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Long Distance Relationships

Featured Replies

Can a relationship even develop long distance much less turn into something real? Is a long distance relationship sustainable?

Edited by LadyHeather

You don't have to signal a social conscience by looking like a frump. Lace knickers won't hasten the holocaust, you can ban the bomb in a feather boa just as well as without, and a mild interest in the length of hemlines doesn't necessarily disqualify you from reading Das Kapital and agreeing with every word. ~Elizabeth Bibesco

Even though i have never had a long distance relationship( my choice) i wouldnt think many work.Would you be talking about a long distance relationship with a thai guy??? or are you talking in general.

There are MANY long distance relationships.

Think of people who are away for a long time, serving duties (soldiers, marines), sailors, captains who are away for many months.

There are also many long distance relationships who developed over time and succeed, why not ?

60 years ago, people (man-girlfriend), married with the so called "glove"-marriage whereby partners, for any reason were married despite that they were far away and apart. A relative would hold the glove and thus they were married -officially-!

Believe in yourself and loved one but you have to trust the other 100%. If you can do so: No problem.

Not easy, but it can be done if you believe in yourself and love.

LaoPo

I am currently in a long distance relationship and just recently got married. We've been together well over a year and i have been away for 95% of the time. We talk on a daily basis and although it is very hard being away from each other, i would say that it makes the relationship stronger when we do get to spend time together. We only get to see each other every 4 months or so and then its only for a couple of weeks. Trust is the biggest concern. You have to truly trust the one you are with. I know that I can call my wife at any time of the night or day and she is there and willing to talk about anything. I say yes it can absolutely work! Follow your heart and trust your instincts. I am soo glad that we decided to make this work, my life has never been better!

the problem with long distance relationships are that when the partners are finally together for a long period of time, sometimes they discover that it was better as a long distance relationship. each one has their own space, ways of doing things, etc.

here in israel its called 'moda'in syndrome' after the town of moda'in , an officers town. the men are never at home and the wives for the most part do everything on their own. when the husbands are at home, its like a party atmosphere for a day or so/or its complain complain -- because the wife is so used to doing stuff her way, and the guy is used to doing stuff his way that when they are together its sort of a war. (ther are some opposites- women officers and the men are th home stayers)>

i know of one guy here on tv that was in his overseas job and his wife had gone home to thailand whilst pregnant and miscarried at the airport. he felt very very guilty as was unable to get to her until much later. these scenarios are difficult.

the thai men here all do the long distance thing. five year stints as migrant workers.. i have yet to figure out how their relationships are when they go back. and ive heard of many that have fallen apart. but then their wives expectations seem to be different often (country girls) then us farang women folk. im not sure i am willing to do the long distance thing anymore. i like having my hsuband at home with me every night.

even we did the week long separations routine when anon was working in a city restaraunt (and he is talking about doing that again due to logistical problems) , we talked every nite (video cell phones are great) but if i was sick, or tired out, it was horrible. and this was only tel aviv to my home (one hour drive!! if we had a car).

over seas LDR's? only if its for a specific amount of time or for a specific purpose (study abroad a year/sabbatical/work oppurtinity). there's a woman on here that has a few month stints off shore then comes to shore to her bf or husband--cant remember who?

my first husband was a LDR part time before i moved here and we got married. but i was younger ,in uni and enjoyed the freedom. and it was hard to be monagomous.

however, thsi day and age of video cell phones/skype etc maybe its easier for couples.

bina

israel

I know a few men who work overseas and then come back to Thailand to be with their wives on occasion. One guy works overseas 6 months and then back here for 6 months. I don't know how the women feel about it but I know that some of the men feel like they are missing out on a lot.

My parents did that in the early years of their marriage (but dad did come home every weekend) and I know my mom felt that while it made her stronger and more able to deal with problems it didn't necessarily advance the relationship.

I think if you have a strong existing relationship & are then forced into a LDR then it can/might work if you are both aware of the terms & have trust in each other but tbh I don't think that a new relationship can benefit from long distance as like others have alluded to, it might seem like your relationship is ok/good/successfull etc but only once you are spending a lot of time over a long period of time together will you really know if your relation will work. There are nuances & personality traints/habits that everyone has that make or break a relationship & only by living or spending a lot of time with someone can you know if you can accept them or not.

You mean, like, can you handle the fact that the guy makes slurping noises when he eats? Or does that awful hacking thing in the morning? Or picks his toenails in public? :)

  • Author
Even though i have never had a long distance relationship( my choice) i wouldnt think many work.Would you be talking about a long distance relationship with a thai guy??? or are you talking in general.

I am speaking generally. I have several friends with long distance relationships and I wonder how well they work. I don't see that it matters where you partner is from, but rather your compatibility and the strength of the relationship .. There are many who post on this forum about having met their wives online with the relationship developing online. Is an online relationship less valid or just different from a traditional one?

You don't have to signal a social conscience by looking like a frump. Lace knickers won't hasten the holocaust, you can ban the bomb in a feather boa just as well as without, and a mild interest in the length of hemlines doesn't necessarily disqualify you from reading Das Kapital and agreeing with every word. ~Elizabeth Bibesco

sbk, ROFLMA

the guy makes slurping noises when he eats?

I don't do that when I eat...I do it 24/7. Why should my slurping noises only be confined to when I eat?

Or does that awful hacking thing in the morning?

Once again, not only confined to the morning.

Or picks his toenails in public?

Not only do I pick my toenails in public...I do it with my teeth. :)

..but do you do the covert (or not so covert) two finger nose pick? Thats the burning question! :)

I actually use 6 fingers....

There are many factors in a long distance relationship working but the two most important must be 1. love and 2. trust if these two things are in place when the relationship starts then there is no reason why it will fail, problems are normally founded on mistrust and the feeling of not being loved. If a relationship does not survive on these two factors then it was never ment to be. It would also depend on how long they were together before they were apart and how well they actually knew each other to start with. the world is alot smaller now with web cams and internet which can make longterm relationships much easyer.

When I was living in Japan, I met a Taiwanese whilst on holiday in Thailand of all places.

Used to travel over there once a month for about 5 months (just for a weekend at a time) before eventually moving there and spending a wonderful 2 years together.

We did eventually break up, but then, it was very much worth it and if marriage hadn't been pushed so much, we might have stayed together ...

So yes, it is possible :)

Monokuro, may i ask why the idea of marriage pushed you away? You say you would likely have stayed together if marriage hadnt been pushed so much, and you were happy. Why was taking that step not something you were comfortable doing?

---

I actually use 6 fingers....

:) wow.... :D

  • 4 weeks later...

I've been in a long distance relationship with my husband since we first know each other , and now we are married and he still 6 weeks on and 6 weeks off from Home(bkk) to Iraq. I dont find a problem with it. it is not easy but everytime he come back is just like the first time i fall in love again and again like this . :) it would work for a couple who are ok with it and really can live alone (if needed) but if you asking yourself and you not sure about it i dont think it will work.

like i told my friends, im like a single every 6 weeks lol

Happy life!

In my experience they don't work, unless BOTH are very insular people who can live alone for long periods of time. In such a case I don't see much sense in a relationship like that in the first place. However, sometimes for financial reasons a couple can endure it for a few years if it means they will be financially stable later. I was a log scaler by trade for close to 40 years and if a scaler didn't have a resident position then he had to spend every other month (or more away) from his wife and family. The divorce rate was very high in such cases. I know I met MANY women on the prowl whose husbands worked for long periods of the year on oil rigs or construction sites. As soon as I found out they were married I took off... but some guys didn't. And, forgetting the moral issues, there is just too much trouble a person can get into by messing around. In the old days when women had many children and there wasn't the household equipment to make work easier, then the women were too busy to fool around. It was the same with men. They worked 14 hour days for 7 days a week.

But, as some here have already pointed out, there are exceptions to every general rule.

I hadn't heard of a log scaler before Ian. One lives and learns.

I hadn't heard of a log scaler before Ian. One lives and learns.

Although it is off topic I'll give a quick and short description of what a log scaler does. It has nothing to do with taking off the bark. Every log cut for commercial purposes has to have a scale put on it. A scale is a measurement of volume, with the length and diameter of each log measured individually. Then the scaler deducts any form of rot and assesses the quality of the log into a series of different grades depending on a number of factors. In effect the scaler determines the value of the log which buyers and sellers then use as a price scale.

I think that it can work as long as you trust each other, are capable of waiting, and have some sort of goal that you are working towards (las in you know when you are going to be together again).

I've been in a long distance relationship for more than a year now and we've worked out a "plan". I or he could spend the little money we have saved up now to be together for a month or two,or we wait another year or so and we could both be in the same place for as long as we both choose.

If it doesn't work out, then thats just another part of life. (But I'm hoping that's not the case)

I work on a rig on 28/28 ratio. During the time off I can spend 24/7 in a relationship. So theoretically should stand a good chance of working out. Mutual compatability is the main reason why LTR work out.

I think that it can work as long as you trust each other, are capable of waiting, and have some sort of goal that you are working towards (las in you know when you are going to be together again).

I've been in a long distance relationship for more than a year now and we've worked out a "plan". I or he could spend the little money we have saved up now to be together for a month or two,or we wait another year or so and we could both be in the same place for as long as we both choose.

If it doesn't work out, then thats just another part of life. (But I'm hoping that's not the case)

Good luck with it. As I said before, it all depends on the couple. LOTS of people can't wait alone. That goes for men as well as women. The first temptation to stray when they are lonely is all it takes. However, if people have a short term plan to make enough money to acquire whatever it is that they need, and are willing to STICK to that plan, then it CAN work out. The only thing I've noticed with the majority of Thais is, they they live for the NOW and don't plan for the future. That is very evident by the way many of them drive cars or ride motorbikes.

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