midgeley20 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Some opinions from you old-timers would be most appreciated. I met my Thai girlfriend on a social web site a few months ago. She is not a young girl being only 8 years my junior, she has now lived with me for the last couple of months Well, I found out this week she still uses the site and has been sending messages to a number of men. The latest only a couple of days before I caught her. She had asked for and swapped MSN contact details with some and other messages were comments on the guys being handsome or not looking their ages. I opened her MSN and she had loads of guys as contacts. I could not access any logs of chats so have no way of knowing the extent of her chats, what conversations she's had or what was discussed.So you can imagine I went ballistic. I demanded to know if she was secretly meeting someone in real life (which she denied) or was looking for someone else (which she also denied). All week we've late night talks, tears and tantrums. I resisted the urge to throw her out in the street and now a quiet truce has descended. I honestly don't know what I will eventually do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarangCravings Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I resisted the urge to throw her out in the street and now a quiet truce has descended. I honestly don't know what I will eventually do. thats exactly what you should do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alant Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 not an expert but it does look like she has not totally decided which bloke she wants to be with, perhaps best all round to find out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSiSongkram Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 And don`t look back. If you need to ask advice on a public forum when the facts are right in your face I wish you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuian Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Difficult to judge the situation specially not knowing her.... You must know how to judge a relationship - is it worth it... then.. For some it is like gambling, became some sort of obsession, kick, exitement! Well some time in the future at least you'll know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sticklebrick Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 propose and buy a house in her name. Obviously you trust her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabcbroon Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 At 8 years your junior approx how old might she be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thongkorn Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 A simular thing happened to a person i new, not a friend, He met a Girl in Phuket. married her Brought her back to the Uk , then found she was still Msn other men, short marrige. back on a Plane , Sawade cabb, End of true story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAceFace Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 She is playing you mate, move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orang37 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Midgeley20, Sorry to hear of what must be a very disturbing event for you ! We really respect that you probably don't wish to go into details of the relationship here, in public, so to speak, but if we were advising you, as a friend, we would ask you to consider things like : 1. how much money have you given or loaned to her or her family. have you "promised" any form of financial aid or investment that has not been "given" yet ? 2. do you have any "joint" property, or property which might be disputed in the case of a need to break-up. 3. where you live is in your name, her name, both your names ? 4. what promises have been made, or not made, discussed, or not discussed : marriage, children ? 5. does she or you (or the both of you) have children from a previous marriage or marriages, and are you supporting them now. 6. are there any members of her family in the area who you would consider as possibly "dangerous" to you in any way if a conflict occurred. It may sound crass (paranoid ?) to consider such "financial" and social parameters, but we think they do shape the context in which your "relationship" is playing out. And, we've seen some very bad things happen in the eleven years we've been around CM in Farang-Thai relationships : things we wish we could forget. On a very human level, only you can know the extent to which you "love" her, and how deeply you are willing to sacrifice for that, how much you are willing to risk for that. On the simplest level : you have to ask yourself if her explanation of why she still appears to be "playing the field" is plausible. Long ago this vessel of human frailty in which now an Orangutan and a Human co-exist in a symbiotic tango was a credentialed psychiatric professional (M.S.W. UC Berkeley, national level credentials in Group Psychotherapy); please feel free to correspond with us by PM if we can assist you as a "friendly ear." best, ~o:37; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMoran Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Learn well from it and I hope you don't make the same mistake again, my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Aitch Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 A close relationship, and especially a new one, should be nothing short of fun, love and lust in those early days midgeley20. Ask yourself this: Am i enjoying my new companion? (outside of the sack), and your decision should come naturally. If she's still with you after this little lot, then you're probably hooked on an infatuation more than anything else. Your feelings are your own, and my advice is don't take advice from anyone. Go with your gut mate. It looks as though you have only 2 choices really. 1). Move on together, put the whole mess behind you, and keep your fingers crossed, or 2). Well, you know the answer to that... Good luck. Aitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elektrified Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 And don`t look back. If you need to ask advice on a public forum when the facts are right in your face I wish you luck. You hit the nail straight on the head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scorecard Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 And don't forget the other side of the coin. What image does she have of farang men? What previous dealings (relationships / dates) has she had with other farang, if ever, and what 'image' has this put in her mind about the typical behaviors of farang in terms of monogamy etc. What image have her lady friends put into her mind about the typical antics of farang men in Thailand. Maybe the farang 'image' she has is one of honesty, sincerity, loving, caring men who are all deeply interested in monogamous relationship. Do you think she's likely to have this wonderful 'image'? Well maybe not, maybe the 'image' she actually has is driving her to take the current actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will27 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Vote with your feet. Walk away! All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midgeley20 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 propose and buy a house in her name. Obviously you trust her! I found her out by accident when I borrowed her laptop and three MSN messages popped up. That led me to search further Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bakeman Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 A close relationship, and especially a new one, should be nothing short of fun, love and lust in those early days midgeley20. Ask yourself this: Am i enjoying my new companion? (outside of the sack), and your decision should come naturally. If she's still with you after this little lot, then you're probably hooked on an infatuation more than anything else.Your feelings are your own, and my advice is don't take advice from anyone. Go with your gut mate. It looks as though you have only 2 choices really. 1). Move on together, put the whole mess behind you, and keep your fingers crossed, or 2). Well, you know the answer to that... Good luck. Aitch ON SPOT!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midgeley20 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 At 8 years your junior approx how old might she be? 45 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midgeley20 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 And don`t look back. If you need to ask advice on a public forum when the facts are right in your face I wish you luck. ouch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stumbo Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 It appears you do like her or you wouldn't be putting up with this. Thing is though she is playing you while trawling to see if she can get a better offer. Honestly you don't need to take that crap from a 45 yo woman who by Thai standards is way past her use by date. There is no possible justification what so ever, listen to the guys here who do know what they are talking about, throw her out and move on. The sooner you do that the sooner you can start a better relationship, but be patient to find a nice person. Seems that many scammers use those dating sites, attracts them like flies to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piercefilmlid Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) If you fancy giving her a second chance install a key-logger and then you can easily monitor her behaviour on line, including MSN/Yahoo chats. Edited November 28, 2009 by piercefilmlid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midgeley20 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 not an expert but it does look like she has not totally decided which bloke she wants to be with, perhaps best all round to find out? Well she has deleted her profile and says she's finished with it We talked it all through and she says she stayed on just for fun never meant to meet anyone I think three possible explanations: 1 She is hooked on the compliments, innocent flirting and attention she gets from going online 2 She Isn't sure if I'm 'the one' and is keeping her options (and cards) close 3 Shes a player and I'm another mug The possibility of explanation 1 being true is the reason I didn't throw her out Explanations 2 and 3, well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiPauly Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 It's quite simple IMHO. Can you ever TRUST her again? Every time she is on the phone or out with freinds will it bother you at all? If you are the sort of person that it MAY bother then you have your own answer. Make your own decision and stick with it...if you stay with her you have to forget about the incident completely and not mention it again....can you do that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nio Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 If she is doing this right under your nose, image what she is doing when she is out of your sight? If you think she will ever change, you unfortunately are a fool. Living with you for months and still not content, means you simply do not have what she is looking for. She will trade up on you first chance she gets for what she feels is a better deal for herself The whole forum will be ashamed if you let this trash play you any longer Have some courage and show her the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I met my Thai girlfriend on a social web site a few months ago she has now lived with me for the last couple of months Here is your answer. She did it with you, so why not a string of others? You are probably not the first, nor the last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Well she has deleted her profile and says she's finished with itWe talked it all through and she says she stayed on just for fun never meant to meet anyone Well, it is of course possible to get addicted to such online sites, in the same way as you might get addicted to Facebook or even Thaivisa.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 enable logging on msn chat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmdream Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Once the trust is gone so am I. You can never regain that same feeling about another person again. Do not fool yourself with looking for reasons why. Be a Man and move on. Plenty of fish in this sea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theo007 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 The longer this goes on the more you are going to be hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mccw Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 No reason to think too deeply man. You only known each other a little while? and its all meaningless online chatter right, not like you caught her callin another fella and arranging rendevous.... not very nice for sure but she met you online, so fairly obvious she gunna know sum others through the same means. Soon as it became a problem she's dropped it. That means she's on you no questions. But for sure if you got caash then u could have a fine selection, an if you talkin about "kickin her out on the street" so easy then chances are she int too important to you anyway. May as well find yourself a 25 year old and at least you know where you stand and enjoy every tighHt peachy minute ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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