Sexxx Life After Marriage Problems?

[lannachiangrai]

Before marriage my Sexxx life with my Thai girlfriend was fine, not great but fine. After marriage and then the first child, it was down to 1x a week at most and after baby number 2 it is once a month at best. Is this common for women in general, Thai women or is it just my wife?

[IMA_FARANG]

Before marriage my Sexxx life with my Thai girlfriend was fine, not great but fine.  After marriage and then the first child, it was down to 1x a week at most and after baby number 2 it is once a month at best.  Is this common for women in general, Thai women or is it just my wife?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Yes it is common, worldwide. Especially while the children are young. They take up all her time.

All you can do is be attentive, romantic. tell her how much you appreciate her. Huggies and such do work. Assuming she is still interested, she will get the idea. But don't try to fake affection,because her "female radar' will pick up on any faking right away.

Guess what I'm saying is that there must have been a reason she married you, and you married her. Make sure you remember that reason, and remind her. It should work out.

P.S. : Or you can get her pregnant again and get that first trimester rush again. (I'm assuming you noticed?).

[cdnvic]

Or take the kids and give her a break to recharge her energies. Never know what could rekindle when she's better rested.

cv

[spacebass]

Before marriage my Sexxx life with my Thai girlfriend was fine, not great but fine.  After marriage and then the first child, it was down to 1x a week at most and after baby number 2 it is once a month at best.  Is this common for women in general, Thai women or is it just my wife?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think your post could be more accurately entitled 'Sexxx life after babies".

Edited April 24, 2005 by spacebass

[bina]

duh?! like, who gets up more at night; who deals more during day....

women's equipment work better when not dead tired; men's seem to work no matter what since its like a separate appendage or something.... women need sleep, quiet time, a break from general daily child worries... get a babysitter and go away for the day/night;

also, women many times dont think sex is appropriate when they have small children around, its not a concious thing really, we just tend to become sort of more 'maternal' oriented and less, well, feeling sexy cause its kids.... like, nesting intinstinct and not breeding instinct i guess... i.e. responsibiltiy, practicality, more worries even if they arent real (money, child illness, whatever)... the brain just kind of switches to a different lane, like the slow lane as apposed to all the inner energy going towards: sex, fun etc. also culturally what is cnsidered appropriate i.e you are a mother so act like one (like what clothes are being worn, ask my kids when i put something sexy on , i get the rolled eyes, etc even if i am slim, etc... motheeer! your a mother so dress like one! talk about being made to feel not sexy!)

more cuddlying and not letting it lead on unless she instigates the continuation, or ask her if she wants more...

some women feel 'heavy' after giving birth and having kids: so they sort of turn off....

dont forget, in nature, sex is for making babies for women, for men its to spread the seed so the mind works differently....

the pace changes but with time the urge returns, if it didnt there wouldnt be so many people with 9 or 10 kids!

by the way, jewish religious orthodox women w/lots (6-12!)of kids try at least once a month to prepare a good meal dress up a bit more, put flowers by the bed, this lets the man know she is interested so he also pays a bit more attention..and... they more or less 'work on it' as partners, even if she is dead tired etc....

once we hit 40+ the kids are grown up etc, we get going again!! dont worry....

my own womenly opinion....

[Thomas_Merton]

duh?! like, who gets up more at night; who deals more during day....

women's equipment work better when not dead tired; men's seem to work no matter what since its like a separate appendage or something.... women need sleep, quiet time, a break from general daily child worries... get a babysitter and go away for the day/night;

also, women many times dont think sex is appropriate when they have small children around, its not a concious thing really, we just tend to become sort of more 'maternal' oriented and less, well, feeling sexy cause its kids.... like, nesting intinstinct and not breeding instinct i guess... i.e. responsibiltiy, practicality, more worries even if they arent real (money, child illness, whatever)... the brain just kind of switches to a different lane, like the slow lane as apposed to all the inner energy going towards: sex, fun etc. also culturally what is cnsidered appropriate i.e you are a mother so act like one (like what clothes are being worn, ask my kids when i put something sexy on , i get the rolled eyes, etc even if i am slim, etc... motheeer! your a mother so dress like one! talk about being made to feel not sexy!)

more cuddlying and not letting it lead on unless she instigates the continuation, or ask her if she wants more...

some women feel 'heavy' after giving birth and having kids: so they sort of turn off....

dont forget, in nature, sex is for making babies for women, for men its to spread the seed so the mind works differently....

the pace changes but with time the urge returns, if it didnt there wouldnt be so many people with 9 or 10 kids!

by the way, jewish religious orthodox women w/lots (6-12!)of kids try at least once a month to prepare a good meal dress up a bit more, put  flowers by the bed, this lets the man know she is interested so he also pays a bit more attention..and... they more or less 'work on it' as partners, even if she is dead tired etc....

once we hit 40+ the kids are grown up etc, we get going again!! dont worry....

my own womenly opinion....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Excellent post, Bina.

A nice example from JROW, although I think, with respect, a farang who marries a Thai woman, will probably have a great deal of difficulty in accepting the other requirements for his wife in this tradition.

I am not being judgemental here. But the orthodox tradition is built upon mutual acceptance of Talmudic discipline particularly with respect to human relationships and their responsibilities.

The original poster appears not to have thought these responsibilities through – at least in relation to s*x.

The beauty of any marriage in the orthodox tradition, or any other “tradition” mutually accepted by both partners, is there are rules and regulations governing most aspects of behaviour in the relationship, which the partners feel obliged to keep.

Unfortunately, in the average farang/Thai relationship, it is the absence of, or an anarchistic approach to, these rules, that is often an element in the attraction between the two people.

The consequence being IMHO, marriages often breaking down as the result of crises, for which there is no “traditionally” agreed solution (or more precisely, an agreed method of finding a solution).

In the case outlined in the original posting, I can only, humbly advise, they read your posting very carefully and, at the same time, begin to create their own tradition of always talking truthfully about these problems with each other whenever they arise.

Solutions reached in this way, will always be better than those advised by us.

[The_Eye_Of_Sauron]

The original poster appears not to have thought these responsibilities through – at least in relation to s*x

Its okay you can say the 'e' in 'sex' here. We're adults, we won't faint.

[Thomas_Merton]

The original poster appears not to have thought these responsibilities through – at least in relation to s*x

Its okay you can say the 'e' in 'sex' here. We're adults, we won't faint.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Interesting conclusion, considering the number of words, all in daily use within the farang fraternity, that are automatically censored on this forum.

[Goldenbead]

Give her some support. Help with the kids, do little things around the house that she would normally do. She is tired and after dealing with kids all day, all she probably wants to do is go to bed and sleep.

Things will pick up again. You didn't say how old baby #2 is. If he/she is very young your wife may just not be ready yet to resume sexual relations. Could she be suffering with baby blues? (read: post partum depression)

[GoodHeart]

A few months back I had a very interesting chance conversation with a fellow farang on this issue as we shared a flight to Japan.

He's been living in Japan for nearly 8 years and now knows at least ten expats who were essentially informed by their Japanese wives that they would have to accept this new dynamic, now that kids had entered into their equation.

To me, it was a familiar refrain and supports years worth of rumors I've heard which said as much. I think it is common throughout Asia. As to the Thai mommys I don't know, but of women in Japan, they especially assume- and even encourage- their spouses to go elsewhere in order to satisfy such desires.

Edited April 25, 2005 by GoodHeart

[tutsiwarrior]

when my wife and I returned to Thailand after me finishing an assignment in the Gulf we were constrained by the number of kids around, step daughters, nieces and nephews, etc. We were used to having the premises to ourselves so we could get it on anytime and wherever we wanted (I always preferred the living room). Back in Thailand there was always an 11 year old and an 18 month old sleeping with us...could only get it on after the 11 year old had left for school and before the toddler woke up. Forget all the nice positions to be had in the living room...

[Jockstar]

I worked with a guy years ago in Scotland. He said his wife just wasnt into sex as much. He told us that these were her words." Put my nightdress down when you are finished darling."

[Love You Long Time]

I worked with a guy years ago in Scotland. He said his wife just wasnt into sex as much. He told us that these were her words." Put my nightdress down when you are finished darling."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am a bit confused here?,so why was he wearing his wifes nightdress in the first place?,maybe that was the reason she had gone off SEX? " Put my nightdress down when you are finished darling"- i suppose she felt naked and deprived sleeping without it?-poor love- .

Love You Long Time