Understanding Men

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."

Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."

Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Bu99er! Guys, we've been sussed

I can relate to every single one, particularly the shopping one

"I AM LEAVING FOR HOME RIGHT NOW"

Translated: "...after I have three more drinks"

Can I report an admin and get away with it ?

Just for some balance. When a woman says "Go ahead", It is not in any way permission. It's a challenge. Or in Thailand "Up to you."

Well, given many of the jokes on this forum about women, I felt a bit of balance was necessary Mosha

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

..hmm..unless of course it is a minor cut...and then the reaction is more like they actually severed a limb.

Funny that.

all true! especially the last 16...

In a 'sort of related' vein, most women in Canada find it appropriately humorous when they learn the Thai word for 'bad smell' is 'men'.

It never fails to get a snicker and even a few guffaws.

He Said, I Said

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ....... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

I said ? That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said to him ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay?

I said to him .. . They don't have time.

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking?

I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

He said. . . A widow.

He said to me . . Why are married women heavier than single women?

I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.