A list for posterity....nothing to do with Thai's just Thailand.... how to do it and not get it by someone who done it and got it!

#1 Don't buy a integrated fridge/freezer, they junk up with ice in the humidity, get separate units or doors!

I would say, always encourage or support your wife with regards to temple and monk related stuff. It doesn't always make sense to me, but it makes the wife happy.

Patients is a vertue

Don't drink and ride the bike......its just not worth it (wear a helmet).

Live and let live

The tailors are not your mates

Some Buffaloes do get sick

If a random starnger tells you numerous times he has been in the SAS or Mafia.....he is probably lying and living in cuckoo land

DNA tests work wonders

Don't jump to conclusions about what that Thai smile meant.

Move slow, think twice and smile.

A list for posterity....nothing to do with Thai's just Thailand.... how to do it and not get it by someone who done it and got it!

#1 Don't buy a integrated fridge/freezer, they junk up with ice in the humidity, get separate units or doors!

Don't try and change the Thai people, live and accept, or move back to where you came from.

Just keep everyday a mai pen rai day, and be much happier.

Keep your head down, have a good attitude and keep spending the money.

Patients is a vertue

Patients are only a virtue if you are a doctor or dentist.

But, it helps to have a little patience if you are a patient waiting for the doctor.

Look eight ways when crossing a busy street.

If in doubt, follow an old soi dog who is also crossing.

Don't rub your eyes after eating som tam.

If you don't like it here, you can always leave

I see this one all the time on TV

dont want to buy a beer bar....just buy a beer!

What you think might be a problem or might be difficult will turn out to be easy - what you think might be very easy and quick will turn out to be a big problem...

DO eat from the street stalls!

Put ice in your beer, as well as your whisky

Wear a condom,

DON'T try to win an argument with a Thai!

Always carry a 100 baht note with your drivers licence (maybe 2 now, with inflation)

Learn how to cope without toilet paper (it will be in your wife/gfs handbag!)

Give up bread and cheese (it's just not worth it)

Find a reliable DVD vendor (i.e. when they say it's real, then it isn't a VCR in the cinema job)

Never buy anything in Central unless it's on sale (hint: this only delays purchase by a few weeks at most)

Don't drink and ride the bike......its just not worth it (wear a helmet).

Live and let live

If a random starnger tells you numerous times he has been in the SAS or Mafia.....he is probably lying and living in cuckoo land

I agree with these three.

I'll add: Live far away from other "farangs".

Don't rub your eyes after eating som tam.

And wash your hands before touching any pink bits.... especially your own.

If you're pulled by a bent traffic cop for an non-existent infraction of the law don't give him a bribe . Mugs do that. Without losing your cool politely tell him he's wrong and you're not paying. In the vast majority of cases you'll be waved on because he doesn't want the hassle and there are easier pickings out there.

At a roundabout be aware that loads of locals don't give a toss about the 'Give way to traffic on the roundabout" rule.

The vast majority of Thai cops are pretty decent to westerners unless you're doing something really dumb.

If you're here for any fair length of time make an effort to learn at least passable Thai (beyond the ability to order fried rice and an omlette). It makes life so much more interesting and easier.

Put ice in your beer

What you think might be a problem or might be difficult will turn out to be easy - what you think might be very easy and quick will turn out to be a big problem...

A very perceptive observation young jedi..

Its one of the things I have noticed as well after 8 years here..

another one...Dont assume anything...

Stay cool,never ever be in a hurry

Before taking a <deleted> in a Thai toilet with no paper but a water gun for God's sake make sure the water gun is working.

Some classics in this thread for sure.

That bottle of M150 the taxi driver is drinking probably contains Yaa dong

Put it this way cdnvic in my case there's a small part of England (a pair of Marks and Spencer underwear) that will forever be part of Thailand (a small copse of tree behind a petrol station near Loei)

If you see a really knackered old pick up (Nissan Big M/Toyota Mighty X etc) with 20 family members on board and bearing Kalasin license plates avoid like the Ebola virus. It will be guaranteed that the driver can't drive for shit.

Keep smiling and most things work out.

Carry a package of Imodium with you on all trips lasting longer than a couple of hours. Better still, take Imodium BEFORE going on a bus trip over 4 hours. Bringing a package of tissues is also a good idea.

Package of tissues Ian? More like a couple of toilet rolls if I've been on the larb goy.