Do I Have To Drink That?

[Kan Win]

From 'The Age'

I don't do shots. Actually, I should correct that: I don't like to do shots.

They're usually expensive, they taste horrible, and they pretty much always spell a night of making calls on the big white telephone. Or, worse, trying to dance.

In fact, I'm not a very adventurous drinker at all. Food, I don't mind. I'll try anything you put in front of me. But drinks? Urgh.

Beer and wine isn't a problem - it's great to bounce around the world sampling everyone's version of grape juice and amber ale. It's the spirits I have a problem with. Give me a $300 bottle of premium whiskey, and I'll mix it with Coke.

When you're travelling though, you often don't get a choice. It'd be rude not to down the local tipple when it's offered to you - which is why I've been forced to swallow some of the most disgusting versions of boozahol in the world.

Here's a few of them.

Snake penis wine, Vietnam

Vietnamese people, I have one question for you: why? Why in the hel_l would you slice up a snake, find the little worm-shaped thing that was its manhood, and think to yourself: "I should throw that in the bottle with my whiskey." Whole snakes in a jar are bad enough. But just the penises? I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Like most bizarre, horrible things in Asia, snake penis wine is supposed to boost your "manliness". But if you can stomach drinking from a glass bottle filled with snake penises, I reckon you're already man enough.

Lao Lao, Thailand

I know, I know, the clue should really be in the name: "Lao". This stuff is technically from Laos. But I drank it in north-eastern Thailand, so whatever. Anyway, the taste is the same: horrible. It's a rice whiskey, it's served in giant, man-sized shot glasses, and it's about as much fun to drink as toilet water. Don't wince though - you want to impress the locals.

Palinka, Hungary

The Hungarians who fed me this foul, clear liquor swore it had medicinal properties. But unless I'd previously contracted some sort of nasty, flesh-eating bacteria that I didn't know about, there's no way I was any "healthier" for the experience the next morning. I did have a nice set of tooth jumpers though.

Chicha, Peru

Right, not technically a spirit, but so God awful that I thought it was worth including in the list. It's a Quechan favourite, this brew made from fermented maize, but it's served warm, and tastes like drinking a bucket of milk that's been left in the sun for a few days. Get your hands on the strawberry version if you can - it's not too bad.

Slivovice, Czech Republic

My new Czech chums described this to me as "plum vodka", but it tasted like neither plums, nor vodka. Even with the slice of banana added to the shot glass (which is possibly a local tradition, or possibly my new Czech chums taking the piss out of me), it was still one of the worst things I've ever drunk. Avoid if possible.

Vodka, Russia

Vodka's a magic spirit. Mix it with anything, and the taste just disappears. Drink it straight, and it's like undiluted metho. It can't taste like that in Russia though, I thought. People there drink it like water. It must taste much better. I was wrong - it was still like drinking metho; only, cold metho. Polish vodka, on the other hand ...

Grappa, Spain

Not just Italy; France and Spain too. Even Greece. They all drink it. But here's a little secret I'm going to let you in on: it's freaken gross. It doesn't taste like anything, except pain. On the bright side though, if your aim is to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible, then you've just met your new best friend.

Soju, Korea

Koreans swear by this stuff, but I don't see the fascination. One shot is okay. But when your new Korean buddies ply you with shot after shot, it can get old quick. Made out of rice, it goes down like broken glass after a while. But at least it's cheap.

Tequila, Mexico

I blame Schoolies. I haven't even been to Mexico, but I already know that tequila is some nasty crap. It all began 13 years ago, when I decided to celebrate my recent graduation from high school by basically taking a bath in the stuff. Haven't been able to touch it since. Sorry Mexicans.

What's the worst drink you've had overseas? Could you stomach it?

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Yours truly,

Kan Win

[dragonvolker]

I don't understand you, these are all great drinks, can recommend all, sure!

[mmushr00m]

Absinthe - what so special about absinthe apart from being expensive?

Oh and some nasty coconut "wine" I had in Malaysia, basically warm fermented coconut juice

[PhilHarries]

Your photograph depicts the worst drink I've ever had not just overseas but anywhere on planet Earth.

But of the shots I've tried :-

Lao Khao : assume you mean this stuff, the only stuff actually improved by the drowning of a centipede in the bottle, and it's still vile.

Slivovice : a good substitue for high octane gasoline and tastes very similar. Okay drunk about 1 ppm with orange juice.

Grappa : on personal recommendation tried several grades of this that all proved to be about the same worth at paint stripping.

Soju : graphic evidence why most Korean men shout at each other and barge through crowds like a remake of Night of the Zombies.

Tequila : unless it's drowned out in a margherita even the 100% blue agave stuff is best left for sterilising the toilet seat.

Have you tried the rough, moonshine Vietnamese vodka? It has a warming flavour akin to a gentle blend of industrial solvent and gasoline. Best left to tourists, backpackers and other "cannon fodder" of the drinking world.

But why do you think these drinks are slammed down as fast as possible?

Edited July 16, 2009 by PhilHarries

[AlexLah]

You have not mentioned this special Chinese wine/alcohol that smells and taste even worse than anything you can imagine.

Witnessed the drinking game that the Chinese like to do and one guy ended up in the hospital for two days, suffering alcohol poisoning.

He was welcomed back as a hero......

Heineken is great, it taste the same everywhere, diluted water we call it in Holland.

[IMA_FARANG]

Many many years ago when I was in the U.S. Army in Vietnam, a Vietnamese friend convinced me to try the homemade rice alchohol they distill. Terrible stuff, probably like the Lao moonshine you get in Issan.

My Vietnamese friend poured a shot of this rotgut, and drank it done. I happened to be watching his face, and I swear his eyes both rotated in opposite directions at the same time after he drank that shot down .

"Good stuff", he said, and offered me a shot.

I've also tried that Chinese Plum Flavored Brandy with a Thai/Chinese friend in Bangkok. Terrible stuff, very sweet and syrupy tasting. It made me sick.

And you've got the Greek Raki and Ouzo. Ouzo is the stuff that is clear, but turns milky white when you add water to it. Raki is made by fermenting the leaves, stems, and small ground up branches from the Olive tree that are trimmed off the tree after the olives are picked. Both can be very bad news in large amounts.

But the worst drink I ever had was at the end of a birthday party. We had some Gin, Scotch, Vodka, and Bourbon left over, just a little bit in each bottle. I was drunk anyhow, but I decided I shouldn't let all that booze go to waste. So I mixed them together in a glass with a few ice cubes and drank the whole mess down.

Don't EVER do that. I was sick as a dog for two days.

Tequilla always made me sick....until I tried Old Patron Tequilla. It runs about $100 a fifth. I've never been sick on Patron, but I can't afford to drink it at $100 a fifth very often. By the way, have you ever heard the country western song called,"Tequilla makes her clothes fall off"?

And as a Vietnam vet, I must mention the beer that was sold in Vietnam,we knew as Bamiba (sp?) Ba Moui Ba is Vietnamese for the number thirty three. The bear was originally French, and was called Bierre 33, because it had a big red 33 on the label. The beer made in Vietnam contained just about anything possible to stretch the alchohol. Cleaning fluid, rubbing alchohol,paint thinner, etc was a regular ingrediant of the mix. I was only 19 and stupid, but I drank it.

[PhilHarries]

And as a Vietnam vet, I must mention the beer that was sold in Vietnam,we knew as Bamiba (sp?) Ba Moui Ba is Vietnamese for the number thirty three. The bear was originally French, and was called Bierre 33, because it had a big red 33 on the label. The beer made in Vietnam contained just about anything possible to stretch the alchohol. Cleaning fluid, rubbing alchohol,paint thinner, etc was a regular ingrediant of the mix. I was only 19 and stupid, but I drank it.

There is a beer here now called ba ba ba (333) and whilst it is brewed by the same outfit that makes Sai Gon beer it is around 5.3%, has a kick like a mule and a very distinctive hangover. Not a social beer by any measure. I don't think any of those nefarious additives contribute to it these days though.

For the adventurous, and those with a pristine liver to sacrifice, there are the Bia Hoi's around the country. Rough home brews but better than Heineken. The big sticking point with Vietnamese beer is getting it COLD. I've continually complained at a bar here in HCMC that their beer is expensive and WARM. They've got the message but it says something when a bluddy pommie b@st@d complains the beer is warm!

[MeMock]

Here are some pics of the author to that story Testing Lao Khao http://memock.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/lao-khao-rice-whisky/

[njpski]

Three p-nis wine - haven't and won't try it!

have tried and will never try again - Retsina (spit, spit, yuk!)

[bifftastic]

Jamaican white rum....made in the hills by nutters! With, if the original wasn't potent enough, a big fat stalk of sensimillia put into the bottle and left for about three months! My m8 brought some back with him, we had 2 shots each and lost about 2 days!

Slivovice is great stuff, i agree it tastes neither of plums or brandy but i liked it.

Tequila is...well it's tequila...be prepared to lose money, phones, friends and dignity!

Absinthe? yeah it's naughty stuff, there are versions currently available that are not like the original which, I believe, was even banned in France. After trying some dispensed by some nutty french bird with a teaspoon of heated up raw cane sugar (why?) I can see why!

My personal fav at the moment is, during a night out, black sambucca. It has the effect of convincing me I'm not drunk at all! The guy in the off licence (when we tried to take an empty bottle of brandy back to him protesting that it was 'somehow fake' and we wanted our money back) did not agree and neither did the Metropolitan Police service :-)

not tried the 'Korean zombie' gear, sounds like fun tho!

[Geekfreaklover]

Regency - Brandy Thai.

Nonsense. More like putrid chemical rum with an after taste like brake fluid. Add ice, stir slowly, drink in one and head for the nearest bog.