Bride-price

[thaihome]

These trolls need to keep up with the current price of gold. A 10 baht piece these days would be more than the 200k cash. Few people these days are buying 10 baht for a marriage.

TH

[tonititan]

A good OBGYN can tell you if Miss Dainty has rolled back the odometer by having a once over of her undercarriage.

Nothing says 'I love you' more than a compulsory OB/GYN examination.

Come to think of it, maybe the young Thai girls should require a doctor's exam for their old men! You know, make sure he can even get it up enough to give you a baby! How about a physical endurance test to make sure his heart isn't so weak that the girl has to do all the work?

[hhgz]

"I am comfortably well off, living from hand-to-mouth ..."

I don't understand how living "hand-to-mouth" should be considered as "comfortably well off".

[britadders28]

Dont do it you mug, wake up you cant trust any of them!

[h90]

As my wife explains. it is just a tradition and in normal modern Thailand:

a) either there is none

it will be give back

c) instead of the money they give back a car/house/land which often is much more worth than the sin sod

d) put on a bank account for bad times for her or the education of the grandchildren

e) not complete unknown, but repeating what my wife tells about them (and the area) would have me banned.....

Is this a marriage proposal or a business deal?

I must say I find the whole concept of sin sod a bit strange, not to mention outlandish in some instances I read about. At the end of the day it's up to you h1lander. But personally I would resist the demands for big bucks.

My wife's family didn't ask for/demand anything, but it was suggested I offer 100,000 baht as a face saver. (I didn't have a clue what the form was, so I just did what my wife suggested) So I fronted the 100,000, plus we bought (I think) 5 baht of gold.

The gold went back to the shop (less 10% handling), and the 100,000 was quietly handed back to my wife a few days after the marriage.

I have to say that although I was prepared to make the offer of the 100,000, I felt good that it was returned to my wife, not so much for the money itself, but more because it made me know that I wasn't being taken for a ride.

As I understand it, it's not unusual at all for the sin sod to be returned to the couple after the marriage. The main thing is for the money to be seen to be given. It's all about face.

Ask your girlfriend it you will get any/all of the money back afterwards. If she says no, then consider the situation even more carefully that you no doubt are already.

[neverdie]

I suggest you also read the thread started by myself at :

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Yeah-Sin-Sot...in-t314952.html

which contains the following posts :

MIG16 : "I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that a poor family may, upon finding out that their daughter is marrying a (baht) millionaire, use a tradition, even a faded/purely ceremonial one, to secure financial gain for themselves. Statistically that seems to be the demographic involved in foreigner-thai marriages."

Neverdie : "No, I agree, it wasnt INVENTED for that purpose, but geeze it fits in perfectly for the milking of unsuspecting prospective husbands and milkees

I'm not specifically pointing the finger at anyone on this thread, however sinsot comes up all the time & ofen it involves these very special heartfelt relationships that evolve over a couple of beers and a weeks holdiay in patong followed by a quick trip upcountry in a minibus and a big wedding & a whole lot of blank cheques being written . The tradition of sinsot fits in nicely, somewhere between the beers and the divorce.

Normally after that, we read a couple of 'im such a sad case' threads here on thai visa or the farang involved launches himself off a highrise, bridge or some other object and then we get some of those conspiracy threads here at tv which involves the mafia or some anti farang, we're out to get you theories.....

And then it starts all over again

Yes, don't say I havent mentioned this before

[malomker]

There may well be a lot of trolling on these forums but the posts always display a total lack of understanding about the culture. There are so many books out there that there really isn't an excuse for not reading one.

'Meeting the parents' (or going home to the family in the sticks) is a prelude to marriage in Thailand. No good girl would introduce a guy to her parents unless she thought he were a keeper. If she isn't a good girl then everyone is putting on a show for you.

30 yrs old is too old for me to believe this is a first marriage. Either you don't owe that sin sod (since she's divorced) or she has a Thai husband off the books (and you are a paycheck).

Edited November 24, 2009 by malomker

[Soutpeel]

There may well be a lot of trolling on these forums but the posts always display a total lack of understanding about the culture.

Or alternatively they understand the culture very well hence the comments...

[MrHammer]

Round and round it goes. Guess the Buddha was on to something.

[doggie888888]

"I am comfortably well off, living from hand-to-mouth ..."

I don't understand how living "hand-to-mouth" should be considered as "comfortably well off".

Big hand, small mouth?

[khundon]

1,200 Baht tops.

I don't know where to get 1200 Baht tops, but I can get 1200 Bottle tops.

OP Don't offer anything, if she sticks around then good, if not, you have saved yourself a lot of money and heart ache.

My wife's parents never asked for, nor would they have taken any Sin Sod for their daughter. It's pimping nothing more.

Look at the date, it's 2009 for heaven sake.

[Beardog]

Sounds like another fishing expedition. Bet her family already has a Penn reel & a gold rod along with the 17 meter boat the last guy kicked in. If the family asks for anything RUN. Sinsod is supposed to be returned and is just a show of custom. If your rich now you will probably be a lot poorer later! I would give it 5 years before even considering marriage opposed to the love blinders (or beer goggles) in 10 days. Unless you are gullible think with your bigger brain. Not flaming you but trying to add to the same advice.

[dumball]

My personal reasoning for not paying sin-sot and gold for a bride .

In most countries of the world , HUMAN TRAFFICKING is against the law , both in a legal and humanitarian way , period .

To exchange a human for money , property , goods or services is NOT LEGAL , whatever use you have intention of putting that human to , for better or worse , if you do so you are aiding and abetting a serious international crime .

Culture or any other miscelanious reason is not reason enough to break this law for which there are heavy penalties

Here in this country which is called all kinds of derogatory names by Tv posters , Korean men were paying large sums to marriage brokers to obtain a bride , when it came to light because many of the women were being treated badly by their new husbands in a foreign land , Hun Sen put a stop to the practise and repatriated the abused women .

Need any more insight into how much you should illegally pay the parents of your prospective bride ?

[joorakee]

There may well be a lot of trolling on these forums but the posts always display a total lack of understanding about the culture. There are so many books out there that there really isn't an excuse for not reading one.

'Meeting the parents' (or going home to the family in the sticks) is a prelude to marriage in Thailand. No good girl would introduce a guy to her parents unless she thought he were a keeper. If she isn't a good girl then everyone is putting on a show for you.

I suppose you have read "Thailand Fever", right?

[Petesear]

In my wedding, the sin sod was merely 'presented' for those attending and my wife and I got it back after the wedding. I would be careful with families that are greedy after the sin sod.

Same went for us at our wedding.

[a2396]

My personal reasoning for not paying sin-sot and gold for a bride .

In most countries of the world , HUMAN TRAFFICKING is against the law , both in a legal and humanitarian way , period .

To exchange a human for money , property , goods or services is NOT LEGAL , whatever use you have intention of putting that human to , for better or worse , if you do so you are aiding and abetting a serious international crime .

Culture or any other miscelanious reason is not reason enough to break this law for which there are heavy penalties

Here in this country which is called all kinds of derogatory names by Tv posters , Korean men were paying large sums to marriage brokers to obtain a bride , when it came to light because many of the women were being treated badly by their new husbands in a foreign land , Hun Sen put a stop to the practise and repatriated the abused women .

Need any more insight into how much you should illegally pay the parents of your prospective bride ?

Good post. By "third country" you mean Cambodia. There should be similar restrictions and regulation of marriage brokers in Thailand. In my opinion, they are a major element in perpetuating this "cultural tradition" of sin sod. One web site I happed to read stated that if you did not pay a sin sod, you were most likely to get no better than a bar girl. What a reverse set of reasoning that is. Bar girls are likely the ones to hit the chumps for the high end numbers.

[garyh]

Go marry an Indian girl, the family has to pay you.

[Kf6vci]

Please trust me that I am taking your post seriously.

No offence is intended.

Those 10 Baht of gold cost more than 160,000 THB. On my wedding, these were handed over, then returned (to me).

Just make sure this is how it will go.

Your house? In Thailand? Ah, you mean the house you pay for but which will be in your wife's name!

Read and learn about sin sod. You can and should negotiate.

The topic is pinned, too and there is always some local twist.

As a previously divorced guy (wife was an American), I can tell you that

marriage is all about love and divorce all about money. Enough said?

This may not work out, so you trally gotta protect your interest for that contingency!

By all means, pay the RENT on your new love nest, rent a lovely house.

Just do not rush into handing over your whole net worth. Kowjai?

Good luck!

Chris

[Kf6vci]

OT: Why are so many farang looking at the bar girl scene? There are so many lovely Thai ladies who work for a living and do not chat, then gouge strangers for a living (or related "services"). That's why I like the advice about checking the work history.

You will marry the family, too so you better get all the dirt on them in advance.

I have witnessed extreme acts of cruelty - over money - by family members against daughters or sisters in laws.

But they rarely cut all ties to a nasty family...

It might be someone like a greedy brother pressuring your gf into making such demands.

Hope you can converse without problems?

For heaven's sake, cool it - do an engagement, then wait a year and see how things evolve over time.

Enjoy the good times - just don't rush into anything.

Chris

[kangeroo]

hello , yes there are a lot of very lovely thai girls that are looking for a partner , but a lot are to shy to venture out and look . I met a nice girl about 6 years ago ,the reason i liked her was she told me i go with you because you have money ( believe me i didn't have that much] and she said i not like farang , six year on we are still together . but in closing her family never expected any money and her mum was living of plastic bottles and cans after the market was over .

cheers.

[thaimate]

In the past having run a marriage agency and being married twice to Thai women,once for two years and now for 16 ,i will add my twopenath worth .

all our clients paid sin sod . myself i was not asked by either of my wives or their families and indeed never offered, my first wifes familly were not well off ,my second wifes were.

however ,her sister who married a Thai boy whos familly were well off ,did get paid sin sod as he insisted it should be paid ,so work it out yourself. Personally i think lifes a gamble,do you feel lucky?

[chopperbopper]

Listen OP my friend. All this stuff about ' sin sod ' ( or call it what it really is in the western world paying for a wife ! ) is nothing. Its as simply as this if you dont want to pay then dont pay. I will never pay money to a family to marry there daughter. I would say to them i would take care of there daughter and do my best by her. But i have never and will never pay money to get married. As for the people who say you can get the price down a bit, Thats rubbish. It doesnt matter weather you are paying 10 baht or 1 million baht at the end of the day you are still paying for a person !!!! which is not right.

For the OP just say to her family you will not pay them any money now and you will not pay them any money each month ? ( paying each month is like renting there daughter ! ) Its a stupid old thing froma long time ago that does not belong in the world today. If they say know then say sorry to your gf and tell her you dont want to cuase problems with her and her family and leave for good. Its harsh but that is life.

The people telling you that its normal and you should pay, they are only saying that becuase it makes them feel better and helps them forget they got ripped off into paying for a girl to be there wife !

In most western countys them familys of the man and woman getting married give wedding presents to the newly married couple they dont take things from them. Its time Thai's start to respect that thailand is a very small and unimportant part of the world and not everything is done in a thai way. If they can see that and resect you then thats good but if not say goodbye.

[skybluestu]

Listen OP my friend. All this stuff about ' sin sod ' ( or call it what it really is in the western world paying for a wife ! ) is nothing. Its as simply as this if you dont want to pay then dont pay. I will never pay money to a family to marry there daughter. I would say to them i would take care of there daughter and do my best by her. But i have never and will never pay money to get married. As for the people who say you can get the price down a bit, Thats rubbish. It doesnt matter weather you are paying 10 baht or 1 million baht at the end of the day you are still paying for a person !!!! which is not right.

For the OP just say to her family you will not pay them any money now and you will not pay them any money each month ? ( paying each month is like renting there daughter ! ) Its a stupid old thing froma long time ago that does not belong in the world today. If they say know then say sorry to your gf and tell her you dont want to cuase problems with her and her family and leave for good. Its harsh but that is life.

The people telling you that its normal and you should pay, they are only saying that becuase it makes them feel better and helps them forget they got ripped off into paying for a girl to be there wife !

In most western countys them familys of the man and woman getting married give wedding presents to the newly married couple they dont take things from them. Its time Thai's start to respect that thailand is a very small and unimportant part of the world and not everything is done in a thai way. If they can see that and resect you then thats good but if not say goodbye.

Pretty much summed up my opinion and personal experience too, great post!

[Matan]

In the past having run a marriage agency and being married twice to Thai women,once for two years and now for 16 ,i will add my twopenath worth .

all our clients paid sin sod . myself i was not asked by either of my wives or their families and indeed never offered, my first wifes familly were not well off ,my second wifes were.

however ,her sister who married a Thai boy whos familly were well off ,did get paid sin sod as he insisted it should be paid ,so work it out yourself. Personally i think lifes a gamble,do you feel lucky?

What a jip, those guys paid you to find them a bride, then paid her to get married! There's one born every minute.

[roundeye]

I went to a agency last july. Seemed legit. U.K. man runs it. Thai proffesionals.com The girls there were asking anywhere from 30k to 200k. This is a barganing situation. Offer much less and see where it gets you. Don't think with your heart as you will be dissapointed. Your girl might be true but she might not be also. I went back to thailand 5 times for the same girl before I made a commitment. Are her siblings drunks or are they hard workers with families of their own. You must do your homework just like any partnership. Sound like u r moving to fast, my friend. Slow down, take a breath and stop thinking with your loins. If U cannot negotiate this with her family then walk. There are many, beutifull, GOOD thai women around. Don't fall for tears. and learn the language. Maybe Get her to your country first. It is a long process but it will give urself time to get to know her and u can stop the process anytime. Tjhe $ loss will b less than a house and car and gold and dowery and this and that and heartach. Giving money to a family that is poor while taking away from them someone who helps support them is not a bad thing to do. But if they are non-negociable then they may need to learn a lesson. Man up and walk if youcannot negotiate down alot. House needs to b in ur name, land can be in your name also but it is a process. Rent, RENT< RENT< RENT. then see where it goes. Fools rush in.

[pjclark1]

Maybe Get her to your country first. It is a long process but it will give urself time to get to know her and u can stop the process anytime. Tjhe $ loss will b less than a house and car and gold and dowery and this and that and heartach.

Good Idea!

Take the girl back to the western world where she can have half your pension as well.

[joorakee]

Listen OP my friend. All this stuff about ' sin sod ' ( or call it what it really is in the western world paying for a wife ! ) is nothing. Its as simply as this if you dont want to pay then dont pay. I will never pay money to a family to marry there daughter. I would say to them i would take care of there daughter and do my best by her. But i have never and will never pay money to get married. As for the people who say you can get the price down a bit, Thats rubbish. It doesnt matter weather you are paying 10 baht or 1 million baht at the end of the day you are still paying for a person !!!! which is not right.

For the OP just say to her family you will not pay them any money now and you will not pay them any money each month ? ( paying each month is like renting there daughter ! ) Its a stupid old thing froma long time ago that does not belong in the world today.

Giving money to a family that is poor while taking away from them someone who helps support them is not a bad thing to do.

I think that the truth lies somewhere in between.

BTW, can someone enlighten me whether Thai retired farmers receive any kind of pension or not? Thanks in advance.

[PNGinBKK]

RUN!!!!!!!!

[IanForbes]

Has anybody ever calculated how many times this topic has come up? I know it is highlighted at the top of the topics board under sin sot.

I understand that newbies to Thailand can become smitten with lovely young women on the hunt for a husband to BUY them out of spinsterhood. Any prospective farang husband has to realize that you don't just marry a woman in Thailand. You marry the WHOLE family. The OP MIGHT not be a troll. There are always new men running into this predicament.

[a2396]

In the past having run a marriage agency and being married twice to Thai women,once for two years and now for 16 ,i will add my twopenath worth .

all our clients paid sin sod . myself i was not asked by either of my wives or their families and indeed never offered, my first wifes familly were not well off ,my second wifes were.

however ,her sister who married a Thai boy whos familly were well off ,did get paid sin sod as he insisted it should be paid ,so work it out yourself. Personally i think lifes a gamble,do you feel lucky?

What a jip, those guys paid you to find them a bride, then paid her to get married! There's one born every minute.

This is a common practice with most agencies engaged in this activity. They collect money from the girls at sign-up and perhaps monthly fee to write emails, etc., and a commission later on, paid indirectly by the gent. The bigger the sin sod, the more they will likely get. Greenhorn dudes doing this every day here.