Do Thai Men Pay A Monthly Allowance To Their Wife's Family?

[Livinginexile]

I’d like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai’s, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let’s assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife’s family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband’s family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

[Travel2003]

I’d like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai’s, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let’s assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife’s family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband’s family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

For the first question, I guess the dowry will take care of it.

I have never heard about monthly allowance to the families.

However, it is normal to always share, and send something home regularly.

So I guess in this case they both would take care of both families?

[Geekfreaklover]

I think the eldest daughter, in rural culture, should pay some maintanece towards her family.

In modern Thai culture there normally isn't any money paid towards the family unless they are in financial difficulites.

[onnut]

my wife is the eldest out of two sisters but they both send money home to there Grandparents, they do not give money to there mum and dad and they do not expect me to either. both of them work and take care of there family and I work and take care of mine (my wife and son) so its ok with me, and I did not have to pay a dowry when we married.

I reckon most offspring would take care of there own families. the girls from the darker side of night may want the farang to send money home to there parents, but I think that is because of greed and just grabbing what they can. I really doubt Thai men are expected to send money to there wifes families. anyway, they have there mia nois to take care of.

Edited September 1, 2009 by onnut

[rgs2001uk]

None of the Thai men I am friendly with give anything to their wifes family on a regular basis.

None of these men married outside of the accepted norms and married someone compatible.

These men tell may they will sometimes helpout in an emergency, with the understanding the money will be returned at some point.

To answer your questions, no, no ,yes. these answers are based on what Thai men and women I know tell me.

Wont bother getting into what some farang may tell you about women from a certain geographical location.

[mahtin]

Wont bother getting into what some farang may tell you about women from a certain geographical location.

My wife's brother paid dowry for his wife using money from Muay Thai winnings.

One peep about Issan and I'll set him on yer.

[Geekfreaklover]

I'd like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai's, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let's assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife's family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband's family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

A simple question, not intended to be offensive in anyway. Would assume you are being asked to contribute to the folks back home. How much they asking for?

[Heng]

Locals are more likely to marry within their income bracket, so dramatic cash flow in any direction is less likely.

Can't speak for all Thai fellows, but I'd wager the 'he's my brother' thing probably isn't going to fly either.

[Ijustwannateach]

I believe it is still a legal obligation for offspring of majority age (20+) to support their parents. I know of one Thai whose whole family is doing quite well- and he is too- but as a token gesture he sends them 1000B a month (which he can well afford and which they don't need).

[micky44]

why on earth would a falang want to support his wifes/girlfriends family is beyond me. OK if you have a lady from shall we say the darker side of pattaya then yes, your a customer, and customers have to pay for a service 100%.but IMHO to carry on theses payments when you are married or in a realaship akin to marriage is just another form of prostitution, outrages. if a falang and his partner are in Europe for instance, and she has a job then yes if she wants to send some of her money back home to help OK, its her wages to do what she wants,as long as she helps out with some of the costs in the home.if your in Thailand and she lives with you and you pay for everything and she still wants an allowance tell her to go get a job, like 80% of Thais do.like i said Early if your a customer you pay, girlfriend or wife NO WAY.

[Heng]

Well that's sorted, surely all payments will stop tomorrow.

[micky44]

did i go in to a bit of a rant , sorry if i did, its just this thing of paying for a wife on a monthly basis i can not get my head around, yes i paid a dowry, the same as most thai men do, but neither my wifes sister nor brother send one satang home, the grandma died a few months back and we sent £200 for a party! no problem with that.chok dee

[Mark Wolfe]

Money as "support" or "gifting" is expected here from we from the West. All your arguments are good from your aspect and irrelevant from that of the Thais. I agree with you and I don't. You can be proud, as you are, of having a "true love" relationship not buttressed by any financial support on your end, and you may indeed have this, but there is also the concept of being a "cheapskate."

I wouldn't be proud of the fact that my wife pays for this or that; she should pay something as a token of contribution, sure, but since you are probably worth more now than she could ever get in 10 lifetimes, ...well, be generous.

By the way, growing up in the late 60s and 70s I can tell you that according to traditional American values, every housewife had a monthly "allowance," for which she used to run the household..and anything more, of course, was for her to enjoy.

You just have it in your mind that the same money has a different name here in the Land of Smiles.

Works for me...

[givenall]

I'd like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai's, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let's assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife's family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband's family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

For the first question, I guess the dowry will take care of it.

I have never heard about monthly allowance to the families.

However, it is normal to always share, and send something home regularly.

So I guess in this case they both would take care of both families?

I have heard this and seen it many times that in a Thai family; the mother and father, grandfather and mother come always first, then child, then the extended family and lastly the husband and their family. So you can tell what the obligations for a husband and wife toward each other’s families are.

[Thaddeus]

I'd like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai's, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let's assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife's family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband's family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

For the first question, I guess the dowry will take care of it.

I have never heard about monthly allowance to the families.

However, it is normal to always share, and send something home regularly.

So I guess in this case they both would take care of both families?

I have heard this and seen it many times that in a Thai family; the mother and father, grandfather and mother come always first, then child, then the extended family and lastly the husband and their family. So you can tell what the obligations for a husband and wife toward each other’s families are.

If there is one thing that I have learned during my time here it is this, as far as family life is concerned, those that have today give today, tomorrow may be different and the haves can turn into have-nots over night, there are no rules, no verbal contracts are drawn up, the survival/success of the family is paramount, it's a social value that is good, and sadly lacking in most western cultures these days.

[micky44]

Money as "support" or "gifting" is expected here from we from the West. All your arguments are good from your aspect and irrelevant from that of the Thais. I agree with you and I don't. You can be proud, as you are, of having a "true love" relationship not buttressed by any financial support on your end, and you may indeed have this, but there is also the concept of being a "cheapskate."

I wouldn't be proud of the fact that my wife pays for this or that; she should pay something as a token of contribution, sure, but since you are probably worth more now than she could ever get in 10 lifetimes, ...well, be generous.

By the way, growing up in the late 60s and 70s I can tell you that according to traditional American values, every housewife had a monthly "allowance," for which she used to run the household..and anything more, of course, was for her to enjoy.

You just have it in your mind that the same money has a different name here in the Land of Smiles.

Works for me...

with the greatest of respect, with regards to my wifes wealth, she works(basic min wage) 52 hours a week while we are in the UK, i work approx 62 hours, we are both saving for OUR future, our life.i never asked her to contribute to wards running the home in the UK, it was her wish to do so, and yes i guess i am proud of that.what works for us will not necessarily work for others. i personally never wanted a pay by the month wife, i wanted as you said a :true love: relationship we have been married over four years now.yes she was a bar girl when i first met her, so this assumption that all bar girls are no good is totally not true. with regards to me being viewed as a ;cheapskate; well i suppose my wife her brother and her sister also fall in to this group,they do not send money home either, her parents are not wealthy just rice farmers, but seem to have a relaxed life,OK they are only in there late 40:s so time may bring about a different set of circumstances, who knows. did i go of on bit of a tangent ? sorry. Micky.

[Ijustwannateach]

Regarding support of the wife herself (as opposed to in-laws): I'm not sure about Thailand, but in Japan the working husband would give ALL his salary to the wife, and she would give him a monthly allowance (and manage the rest of the money).

[cdnmatt]

Money as "support" or "gifting" is expected here from we from the West. All your arguments are good from your aspect and irrelevant from that of the Thais. I agree with you and I don't. You can be proud, as you are, of having a "true love" relationship not buttressed by any financial support on your end, and you may indeed have this, but there is also the concept of being a "cheapskate."

I wouldn't be proud of the fact that my wife pays for this or that; she should pay something as a token of contribution, sure, but since you are probably worth more now than she could ever get in 10 lifetimes, ...well, be generous.

By the way, growing up in the late 60s and 70s I can tell you that according to traditional American values, every housewife had a monthly "allowance," for which she used to run the household..and anything more, of course, was for her to enjoy.

You just have it in your mind that the same money has a different name here in the Land of Smiles.

Works for me...

I agree! Considering what I make, and considering what they make, I have no problem spreading the wealth a bit. On the flip side, if the financial roles were reversed, and the relationship began by them mainly pursuing me in my home country, and it stabilized into a loving and long-lasting relationship, I would expect the same.

Edited September 1, 2009 by cdnmatt

[IanForbes]

Money as "support" or "gifting" is expected here from we from the West. All your arguments are good from your aspect and irrelevant from that of the Thais. I agree with you and I don't. You can be proud, as you are, of having a "true love" relationship not buttressed by any financial support on your end, and you may indeed have this, but there is also the concept of being a "cheapskate."

I wouldn't be proud of the fact that my wife pays for this or that; she should pay something as a token of contribution, sure, but since you are probably worth more now than she could ever get in 10 lifetimes, ...well, be generous.

By the way, growing up in the late 60s and 70s I can tell you that according to traditional American values, every housewife had a monthly "allowance," for which she used to run the household..and anything more, of course, was for her to enjoy.

You just have it in your mind that the same money has a different name here in the Land of Smiles.

Works for me...

I have to agree with Mark Wolfe. If you are the main income earner then you are expected to help out. How much is entirely up to you and your wife. I know that when I was married (twice) I certainly paid for everything, and my wives had access to our bank account and the visa card. With my second wife I financially helped out her adult children. Unfortunately, I was played for a sucker by them.

That is just one of the many reasons why I now stay single. I can CHOOSE to be generous, or not, and I have no obligations to anyone but myself. Frankly, I don't see a lot of reason to be married... anywhere. The only logical reason for marriage is to have children. There are very few other benefits. I help support a couple of Thai families, but only do so as a form of charity. I used to give to other charities, but decided my money was better spent with a direct approach to cut out the middle man. It leaves my conscience free to know I'm doing my little bit in helping others more in need. And, I don't have to worry about some lawyer and judge telling me what I have to pay when some wife wants to shag her current lover.

[G54]

I think the eldest daughter, in rural culture, should pay some maintanece towards her family.

In modern Thai culture there normally isn't any money paid towards the family unless they are in financial difficulites.

I was always led to believe that the youngest daughter paid the most? And that comes from a selection of younger female siblings.

I am expecting to be corrected here.

[Harcourt]

I believe it is still a legal obligation for offspring of majority age (20+) to support their parents. I know of one Thai whose whole family is doing quite well- and he is too- but as a token gesture he sends them 1000B a month (which he can well afford and which they don't need).

Legal obligation? Are you sure? Did you mean moral obligation?

I read in the news recently that a special justice court has been set up in Singapore for the elderly to sue their children for support since modern values have resulted in some adult children not doing it.

But I didn't know that Thailand had simmilar statutes.

Legal obligations and moral traditions aside....... I don't care what race or nationality I'm married to, if the in-laws are hard-up and I'm not, I would want to help as much as I can. How could I sleep at night knowing my wife's parents are living in poverty while we are living in comparitive luxury?

Think if the shoe was on the other foot: Your parents are on the brink of bankruptcy and then you marry an hieress. You may find it hard to ask, you may not ask at all, but if your wife knew about your folks' difficulties and offered to assist....you'd be grateful and love her all the more for her unconditional generosity, surely. ?

[Bukseeda]

I believe it is still a legal obligation for offspring of majority age (20+) to support their parents. I know of one Thai whose whole family is doing quite well- and he is too- but as a token gesture he sends them 1000B a month (which he can well afford and which they don't need).

My agent still sends money to his family as a gesture (although a healthy one of 20,000B a month!) despite the fact that his father owns a number of factories. I think he said he gives it to his mother directly.

[bina]

hubby sends money when needed;

two sisters live alternately together with mother and/or husband (the two husbands work in bangkok and else where so the 6 kids -from both sisters' previous marriages and present husbands- all live under three roofs i.e. the sisters' shack / grandma's shack, and the one set also have a place to sleep in pethaburi, but the new husband doesnt like the boys so they live in korat as well.

the 7th girl (anon's brother) is older and rotates between her mother's village and her father's family)

money is shared between all i.e. mother /father have no money, the sisters pay for food/electric/gas/ spread between a cement shack and an old issaan shack on stilts, eldest brother does the medical as he works in a hospital so gets benefits, he also supports his daugher living with his ex... oldest sister does the farming and owns a car so she does the driving, buying/selling for all... they seem to all pool money as needed and they all more or less live together (the brother has sleeping house but eats at sisters' house... but then they all argue about who paid what for whatever also and for big priced things each family takes care of its own, but all take care of the the grandparents (mother and father of my husband and the sisters/brother).

from what i know from here in israel, the thai men send money or to grandparents of their children (who are usually the caretakers also)and/or wives and the wives control the purse as to who gets what within the family. some men told me they send money to their mother and the mother gives a budget to her daughter in law (if the guy feels the wife is spending too much or something).

farang men shouldnt be so paranoid... i listen in on many conversations among the thai men working here (almost all isaan of course) and they pretty much sound like these converstations , with the men complaining that their mother in law wants too much money, or is turning the wife against the husband, or the wife wants too much money etc etc etc.

i also knew men that were supporting a mia noi with kids, their wife, and their own parents. and i know of men that have a mia noi here and less money to send home to wife/parents, and they make up excuses as to why not so much money.

thai men just seem to know how to maneuver withing their familial system better then farangs, thats all.

bina

israel

i let my husband decide who gets what and when and how much.

[vreemd13]

I think the eldest daughter, in rural culture, should pay some maintanece towards her family.

In modern Thai culture there normally isn't any money paid towards the family unless they are in financial difficulites.

I was always led to believe that the youngest daughter paid the most? And that comes from a selection of younger female siblings.

I am expecting to be corrected here.

- eldest daughter

- youngest daughter

- eldest son

- youngest son

By now, I have read and heard it all (and have asked this once before, but no reply).

I am starting to believe it is the one with the farang relation

[CrossBones]

I’d like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai’s, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let’s assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife’s family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband’s family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

If he has significantly more money than her family, then it would be normal for her family to pay some money to him for example he might say that since he is going to take care of her financially then he wants her father to contribute something - perhaps some land so they can build a house on it which he might pay for.

The poorer family is usually expected to give something to the richer family as compensation.

If you are a farang then she is marrying down because Thais a superior to farangs so you have to compensate.

That is how it often is with working class Thais. Middle class Thais are educated and are less likely to see a farang a inferior etc and dowry and family contributions are less likely to be expected.

If you are *expected* to contribute financially to her family, and you accept this then you are accepting inferior status to their family which is the case with many Thai/Farang relationships where farangs marry bar girls etc. Personally I would never accept this, since I am English and the English are a race superior to all others

Edited September 1, 2009 by CrossBones

[IanForbes]

hubby sends money when needed;

bina

israel

i let my husband decide who gets what and when and how much.

Good post, Bina. You tell it like it is and not how some might wish it to be.

[a2396]

I’d like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai’s, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let’s assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife’s family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband’s family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

For the first question, I guess the dowry will take care of it.

I have never heard about monthly allowance to the families.

However, it is normal to always share, and send something home regularly.

So I guess in this case they both would take care of both families?

You never heard of it!! I have asked several of my Thai friends about this and they say that, if the man has money available he will usually give some to his wife's family. The amounts I have heard quoted are in the 5,000 bht or under range and that is not every month. As for the wife giving money to the husband's family, I never heard of that one. For a Farang, this is a standard demand. "U take care family. Love them same as me".

[Pitbullman1]

I'd like to ask a hypothetical question.

Lets say two Thai's, each coming from similar social/economic backgrounds marry each other. What would the financial obligations be for the husband to his wife's family?

Now let's assume they both come from poor rural backgrounds with no education past secondary level.

My question is:

1. Would the husband be obliged to pay his wife's family a monthly allowance?

2. Would the wife be obliged to pay her husband's family a monthly allowance?

3. Would neither pay because it not part of Thai culture to pay an allowance to each others family?

Lets keep the answers civil folks.

For the first question, I guess the dowry will take care of it.

I have never heard about monthly allowance to the families.

However, it is normal to always share, and send something home regularly.

So I guess in this case they both would take care of both families?

[Pitbullman1]

It isn't called a Dowry! It is called a Sin Sod. The future husband makes a gift of a large amount of money on the day of the wedding party. This money is to re-pay the parents for the costs of bringing up his bride and paying for her education!! Some farngs even pay two Sin Sods, one of the day of their engagement party and another on the day of their wedding party. The parents of the bride usually buy the future husband an item of gold and present's this to him on the day of the wedding party.

Edited September 2, 2009 by Pitbullman1

[caf]

I believe it is still a legal obligation for offspring of majority age (20+) to support their parents. I know of one Thai whose whole family is doing quite well- and he is too- but as a token gesture he sends them 1000B a month (which he can well afford and which they don't need).

There is no legal obligation at all