Those Back Home

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Here's a quote from an acquaintance of mine who I worked with on the recent world carnival. He's actually a very intelligent and usually open minded 29yr old man who's spent a lot of time in Thailand, maybe not enough though.

We were taking a much needed break on Ko Chang when upon my return from an internet cafe he said the following after I had mentioned my contribution to an innocuous post here on Thaivisa...

I got the impression that he was feeling a little frank after a few beers and in his mind, thought he was trying to give me constructive advice and save me from becoming a sad tosser like expats in Thailand must so obviously (in his eyes) be.

"*******, you're only in your early thirties, what are you doing hanging out on the internet with sad retired pervs and phaedophiles with nothing better to do."

Now I know the simple answer to this is that he's not as open minded as he thinks he is and doesn't have a clue what he's talking about but after further conversation, I did wonder what the real impression of friends and family back home are behind the welcoming smiles and behind my back in conversation while I'm out here.

It's scary, but this is possibly what a lot of people think of us but are too polite to tell us, and yeah I know - who cares what most people think, but what do the people who DO matter think, those who maybe reluctantly accept you have a Thai girlfriend/wife (not that I do) or whatever, but possibly keep their real opinions hidden from you as they wouldn't want to cause offence or hurt.

I had this conversation with a fellow member recently and from his experiences, even the friends and family back home that HAVE come over to visit have wanted, for example, Patpong and Nana on their itinerary and have gone back home spreading the amusing anecdote of how they saw a fat old man being wanked off by a ladyboy in a go go bar without actually spending any quality time here in places that reflect the genuine Thailand.

Edited April 11, 2005 by The Gentleman Scamp

[chonabot]

Scamp , I believe the majority of peeps back in the UK have a grossly distorted view on any expat choosing to leave the UK regardless of the destination. Jealousy plays a big part in this , plus their views are coloured by the absolute <deleted> printed by the tabloids about Los.

As a resident of the Uk, after several years in Los, now with Thai wife and great family I occasionally receive the views from a different angle.

2 years ago I was close to losing my job on the first day, when I mentioned to a colleague that my wife was Thai , he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

I won't go into the details of my retort , but you can imagine.

I plan to retire in 2 years , will be 41 then, and all of my colleagues are aware of this fact. Most of them are in their 30's , dreaming of pensions and extensions on their semi's in Berkshire.

I know who's feeling envious of whom...............

Edited April 11, 2005 by chonabot

[The_Moog]

Scamp Are you referring to our sojourn in Thailand - for which people back home, do think is a bit strange

"What EXACTLY do you do there?"

Or our sojourn on Internet Forums?

"The internet is a place for people with no friends" Billy Connolly

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Scamp , I believe the majority of peeps back in the UK have a grossly distorted view on any expat choosing to leave the UK. Jealousy plays a big part in this , plus their views are coloured by the absolute <deleted> printed by the tabloids.

As a resident of the Uk, after several years in Los, now with Thai wife and great family I occasionally receive the views from a different angle.

2 years ago I was close to losing my job on the first day, when I mentioned to a colleague that my wife was Thai , he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

I won't go into the details of my retort , but you can imagine.

I plan to retire in 2 years , will be 41 then, and all of my colleagues are aware of this fact. Most of them are in their 30's , dreaming of pensions and extensions on their semi's in Berkshire.

I know who's feeling envious of whom...............

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You and I both mate, and we all know about the snobbishness, jealousy and sneers back home but what about mates, brothers, etc..

Anybody have any anecdotes relating to this or has anybody made an unpleasant discovery regarding how their choice to embrace Thailand was looked upon by those they cared about?

he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

If you didn't hit him, I'll do it upon my next return if you PM me his details.

Scamp Are you referring to our sojourn in Thailand - for which people back home, do think is a bit strange

"What EXACTLY do you do there?"

Or our sojourn on Internet Forums?

"The internet is a place for people with no friends" Billy Connolly

The second one.

Edited April 11, 2005 by The Gentleman Scamp

[ovenman]

Scamp , I believe the majority of peeps back in the UK have a grossly distorted view on any expat choosing to leave the UK regardless of the destination. Jealousy plays a big part in this...

I think that's true of most countries in the world, not merely the UK. Not sure whether I agree with the jealousy part though. Many people have a hard time seeing anywhere beyond where they were raised and can't imagine why a body would actually choose to live somewhere else.

[chonabot]

he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

If you didn't hit him, I'll do it upon my next return if you PM me his details.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No worries Scamp , lets just say there were no witnesses and the &lt;deleted&gt; refuses to be alone in the same room as me anymore....

Thanks for the offer though mate!

[The_Moog]

Scamp

Depends which Forum you're using.

This one seems pretty harmless. The danger comes when Forum life becomes a proxy for the psyche, and one's handle and internet persona intercept id, ego and super ego.

I agree though that I should be spending my time writing concertos and Thai bargirl novels.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Scamp

Depends which Forum you're using.

This one seems pretty harmless. The danger comes when Forum life becomes a proxy for the psyche, and one's handle and internet persona intercept id, ego and super ego.

I agree though that I should be spending my time writing concertos and Thai bargirl novels.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Are these fancy words and ambiguous assumptions from a voyeristic detractor, or just an accidental topic derailment?

[gburns57au]

I think that because of the media highlighting the very small percentage of people who go there for the wrong reasons, we all get tarred with the same brush...the guys at my work stir me about going for the ladyboys and kids, and I laugh it off until someone comes up on the quiet after overhearing the good natured jibes and asks me if it is actually true.....

A lot of people believe that Thailand is all about kiddie sex, ladyboys and bar girls...unfortunate but true.

[Jack Jones]

Funny you should mention interviews chonabot.

I was in London 2 weeks ago for an interview and one of my interests on my CV says 'Continuing personal study of the Thai Language'. When asked about my proficency in the language I said that I was not fluent enough to use it a work environment. The response I received was a very sarcastic 'What environment do you use it in then?' Quickly, followed by the interviewer saying that she was just being facetious.

[strawberry]

Hi Scamp and All

when Igo home to Aussie I find myself explaining how I live in in a small village well away from the tourist areas and spend my time with my children and spending time tending my orchard.

I know many people think of the things talked about on this post. My friends I do care about what they think, others screw them.

Billy Connolly, from my point of view, billy is right, i don't have people of my culture to talk with and at times thaivisa is a real God send for me and I sure as ###### apreciate it being here.

with all the problems of living in a strange culture I'm probably happier living here that living back in Aussie as much as I love that country. I see some of my older friends back home living in caravan prks and run down lodgings and I know they would like to be doing what I'm doing.

Regards Joe

[toastwars]

I am back in the UK now and have not found any overt hostility or bitchyness about my forays to LOS. then again I do live in Brighton and am vocaly noisy about my dislike of sexpats and blinkered tourists.

Be back soon

[SeaVisionBurma]

It's all about perception, isnt it.

these next comments will be a little off topic - but just an observation regarding 'those back home'

The 'folks back home' that we refer to - quite often - have absolutely no concept of what it means to be an expatriate in another country.

The only people who can relate to what we are, and what we do - are normally other expats.

Even friends or family from home, who come to visit for a short holiday - may end up with a worse perception than those who have never travelled at all. Especially if they opt for a hotel stay, rather than staying with you and at least getting some idea of your daily routine.

Why could they get a wrong perception if they actually visit and see you? Because when we have family or friends over here - I think we tend to change our own daily routines to accommodate them. This includes steering them towards places we rarely visit while we are here. (anyone ever 'played tourist' in their own town simply because we had people visiting?).

We can educate our friends on the reality of expat life in Thailand (or where we are), but in truth - we are here because we are a different kind of person to those we have left behind. Those of you who have been here for any length of time, and adapted, and survived (nay - come to appreciate the life here) - will know that this is true. It takes a special breed to successfully live as an expatriate without turning into an idiot or a complete nutter (yes I'm waiting for you guys to say you need to be an idiot or complete nutter to be an expat in the first place )

and that is why folks back home can't always relate to us or accept our lifestyle. They just dont get it - and never will.........

[chonabot]

It's all about perception, isnt it.

these next comments will be a little off topic - but just an observation regarding 'those back home'

The 'folks back home' that we refer to - quite often - have absolutely no concept of what it means to be an expatriate in another country.

The only people who can relate to what we are, and what we do - are normally other expats.

Even friends or family from home, who come to visit for a short holiday - may end up with a worse perception than those who have never travelled at all.  Especially if they opt for a hotel stay, rather than staying with you and at least getting some idea of your daily routine.

Why could they get a wrong perception if they actually visit and see you? Because when we have family or friends over here - I think we tend to change our own daily routines to accommodate them.  This includes steering them towards places we rarely visit while we are here.  (anyone ever 'played tourist' in their own town simply because we had people visiting?). 

We can educate our friends on the reality of expat life in Thailand (or where we are), but in truth - we are here because we are a different kind of person to those we have left behind.  Those of you who have been here for any length of time, and adapted, and survived (nay - come to appreciate the life here) - will know that this is true.  It takes a special breed to successfully live as an expatriate without turning into an idiot or a complete nutter (yes I'm waiting for you guys to say you need to be an idiot or complete nutter to be an expat in the first place  )

and that is why folks back home can't always relate to us or accept our lifestyle.  They just dont get it - and never will.........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Amen to that , sir!

[RamdomChances]

Nice post Sea Vision, very true

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Ditto that, best one yet SVB.

[britmaveric]

Scampy - I think your mate has issues and doesn't have a clue. As for mates and close family...my parents and sister w/her husband and child visited last Sept. Needless to say they loved it - so I think most people who havent been there don't know what LOS is like therefore there opinion is worthless.

[toddy]

2 years ago I was close to losing my job on the first day, when I mentioned to a colleague that my wife was Thai , he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

I know who's feeling envious of whom...............

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Chonabot,

The same thing happened to me one day when my wife was helping me clean out the snakes in my reptile shop in UK. A couple came in and I got speaking to the guy whilst his wife was admiring the chameleons. He asked me where my wife was from. I said 'Thailand'. He retorted with 'How much did you pay for her then?' At which point, I eyed HIS wife up and down and said 'I can't remember but going on the general quality ... I would say about 300% more than what you paid for your wife.' He went balistic and then left the shop never to return and so did I three weeks after - to Buriram. I really have some great friends in Buriram (farang and Thai) and thank God that they have seen more than a 10 mile radius of where they were born.

[pomchopkao]

whenever I go 'back' I've learned not to say much about LOS

people 'over there' are clueless and tend to have prejudices of places abroad and more so of SEAsia

and its very true

Birds of the Same Feather Fo<k Together

[chonabot]

2 years ago I was close to losing my job on the first day, when I mentioned to a colleague that my wife was Thai , he responded "How much did you pay for her?"

I know who's feeling envious of whom...............

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Chonabot,

The same thing happened to me one day when my wife was helping me clean out the snakes in my reptile shop in UK. A couple came in and I got speaking to the guy whilst his wife was admiring the chameleons. He asked me where my wife was from. I said 'Thailand'. He retorted with 'How much did you pay for her then?' At which point, I eyed HIS wife up and down and said 'I can't remember but going on the general quality ... I would say about 300% more than what you paid for your wife.' He went balistic and then left the shop never to return and so did I three weeks after - to Buriram. I really have some great friends in Buriram (farang and Thai) and thank God that they have seen more than a 10 mile radius of where they were born.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Respect! Excellent retort !

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Scampy - I think your mate has issues and doesn't have a clue. As for mates and close family...my parents and sister w/her husband and child visited last Sept. Needless to say they loved it - so I think most people who havent been there don't know what LOS is like therefore there opinion is worthless.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Let's kick the shit out of him.

Seriously though, you know what he'd say?

He'd just say, "Well of course they would say that wouldn't they, birds of a feather flock together etc..." Which is why I have to swallow that hard pill and realize that, as Chonobot said, you can't chance peoples opinions and shouldn't try - actually it was 'They just won't get it - and never will' which is pretty much the same.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

At which point, I eyed HIS wife up and down and said 'I can't remember but going on the general quality ... I would say about 300% more than what you paid for your wife.' He went balistic and then left the shop never to return and so did I three weeks after - to Buriram.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

*APPLAUSE*

[taxexile]

all the people i know back home tell me how they just cant wait to come over to taiwan and visit me.

[Ijustwannateach]

^Yes, I've had far more visitors since I moved here than other places in Asia I've lived....

Does the opening story seem a bit... contrived to anyone else? I'm trying hard to imagine the conversation that led up to just such words as quoted... not that I'm suggesting it was posted just to get a reaction, lord, no...

"Steven"

[RDN]

Thanks for this thread, Scampy, you've reminded me that I really ought to visit back home soon, but after two and a half years in LoS, Norfolk's going to be a bit boring .

[cliffy]

Here's a quote from an acquaintance of mine who I worked with on the recent world carnival. He's actually a very intelligent and usually open minded 29yr old man who's spent a lot of time in Thailand, maybe not enough though.

We were taking a much needed break on Ko Chang when upon my return from an internet cafe he said the following after I had mentioned my contribution to an innocuous post here on Thaivisa...

I got the impression that he was feeling a little frank after a few beers and in his mind, thought he was trying to give me constructive advice and save me from becoming a sad tosser like expats in Thailand must so obviously (in his eyes) be.

"*******, you're only in your early thirties, what are you doing hanging out on the internet with sad retired pervs and phaedophiles with nothing better to do."

Now I know the simple answer to this is that he's not as open minded as he thinks he is and doesn't have a clue what he's talking about but after further conversation, I did wonder what the real impression of friends and family back home are behind the welcoming smiles and behind my back in conversation while I'm out here.

It's scary, but this is possibly what a lot of people think of us but are too polite to tell us, and yeah I know - who cares what most people think, but what do the people who DO matter think, those who maybe reluctantly accept you have a Thai girlfriend/wife (not that I do) or whatever, but possibly keep their real opinions hidden from you as they wouldn't want to cause offence or hurt.

I had this conversation with a fellow member recently and from his experiences, even the friends and family back home that HAVE come over to visit have wanted, for example, Patpong and Nana on their itinerary and have gone back home spreading the amusing anecdote of how they saw a fat old man being wanked off by a ladyboy in a go go bar without actually spending any quality time here in places that reflect the genuine Thailand.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yes have found different opinions from friends and family since my"move to los"......on visits back have the people who really surprised me in their attitude to wards me ....the stupid sexual inuendos,s past caring about these people and yes a bit of jealousy creeps in whether it be hav,nt the balls to do somthing like it or....feel with family etc they cannot.But the real friends aalways shine out and have a real interest in what i am doing as i would with them. ..........Family wise generally very supportive but have had comments from a sister saying what would happen if somthing happened to parents[have elderly parents] but they have said go ahead as they want the best fror offspring.....and surely we want the best for the ones we love!!!!!

[cdnvic]

all the people i know back home tell me how they just cant wait to come over to taiwan and visit me.

I get that all the time.

"What part of Taiwan is your wife from?"

"The North"

"Oh"

cv

[britmaveric]

Not as bad as my mate - told him I was working in Portugal over the summer last year. He responded - He had been there too and how much he loved the caribbean.

[Boon Mee]

The 'folks back home' that we refer to - quite often - have absolutely no concept

and that is why folks back home can't always relate to us or accept our lifestyle.  They just dont get it - and never will.........

Exactly, SVB...

So why the never-ending focus on this subject - Scampy???

Who gives a sh1t what "they" think.

Grow up! Be your own man!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

The 'folks back home' that we refer to - quite often - have absolutely no concept

and that is why folks back home can't always relate to us or accept our lifestyle.  They just dont get it - and never will.........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly, SVB...

So why the never-ending focus on this subject - Scampy???

Who gives a sh1t what "they" think.

Grow up! Be your own man!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't know Boon, but good question - I think it's just a coincidence that I've had two similar topics in the same week - the other being related to F&F seeing 'our' forum.

I'm certainly my own man, I'm not always grown up and I'm guilty of giving a shit what people think but more and more only the ones who matter.