Dealing With The Drunk, Extorting Father

[noahvail]

We need a poll here.

Has anyone ever gone to the village with his girl and met a father who wasn't a drunken layabout ?

Yes. Well, to be more specific, I was introduced to his bones in the wall of the temple. He died when my wife was 9. A rice farmer, starting with nothing, managed to accumulate enough land before he died to leave a not insubstantial amount of land to each child, but with the majority of the land going to his wife.

And the next generation? One farmer, three with uni degrees, one with a masters and another with post-grad credits. Nobody drinks, unless there's a social setting where they are expected. Then it's the one beer or one small glass of whiskey.

But I'm gonna give Patong Bob the benefit of the doubt and say he was just taking the piss

[senshusband]

I just have to wonder how many people who marry Thais or have a serious relationship with a Thai meet the parents early on before its too late. As I was growing up, it was always customary to meet the others parents to see the dynamics. I am very fortunate to have a great FIL. He doesn't talk much, sits off to the side, smokes his roll-your-own, and listens to what the ladies talk about. The only time I have seen him drink is when I offer him a small glass already poured. 2 small glasses is the most I have seen him drink at one time. As for my in-laws asking me for help other than the 7,000 baht a month that my wife and I give them, I buy rice for them (straight from the field then taken to the mill). That's it. My in-laws are in their mid 70's and still clean onions. Oh, did I mention that grandmother will turn 101 on Jan.1 and still works around the house and serperates the dry onion bulbs. I am so fortunate to have the Thai family that I do. I would have to say that Mom and Dad only want the best for their daughter (my wife) and when she is comfortable and happy, so are they. And that is why I love Mom and Dad.

[rgs2001uk]

Why isn't the discussion of drunken layabout fathers prohibited?

*takes a drink*

Why isnt the discussion of drunken layabout bone idle waster freewheelin' son in laws prohibited.

Over on another forum they are discussing the merits of beer chang and cheers extra, just what a prospective FIL wants to hear, what a great way to bring face to the family.

[mahtin]

roger Roger.

ooooh...........

never mind. Probably best left unsaid

Roger Ing (1933 – 22 July 2008) was a Chinese Canadian artist

and Manuel was from Barcelona

[jackr]

Easiest way to deal with the problem; 2 to the chest, 1 to the head. Problem solved.

I like it.

[sassienie]

We need a poll here.

Has anyone ever gone to the village with his girl and met a father who wasn't a drunken layabout ?

Yep, me.

Brigante7.

And me, in fact my experience is close to Kitsch's, my FIL having married a woman who already had 3 kids - unusual for TL.

Has anyone ever read a thread where some waste of space hasn't made a snide remark?

Well I must be honest here. My ex's father never said a bad word about me. This may be because he had a stroke before I met him, which made him mute.

Before I get flamed. This is a true story. We still meet up now and again so he can see his grand chidlren. We get on ok using sign language.

Same, same.

My Thai father in law never said a bad word about me.

That`s because he was too pissed most of the time to speak.

Edited November 11, 2009 by sassienie

[F1fanatic]

I just have to wonder how many people who marry Thais or have a serious relationship with a Thai meet the parents early on before its too late. As I was growing up, it was always customary to meet the others parents to see the dynamics. I am very fortunate to have a great FIL. He doesn't talk much, sits off to the side, smokes his roll-your-own, and listens to what the ladies talk about. The only time I have seen him drink is when I offer him a small glass already poured. 2 small glasses is the most I have seen him drink at one time. As for my in-laws asking me for help other than the 7,000 baht a month that my wife and I give them, I buy rice for them (straight from the field then taken to the mill). That's it. My in-laws are in their mid 70's and still clean onions. Oh, did I mention that grandmother will turn 101 on Jan.1 and still works around the house and serperates the dry onion bulbs. I am so fortunate to have the Thai family that I do. I would have to say that Mom and Dad only want the best for their daughter (my wife) and when she is comfortable and happy, so are they. And that is why I love Mom and Dad.

Its heartwarming to hear these stories proving that the parents require no money from the farang.

[gregb]

My girlfriend's parents split up years ago, but her father is a layabout, useless drunk who is heckling her for money and threatening harm to her mother if she doesn't comply. My girlfriend seems to feel an obligation to look after her father, but his demands for sin sodt, when he does not even have a job, are entirely unreasonable.

Sin sot will be returned to you after the wedding. End of story. No reasonable Thai family will refuse. If they don't agree to this, run, don't walk away. Yes, face is important for them. No, they don't need that kind of money at one time. If girlfriend won't fight for this, then she isn't worth having.

Layabout drunk will receive 2000 baht per month in subsistence. That's it. Medical bills are 30 baht. There are no emergencies. Get a gold card. No excuses. Yes honey, your family is important to me also and we will take care of them. No honey, giving them too much money at one time is irresponsible. Don't you love your family and want to do what is best for them? Oh you do? Good, me too. Let's teach them the value of budgeting together.

Seriously. Talk about this now. If she doesn't agree or thinks you are kee neow, get out. Really. It's not worth it.

I will say my FIL is a great example of a human being. 64, never touched a drop and the most devoted man you will ever meet. Strong as an ox and still works the field to this day. (MIL is the sweetest woman you will ever find as well.) Gave back the sin sot (not even a question there), and even shares the proceeds of the rice harvest with us every year. We built them a house and give them a 5000 baht per month stipend. They are grateful for it. Started with 7 kids, 5 are left. 4 of them turned out really well. Oldest sister turned out to be a lazy, greedy good for nothing cretin, but I guess you can't have everything. Wife doesn't know what to do about her either. We just avoid her whenever possible.

Marrying a Thai means marrying their family. Look at the whole package before you make any decision. A Thai man certainly would. He would never let his own family become associated with a group of lazy slobs. If the family isn't cooperative, your relationship is doomed. Just the way it is. You can't separate the family from the girl.

[BusyB]

We need a poll here.

Has anyone ever gone to the village with his girl and met a father who wasn't a drunken layabout ?

My prospective FIL (it never got any further for other reasons) had his flaws, but did bring up 2 kids, built his daughter a house, ran a pretty extensive farming operation with little in the way of mechanical resources and kept the water flowing by constantly repairing the pump to the artesian well.

My ex told me he'd stopped drinking on his own many years before we met. Not something I would recommend - some kind of treatment is normally required, and is  better for all involved as well, but hats off to him anyway. I don't know how things are now - I've not had any contact since I broke things off in early 2006. 

Personally I'd avoid the OP's kind of constellation under any circumstances. It usually only gets worse.

Other than that I'm inclined to side with Mr. Toad (#2) ...

Edited November 11, 2009 by BusyB

[BusyB]

We need a poll here.

Has anyone ever gone to the village with his girl and met a father who wasn't a drunken layabout ?

My prospective FIL (it never got any further for other reasons) had his flaws, but did bring up 2 kids, built his daughter a house, ran a pretty extensive farming operation with little in the way of mechanical resources and kept the water flowing by constantly repairing the pump to the artesian well.

My ex told me he'd stopped drinking on his own many years before we met. Not something I would recommend - some kind of treatment is normally required, and is  better for all involved as well, but hats off to him anyway. I don't know how things are now - I've not had any contact since I broke things off in early 2006. 

Personally I'd avoid the OP's kind of constellation under any circumstances. It usually only gets worse.

Other than that I'm inclined to side with Mr. Toad (#2) ...

Or my ex-FIL's on the sauce again and OP's with my ex 

[cyb]

We need a poll here.

Has anyone ever gone to the village with his girl and met a father who wasn't a drunken layabout ?

The only poll we need here is wether you should be drummed out of thailand (Quickly)

My father inlaw works on average 12 to 14 hour days, Never drinks or smokes his one passion everyday is to smell the scent of a good flower.

I wonder what company you keep, Certainly not good company.

[charmgirl]

I just have to wonder how many people who marry Thais or have a serious relationship with a Thai meet the parents early on before its too late. As I was growing up, it was always customary to meet the others parents to see the dynamics. I am very fortunate to have a great FIL. He doesn't talk much, sits off to the side, smokes his roll-your-own, and listens to what the ladies talk about. The only time I have seen him drink is when I offer him a small glass already poured. 2 small glasses is the most I have seen him drink at one time. As for my in-laws asking me for help other than the 7,000 baht a month that my wife and I give them, I buy rice for them (straight from the field then taken to the mill). That's it. My in-laws are in their mid 70's and still clean onions. Oh, did I mention that grandmother will turn 101 on Jan.1 and still works around the house and serperates the dry onion bulbs. I am so fortunate to have the Thai family that I do. I would have to say that Mom and Dad only want the best for their daughter (my wife) and when she is comfortable and happy, so are they. And that is why I love Mom and Dad.

7000 baht , in laws dont ask for hep other than this. sir you giving them more than half the avg income in thailand.

im sure you tell all you dont give to girls family, you a tough cookie . stop the 7k and see how much they love you!

its great you get along but at least see why! THIS SHOLULD BE A LESSON IN VILLAGE LIVING!

Edited November 12, 2009 by charmgirl

[Scott]

Posts that are inflammatory, expressing excessive negativity toward women in general or Thai women in particular are being deleted.

So if you can't find your post it may be in the great cyber-garbage can in the sky.

Alcoholism is a serious problem. It destroys lives and could easily be destroying these people's relationship.

Keep it clean and on-topic.

[highlander76]

My father in law died many years ago from drinking I never got the chance to meet him, I am very luckly my thai family is almost all female mother in law, three sisters and little brother(16)the only person how enjoys a drink is little brother but not everyday . I know many thai men who do not drink at all to be be honest I know more thais that are teetotal than scots back to the op has girlfriend has some hard choices to make and only she can make them who does she love the most , can she stop being in contact with her father if she can do this she can save her relationship with you please remember this will be the hardest thing she has most likely done in her whole life

[neverdie]

Posts that are inflammatory, expressing excessive negativity toward women in general or Thai women in particular are being deleted.

So if you can't find your post it may be in the great cyber-garbage can in the sky.

Alcoholism is a serious problem. It destroys lives and could easily be destroying these people's relationship.

Keep it clean and on-topic.

Alcoholism is a serious SELF INFLICTED problem. Yes it does destroy lives, especially of those people involved in relationships with people that have the problem.

OP There isnt one ounce in iota's chance that the drunk father in law would get a single satang from me if I was in the same situation and if your wise you will move yourself well out of harms way,if you understand what i mean.

[cognos]

alcohol...the legal drug that may cause the most harm of all the drugs

[neverdie]

^ It certainly comes at a very high cost to society.

[moe666]

My girlfriends dad was a good guy he did like his drink. After working many years and raising 11 girls I guess he could do what he felt like. The old guy lived on the farm outside of Choke Chai, he developed cateracs and went blind,he eventually slipped and fell hitting his head and died a few days later.

The best story about him, being blind of course he wanted a motorbike. I told him I would buy him one only if he had the surgery. He had a old dog wno would take him home at night and if he passed out the dog would keep him warm.

If me and the girlfriend had married I would have been proud to have her dad as a father-in-law.