Farang, When Right Or Wrong.

[Savage]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

[taxexile]

you rarely hear thais calling other thais by their real names , its either older brother,younger sister, aunt , uncle on your mothers side. people are called by their nicknames , kids are called by other terms of endearment.

we dont have nicknames and as falangs dont easily fit into their social placement system .

i have been married for 15 years and spent long periods living with my in laws and sometimes i am called by my western name and sometimes i hear the family refer to me as falang. in every other respect i am treated as a close family member.

dont think of it as demeaning , cos it isnt. its just how it is and it wont change.

not worth making a big family argument out of , cos they will lose respect for you if they think you are spoiling the harmony of family life over something petty.

[Ajarn]

I completely agree with your feelings. I would consider it rude if my wife referred to me as 'the farang' instead of 'samii' or 'puuchai'

Family, too. Make it clear what you want to be called, if not 'farang', which is totally impersonal to say from a family member, unless they have just met you...

[devildog683]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

doesnt bother me at all, its more amusing than annoying to me, kind of a family nickname for me

[Abandon]

must admit that it gets up my nose sometimes. People should not be called after common (ugly) garden fruit. It would be like calling people from Toronto a Tomato because it sounds funny. No, like calling anyone who even looks like they could have come from Toronto a tomato.

It gets up my nose all the more because I know there's nothing insulting meant by it, and that I appear the idiot if I display any irritation. But I do mention it to those I know well, and ask them to be more considerate, something like:

riek khon tarm phon-la-mai mai gnarm, phom cheu ....

trouble is they all call me Bandit.

[Savage]

with all due respect if it's acceptable and completely normal why do my Thai friends never refer to me as the "farang" (at least in my presence). I should also say that they ALL feel that using it in the 3rd person is not polite.

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[pnustedt]

I've been called a lot worse. In HK you'd be referred to as the gweihlo (meaning ghostly old man).

[Jai Dee]

dont think of it as demeaning , cos it isnt. its just how it is and it wont change.

not worth making a big family argument out of , cos they will lose respect for you if they think you are spoiling the harmony of family life over something petty.

Taxexile has hit the nail on the head right here....

Thais prefer to call each other by their relationship name... pee sow (older sister)... nong chai (younger brother)... or pee <nickname> (for an older person)... etc... as per their place in the Thai social hierarchy.

You are a farang... and are categorized in a unique way.

I'm sure sure wife didn't use the term in a malicious, sarcastic, demeaning or derogative way.

My advice to you is to back down and say no more on the subject... accept it, because it will never change.

[HarryHacker]

I've been called a lot worse. In HK you'd be referred to as the gweihlo (meaning ghostly old man).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

At least not a 'si gweihlo' slightly worse as I have been called at times in Honkers!

[Ajarn]

with all due respect if it's acceptable and completely normal why do my Thai friends never refer to me as the "farang" (at least in my presence). I should also say that they ALL feel that using it in the 3rd person is not polite.

Farang, farang, farang.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In my estimation, I'd say education and experience with foreigners makes a difference.

I've never had any problem with 'farang'! 'farang'! in public, though. I just flash them a big smile. Certainly no disrespct of any kind there, in my view...

But, my family/friends is a different story, in my experience, -and in my personal values... As well as theirs, it seems

[davethailand]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't like it either, i except it from strangers but like you sometimes my wifes friends are talking and i'm referred to as a farang (not by my wife), i always pick up on it and comment, then they call me David.

[jackr]

At the end of the day, we ARE beneath them in their eyes and being called this by the missus ain't too good. Mine will always refer to may as faen or by my name. Never used to be that way and it used to get my back up. If she can't accept that you don't like being referred to as the foreigner by herself and her family then sack her. You may be in her country and TiT, balh, blah, but she has to bend in your favour or what's the point?

[Doctor John]

It don't bother me at all.

[Ajarn]

Farang, farang, farang.

I don't like it either, i except it from strangers but like you sometimes my wifes friends are talking and i'm referred to as a farang (not by my wife), i always pick up on it and comment, then they call me David.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mine was changed to 'man' (it) after one such comment from me to a group of 'ladies' some years ago...

Sometimes you just can't win

[Ned]

Sorry but the woman is being disrespectful and is obviously in some way embarrassed to be in your company. You just happen to be someone having a meal with her and you happen to be a farang too. I couldn't live with that attitude for long, I must say. Just hope you've got control of the pursestrings or you're on your way out. It happens a lot here doesn't it?!

[Ajarn]

At the end of the day, we ARE beneath them in their eyes and being called this by the missus ain't too good. Mine will always refer to may as faen or by my name. Never used to be that way and it used to get my back up. If she can't accept that you don't like being referred to as the foreigner by herself and her family then sack her. You may be in her country and TiT, balh, blah, but she has to bend in your favour or what's the point?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Who has to bend?

Fact is, it's the same culture here to refer to other people by polite and appropriate names. But, those with less experience with foreigners simply might not know what is the correct way to refer to us. Maybe they are afraid to mispronounce your name (a faux pax among Thais), maybe 'pii' 'nong', etc. is not apparent, or they just have no idea... So, 'farang' get's used because it's an easy identifier...

I've had thousands of such social interactions over the years... In every case, I was never referred to as 'farang' after a short period of familiarity. Every time. I never had to really make it an issue with anyone, either. I would take it as a serious response to to my perceived character if they did continue. And I'm sure I would explore that more...

Many Thais I first meet ask me directly what I want to be called. And I also often query them with the same question...

Edited February 24, 2005 by Ajarn

[Shola]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First, it MAY be exceptable or your wife to refer to you as 'falang' in public by Thai standerds.

BUT you are missing the big picture here, the fact that you find this statement by your wife upsetting or unexceptable should mean more to her than the rights/wrongs of Thai language.

The fact that she expects YOU to apologise for her hurting your feelings IS unexceptable.

Relationships are give and take, if she doesn't care about you enough to respect your feelings on this matter, then sounds like this marrage is all give on your part.

NOT GOOD.

For the record my husband has NEVER refered to me as 'the falang' while I was sitting next to him, If he did I would be as upset as you are.

[minbari73]

My wife sometimes (playfully) points at my nose and says 'farang!' and I do the same and say 'Asian!' =- then we laugh. Probably good for you to do the same

Theres no insult intended when she does it and i find it rather endearing as I know she loves me

[taxexile]

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

the meaning of the sentence , as perceived by the waiter , was probably more like

" as foriegners usually like dessert , can we have some dessert please. "

i see nothing too disparaging in that.

[Tufty]

My girlfriend calls me John or faen, family and close friends always call me pee John, (if they are younger) or John, some others will call me farang when speaking about me in the 3rd person, it annoys me when they know my name but I don't make a fuss about it. I just refer to them as he or she even though I know their names (equally impolite)

[Dr. Burrito]

My wife's family doesn't call me. Thank God for that small favor!

[tuky]

my wife sometimes calls me e farang, pattaya farang, farang kii nok, and then we all laugh (I love the pattaya farang one). She also makes fun of my big nose and big farang butt, and then we all laugh. My wifes family all call my mate (lets say his name is Roger) e roger and then everyone laughs at him.

I quite often fill my father in laws beer glass up with so much ice that he can't get to the beer inside, and the we all laugh. One night I told the family my wife moi mai mee, and then everyone laughed. But the biggest laugh we get is when I call my in laws by the real thai names, they think this a great hoot.

The point of this story I guess is just relax, enjoy the life, have a good time and perhaps devise ways of returning the favour.

btw, the moi mai mee thing isn't for every family, just be careful on that one

[Doctor John]

btw, the moi mai mee thing isn't for every family, just be careful on that one 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[StuartinBKK]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

[toastwars]

I've been called a lot worse. In HK you'd be referred to as the gweihlo (meaning ghostly old man).

At least not a 'si gweihlo' slightly worse as I have been called at times in Honkers!

or chow chi bai lap sak gwhilo...if you want to be really offensive. I really dislike falang I find it very rude and racist, whenever anyone calls me that I just say pom mia falang, pom poot di ankrit, if you say it enough they kind of get the message that you don't like it and eventually it ges easier. Totally agree with the OP offence at his wife calling him that, I mean she should be setting an example. It's not like we all go around shouting "oi you, foreigner" at everybody who isn't a white anglo saxon, it only takes a little effort to ask where you are from, just lazyness.

[Boon Mee]

The only time it's been pointed out that I'm a Farang when with family/friends is when we go to a National Park etc. and the Farang has to pay more.

It's a source of amusment for them...

[konangrit]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

Edited February 24, 2005 by konangrit

[penelope]

I couldn't give a rats what anyone calls me.

[toastwars]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

and you ain't a moderator yet, so I guess thats none of your business either

[chonabot]

I'm always " Faen Noo" when the Mrs refers to me in company.

If she referred to our Son as " Luk Krung" whilst discussing him in company instead of his name I would have a problem with that. Of course there will be occasions when someone asks her is he "Farang" or "Luk Krung" , due to his 90& Caucasian fetaures , "He is " Luk Krung" is then acceptable.

If other Thais , not family or Friends, refer to me as Farang whilst I am in the circle , I will enter the conversation with my reasonable Isarn Thai , usually to their pleasure , then Introduce myself as "See-dar" or something amusing , they then will ask my name.

Each to their own , but if my wife said something that annoyed me in Public , I would wait until we were alone before Beating the cr@p out of her......