage including physical and mental abuse and ended up in us going our seperate ways. But he called me two months after I had left saying that he would do the test. I told him it wa too late.

Maybe it's selfish, but, in a way I am glad I did not have a child with him.

But I got a cat who purrs and brings me very nice presents. So Eek, keep to the cats!

[WaiWai]

Not exactly "unsteady" WaiWai, i said i didnt feel my situation was "steady" enough. I think feeling ready to bring a child into this world, and how "steady" you feel, is subjective and personal to each individual.

All I mean is, what is the source of this relative unsteadiness?

It seems the core of your concern, and one on which others could offer useful advice.

[Gaccha]

I support a boy in Ghana, he is 14 now and I am putting him through school, I get a great deal of pleasure corresponding with him and watching his progress, he asks for nothing but I like to help him and his family.

I also support a 2 year old girl here in Thailand whose parents abandoned her.

How and through him is this done? I am always a little unsure at doing this as charities take your money on admin charges, or the same child is really getting sponsored by large numbers of people...

Can you name your method, cheers. I would be interested in doing it.

[lioness]

I support a boy in Ghana, he is 14 now and I am putting him through school, I get a great deal of pleasure corresponding with him and watching his progress, he asks for nothing but I like to help him and his family.

I also support a 2 year old girl here in Thailand whose parents abandoned her.

How and through him is this done? I am always a little unsure at doing this as charities take your money on admin charges, or the same child is really getting sponsored by large numbers of people...

Can you name your method, cheers. I would be interested in doing it.

The boy in Africa, Emmanuel is his name was bought to my attention by a close friend of mine who does Safari tours in the region, all money is administered by my friend who sees him about once a month.

However World vision have a sponsorship programme, yes, a very small percent goes to costs, but the children do benefit as does the whole community.

The young girl in Thailand was mentioned to me by the village chief, she was to be put into the orphanage, I asked to go and look at the situation and took it from there.

Is it worthwhile, yes definately, it costs so very little to make a difference and it's my way of giving a little something back. I was abandoned by my natural mother at 2 weeks of age, I have had, shall we say an interesting life, not easy by any means so if you can spare a little bit each month why not help?

[RueFang]

What a fantastic topic! Very interesting read and hitting pretty close to home. I'm 32 this year, my Thai husband is 37 and he's wanted kids since he was about 20. I seem to go through phases of wanting and not wanting children. When we got married 4 years ago I got really clucky and all I could think about was having a baby.. we didn't use any contraception (except living with the Thai mother-in-law!! ) and no pregnancy for years. Just as a side note, I actually got unexpectedly pregnant to my husband within the first month of dating him but miscarried within a month which would suggest we're both fertile. Anyhoo, we were living in Thailand (for over 4 years) and of course every day you're harassed about when are you going to have a baby, they'd be so adorable, yadda yadda yadda (I'm sure you've heard this before!) and after a few years I started feeling unsettled living with the in-laws, living in a remote village, having only my husband to speak to in my native tongue, fear of raising a newborn in such a remote area, child education, etc etc so my cluckiness evaporated. So I know exactly what you mean about feeling unsettled/unstable because a child is a huge responsibility, you want to have a steady income and have support systems in place... well, that's my feeling anyway!

My husband and I ended up moving back to Australia in August last year because I was going insane in the village for above mentioned and other reasons and I still had no desire for a baby but in the last few months I've been thinking about it again quite a lot. My situation has changed in that I now have a permanent job and a good place to live which equates to stability! It really goes hand in hand for me because of the fear of not being able to live a comfortable lifestyle without a good job, etc with a baby.

Husband has always said that he's happy to be a stay at home dad which works for me because he is so fantastic with kids and I earn significantly more then him in Australia so I would go back to work and frankly I'm not so great with kids..I'm missing the 'play' gene in my DNA! That said I do know that I would be a great mother (overdrive of maturnal instincts!) My fear is that I'd be such a worrier! Also I guess selfishness comes into it, that I fear I'll loose all my freedom and that life will never be the same.

In reality I would be more then happy to not give birth and to adopt kids.. I've thought about that for years that maybe when I'm around 40 I'd be mentally prepared to be able to raise kids. At first my hub was adamently opposed to adoption because Thais don't seem very open to this (very broad generalisation sorry), but after he came with me to an orphanage in Thailand he opened up to the idea. Now when we talk about having kids he says that he's happy to adopt but only if we can't do it biologically first!

What an epic story! Moral is ... I just don't know if I'm mentally ready to have kids change my life to the extent they do

[cognos]

Eek, you are lucky to be 36..it is a great age..my wife just turned 38, and may want to try having a child in the next year, God willing.. she wants a girl.. as she says boys are " naughty"

[MiG16]

Migs - Great reply. I never thought about the idea of freezing my eggs. I guess part of me wants the whole experience to be 'natural' or as natural as it can be. But, you have given me something to think about. If I still dont have a kid in a few years from now I might consider it (although I guess my eggs would be less fertile/healthy by then..?).

Eek

maybe you can do some checking as to costs and whatever else is involved? and remember, you dont HAVE to use the freeze eggs. if later on you decide you are ready, and it happens naturally then perfect. if its proving difficult (for reason that might be linked to having less eggs...or whatever those technicalities mean), then you have a fall back option of opening the freezer

sorry, I dont mean to be disrespectful in anyway, its just the way I talk is not always in politically correct terms

[eek]

You dont sound disrespectful in the least miggy! Thanks for that.

So many fantastic posts. Hmm..and for selfish reasons, i particularly liked cognos comment: "Eek, you are lucky to be 36..it is a great age" *Hug!*

[Violet Fonce]

I have thought about it and here is my takes

I don’t mix career with kids.

Sorry I don’t go to the higher education to be staying home …or balancing my dream and babysitting. Call me selfish but that’s what I am, I don’t lie to myself that I can do it all…however I admire those who are making it tho.

I want to be well satisfied with my marriage and self-achievement/accomplishment first (however long it may take), ...before I can raise a little violet and teach her to have a backbone or help her along with her chosen path. I can’t do that well in raising her, if she doesn’t see me succeed in the real world, as an example ( my own opinion here - strictly).

If I am well satisfied with my marriage and career at early 30s, then I will have kid at early 30s. But if I won’t make it until 40s, then I will have kid in the 40s. You will find ways to have them somehow, whenever you’re ready….financially, emotionally, and physically. Having a kid is not like walking in-and-out through 7-11, it will take a great deal of commitment in all 3 (financially, emotionally, and physically), me think here.

I will not bring another life into this world if I can’t even make it myself first …in both marriage and career. I see it this way….if I am not happy with myself, I can’t raise a happy child. Especially I wouldn’t have one, just because I want “a mini me”.

And there are also options of fostering and adopting of course….no problem for me, if those are the only options left at the time.

Edited June 17, 2009 by Violet Fonce

[GrahamF]

Eek, you are lucky to be 36..it is a great age..my wife just turned 38, and may want to try having a child in the next year, God willing.. she wants a girl.. as she says boys are " naughty"

A little off topic but I have to pass on a wise womans words. Back in the 80's I was talking to a friends grandmother and she said that boys are easier to raise. When I asked her why, she said "with boys you only have to worry about one d#ck, with girls you have to worry about every d#ck in town!" Sage advice!

Sorry Eek, I have no intention of hijacking your thread.

I am a member of the of the no kids camp. I have never felt the need to have children in any way. I have also realised that I am very selfish and the emotional and financial burdens of a child would drive me crazy and this is something I do not wish to endure. With that said, we have to understand that people have different expectations from life and that my financial and emotional burden is someone elses joy. Each to his/her own.

[eek]

You didnt hijack Graham, no worries! ..and those words are quite true..haha!

Reminds me of an odd cartoon strip i read with a little boy and girl. They were looking down their own pants and the little boy says "Shame you dont have one of these". The little girl replied "Well..my mom says because i have one of these, when im older, i can get as many of those as i want".

---

I agree with "Each to his/her own". It really is down to each individual.

Recently I spoke to a good friend, who is kind of like a father figure to me. Just a couple of weeks ago he became a grandfather, and I told him about feeling broody. He is also going through treatment for Prostrate Cancer, and is hoping to be around long enough to teach his grandson how to fish (his words). When I told him my feelings, he had some wise and simple words for me. That life is too short, it hangs on a thread, that you can plan and plan, and try to make things perfect, the moment can just pass you by. You may wake up one day and suddenly what you wanted to do isnt an available option anymore. (Others have said similar on this in this thread too). He told me not to waste too much time worrying about things in life. Lots of things are never achieved out of fear. Small and big things. He also reassured that even if I end up being a single mother (which is one of my fears), one good parent can often be just as good or even better than two. ...Sorry, sounding a bit sentimental at the moment, but, often when faced with the reality of losing a loved one, it can give you a wake up call and help put priorities in place. That doesnt mean i plan to get pregnant right now! Im still going to think it over and try to plan, but if in the end i cannot make a situation as perfect as i like, then I will make a choice that is right for me. If that means having a child, then i will work on being the best mother i can possibly be.

Edited June 17, 2009 by eek

[emeraldina]

I am making a part of this group who had baby before 30, I was 28. When I was married I was about 23.

You didnt hijack Graham, no worries! ..and those words are quite true..haha!

Reminds me of an odd cartoon strip i read with a little boy and girl. They were looking down their own pants and the little boy says "Shame you dont have one of these". The little girl replied "Well..my mom says because i have one of these, when im older, i can get as many of those as i want".

---

I agree with "Each to his/her own". It really is down to each individual.

Recently I spoke to a good friend, who is kind of like a father figure to me. Just a couple of weeks ago he became a grandfather, and I told him about feeling broody. He is also going through treatment for Prostrate Cancer, and is hoping to be around long enough to teach his grandson how to fish (his words). When I told him my feelings, he had some wise and simple words for me. That life is too short, it hangs on a thread, that you can plan and plan, and try to make things perfect, the moment can just pass you by. You may wake up one day and suddenly what you wanted to do isnt an available option anymore. (Others have said similar on this in this thread too). He told me not to waste too much time worrying about things in life. Lots of things are never achieved out of fear. Small and big things. He also reassured that even if I end up being a single mother (which is one of my fears), one good parent can often be just as good or even better than two. ...Sorry, sounding a bit sentimental at the moment, but, often when faced with the reality of losing a loved one, it can give you a wake up call and help put priorities in place. That doesnt mean i plan to get pregnant right now! Im still going to think it over and try to plan, but if in the end i cannot make a situation as perfect as i like, then I will make a choice that is right for me. If that means having a child, then i will work on being the best mother i can possibly be.

[RakJungTorlae]

i was 25. I'm now 26. Easy but expensive. But worth it. LOL.

Edit: im a dude. So I dident give birth at all.! Just thought u should know.!!!

Edited June 23, 2009 by RakJungTorlae

[sbk]

i was 25. I'm now 26. Easy but expensive. But worth it. LOL.

Edit: im a dude. So I dident give birth at all.! Just thought u should know.!!!

Long time no see RJT. Glad to hear you are still a dude

[emeraldina]

i was 25. I'm now 26. Easy but expensive. But worth it. LOL.

Edit: im a dude. So I dident give birth at all.! Just thought u should know.!!!

[Datsun240Z]

To the ladies who want a baby: do you also think of if the kid is in his teenager years, how old you want to be? Like if you get a baby at 22, your 30 and 40's will be the kids teenager years. If you get a baby at late 30, you'll be old allready when the kid is in it's early 20's. For that I would deside with my wife to not have kids if she is older than 35.

[ThaiBasil]

My gf turned 36 last February and we had our first baby boy together last November. This is:

There were no comp[lications other than that it was a big baby weighing 4,350 kg and was about 60 cm tall. I myself will turn 30 this August.

[eek]

tiptip..Jonah is so cute!!!!!!! Fantastic video. One determined little boy What i thought was the sweetest thing, was when you called his name and he turned around. The look on his face seeing his daddy was wonderful. Congratulations. I hope he continues to bring you so much joy.

[bina]

'youll be old...

datsun, that is so wierd to think; when i was 13 i thought 40 was decrepit. well, now i'm 47 and my youngest teenager is 15, i dont see that that makes too much difference. of course a 60 yr old mom with a teen ager could be a bit more difficult, but it also depends on the mind set of the mother and father. i'm fairly 'young minded' and i have a good relationship with my kids' friends in spite of my 'crotchety old age', and unfortunately i know some 30 yr olds going on 90, so yes, physically it would be a 'bitch' as far as lack of sleep, being a working mother, etc, but as they get older, it gets less tiring physically and more tiring mentally (teen age hel_l...........)

bina

israel

[ThaiBasil]

@ Eek, thanks, many men claim it to be ... but I am actually the one and only "proudest dad in the world" haha ....

[Datsun240Z]

@ Eek, thanks, many men claim it to be ... but I am actually the one and only "proudest dad in the world" haha ....

Nice kiddo tiptip

[ThaiBasil]

tnx Datsun!!!

[torrenova]

My ex wife is not Thai but rather Japanese and older than me and she will never have kids. I didn't meet her until she was in her 30s and by the time she'd finished studying and gotten a real job, she was in her mid to late 30s. We sort of tried but it didn't happen. The thing is that she blamed me and probably still does, yet she had done nothing to "fix" the situation when she was younger. I suspect she will vent her anger and frustration at me rather than look inwards.

My Thai partner got pregnant when I was in my late 30s. The timing wasn't right and I know now that it was not exactly an accident (we were using contraception - or were supposed to be !). I hadn't had the snip because I thought if I did settle down with a Thai girl then she would probably want kids at some point and I didn't want to turn the tap off too soon so to speak. I had intended any pregnancy to be a planned one, planned by both parents.

I resented my parents being old but over the years I realised the main resentment was them being old fashioned rather than just old. I swore I would not have kids when I was "old" and here I am, "old" with a small child. I am perhaps just young enough. I certainly would not want to have waited much longer and the issue of any more is a "now or never" scenario as I can't leave it another 5 years.

At 36, I think the OP is right to consider the situation. If not currently with a long term partner, then you have to think about the time you need to know someone before you would have kids with them and whether someone that age or older would want to start a new family or a second one. I guess most people have made the to have or not to have kiddie decision before they get to their 40s.

[redfish44]

eek - did you ever find anything out about getting eggs frozen in thailand? has anyone done it after this topic started?

[Kadafi]

Had my son when i was 28 (now 29), considering having one more child within next year or two but after that then no more...33 is my max cut off point but hopefully will knock another out before im 31 which i consider quite average timescale nowadays...