Unable To Get A Date

[cdnvic]

If you don't already have one, try expanding your circle of friends. So many good relationships start from introductions through friends because the friend(s) have already done sort of a pre-screening of both of you. So try looking for more platonic friends and seeing where it leads to.

[JSixpack]

I asked if he admits that he has settled for less, and he answered in the affirmative, adding that given the chance to do things differently, he would, and that he asks himself the same hard questions I am asking of him.

I do have a sneaking suspicion however that you might have inserted your own conclusion based on his observation. I myself have never encountered a Ferrari owner who considered that they "settled for less" because they couldn't fit a big suitcase in the trunk.

Absurdly inappropriate, highly biased analogy. Instead of Ferrari, how about TR7--Speke build?

Expatlady objectively reported a conversation and with it the conclusion that the gentleman in reference had himself reached. Evidently the gent has a brain and misses having an informed, knowledgeable, sophisticated companion w/ a broad range of interests. In fact, VERY few Thai women fit that description, but most of our members here don't care because they themselves don't fit it either.

It is you who have reached the different conclusion--the expected and typical conclusion here--and have gratuitously inserted it.

[Patsycat]

Why don't some members in Bangkok arrange to meet up with expatlady as a group, for a drink and introduce her around the place? Not in a sleazy way, but in a friendly way?

[chiangmaibruce]

I asked if he admits that he has settled for less, and he answered in the affirmative, adding that given the chance to do things differently, he would, and that he asks himself the same hard questions I am asking of him.

I do have a sneaking suspicion however that you might have inserted your own conclusion based on his observation. I myself have never encountered a Ferrari owner who considered that they "settled for less" because they couldn't fit a big suitcase in the trunk.

Absurdly inappropriate, highly biased analogy. Instead of Ferrari, how about TR7--Speke build?

Expatlady objectively reported a conversation and with it the conclusion that the gentleman in reference had himself reached. Evidently the gent has a brain and misses having an informed, knowledgeable, sophisticated companion w/ a broad range of interests. In fact, VERY few Thai women fit that description, but most of our members here don't care because they themselves don't fit it either.

It is you who have reached the different conclusion--the expected and typical conclusion here--and have gratuitously inserted it.

Unsurprisingly, I disagree. My point was that (should one care to generalise across a nation of women)

then you might find that Thai ladies have a certain characteristic set of strengths and weaknesses, and ditto for farang women. Most men make a choice based on the set of attributes they find most appealing. Just because they choose a Thai woman - who may be weak in one particular attribute - doesn't mean they are choosing a defective substitute for a 'real woman' as implied by the remark "settling for less".

I admit I'm speculating about the gent's conclusion - based on my own context and life experiences - and hence I may be wrong in this regard. Perhaps the gent in question - quite possibly a Thaivisa member - might care to set the record straight. As you weren't present at the meeting, however, your ability to categorically state Expat Lady's account was "objective" is zero. Perhaps the fact that mine is "the expected and typical conclusion" might mean that it is indeed the correct one.

[bonobo]

(I have been at a trade show lately and only am now online where I can read this rather interesting thread.)

As a 51-year old expat professional, educated man, I am attracted to professional, competent, articulate, confident women. However, when I first came to Thailand, I have to admit to the kid-in-the-candy store syndrome. I found many women wanted to go out with me (much like in Russia in the 90's). I went out with attractive women from the mid-30's on down. Some were professionals; many were not, coming from poorer backgrounds with less education and less English ability. But I did play the field.

However, it doesn't take long for that to sour. Without the ability to have interesting conversations, without any similar frame of reference, what else is there to do after the more physical aspects of a relationship are concluded for the day? So that severely begins to limit the dating pool. It is harder to find Thai women who are the professional, English-speaking, capable women to whom I am attracted. But there are still more of them than single foreign women in BKK.

Finding potential Thai women is really pretty easy as there are many venues for that. But finding single foreign women is much more difficult. I can go on the internet, see w single Thai women's background and profile, then contact her to see if there is any potential interest there. But a foreign woman? I think that would be much more difficult as it would take a more concerted effort to go out and about, then be more aggressive in striking up conversations.

I think the OP has a very valid question. Whereas in the farang-land, I am sure she is the center of attraction, here, it would be harder to meet like-minded men (I am assuming here that she is interested in like-minded men.) I also think that of Asian descent probably is a handicap here as many men, quite frankly, are going to assume she is Thai, and as has been pointed out, many men are looking for younger Thai women as potential partners. If she was white or black, she would be immediately noted as unique here in Thailand, and that would draw more attention.

Of course, once she starts talking to a man, that man would realize that she is a foreigner, too, but at a club or pub, perhaps some men would not bother to approach her.

The OP's situation is a dilemma. I am sure there are many, many men here in Thailand who would welcome the opportunity to know her and would be attracted to her, but where is the mechanism for them to meet?

[phobic]

I dont see how interests can be the same when there is an age difference of 20-30 year ( yes their might be some rare cases ).

To the OP.

You wont find anyone being home, go out.. do something. Doesnt matter if its just for a walk, go to a club.. socialize.. like mentioned before, you wont meet anyone sitting home or working. Who cares if you only meet bad men.. its up to you how far you go right? Somewhere when you not expecting it you will bump into someone who meets your needs.

(sorry for the bad grammar, im a victim of internet grammar )

/peace

[dumbnewbie]

I just read through this entire thread. The OP did get some good general advice about meeting people, networking, etc. which would apply no matter where she lived. However, from my perspective, she's probably living in one of the toughest countries for someone like her to find a quality guy for a quality relationship. I mean really - it's THAILAND! It would be like me (American guy w/ sub-par social/dating skills) hoping to find a nice girl in Italy. Not impossible, I'm sure, but what are the odds with all the competition? I mean, Italy is famous with women all over the world for having hot guys, right? Why would I want to compete in that arena?

I'm sure it's POSSIBLE for OP to meet a great guy in Thailand. But if she's already feeling bad about herself due to lack of attention, and if she's reduced to platonic dates with a 60 year old guy, I'd suggest that she might be doing herself a huge favor if she could get transferred to another place - just about any place would have to be better for a woman than Thailand (unless she's REALLY into Thai culture and Thai guys, but it doesn't sound like she is).

If I were her, I'd try New York City or Silicon Valley, both having a lot more guys than girls in the dating pool, and also a lot of highly educated, intellectual, affluent men who'd be very interested in an attractive, intelligent 40-something Chinese-American woman. Washington D.C. could be another good choice - plenty of jobs there too, from what I hear. Not all in government either - a lot of high-tech and other companies are in the suburbs, and being a capital city, it's actually a very cosmopolitan social scene, with people from every country in the world rotating in for several years job assignments.

Other places which come to mind: Dubai, Doha and other rich GCC cities - tons of wealthy expats, not so many expat women (and even fewer Asian women, which could make you a very hot item indeed) and the local women are completely off-limits. Even Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai, etc. must be better than Bangkok for her.

Also, someone early on insinuated that her American citizenship might be to her detriment socially. I'd have to respectfully disagree. Even those who hate American foreign policy generally like individual Americans and would jump at the chance to visit the U.S., and maybe live there once they see what it's really like.

Anyone agree with any of this?

[venturalaw]

I just read through this entire thread. The OP did get some good general advice about meeting people, networking, etc. which would apply no matter where she lived. However, from my perspective, she's probably living in one of the toughest countries for someone like her to find a quality guy for a quality relationship. I mean really - it's THAILAND! It would be like me (American guy w/ sub-par social/dating skills) hoping to find a nice girl in Italy. Not impossible, I'm sure, but what are the odds with all the competition? I mean, Italy is famous with women all over the world for having hot guys, right? Why would I want to compete in that arena?

I'm sure it's POSSIBLE for OP to meet a great guy in Thailand. But if she's already feeling bad about herself due to lack of attention, and if she's reduced to platonic dates with a 60 year old guy, I'd suggest that she might be doing herself a huge favor if she could get transferred to another place - just about any place would have to be better for a woman than Thailand (unless she's REALLY into Thai culture and Thai guys, but it doesn't sound like she is).

If I were her, I'd try New York City or Silicon Valley, both having a lot more guys than girls in the dating pool, and also a lot of highly educated, intellectual, affluent men who'd be very interested in an attractive, intelligent 40-something Chinese-American woman. Washington D.C. could be another good choice - plenty of jobs there too, from what I hear. Not all in government either - a lot of high-tech and other companies are in the suburbs, and being a capital city, it's actually a very cosmopolitan social scene, with people from every country in the world rotating in for several years job assignments.

Other places which come to mind: Dubai, Doha and other rich GCC cities - tons of wealthy expats, not so many expat women (and even fewer Asian women, which could make you a very hot item indeed) and the local women are completely off-limits. Even Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai, etc. must be better than Bangkok for her.

Also, someone early on insinuated that her American citizenship might be to her detriment socially. I'd have to respectfully disagree. Even those who hate American foreign policy generally like individual Americans and would jump at the chance to visit the U.S., and maybe live there once they see what it's really like.

Anyone agree with any of this?

I agree with visiting, but living there - no. Born and raised in the US I met many Thais living in California - virtually all looking for and expecting Shangri-La before moving to the US - and then realizing how expensive it is - depression sets in. However, visiting - Disneyland, Las Vegas, etc. the Thais I know loved it.

[IanForbes]

Bonobo, Dumbnewbie and Venturalaw all made good points, but only the OP can decide what is best for her. Maybe she prefers Bangkok to living in the USA for reasons other than male companionship. Maybe all she wants is a platonic relationship and the occasional evening out with a man who can hold a decent conversation. She didn't mention marriage or a long term relationship, although sometimes those things just happen if you fall in love. I have to agree that an oriental lady of American background has the odds stacked against her in Thailand. There is too much available competition. Of course, foreign speaking expats ALSO miss having an in depth conversation with educated people. That is why they tend to join like minded groups. It happens in every country... and hence my topic on multi-culturism.

[GungaDin]

Bonobo, Dumbnewbie and Venturalaw all made good points, but only the OP can decide what is best for her. Maybe she prefers Bangkok to living in the USA for reasons other than male companionship. Maybe all she wants is a platonic relationship and the occasional evening out with a man who can hold a decent conversation. She didn't mention marriage or a long term relationship, although sometimes those things just happen if you fall in love. I have to agree that an oriental lady of American background has the odds stacked against her in Thailand. There is too much available competition. Of course, foreign speaking expats ALSO miss having an in depth conversation with educated people. That is why they tend to join like minded groups. It happens in every country... and hence my topic on multi-culturism.

Exactly.

Good post.

[Harcourt]

Bonobo, Dumbnewbie and Venturalaw all made good points, but only the OP can decide what is best for her. Maybe she prefers Bangkok to living in the USA for reasons other than male companionship. Maybe all she wants is a platonic relationship and the occasional evening out with a man who can hold a decent conversation. She didn't mention marriage or a long term relationship, although sometimes those things just happen if you fall in love. I have to agree that an oriental lady of American background has the odds stacked against her in Thailand. There is too much available competition. Of course, foreign speaking expats ALSO miss having an in depth conversation with educated people. That is why they tend to join like minded groups. It happens in every country... and hence my topic on multi-culturism.

And hence many intelligent people come to THIS place, ThaiVisa!

[dumbnewbie]

WOW. Let's review here, shall we? This is what the OP said, in her own words:

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

Some of you may want to read it again just in case. I've highlighted some important points to make it easier for you to comprehend what she's asking for.

I never claimed she was looking for marriage or a long term relationship, but she's clearly looking for more than intelligent conversation.

She asked if she should ask her company to relocate her, and I suggested that she might have an easier time of it in any of 8 different cities around the world that came to mind, only 3 of which were in the U.S.

Geez!

[venturalaw]

WOW. Let's review here, shall we? This is what the OP said, in her own words:

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

Some of you may want to read it again just in case. I've highlighted some important points to make it easier for you to comprehend what she's asking for.

I never claimed she was looking for marriage or a long term relationship, but she's clearly looking for more than intelligent conversation.

She asked if she should ask her company to relocate her, and I suggested that she might have an easier time of it in any of 8 different cities around the world that came to mind, only 3 of which were in the U.S.

Geez!

Isn't it interesting when some people (often newbies) become so flustered by assuming that others do not pay attention to the details because the newbie is, apparently, so much more aware than the rest of us? Rather than taking it as a 'teaching-moment-opportunity' to open up our minds to the insight that only they were capable of seeing, the newbie actually become exasperated.

[dumbnewbie]

WOW. Let's review here, shall we? This is what the OP said, in her own words:

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

Some of you may want to read it again just in case. I've highlighted some important points to make it easier for you to comprehend what she's asking for.

I never claimed she was looking for marriage or a long term relationship, but she's clearly looking for more than intelligent conversation.

She asked if she should ask her company to relocate her, and I suggested that she might have an easier time of it in any of 8 different cities around the world that came to mind, only 3 of which were in the U.S.

Geez!

Isn't it interesting when some people (often newbies) become so flustered by assuming that others do not pay attention to the details because the newbie is, apparently, so much more aware than the rest of us? Rather than taking it as a 'teaching-moment-opportunity' to open up our minds to the insight that only they were capable of seeing, the newbie actually become exasperated.

Nah, that's not interesting. What's really interesting is how "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass them. What's up with that? Afraid we'll de-throne you oldsters? Like anybody cares.

All I did was try to help out the OP by giving my perspective. Why do you have to mess with me? How are you making the forum a better place? Peace off.

[venturalaw]

WOW. Let's review here, shall we? This is what the OP said, in her own words:

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

Some of you may want to read it again just in case. I've highlighted some important points to make it easier for you to comprehend what she's asking for.

I never claimed she was looking for marriage or a long term relationship, but she's clearly looking for more than intelligent conversation.

She asked if she should ask her company to relocate her, and I suggested that she might have an easier time of it in any of 8 different cities around the world that came to mind, only 3 of which were in the U.S.

Geez!

Isn't it interesting when some people (often newbies) become so flustered by assuming that others do not pay attention to the details because the newbie is, apparently, so much more aware than the rest of us? Rather than taking it as a 'teaching-moment-opportunity' to open up our minds to the insight that only they were capable of seeing, the newbie actually become exasperated.

Nah, that's not interesting. What's really interesting is how "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass them. What's up with that? Afraid we'll de-throne you oldsters? Like anybody cares.

All I did was try to help out the OP by giving my perspective. Why do you have to mess with me? How are you making the forum a better place? Peace off.

I was commenting on your approach. I was not attempting to make the forum better however it appears that I certainly failed to help you understand that when you denigrate people, i.e. "I've highlighted some important points to make it easier for you to comprehend . ", you are only hurting yourself. Now your follow up response to me was even more telling: " "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass (harass) them. What's up with that? Afraid we'll de-throne you oldsters? Like anybody cares." Ganging up on you? Really? You are not that important. Try to learn instead of being insulting and defensive.

[Ulysses G.]

Nah, that's not interesting. What's really interesting is how "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass them.

Only dumb newbies who are just asking for it.

[venturalaw]

Nah, that's not interesting. What's really interesting is how "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass them.

Only dumb newbies who are just asking for it.

[oldsparrow]

I think there is disadventage factor for Asian Westerner.

The problem is that, Western girl manner is different from traditional ideal manner for Thai lady. The same manner by white Westerners just look normal but from Asian girl it does not look adorable in traditional Thai ideal. It reminds THe Thais of not so well manner Thai girls.

Maybe I am just an old fashion Thai.

Edited August 7, 2009 by oldsparrow

[oldsparrow]

....However, well manner Farang man has advantage as they treat girl better..

You gain or lost cutting edge with different people.

As a sudent I was amazed that a Japanese girl student grab a bottle and fill a glass for me, even before her glass ! She said it was J girl table manner, she did that by instinct. She felt I treat girl very well when I insisted I dont want her to serve me.

Years ago on business trip abroad with lady colleague and also farang counterpart. At the table I filled my glass first, the farang friend tease me "Ei Ei, you can get the boy out of TL but you can't get TL out of the boy" then he proudly grap the bottle and filled the lady's glass first. Back in TL, he came to my office driven by his lady colleague. It was my turn, "HA HA, you can get Austalia out of the Aussie when you get the Aussie out of Australia."

[venturalaw]

....However, well manner Farang man has advantage as they treat girl better..

You gain or lost cutting edge with different people.

As a sudent I was amazed that a Japanese girl student grab a bottle and fill a glass for me, even before her glass ! She said it was J girl table manner, she did that by instinct. She felt I treat girl very well when I insisted I dont want her to serve me.

Years ago on business trip abroad with lady colleague and also farang counterpart. At the table I filled my glass first, the farang friend tease me "Ei Ei, you can get the boy out of TL but you can't get TL out of the boy" then he proudly grap the bottle and filled the lady's glass first. Back in TL, he came to my office driven by his lady colleague. It was my turn, "HA HA, you can get Austalia out of the Aussie when you get the Aussie out of Australia."

Interesting perspectives (the last 2 posts). Thank you oldsparrow.

Edited August 7, 2009 by venturalaw

[Patsycat]

Nah, that's not interesting. What's really interesting is how "advanced members" love to gang up on newbies and harrass them.

Only dumb newbies who are just asking for it.

And only on Fridays with the date - 7/8/9

[MrHammer]

....However, well manner Farang man has advantage as they treat girl better..

You gain or lost cutting edge with different people.

As a sudent I was amazed that a Japanese girl student grab a bottle and fill a glass for me, even before her glass ! She said it was J girl table manner, she did that by instinct. She felt I treat girl very well when I insisted I dont want her to serve me.

Years ago on business trip abroad with lady colleague and also farang counterpart. At the table I filled my glass first, the farang friend tease me "Ei Ei, you can get the boy out of TL but you can't get TL out of the boy" then he proudly grap the bottle and filled the lady's glass first. Back in TL, he came to my office driven by his lady colleague. It was my turn, "HA HA, you can get Austalia out of the Aussie when you get the Aussie out of Australia."

I seem to remember not having to fill my glass even once the first time I was ever out in an Ekamai club. The Thai girls in our gang made sure to take care of that, so it can't be just a J-girl thing! But maybe they did so to score some cheap points with me, and I got to say it worked:D This is one thing western girls would be wise to learn if they want to catch a stud like me.

[elliss]

tell me about it .

i think bangkok like most cities ,{certainly western cities}

is not a friendly place .

you see the commuters on the skytrain , in their closed worlds.

and giving off negative vibes .

as for a female making the first move ,that sets off alarm bells.

i for one would be very wary , of this type of approach in thailand .

could be mistaken for horizontal / buisness ..chat up {sorry }

GOOD IDEA

have a transfer to udon thani ,

where i spend most of my time , in thailand.

{ i gave up on my visits to guangzhou , chinese ,.people too serious } boo how.

in udon thani , enjoy a better , happier and healthier life style .

and many mature single western men ,{not to keen on the young thai eye candy ]

looking for a suitable life partner . not after money ..

[eek]

I seem to remember not having to fill my glass even once the first time I was ever out in an Ekamai club. The Thai girls in our gang made sure to take care of that, so it can't be just a J-girl thing! But maybe they did so to score some cheap points with me, and I got to say it worked:D This is one thing western girls would be wise to learn if they want to catch a stud like me.

I think you will find most people (men and women) with good manners usually will offer to fill someones glass before they fill/re-fill their own. If a western girl didnt do that with you before, maybe they didnt have good manners, or you didnt (so they didnt see the point in reciprocating good manners), or they just wanted rid of you or something.

[MrHammer]

I seem to remember not having to fill my glass even once the first time I was ever out in an Ekamai club. The Thai girls in our gang made sure to take care of that, so it can't be just a J-girl thing! But maybe they did so to score some cheap points with me, and I got to say it worked:D This is one thing western girls would be wise to learn if they want to catch a stud like me.

I think you will find most people (men and women) with good manners usually will offer to fill someones glass before they fill/re-fill their own. If a western girl didnt do that with you before, maybe they didnt have good manners, or you didnt (so they didnt see the point in reciprocating good manners), or they just wanted rid of you or something.

Come on Eek, It's normal where I grew up for guys to fill the glass for girls, ladies first etc, not to mention the all the girls begging drinks from gullible guys. But I wasn't talking about basic table manners, more the kind of VIP treatment that guys like me get when we hit the clubs, from the door to the table and back, always someone looking out, having uni girls grab you and drag you to their table, ladies ordering and paying for late night snacks. I like the chase but it's cool to be on the other end sometimes. Some western ladies seem to think that's it's demeaning to them to put a bit of effort out there.

I probably have bad manners though, which seems to be an attraction to western ladies looking for a bad boy, then again, if I had such bad manners wouldn't the Thais shun me?

But you can't please everyone can you?

Enjoy your weekend!

[expatlady]

The OP's situation is a dilemma. I am sure there are many, many men here in Thailand who would welcome the opportunity to know her and would be attracted to her, but where is the mechanism for them to meet?

Thank you very much, Bonobo. You have eloquently articulated the question for me, and it does seem like there are no answers forthcoming.

“Creating such a fuss” has certainly given my daily routine some twists and turns. Yes, I did get a number of good advice from the forum, and more specific ones from private messages sent by very decent men which makes me want to let the foreign women reading this thread know that all is not lost for the Western and Western-educated women in BKK. Looking for a needle in the haystack is what it is going to be like, but the decent men are out there. It is just a matter of finding the opportunity to meet them. And ironically, these decent men find themselves in the same predicament.

And interestingly enough, I have received close to a dozen (the last time I counted) invitations for a chat over coffee from Caucasian men in their late fifties to early sixties, and all of them are in relationships with Thai women much younger than them. They all assure me that all they want is to talk.

I have accepted two invitations, and with permission, I have written about one of them. And now, I have permission to write about the second one.

The gentleman is a European in his early sixties with a thriving business in BKK. He is married to a Thai woman half his age, and they have two young boys who attend an international school. He claims to have married a middle class woman whose father is younger than him, and in the hour we spent, I learned that he gave her parents 50,000 baht a month, and she received a monthly allowance of 150,000 baht. I do believe the gentleman has the means for I am the corporate type, and I can tell expensive suits, shoes and watches. Oh, ties and belts as well. I was also told several times that he wished he had married a financially sensible and independent woman like me.

The gentlemen was looking for an honest conversation, and I pretty much obliged informing him that women like me, or at least me, will never marry a man like him for he has nothing to offer but money, and I am very much capable of making my own money. He may have been a dashing man in the past, but he has let himself go in a manner that expensive suits cannot hide. Men and women in their forties, fifties and sixties can never compete with those in their twenties and thirties, but they can remain attractive. It just takes a lot of hard work and discipline.

I am convinced I have not let myself go. I will never compete with a 25-year old woman of any race. She will always win, but I would like to believe I have the confidence and the style that only comes with age, and hard work, discipline and determination.

The European gentleman’s wife cannot have enough designer shoes and bag, but youth for money is a fair exchange in my mind. Having said that though, should a handsome eligible bachelor in his twenties (of any race and nationality) profess eternal love for me, you can bet that I would start running as fast as I can towards the opposite direction.

I do believe I have learned enough from the men who have settled for less, and I use the phrase for lack of a better phrase. I have a passion for what I am now, and refuse to be doused by talks of better days long gone, or regrets.

Am I alone? Yes. Am I lonely? Yes, but not all the time. Not even most of the time. And certainly not enough to be any man’s ATM.

And if I had to name one lesson learned from the two meetings, it is that one can be extremely lonely in a relationship.

And BTW, I do pour drinks for men. I also open my own doors. And I always pay for my share of the bill.

[Hawaiian]

Expatlady, don't say that you could never compete with a younger woman. I am in my sixties and am married to a Thai woman who is 23 years younger than me. I had an opportunity to marry one of her friends who is 10 years younger than her, but chose not to. Wise decision. We have been married for 6 years and have a happy and stable marriage. Her younger friend who also got married at about the same time still displays the same emotional immaturity as when I first met her. She has told us that she is trapped in an unhappy marriage. The truth is that you are probably a prized catch as you seem possess the same character and

inner beauty that I see in my wife. Don't give up.

[dumbnewbie]

Well I see that my advice was wasted. You were right guys - I'm an idiot. My apologies.

[mmushr00m]

OP I think you'll be fine. You seem strong, discipline, smart, self confident and have self respect. All attractive traits IMO.

Unfortunately some are intimidated by it hence alot of the post slagging western(ized) women. But again, I find strenght of character and will attractive.....no I do not need to be punished nor disciplined!!!

But I think the most important thing is not to "settle for a relationship". You know that ...oh I will be lonely so... or I wont find anyone else so I'll settle for this... thingy.

I would ask you out but I am married ( i think the wife "settled' for me ) oh younger too and I think I read somewhere you didnt want to be a suger mama

[klikster]

Rats! Sure wish I was 50 again!

I always liked middle aged women ..

I liked them when I was 25 and I still like middle aged women .. especially those who can engage in a complex and intelligent conversation.

There is more crutch than mystique involved when western men engage Asian women .. in my ever humble opinion.