How Fights Start

[Saiyan]

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started....

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A woman was standing nud_e, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's dam_n near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

[neverdie]

I like them, very funny

[PhilHarries]

Yeah, funny jokes, I remember them way back BPC (Before Political Correctness).

[neverdie]

sounds like a nite at my place

[babuhavas]

good good good,keep it comming i like them all.

more wife jokes...........

[khunandy]

An old women is standing in the bedroom looking at herself in the mirror and caught her husband gazing at her.

She turns a bit coy and asks him what he is thinking.

He says " I was just remembering our wedding night"

She says " You old romantic, what were you thinking then?"

He says " I remember looking at you as you were taking off your wedding dress and thinking that I wanted to suck your t*ts dry and fuc*k you til your stupid"

She says " And what do you think when you look at me now?"

He says " I think I did a pretty good job"

Edited November 4, 2009 by khunandy

[babuhavas]

At 3 am wife herd her husband crying,she went to see what's wrong?

wife:-honey what happen?why are you crying?nothing went wrong today,in fact tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.

husband:-you remember before our marriage

wife:-yes tell me....

husband:-when we were seeing eachother

wife:-yes yes then.....

husband:-at that time your police officer dad caught us banging and told me to either marry you or go in prison for 5 years.

wife:-yes honey i remember,but its old story why are you crying for that after so many years?

husband:-if i would have gone to prison,i would be free today.

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTS.....