Reservations About Having A Mixed Child

[RY12]

I know aspects of this topic have been covered before, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever decided NOT to have a mixed race (thai/farang) kid for whatever reason? I'm still in my early twenties and having kids is a far-off goal, but thinking about it has seriously made me think about whether it's moral for me to keep staying in a relationship with a gf I'd never want kids with. I know this sounds trite, but one of the main things I'd worry about is that my kid would be short... I'm average height (5'10'') but with the gf, I don't think he (if) would ever be over 5'7'' If the kid has other problems, being short could seriously mess him up. Also, I'm worried he'll have jet black hair or eyes, despite the fact I've heard that half asian kids can be blonde (like their father, me). If he were to ever live in the US, I wouldn't want him characterized with Mexicans, Mediterraneans, or other Asians for his complexion- it's racist I know, but it's a reality that people discriminate in the US. So what do people think? Do are mixed kids looked on as handsome in your home countries, am I overthinking it?

[jumnien]

Even if your mother thought you were ugly, she'd still want you. Chances are you will be the same.

[Mario2008]

Flame removed. Keep it civil.

[sbk]

Wow, I am American and I really think you are seriously over reacting to people's perceptions of your child should you have one.

It sounds to me rather, that you have serious reservations about having children and are casting about for reasons why you don't want one.

I have no children and am happy to say that one of the reasons I don't is because I am selfish enough to not want to change my life for a kid.

Look at yourself and try to figure out the real reasons you don't want kids because, tbh, your current ones sound pretty fabricated.

[Carib]

I know aspects of this topic have been covered before, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever decided NOT to have a mixed race (thai/farang) kid for whatever reason? I'm still in my early twenties and having kids is a far-off goal, but thinking about it has seriously made me think about whether it's moral for me to keep staying in a relationship with a gf I'd never want kids with. I know this sounds trite, but one of the main things I'd worry about is that my kid would be short... I'm average height (5'10'') but with the gf, I don't think he (if) would ever be over 5'7'' If the kid has other problems, being short could seriously mess him up. Also, I'm worried he'll have jet black hair or eyes, despite the fact I've heard that half asian kids can be blonde (like their father, me). If he were to ever live in the US, I wouldn't want him characterized with Mexicans, Mediterraneans, or other Asians for his complexion- it's racist I know, but it's a reality that people discriminate in the US. So what do people think? Do are mixed kids looked on as handsome in your home countries, am I overthinking it?

All I can say is that you indeed must have been messed up by the madness of your society.

Or.. you just don't feel comfy in your relationship and think of excuses.

Or you just don't want kids, either short or tall, black/blond hair, or whatever.

What also could be a reason is that you have a problem yourself fitting in, and already project that on to your none existent offspring.

[Orac]

OP,

You are admitting to being racist and also having some sort of problem with 'short' people - I am not sure Thailand is the right place for you.

[RY12]

My thoughts here aren't excuses for not wanting my current particular relationship, I am genuinely concerned about the physical appearance of my potential kid in society. Maybe some of you are right, if I love my gf enough and get married I won't be concerned anymore about the kid's appearance... but in my current state, having a good but non-serious relationship, I find myself mildly troubled about how such a child between us would look. it's not serious or anything, it's just that i'd want the kid to have every advantage

[Carib]

My thoughts here aren't excuses for not wanting my current particular relationship, I am genuinely concerned about the physical appearance of my potential kid in society. Maybe some of you are right, if I love my gf enough and get married I won't be concerned anymore about the kid's appearance... but in my current state, having a good but non-serious relationship, I find myself mildly troubled about how such a child between us would look. it's not serious or anything, it's just that i'd want the kid to have every advantage

All the advantage a kid needs is to know that it is wanted, regardless how he/ she looks. That and the fact that it is loved, that will build confidence, and she/he will be able to stand up to all kind of sheit later on.

Being overprotective will not do that, it will make a child insecure.

[Boo]

I would advise against having children if their looks are the only thing you can focus on. Sorry but kids need parents who love them regardless of their looks. OP what would you do if your child was born with a disability or disfigurement? IMO you sound too shallow to be responsible for a childs ego development.

[quiksilva]

My thoughts here aren't excuses for not wanting my current particular relationship, I am genuinely concerned about the physical appearance of my potential kid in society. Maybe some of you are right, if I love my gf enough and get married I won't be concerned anymore about the kid's appearance... but in my current state, having a good but non-serious relationship, I find myself mildly troubled about how such a child between us would look. it's not serious or anything, it's just that i'd want the kid to have every advantage

That is terribly shallow. What makes you think that a person of mixed race couldn't do well in the States or Thailand or indeed anywhere in the world? A mixed heritage certainly didn't do Barrack Obama any harm.

Before contemplating children, do your unborn family and society a real favour by taking out some time to think about your outlook on the world.

[onnut]

my boy is great and I love him very much, his looks dont even come into it but he is lucky anyway as he looks like his mother

i think you should forget about Kids the way you are thinking I dont think you would be much of a father!

[bina]

eeeeeeeeeeeh.!! and if they were all blond, tall, blond/light haired and all asthmatic and/or learning disabilitied like mine happen to be???? then what do u do? divorce them from you? and if not having a kid because hair colour is important to you, k dunno, dont think any kids are for you.

y am i answering this? it seems almost trollish to me!

get a grip

bina

israel

[jumnien]

Here's a photo of our little luk kreung critter.

[TexasRanger]

Being short won't hinder the kid but a crap education will. There are many nice parts to having a kid grow up here, but education is not one of them. That would be (and is) my major worry, not if the kid will be a shortass.

[Castor83]

OP,

You are admitting to being racist and also having some sort of problem with 'short' people - I am not sure Thailand is the right place for you.

This made me laugh, really, hard... Well played sir...

[RY12]

I'm not quite sure why you posters are assuming I'd ever compromise my love for my kid or wife for these hypothetical, mild reservations I'm having about mixed kids in general. Of course if I fell in love with a Thai woman I wouldn't think twice about having kids with her, and if I had kids, I'd love them as well and raise them properly. The only thing I'm talking about now is musing about ideals with a clean slate future.

I'm likely going to have to work in a redneck northern part of the US, where basically if you have eyes darker than light brown you're looked at funny. I don't want my kids to be some statement about tolerance, etc., I just want them to be accepted in their community even if that community happens to be biased. Of course it's possible to be successful if your mixed, but I bet Obama often found himself irritated by the lower scum of society treating him different. It's not going to be that big of a deal of course, especially since half asian isn't that exotic looking. But hey, if I have a choice, seems like I might consider these things. Many of you don't have that choice because you already got involved with someone special and it wasn't an issue anymore.

[Castor83]

On serious note though, you really have nothing to worry about. I think subconciously you are inventing these fears because as you said, you are young and kids are a far away thought. I can tell you from recent personal experience that once you do have your first child, of all the concerns and worries you will have, "having black hair" or being "short" will definately not be one of them!

Besides I'm led to believe that all half-Thai /half-English children grow up to be superstars.

[cognos]

My thoughts here aren't excuses for not wanting my current particular relationship, I am genuinely concerned about the physical appearance of my potential kid in society. Maybe some of you are right, if I love my gf enough and get married I won't be concerned anymore about the kid's appearance... but in my current state, having a good but non-serious relationship, I find myself mildly troubled about how such a child between us would look. it's not serious or anything, it's just that i'd want the kid to have every advantage

There are some Thai women over 6 feet tall..focus on them if you need your child to be over 5 foot 7..note: our Vice Principal told the students he is 5 foot 20, better known as 6 foot 8 ...but frankly I would not worry so much if I was you..about the height of your future offspring's skeleton..I played pro hockey, and would like my boy to be 6 foot or more too in case he plays that sport, but I married a 5 foot Thai lady, because I loved her..I would not reject someone based on height if you love them..but up to you

[EndofDays]

[ If he were to ever live in the US, I wouldn't want him characterized with Mexicans, Mediterraneans, or other Asians for his complexion- it's racist I know, but it's a reality that people discriminate in the US. So what do people think? Do are mixed kids looked on as handsome in your home countries, am I overthinking it?

Discriminate in the U.S. Discrimination is everywhere. You will find more children of mixed racies in the U.S. than any other place in the world. We are all mixed now. The racism is inside of you and you should leave this girl before it comes to a full-blown display. You can't be an American because even the most racist s.o.b. wouldn't make some of the idiotic comments you just made. You are either trolling or a truly young and dumb kid.

Edited June 15, 2009 by EndofDays

[EndofDays]

Holy crap, I plan for my kid to play outside linebacker when he tries out for football...ever hear of Dat Nguyen? sheesh, i need a cold drink now.

Edited June 15, 2009 by EndofDays

[EndofDays]

Children are beautiful no matter what...oohh now I'm steamed.

Edited June 15, 2009 by EndofDays

[EndofDays]

Besides I'm led to believe that all half-Thai /half-English children grow up to be superstars.

Holy Hannah! Good God, you are right man...I'm going to be old and rich!

[EndofDays]

I'm not quite sure why you posters are assuming I'd ever compromise my love for my kid or wife for these hypothetical, mild reservations I'm having about mixed kids in general. Of course if I fell in love with a Thai woman I wouldn't think twice about having kids with her, and if I had kids, I'd love them as well and raise them properly. The only thing I'm talking about now is musing about ideals with a clean slate future.

I'm likely going to have to work in a redneck northern part of the US, where basically if you have eyes darker than light brown you're looked at funny. I don't want my kids to be some statement about tolerance, etc., I just want them to be accepted in their community even if that community happens to be biased. Of course it's possible to be successful if your mixed, but I bet Obama often found himself irritated by the lower scum of society treating him different. It's not going to be that big of a deal of course, especially since half asian isn't that exotic looking. But hey, if I have a choice, seems like I might consider these things. Many of you don't have that choice because you already got involved with someone special and it wasn't an issue anymore.

Redneck? Lower scum of society? Another liberal who can't see that he is just as racist if not more than those "rednecks" he criticizes. A class elitist with little class hisself. Only a liberal would have these thoughts and justify it by saying he is "thinking about the good of children". Good God, man, look at yourself in the mirror and smack yourself. You realize that there are a lot of African Americans in the "Deep" South don't you? By the way, the term "Deep South" describes Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina,Mississippi. Basically these were the states that formed the hardcore members of the confederacy during the civil war. They all suffered very badly during the reconstruction afterwords. It has nothing to do with ingrained attitudes toward racism. Compare Obama's Chicago educational system to many in the south and your "northerners" would be sadly lacking. Would you like to make anymore "enlightened" comments?

Edited June 15, 2009 by EndofDays

[rolypie]

Tall with blonde hair and blue eyes, Hitler had the same idea!!!!!!!

[RY12]

It's becoming apparent that some of you cannot distinguish between observation and affirmation- I'm describing racism, not propounding it.

I don't think I'll take parenting tips from some civilian contractor in mesopotamia that thinks its ok to have a kid . multiple-posting newbie secessh can't even compose coherent thoughts... the mods don't like squabble, i therefore cease.

Edited June 16, 2009 by RY12

[AbelMagwitch]

First off it is not racist to say what you and don't like. I don't like blond hair. Most Scandinavians have blond hair. Racist?

I personally think that the mix of genes is something to enjoy. I look at my little girl and see her mums sticky-outy ears and my Kirk Dougless chin. Oh! the fun we will have.

I have only met one single negative remark from a female taxi driver in England. She said she felt sorry for out daughter because she would not know who she is. After some sarcastic "don't worry your pretty little head about it my dear", I explained that both Britain and Thailand have a long history to be proud of. No reason why she can not grow up proud of two heritages.

[mizzi39]

I am glad my mom and dad love me for who I am

Edited June 23, 2009 by mizzi39

[torrenova]

I would advise against having children if their looks are the only thing you can focus on. Sorry but kids need parents who love them regardless of their looks. OP what would you do if your child was born with a disability or disfigurement? IMO you sound too shallow to be responsible for a childs ego development.

I could not have put it better myself. Luckily the OP says that having kids is a long distant goal. Way way way into the future I hope, by which time he may have actually grown up enough to shoulder that responsibility.

[vanfan39]

You seem very young or imature, If and when you have a child all that baby needs is the love of his or her mother and father. I have a mixed race baby (you know thats the first time i have ever thought about the fact that he is mixed race...he is just my baby) and he is the most loved baby in the world and in my eyes the most hansome...but a love for a baby is unconditional and untill you can offer that kind of love keep your rain coat on becauce you are not father material

our little boy

PS We have another on the way and we could not be happier

[scorecard]

Well perhaps you should match up with the all American blonde beauty queen. And by the way get a signed statement that there has never been any mixed blood in the family for at least 10 generations, and check her roots real well.

And of course we can just assume that you are a perfect specimen.

Then maybe you'll have the perfect perfect child.

But hang on is that really true, is there actually a guaratee?. Perhaps you could take out insurance just in case there's an imperfection.

Chances are that the kid you have with the American beauty queen could be totally different to you and the queen in terms of height, personality, looks, hair colour, could be born with serious health problems even with mental incapabilities.

Bottom line - there is no guarantee.

On a different perspective, you have some form of relationship with a Thai lady but you wouldn't want your children to have the same features. Have I got that right? Wow! What level of respect do you have for this woman?

Better you have a vasectomy so that you don't father any kids at all, and especially don't father kids that, on 'popping out' don't pass your phyique / appearance test. If this happens what would you do with these kids either in Thailand, or USA? Abondon them? Keep them hidden? You've made it quite clear that you wouldn't want to father them.

Your not suitable to be a father. Fathers love and nurture their children regardless of whether they are 5.7 or 5.10. or have black or blonde or any color hair.

Basically you need to grow up, and get over yourself.