How Do I Politely Decline Interest Shown In Me?

[Thaiboxer1]

Thaiboxer1:  Modesty probably compels you to not admit that you are a very attractive man.

My experience is that men, regardless of straight or gay,  if very handsome, are eqully attractive both to women and gay men.  Thus you perhaps get unwanted attention from ugly women as well.  Would your method of discouraging undesireable women work with gay men as well????

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ProThaiExpat,

I've had experiences w/undesireable women as well yet no women has ever disrespected me or been as lewd as the gay shop owner. My usual methods of smiling, politely declining their offer, telling them I'm flattered or outright lying and saying I'm married with 2 kids never worked with that persistent store owner. It's worked w/all the other gay men, just not this one....guess he had to have his comeuppance.

[ProThaiExpat]

Your repeated return for business reasons was clearly misinterpreted by him. He was clearly wrong to take advantage of his professional position to make advances he would not have normally been able to make in different circumstances.

I must say that I have been in situations with straight men who come on as extremely friendly and if they are handsome as well, it is really tough not to make a pass. However, my command of english is sufficient, as is most peoples, that a few veiled hints are enough to find out for sure.

[Ijustwannateach]

Interesting that you continued to patronize his store even with him annoying you- is it the only place to buy the kind of clothes you usually wear? Just what kind of clothes are those?

Seriously, though, there are some dysfunctional people out there- and I think their problems are magnified by the hierarchical society they live in. Especially if they are middle or upper class- shop owners, businessmen, etc.- they probably don't meet all that many people who dare to rebuff them rudely, or at all. So they become socially dysfunctional and hints are foreign to them.

"Steven"

[bkkexplorer]

I think you already have enough responses from your initial inquiry. However, your story did bring up another aspect we should take into consideration.

I'm not saying this guy you talk about is a molester but your 'encounter' does clearly show our we ourselves can help 'monitor' others in society who could possibly be suspects. I know this type of privacy invasion is not welcomed by most people but then again we are living in a world where unthinkable things happen (wasn't there a story of a farang teacher molesting young boys last week?) and I believe we are somewhat responsible for looking out.. Being a teacher, this person might possibly have access to vulnerable students. I'm not sure who or what he teaches, I guess I'm just trying to say that if he persistently comes on to you, there might be others who are naive/helpless enough not to know what's going on...

I think you should do more than just brush him off. I'm not quite sure what though. Definitely talk to your uncle for starters.

[Ijustwannateach]

^You have a good point, but unless there is some kind of obvious behavioral problem or the students themselves (Or their families) start to complain, there's very little that an 'outsider' (either by nationality or by not being a worker) can do. Even as a teacher there, the guy's uncle is not necessarily high in the pecking order. It can be dangerous to rock the boat in Thai society.

As an outsider, simply for pointing out the problem one can be accused of being the one to START trouble- and then your head rolls first.

Almost every school I've been at for any length of time here in Thailand has had one or two teachers with questionable interest in the students. In the majority of these schools, they have been Thai teachers. The only ones I've ever seen disciplined, however, have been the farang. I occasionally gossip with the Thai staff about these kind of teachers, but I'm not sure if they get my hints or not.

"Steven"

[Thaiboxer1]

Interesting that you continued to patronize his store even with him annoying you- is it the only place to buy the kind of clothes you usually wear?  Just what kind of clothes are those? 

"Steven"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Steven, like I said...these clothes were real nice. I still go there today for the clothes...it's like a nite/day difference. He doesn't bother me anymore, but on the negative side, I don't get any form of customer service from him at all.

[Thaiboxer1]

Your repeated return for business reasons was clearly misinterpreted by him.  He was clearly wrong to take advantage of his professional position to make advances he would not have normally been able to make in different circumstances.

I must say that I have been in situations with straight men who come on as extremely friendly and if they are handsome as well, it is really tough not to make a pass.  However, my command of english is sufficient, as is most peoples, that a few veiled hints are enough to find out for sure.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A few ex girlfriends of mine have called me a "metrosexual"...had to look it up to find out the meaning...guess I confuse a lot of gays and by returning to the store, it stupified him! But again, real nice clothes in there and at rock bottom prices.

[Scott]

I'm not saying this guy you talk about is a molester but your 'encounter' does clearly show our we ourselves can help 'monitor' others in society who could possibly be suspects. I know this type of privacy invasion is not welcomed by most people but then again we are living in a world where unthinkable things happen (wasn't there a story of a farang teacher molesting young boys last week?) and I believe we are somewhat responsible for looking out.. Being a teacher, this person might possibly have access to vulnerable students. I'm not sure who or what he teaches, I guess I'm just trying to say that if he persistently comes on to you, there might be others who are naive/helpless enough not to know what's going on...

Yes, monitor, but there is a great deal of difference between showing an interest in an adult and showing interest in a child.

As a teacher, I certainly have no interest in my students. Occasionally you run into some student who is exceptionally good looking or sort of turns your crank, but that is usually completely overcome by the level of maturity, the professional relationship etc.

Believe me, most teachers lose any "infatuation" quickly -- or they show their true inclinations pretty quickly.

It's all about boundries